TresSugar

The How-To Lounge: The Art of Seduction

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Most men I know would be more than happy to have a woman pursue them, but even still, the idea of making the moves on a guy can be extremely intimidating. What if you look stupid? What if he’s not interested? But once you master the art of seduction, those kind of worries will be the last thing on your mind. So whether you’re in a relationship and ready to do some initiating or you’re a single lady ready to take matters into your own hands, check out my seduction tips when you read more.

Unless you’re already a pro, seduction requires venturing outside of your comfort zone, so at the very least, you have to be willing to take a chance.
It's natural to get caught up in the fear of a potential rejection, but don’t let that fear stop you. Instead, just fake that confidence! He won't know and as he responds positively to your confidence, you’ll find your fears completely dissipating.
Often the more time we have to worry about something - in this case being rejected - the more likely we are to avoid it. So don’t think about it too much! Make your move before you have a chance to stop yourself.
When you’re coming on to someone it’s important to read his cues. If he seems completely uninterested then that just might be the case, so back off. Likewise, don’t come on too strong if he does seem into you. Once you have him hooked, you shouldn’t have to work for it.
Don’t forget how important eye contact and touch are when initiating any kind of interaction with someone. In fact, the right coy expression can elevate a conversation to something more.

Seduction is all about working what you have, so show him what you've got!

Source

Where Do You Stand: Taking the Initiative in Bed

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:00:00 -0700

For whatever reason, men always get the rep of being the only half of a couple who regularly initiates sex. Perhaps it’s because they’re always believed to have sex on the brain, but still, we know for a fact that women are thinking about sex, too. Obviously it all depends on the couple, but I think it’s important that women get things going now and again. Not only is it fun to switch it up sometimes, but I know guys just love to feel like their ladies are running the show every once and a while. But where do you stand when it comes to taking the initiative? Are you all about it? Or do you tend to let him lead the way?

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Initiating Sex: Love It or Hate It?

DearSugar — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 15:30:00 -0800

Research suggests that men in relationships initiate sex over 60% of the time, and in only 30% of relationships do men and women initiate equally. These patterns also tend to remain years into the relationship.

What's it like at your house, ladies? Do you initiate sex? Are you comfortable getting the ball rolling? Or would rather your partner handle the asking?

Initiating sex: Love it or hate it?

Do Tell: Who's the Initiator in Your Relationship?

DearSugar — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 10:00:00 -0800

In sexual relationships, everyone's unique personalities come out when the lights go dim. Some are more adventurous and love to try new positions, outfits, and toys, while others may be more shy and traditional when it comes to sex. Sex drive can also vary. Some could make love six times a day and never get tired of it, while others are satisfied with a romp once a month. Then there are differences in who initiates it. Stereotypically, guys tend to be the ones to get things started, but that's not always the case so ladies, do tell, in your relationship, who's the initiator?

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State Ballot Initiatives Could Influence Presidential Campaign

LibertySugar — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 12:15:19 -0700

Controversial state law initiatives, set to appear on this November's ballot, could influence the debate throughout the presidential campaign, and provide national voters various litmus tests by which to judge the candidates. Research shows that initiatives do not increase turnout, but the measures are prompting Barack Obama and John McCain to take positions on hot-button issues like abortion, same-sex marriage, affirmative action, labor rights, and energy. Here is a roundup of some of the most divisive initiatives:

Abortion: South Dakota will consider banning abortion except in cases of rape, incest, or threats to a woman’s health. California will vote on parental notification (for the third time). Colorado voters will decide whether to define a “person” as “any human being from the moment of fertilization.”
Same-sex marriage: In Arizona, California, and Florida, voters will decide whether to amend the state constitutions and define marriage as between one man and one woman, like 27 other states have. McCain endorsed the proposal, while Obama says he opposes the ban.
Affirmative Action: Arizona, Colorado, and Nebraska will consider banning affirmative action, as California, Michigan and Washington have. McCain supports the ban, although in 1998 he opposed something similar. Obama opposes a ban.

To find out what voters will decide about labor and energy, read more.

Labor: Colorado will decide whether to prohibit employers from requiring union membership or union dues. In South Dakota, a measure would prohibit unions from making political contributions if they have agreements with state or local governments. In Ohio, voters will decide whether to require companies with over 50 workers to provide seven paid sick days. Obama’s platform endorses a similar plan for sick leave, while McCain has criticized the idea. Massachusetts's ballot has an initiative to abolish the state income tax.
Energy: A California measure would require utilities to generate 20 percent of their energy from renewable sources by 2010, increasing to 40 percent in 2020 and 50 percent by 2025.

Do you think ballot initiatives are the best way for activists to call attention to their causes?

Source

Behind the Iron Curtain: Was Sex Better Before the Wall's Fall?

TresSugar — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:13:52 -0800

Life may be better since the fall of the Berlin Wall, but is sex? It was at first. Prostitutes came in vans, porn was everywhere, and sex shops opened like wine bars in a gentrifying neighborhood. Yet interest waned throughout the '90s, and nostalgia set in for "love as it was before."

Before, men and women didn't need porn to get excited or toys to orgasm. What did they need? Imagination, says former relationship columnist Jutta Resch-Treuwerth, and they had it. Poll after poll shows there was lots of "imagination" behind the iron curtain. On average, East Germans lost their virginity earlier, had twice as much sex, and had more orgasms than their Western counterparts.

So what made sex so "gut"? Find out after the jump

Who Initiates Sex More; You or Your Partner?

DearSugar — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 16:08:02 -0800

Sex, like money, religion, and politics can be a touchy and taboo subject. In my recent experience, I have heard many women discussing (anonymously of course) how they are frustrated that they have a stronger libido than their partner.

Many women feel embarrassed that they crave sex. The stigma supports that males are the hornier gender and when a man doesn't want sex as often, it makes women feel sad, undesirable and unloved. So tell me, in your relationship, who initiates sex more often?

Ask a Gay Woman: I'm Bisexual - How Do I Come Out?

TresSugar — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:00:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

This week, an out and proud gay woman helps a 16-year-old girl figure out how to come out. After you read her answer, be sure to check out TrèsSugar's Lesbian and Bisexual Support Group in the community, as well as TrèsSugar's Group Therapy group where I found this question.

Today's question: "I'm a 16-year-old girl who's currently in a relationship with a boy. I'm taking college classes along with my high school ones, and I have poetry that's published. People tell me everyday that I'm gorgeous and absolutely amazing. My downfall? If they knew I was bisexual, I would be alone. I've come out to three of my gay friends, but that's it. I was voted most optimistic for favorites, but people don't know how really miserable I am. I'm in love with a girl, and I want to give myself to her completely. To kiss her, to hold her. But I don't want to be hidden, and I don't want to lose everything I have. HELP ME, I'M BEGGING. Signed, Tormented."

To hear what a gay woman has to say, read more.

Dear Tormented,

I know what you are going through is hard and scary. When I was growing up I felt very confused about the intense feelings I had for other girls, and I couldn't even admit to myself that I was bi or gay, let alone anyone else. So first and foremost I just want to say that you are very strong and brave to admit these feelings to yourself and reach out. Please don't take your fear as a sign that you can't handle this - if you couldn't handle it I think you would have buried it way down and not even bring it up as a possibility. There are a few different things about your worries that I want to address:

First, before you decide how to handle your feelings about this other girl, you have to figure out your feelings for your boyfriend. Do you really want to be with him? Or are you just being with him because it is safe and simple? It is too hard to figure out how you are feeling about your sexuality and the girl you say you are in love with if it is all wrapped up with shame and secrecy about possibly cheating on the person you are dating. If you know deep down that it is someone else and not him you want to be with, then break up with him. You don't have to tell him all the details of why you are ending it - just that it isn't working for you right now. Then you can have some space and time to think through the issue of your bisexuality without the anxiety of betrayal.

Secondly, I am not sure exactly what kind of community and family you are living in, so it is hard for me to address how real your concerns are that you will lose "everything." It sounds like you have some gay friends, which means people are out in your community and you have some support, so I think you should consider that maybe after the initial shock this wouldn't be as devastating as you think. Definitely it is still not the total norm, but living in fear that you won't be accepted is making you miserable, so I am not sure that finding out that certain people will be fine with it and others won't be could be that much worse. But I think you need to talk to some people you trust to help you figure out how to best handle your specific situation. If there is a gay and lesbian community center in your town you could get some confidential advice from someone. There are also some good websites: Sex Etc. (a website about sex run by and for teens) and this Planned Parenthood teen talk blog.

The most important thing is to know that you are absolutely not alone with this, that a lot of people go through this, that you will be OK, and that there is a lot of support for you out there.

Signed,

A Gay Woman

Do Tell: What Would You Go on a Sex Strike For?

TresSugar — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:00:00 -0700

In the West African country of Gabon, men are being called on to go on a sex strike if a woman does not win the country's presidential election. Male opposition leader Samuel Ntoutoume Ndzeng believes that the country needs a female leader, so he's making the pretty progressive suggestion that the country's male population should "sleep with their clothes on" if a man wins.

Refusing sex has proved to be a useful method of non-violent resistance, although it's typically women who threaten to withhold sex as a powerful tool of persuasion. Most recently, women in Kenya organized a week-long sex strike in April 2009 aimed at infighting politicians, even promising to repay prostitutes for lost wages. (One Kenyan man was not so happy with this strike, suing the organizers for causing his wife to withhold sex from him.) All this political sex withholding echoes the Greek play Lysistrata, a comedy about one woman's crusade to end the Peloponnesian War by initiating a sex strike.

Is there a cause you would withhold sex for?

Craigslist Drops Ads For Erotic Services

TresSugar — Wed, 13 May 2009 15:00:00 -0700

Prior to garnering a namesake killer, Craigslist took a laissez-faire approach to erotic advertising. The site offered a gold mine for anyone looking to sell, or pay for, sex.

After the murders of call girls who advertised on the site, the classifieds giant will no longer advertise "erotic services." Craigslist announced today that it will create a new "adult services" category. (Semantics can be so sexy.) The change goes further than the name: Craigslist employees will monitor the site, and initial postings will cost $10.

For a while now, law enforcers around the country have argued that Craigslist abetted prostitution with its hands-off approach. If you're wondering how blatant ads for prostitution went on for so long, federal law says that online hosts cannot be held responsible if third-party posters violate the law.

Still, public pressure motivated Craigslist to make a change. It also noted in its statement that the site's violent crime rate is far lower than the violent crime rate associated with print classified and throughout general American society.

Do you think Craigslist is taking a responsible approach, or is this just "erotic services" with another name?