TresSugar

Do Tell: How Long Does It Take You to Fall in Love?

TresSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 10:00:49 -0800

According to new research, it's usually a man who says, "I love you" first. Yes, somebody actually studied this. The researchers reasoned that in general women have a more realistic view of relationships, and are thus, less likely to get carried away early on. On average, it takes a man about seven months to fall in love, while it takes cautious women a whole eight months. If you've ever been in love, how long did it take before you knew it?

You Asked: Is It Too Soon to Fall in Love?

DearSugar — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I've been talking to a guy for a little over two months now. Things have been going great, but I'm away at law school so most of our conversations are limited to text messages and phone calls. We've had one visit since we met and plan on another one in the near future. We really enjoy each other conversationally, and we had amazing chemistry and passion during our visit. We've decided to talk exclusively; however, I have no clue what I'll be doing when I graduate.

Because of this uncertainty, we decided to keep things really casual until I figure out my plans, but two days later, he told me that he thinks he is falling in love with me! Is this possible so soon and with such limited interaction? I feel strongly about him as well but I'm far from ready to say I love you. Are we on two completely different pages here? What should I do? - Weary Wendy

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Weary Wendy,

Since you're still unsure about your feelings for this guy, I think you should just give it more time before making a decision, one way or the other. Use the distance to your advantage and really get to know him. If your feelings grow, you have the option to factor him into your plans after graduation, but if you feel like you're better off as friends, at least you'll know you tried.

It does sound like you are on different pages in the relationship right now, but no, I don't think it's too soon for him to tell you that he's falling in love with you. There is no written rule that dictates when we fall in love; it happens differently for everyone so don't beat yourself up for not feeling the same way. I think you should continue doing what you're doing and let this relationship progress organically. Good luck!

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Relationship Protocol: I Love You More Than Blank

DearSugar — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 07:30:00 -0800

My friend just sent me this adorable website that I wanted to share with all of you. It's called I Love You More Than Blank, and the idea is to fill in the blank to find out the real things people are willing to put behind true love - you know, like Uggs on a cold day, chocolate chip cookies, and hitting the snooze button!

Since the international day of love is fast approaching, I thought asking you to fill in the blank would be a good precursor to Valentine's Day. So tell me, you love your significant other more than what?

You Asked: Why Hasn't He Said I Love You?

DearSugar — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

Is meeting the parents a big deal? My boyfriend of almost a year recently had his mom visit for two days while she was passing through town. I ended up having dinner with her both nights but he hasn't said I love you yet. He's very close to his mom so should I take that as a good sign? He wouldn't introduce me to his family if he didn't see long-term potential with me, right? If so, why can't he say I love you yet? - Becoming Impatient Brenda

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Dear Becoming Impatient Brenda,

There is no right time to say I love you - it's different for everyone. The same thing goes for meeting the parents. Some guys introduce all their girlfriends to their family while others are more selective. The fact that your boyfriend had you come to dinner with his mom both nights she was in town makes me think he was excited for you two to meet - a good sign - but I can't say if that means he's thinking long term per se.

If you're concerned with how he feels about you, just ask him. We could sit here and make assumptions about what his actions mean until we're blue in the face, but the only way to get straight answers is by talking to him. You've been together a long time so if you're still in the unsure phase, something's got to change. Open the lines of communication and get the answers you need to feel secure in this relationship. Good luck.

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Relationship Protocol: How Did You First Exchange "I Love You"?

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 11:35:26 -0700

There are so many amazing things that come with the beginning of a new relationship that I’d be hard pressed to pick just one as my favorite - though who can deny just how great that butterflies feeling is? One particular moment I think is the most special for a couple is the exchange of "I love you." Whether it’s sappy, funny, or completely random, this step always lingers and represents a deepening connection in a relationship. So ladies, I have to know, how did you and your guy first say I love you?

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Said I Love You Without Meaning It?

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Saying I love you is a serious step in a relationship and one I don’t think that most people take lightly. But love is not easily defined, and it’s not uncommon for feelings of lust or fascination to be misconstrued as love. And sometimes saying I love you is easier than admitting that you’re not sure how you feel. No matter what the case, those three little words can be complicated, so tell me, have you ever said I love you only to realize you didn’t actually feel it at all?

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You Asked: I Love Him, Now What?

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I are both 20 years old and have been in our relationship for six months. We are both shy. I love him and I want to tell him, but I'm not sure he feels the same way. I don't want to scare him off and I don't want to force him into saying it only because I said it first. I thought he was going to say it the other night because he said he had something to tell me; however, he was partying at the time and he left the conversation saying we would talk when he was in a better state. We did see each other after that evening, but he has not mentioned anything to me.

Now I don't know what to think. I'm afraid to bring up the conversation because I'm not sure if he remembered what he was going to say. I love him and I want him to know. Any advice?

- In Love Leah

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Dear In Love Leah,

If your instincts are telling you that your boyfriend wants to say that he loves you, you're probably right. He might be waiting for the right moment, but that's neither here nor there. If you love him, and want him to know it, then tell him! Saying I love you for the first time is always scary because you can never be 100 percent sure of the other person's reaction - your boyfriend is probably dealing with the same issues right now. But as long as you feel confident with what you feel, then there's nothing to be worried about regardless of his response.

As far as him saying it without meaning it or feeling rushed, go ahead and let him know that you're not expecting anything in return, and that you simply want him to know how you feel. It's more than likely he shares your sentiments, but if you take off the pressure, he'll know that he can wait until he's truly ready to say it before jumping the gun. This is a great opportunity to set the tone for the communication you want to have throughout your relationship. Be open, understanding, and honest and the rest will fall into place.

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You Asked: Is He Emotionally-Damaged Goods?

DearSugar — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been dating exclusively for five months. We both used to be morbidly obese and therefore haven't had very many romantic relationships in the past. In fact, my boyfriend only recently lost his virginity three years ago, when he was 28. Our unhealthy appearances made us both easy targets for ridicule during our school years.

I explain all this because recently, I went out on a limb and told him that I loved him. I didn't expect him to respond, I just wanted to let him know how I felt. Later, he brought it up and said that he was happy being with me and that I filled the void he previously felt, but he doesn't know if he loves me yet. When I asked if he thought he ever would, he claimed he wasn't sure. Apparently he felt the same emotional limbo in his previous relationship, but at the time, said "I love you," simply because she had. After saying it so many times without feeling it, it didn't mean anything to him anymore.

I know he doesn't want to hurt me, and that's why he opened up. He is kind, generous, thoughtful, and considerate. We have fun and we both get a kick out of how we are in sync about so many things but I have to know: Could it just be I'm not the right girl? Or is it some deeper emotional issue from his past - he's mentioned that as a possibility? I love him, and I do feel as if he loves me.

- Torn By His Words Taylor

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

As I've said before, I can completely understand why you're concerned that he can't reciprocate your sentiment, but saying "I love you" is not the end all be all in expressing love. In fact, I think it says more about your relationship that you were able to have such an open and mature discussion on the matter than if you were to simply exchange I love yous. But, I agree with you, there might just be some personal issues preventing him from determining his feelings. If so, that's going to be something that he'll have to work on alone.

I say, enjoy the relationship you have now, and see if as you grow closer and more comfortable, he naturally breaks out of his shell. Remember even if he did say "I love you," it doesn't mean that you're meant to be, so just because he won't say it, doesn't mean you're not. But always protect yourself; in the end, you have to do what feels right for you, not him.

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You Asked: Does He Actually Love Me?

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost five months now and a few weeks back I said those three little words . . . and he didn't respond. While I wasn't expecting him to say it back, the actually reality that he didn't hurt me.

We talked about his reaction, or lack thereof, later, and he says that he feels the same way but is not comfortable saying it yet; he needs more time. In fact, he and his ex didn't exchange an "I love you" until about a year into the relationship. He feels like his actions should speak clearly, and in many ways they do, but I still can't help but feel insecure. I am not sure I can be with someone who can't tell me they love me. And I worry that maybe he doesn't really love me, but just doesn't want to lose me. How can I be sure he loves me if he won't say it?

- Looking For Love Linnie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Looking For Love Linnie,

Unfortunately there aren't any guarantees in the game of love, and just as you can't be sure if your boyfriend's truthful when he says he has those feelings for you, there is no way to be positive that his feelings were real if he were to say "I love you;" hence, the saying that actions speak louder than words. And of your own admission, your boyfriend's actions make it clear that he cares about you very deeply. I can understand both your fears and your need to have him return the sentiment, but it might be too soon to assume that he won't be able to ever say this to you.

Just let it be for now. You can bring it up again in a while, but try not to let this become something you obsess about. Enjoy your relationship, and give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt when he says that he needs more time. Perhaps uttering those three words is a very serious commitment to him that he doesn't take lightly, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Source

Relationship Protocol: Love Notes

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 08:00:00 -0700

While staying with a girlfriend and her husband the other weekend, I kept finding Post-It notes with sweet messages all over their house. Since he travels quite a bit for work, he constantly leaves her surprises in her medicine cabinet, in her underwear drawer, stuck to the remote, or even on the coffee maker so that she knows how much he loves her even when he's not physically there. I can't stop thinking about how his little gestures make such a big impact - I mean wouldn't seeing little I love yous bring a smile to your face? Perhaps you already do something similar? So tell me, how do you tell each other you're thinking of them when away?

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