TresSugar

How Did You Meet Your Hubby?

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

With all the press out there, chances are you've heard about Bravo's new show The Rachel Zoe Project, starring none other than the famous stylist to the stars, Rachel Zoe! Fab's been teasing you with some great tidbits from their little chat, but I've got some juicy information to share too!

As I've said a million times before, you never know when you're going to meet Mr. Right, so you might be surprised to hear where Rachel met her husband of 16 years! If you're curious, read more.

You mentioned you guys have been together since you were 20. Tell me, how did you guys get together when you were 20?

"We have our 16-year anniversary next Friday. Yeah. I was at George Washington University, undergrad, and he was in Grad School. And I stayed for a Summer to take some classes and I wanted to meet some people outside of school. And I got a job as a hostess at a restaurant, and he was a waiter. And that is how we met."

So what about all of you married women out there? Where and how did you meet your hubby?

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You Asked: I Exposed a Cheating Woman to Her Husband

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

During my husband's first marriage, he had a long-distance (but full-on sexual) affair with a married woman. After we were married, I discovered that they were still in contact. I told him it had to end immediately, and he stopped contacting her. She would still call sometimes, and I demanded that he tell her to stop it. He refused to be "mean" to her, so in a fury, I called her husband and told him that since she'd already ruined his first marriage, I did not want her anywhere near us.

He didn't know about it before I called him. My husband now says he's glad I took charge and ended the problem, but my girlfriends say I was completely irresponsible and put the other woman in danger. They made me feel horrible, and told me it was possible that her husband would be violent against her. This situation has caused a lot of grief for me and my husband, but now on top of that, I'm worried about her. I was trying to fix the situation. Did I do the wrong thing?

- Full of Fury Fleur

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Full of Fury Fleur,

Unless this woman is already in an abusive relationship, I doubt that her husband resorted to physical violence after learning about her infidelity. But it's better to be safe than sorry so try contacting The National Domestic Violence Hotline. They'll have information on what you can and should do. I think it's more likely that this is just a situation she and her husband will either work through or not.

On a separate note, I'm concerned that your husband was still in contact with the woman that ruined his first marriage. And I think it's important that you understand that any contact between them is a two-way street regardless of who initiates it. Your husband should have been adult enough to end things with her, but instead, you had to do it for him and that's a problem if you ask me. I'd suggest a couple's therapist for you and your husband while you work through this obvious issue in your relationship. Perhaps it's time to get to the root of the problem.

Source

You Asked: My Husband Won't Disconnect From His Friends

DearSugar — Thu, 29 May 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm really bothered by the fact that my husband enjoys spending quality time with his single guy friends unannounced while he leaves me at home with the kids as if he's single. We've tried to compromise and organize a schedule where he can plan ahead to spend time with them, but for some reason we're not getting anywhere. When I want to do things as a family, he always invites his friends to tag along and expects me to tell him every time we do something as a family that I just want it to be us.

I end up getting upset when they tag along, and then when I try to let him know how I feel, he blows up in my face and gets defensive. I just wish he would make an effort to make plans for us instead of having me do all the work while he just goes with the flow. What's worse is that he sometimes acts like it's a chore to do something together. What do I do? Please point me in the right direction. What could I be doing wrong?

- Aggravated Ann

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Aggravated Ann,

There are multiple issues here, so I think trying to work on just one of them - you mention a schedule so he can spend time with his friends - isn't going to solve the overall problem, which seems to be his dependence on his friends. I completely agree that having some real family time is important, but obviously your husband is having a difficult time letting go of his bachelor ways.

Instead of getting frustrated when he asks if his friends can come along every time you plan something, head him off at the pass. Let him know that going forward he should assume that a family outing is just that: a family outing. However, compromise is key, so every once in a while, work together to come up with plans that involve his friends too: a BBQ, a volleyball game at the park, etc. Perhaps being so reliant on a schedule is actually deterring your husband from sticking to the "rules." Let him have his spontaneity. That doesn't mean he should just decide to leave without letting you know, but giving him a little more leg room might make him feel less trapped.

If you continue to run into these issues, I recommend speaking with a family counselor. Your husband's attachment to his friends over his family is definitely something that needs to change. Perhaps he's dealing with some fears of commitment that are showing themselves in this way. Either way it's important to handle it before your resentment becomes too much to bear for either of you.

Source

Group Therapy: His Phone Is Making Me Suspicious

Fri, 09 May 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My husband has a company cell phone. He rarely gets calls from work on the weekends or the evenings, and when it does ring, he never answers it - nor does he check it in front of me. When we're out and I need to make a call, he'll pick it up and call for me, even if he's driving! I've looked through the phone and discovered he has Internet on it, which he never told me but claims he didn't know about.

He has "hot girls" checked off, which means that they're available for download, though none have been downloaded. He also has the nearest movie houses in an hour radius checked off, and we haven't gone to the movies in months. I've found a couple of androgynous first name only cell numbers in there as well, which are names he has never mentioned to me. I asked him about it, and he told me the phone was someone else's before he got it and that he hasn't changed the settings.

There are texts that are password-protected, but he claims that they are the previous user's texts - it's a used company phone. He is always home nights and weekends, and I know he doesn't know much about the phone, since I had to show him how to shut it off, but something seems strange. I could let it go if he didn't always stop me from using it. Is he just being protective or could something else be going on?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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You Asked: How Do I Bring Up His Porn Habit?

DearSugar — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Recently my own computer broke, so I started using my husband's. Since then, I've noticed that he constantly deletes his site history before I use it again. I know that he's looked at pornography before, and I can only assume that he's just trying to hide it. Although I know watching porn online is common, it's not something I feel too great about. But truthfully, I think what's bothering me more than anything else is how secretive he's being about it. I wish we could honestly and openly discuss this, but I wouldn't even know how to bring it up. Should I just deal with it or try talk to him? How should I start that conversation?

- Let's Talk About Porn Pam

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Let's Talk About Porn Pam,

Whether or not you're comfortable with it, porn appears to be part of your husband's life, so I definitely think talking about it with him is a good idea. Otherwise this could be something always lurking underneath your relationship when it really shouldn't be. It sounds like your husband is trying to hide this because he's either ashamed or worried that you'll be mad at him. While it's certainly not a very comfortable topic of conversation to bring up, I think once it's out in the open, both of you will feel a lot better about it.

Next time you're alone with him, mention that you've noticed that he's been deleting his Internet history. Make sure he understands that you're not attacking him or judging him but that you just want there to be more communication around this particular subject. Instead of approaching it from a fearful standpoint, try coming from a place of curiosity and interest in what turns your husband on and satisfies his needs. Once he knows that it's a safe place to discuss this, it's likely that he'll open up to you on his own.

Source

You Asked: He's Attracted to Other Women

DearSugar — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My common law and I met over the internet six years ago, and we both feel that we have met our soul mates and will be together forever. I love him dearly and we have a good relationship with lots of communication. However, the other day he told me that as he is approaching middle age he has been having urges. He has said that there are women at his work that he's attracted to, and he's been having thoughts about what it would be like to be with someone else.

He swears that he would never act on them or do anything to jeopardize our relationship. We both came from broken families wherein our partners were unfaithful and we have both vowed that we wouldn't do the same to each other but his admission has me concerned. Is this normal?

- Too Much Communication Cara

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Too Much Communication Cara,

When you've been in a long-term monogamous relationship, it's normal to feel attraction towards other people or even to find yourself with a very small crush. However, even in the most communicative of relationships, disclosing this information is unusual. Typically the attraction is so innocent that it's not worth even worrying about let alone discussing or making the other person uneasy.

I don't know the level of openness between you and your partner so I can't say if this is strange for the both of you, but I do know that if it makes you feel worried or uncomfortable it's definitely not OK to just put aside. I do applaud you for not getting angry with your partner or jumping to any conclusions. I think that says a lot about the trust level in your relationship; however, now it's your turn to disclose. Explain to him how hearing this information made you feel, but make sure he understands that you appreciate his honesty.

More importantly, I think you both need to establish whether or not this disclosure is actually beneficial to your relationship. Discuss his levels of temptation and what that means for your relationship. Ask him to explain why he felt the need to give you this information, and then decide if in the future it's something that's better left unsaid. I'm so glad you both believe in communication, but keep in mind that there's nothing wrong with keeping certain things to yourselves.

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Get Along With Your Man's Mom?

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 13:00:00 -0800

Mother-in-laws are notorious for being difficult to get along with - we know how moms are protective of their little boys! But sometimes I wonder if the moms of our men get a bad rap because of the few especially controlling ones out there. I have to think that if our boyfriend or husband is a great guy, in most cases his mom had a lot to do with it. Still, I know it can be treacherous terrain to walk when both women are trying to assert their influence so let's hear it - is this just a nasty rumor or is there some truth behind it? Do you get along with your man's mom?

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I Don't See the Dilemma Here . . .

GiggleSugar — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 14:00:00 -0800

I love this approach: When you can't make a tough decision, let someone else do the deciding for ya. Notice that the kitty isn't giving an ultimatum - the hubby is. So who do you think is easier to live with? . . . Decision done!

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This or That: Your Man or Your Dad?

DearSugar — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 07:00:00 -0800

You and your best friend have always shared everything with each other no matter how embarrassing or personal. She's the only person (outside of your husband and family) that you feel that close to. For the past few months, you've felt a distance widening between the two of you and you beg her to tell you what's eating at her. She gets upset, and begins to cry. Would it be worse if she confessed to...

This: Having an affair with your husband? It's been happening off and on since your wedding. She ended it a month ago, but she still has feelings for him.

Or...

That: A romantic relationship with your father? Your parents have been divorced for a decade, and you've never known your dad to date younger women - until now. She claims that she's actually in love with him.

Source

Group Therapy: He Won't Lift a Finger!

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 03:00:00 -0800

I have been married for almost six years. At first my husband would help out around the house, nothing big, but he would at least pick up after himself. Now, he does nothing. At first I figured he was just comfortable being his messy self, but now I think he is just lazy. He rarely does anything, even when I ask him to. Today for example, I cooked him a big dinner (roast beef, mashed potatoes, stuffing) and asked him to help me out with the dishes. He didn't even have the guts to tell me no, he just laughed and walked away.

I am sick of being treated more like a maid than a wife, and I really resent that he won't at least pick up after himself so my "job" of cleaning up the place isn't more difficult. Help!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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