TresSugar

How Did You Meet Your Hubby?

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 08:00:00 PDT

With all the press out there, chances are you've heard about Bravo's new show The Rachel Zoe Project, starring none other than the famous stylist to the stars, Rachel Zoe! Fab's been teasing you with some great tidbits from their little chat, but I've got some juicy information to share too!

As I've said a million times before, you never know when you're going to meet Mr. Right, so you might be surprised to hear where Rachel met her husband of 16 years! If you're curious,

read more. You mentioned you guys have been together since you were 20. Tell me, how did you guys get together when you were 20? "We have our 16-year anniversary next Friday. Yeah. I was at George Washington University, undergrad, and he was in Grad School. And I stayed for a Summer to take some classes and I wanted to meet some people outside of school. And I got a job as a hostess at a restaurant, and he was a waiter. And that is how we met." So what about all of you married women out there? Where and how did you meet your hubby? Source

You Asked: I Exposed a Cheating Woman to Her Husband

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:00:00 PDT

Dear Sugar,

During my husband's first marriage, he had a long-distance (but full-on sexual) affair with a married woman. After we were married, I discovered that they were still in contact. I told him it had to end immediately, and he stopped contacting her. She would still call sometimes, and I demanded that he tell her to stop it. He refused to be "mean" to her, so in a fury, I called her husband and told him that since she'd already ruined his first marriage, I did not want her anywhere near us.

He didn't know about it before I called him. My husband now says he's glad I took charge and ended the problem, but my girlfriends say I was completely irresponsible and put the other woman in danger. They made me feel horrible, and told me it was possible that her husband would be violent against her. This situation has caused a lot of grief for me and my husband, but now on top of that, I'm worried about her. I was trying to fix the situation. Did I do the wrong thing?

- Full of Fury Fleur

To see DearSugar's answer,

read more. Dear Full of Fury Fleur, Unless this woman is already in an abusive relationship, I doubt that her husband resorted to physical violence after learning about her infidelity. But it's better to be safe than sorry so try contacting The National Domestic Violence Hotline. They'll have information on what you can and should do. I think it's more likely that this is just a situation she and her husband will either work through or not. On a separate note, I'm concerned that your husband was still in contact with the woman that ruined his first marriage. And I think it's important that you understand that any contact between them is a two-way street regardless of who initiates it. Your husband should have been adult enough to end things with her, but instead, you had to do it for him and that's a problem if you ask me. I'd suggest a couple's therapist for you and your husband while you work through this obvious issue in your relationship. Perhaps it's time to get to the root of the problem. Source

You Asked: My Husband Won't Disconnect From His Friends

DearSugar — Thu, 29 May 2008 06:00:00 PDT

Dear Sugar,

I'm really bothered by the fact that my husband enjoys spending quality time with his single guy friends unannounced while he leaves me at home with the kids as if he's single. We've tried to compromise and organize a schedule where he can plan ahead to spend time with them, but for some reason we're not getting anywhere. When I want to do things as a family, he always invites his friends to tag along and expects me to tell him every time we do something as a family that I just want it to be us.

I end up getting upset when they tag along, and then when I try to let him know how I feel, he blows up in my face and gets defensive. I just wish he would make an effort to make plans for us instead of having me do all the work while he just goes with the flow. What's worse is that he sometimes acts like it's a chore to do something together. What do I do? Please point me in the right direction. What could I be doing wrong?

- Aggravated Ann

To see DearSugar's answer,

read more. Dear Aggravated Ann, There are multiple issues here, so I think trying to work on just one of them - you mention a schedule so he can spend time with his friends - isn't going to solve the overall problem, which seems to be his dependence on his friends. I completely agree that having some real family time is important, but obviously your husband is having a difficult time letting go of his bachelor ways. Instead of getting frustrated when he asks if his friends can come along every time you plan something, head him off at the pass. Let him know that going forward he should assume that a family outing is just that: a family outing. However, compromise is key, so every once in a while, work together to come up with plans that involve his friends too: a BBQ, a volleyball game at the park, etc. Perhaps being so reliant on a schedule is actually deterring your husband from sticking to the "rules." Let him have his spontaneity. That doesn't mean he should just decide to leave without letting you know, but giving him a little more leg room might make him feel less trapped. If you continue to run into these issues, I recommend speaking with a family counselor. Your husband's attachment to his friends over his family is definitely something that needs to change. Perhaps he's dealing with some fears of commitment that are showing themselves in this way. Either way it's important to handle it before your resentment becomes too much to bear for either of you. Source

You Asked: How Do I Bring Up His Porn Habit?

DearSugar — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 17:00:00 PDT

Dear Sugar,

Recently my own computer broke, so I started using my husband's. Since then, I've noticed that he constantly deletes his site history before I use it again. I know that he's looked at pornography before, and I can only assume that he's just trying to hide it. Although I know watching porn online is common, it's not something I feel too great about. But truthfully, I think what's bothering me more than anything else is how secretive he's being about it. I wish we could honestly and openly discuss this, but I wouldn't even know how to bring it up. Should I just deal with it or try talk to him? How should I start that conversation?

- Let's Talk About Porn Pam

To see DearSugar's answer

read more Dear Let's Talk About Porn Pam, Whether or not you're comfortable with it, porn appears to be part of your husband's life, so I definitely think talking about it with him is a good idea. Otherwise this could be something always lurking underneath your relationship when it really shouldn't be. It sounds like your husband is trying to hide this because he's either ashamed or worried that you'll be mad at him. While it's certainly not a very comfortable topic of conversation to bring up, I think once it's out in the open, both of you will feel a lot better about it. Next time you're alone with him, mention that you've noticed that he's been deleting his Internet history. Make sure he understands that you're not attacking him or judging him but that you just want there to be more communication around this particular subject. Instead of approaching it from a fearful standpoint, try coming from a place of curiosity and interest in what turns your husband on and satisfies his needs. Once he knows that it's a safe place to discuss this, it's likely that he'll open up to you on his own. Source

You Asked: He's Attracted to Other Women

DearSugar — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:00:00 PDT

Dear Sugar,

My common law and I met over the internet six years ago, and we both feel that we have met our soul mates and will be together forever. I love him dearly and we have a good relationship with lots of communication. However, the other day he told me that as he is approaching middle age he has been having urges. He has said that there are women at his work that he's attracted to, and he's been having thoughts about what it would be like to be with someone else.

He swears that he would never act on them or do anything to jeopardize our relationship. We both came from broken families wherein our partners were unfaithful and we have both vowed that we wouldn't do the same to each other but his admission has me concerned. Is this normal?

- Too Much Communication Cara

To see DearSugar's answer

read more. Dear Too Much Communication Cara, When you've been in a long-term monogamous relationship, it's normal to feel attraction towards other people or even to find yourself with a very small crush. However, even in the most communicative of relationships, disclosing this information is unusual. Typically the attraction is so innocent that it's not worth even worrying about let alone discussing or making the other person uneasy. I don't know the level of openness between you and your partner so I can't say if this is strange for the both of you, but I do know that if it makes you feel worried or uncomfortable it's definitely not OK to just put aside. I do applaud you for not getting angry with your partner or jumping to any conclusions. I think that says a lot about the trust level in your relationship; however, now it's your turn to disclose. Explain to him how hearing this information made you feel, but make sure he understands that you appreciate his honesty. More importantly, I think you both need to establish whether or not this disclosure is actually beneficial to your relationship. Discuss his levels of temptation and what that means for your relationship. Ask him to explain why he felt the need to give you this information, and then decide if in the future it's something that's better left unsaid. I'm so glad you both believe in communication, but keep in mind that there's nothing wrong with keeping certain things to yourselves. Source

Dear Poll: Do You Get Along With Your Man's Mom?

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 13:00:00 PST

Mother-in-laws are notorious for being difficult to get along with - we know how moms are protective of their little boys! But sometimes I wonder if the moms of our men get a bad rap because of the few especially controlling ones out there. I have to think that if our boyfriend or husband is a great guy, in most cases his mom had a lot to do with it. Still, I know it can be treacherous terrain to walk when both women are trying to assert their influence so let's hear it - is this just a nasty rumor or is there some truth behind it? Do you get along with your man's mom?

Source

I Don't See the Dilemma Here . . .

GiggleSugar — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 14:00:00 PST

I love this approach: When you can't make a tough decision, let someone else do the deciding for ya. Notice that the kitty isn't giving an ultimatum - the hubby is. So who do you think is easier to live with? . . . Decision done!

Source

This or That: Your Man or Your Dad?

DearSugar — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 07:00:00 PST

You and your best friend have always shared everything with each other no matter how embarrassing or personal. She's the only person (outside of your husband and family) that you feel that close to. For the past few months, you've felt a distance widening between the two of you and you beg her to tell you what's eating at her. She gets upset, and begins to cry. Would it be worse if she confessed to...

This: Having an affair with your husband? It's been happening off and on since your wedding. She ended it a month ago, but she still has feelings for him.

Or...

That: A romantic relationship with your father? Your parents have been divorced for a decade, and you've never known your dad to date younger women - until now. She claims that she's actually in love with him.

Source

You Asked: My Hubby Says He's Horny But He Doesn't Want to Have Sex

DearSugar — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 17:00:00 PST

Dear Sugar,

I love my husband very much, and he says he loves me too. The only issue is that he's 43 and says that since he's older than me (by five years), at his age he just isn't interested in sex with me, or with anyone for that matter. So why, if he says that, does he stay up all night long on the computer, going to porn sites and chatting online about sex? I just don't understand it. He says he is a horn dog but doesn't want to actually make love. Any advice?

-I Don't Get My Husband Hannah

To see Dear Sugar's answer

read more Dear I Don't Get My Husband Hannah, Well I have to admit that this situation seems fishy, and there's got to be more to this story. If your hubby would rather look at porn online than have sex with you then there's got to be a reason why, besides the fact that he's older. I mean, he's obviously interested in sex if he's checking out porn every night, right? Here are some questions to think about. Is he stressed out about work or something else? How was your sex life in the past? Did he seem satisfied? Were you satisfied? Was sex a chore, meaning did it take a lot of effort in order for either of you to climax? Was sex boring? Was he always interested in porn, or is this a new thing? Does he masturbate while watching porn? The only way you are going to get to the bottom of this is to talk to him openly and get those questions answered. Explain that it really upsets you that he'd rather look at porn, and that you wish you two would have sex more often. Try to figure out ways to compromise. Maybe you guys can incorporate pornography into your lovemaking. Or maybe he can explain what he needs you to do in order to get aroused. Talking about it will make you both feel better and will hopefully give you insight into what your husband is feeling. Good luck, Hannah. Source

When It Comes to Family, Who Are You Closest to?

DearSugar — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 17:00:55 PDT

Of course, I love everyone in my family. Each person has a special place in my heart, and my mind is filled with so many memories of all of them. I love them for what they've taught me, how they've been there for me, and what we've shared together.

That being said, there's one person I call the most and tell my secrets to, and that's my mom. Yes, she's my mom, but now that I'm older, she's also turned into my best friend. I feel the closest to her because she's such an amazing listener and, as women, we have so much in common.

So I want to know: When it comes to your family, who do you feel closest to? Your mom, dad, child, or spouse? A step-parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, or sibling?

Source