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The Beard (the Other Kind) in Pop Culture

TresSugar — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:28:02 -0800

It's National Beard Month and that doesn't just mean facial hair. Not to us anyway! A whole other beard genre's been growing since the middle of the 20th century - the gay cover-up beard, which is slang for a person of the opposite sex used as a cover for a gay partner. At its best, the beard is mutually beneficial to both partners. At its worst? A life of lies. For a long time the term was as secretive as its roots, but I've been hearing it more and more to describe not only real-life marriages, but also TV and movie couplings.

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Front Page: Congress Passes Matthew Shepard Hate-Crime Bill

TresSugar — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 08:00:08 -0700

Congress has passed a bill making violence against LGBT Americans a hate crime. The bill named after Matthew Shepard is now headed to the White House for signature. - LA Times
Roman Polanski is one step closer to being extradited to the US. - AP
The FAA is investigating whether fatigue caused two Northwest Airlines pilots to overshoot the airport by 150 miles earlier this week. - New York Times
Significantly more Americans now doubt global warming. - The Guardian
Fox News founder Roger Ailes is being encourage to run for president in 2012. - Politico

Ask a Gay Woman: I'm Bisexual - How Do I Come Out?

TresSugar — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:00:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

This week, an out and proud gay woman helps a 16-year-old girl figure out how to come out. After you read her answer, be sure to check out TrèsSugar's Lesbian and Bisexual Support Group in the community, as well as TrèsSugar's Group Therapy group where I found this question.

Today's question: "I'm a 16-year-old girl who's currently in a relationship with a boy. I'm taking college classes along with my high school ones, and I have poetry that's published. People tell me everyday that I'm gorgeous and absolutely amazing. My downfall? If they knew I was bisexual, I would be alone. I've come out to three of my gay friends, but that's it. I was voted most optimistic for favorites, but people don't know how really miserable I am. I'm in love with a girl, and I want to give myself to her completely. To kiss her, to hold her. But I don't want to be hidden, and I don't want to lose everything I have. HELP ME, I'M BEGGING. Signed, Tormented."

To hear what a gay woman has to say, read more.

Dear Tormented,

I know what you are going through is hard and scary. When I was growing up I felt very confused about the intense feelings I had for other girls, and I couldn't even admit to myself that I was bi or gay, let alone anyone else. So first and foremost I just want to say that you are very strong and brave to admit these feelings to yourself and reach out. Please don't take your fear as a sign that you can't handle this - if you couldn't handle it I think you would have buried it way down and not even bring it up as a possibility. There are a few different things about your worries that I want to address:

First, before you decide how to handle your feelings about this other girl, you have to figure out your feelings for your boyfriend. Do you really want to be with him? Or are you just being with him because it is safe and simple? It is too hard to figure out how you are feeling about your sexuality and the girl you say you are in love with if it is all wrapped up with shame and secrecy about possibly cheating on the person you are dating. If you know deep down that it is someone else and not him you want to be with, then break up with him. You don't have to tell him all the details of why you are ending it - just that it isn't working for you right now. Then you can have some space and time to think through the issue of your bisexuality without the anxiety of betrayal.

Secondly, I am not sure exactly what kind of community and family you are living in, so it is hard for me to address how real your concerns are that you will lose "everything." It sounds like you have some gay friends, which means people are out in your community and you have some support, so I think you should consider that maybe after the initial shock this wouldn't be as devastating as you think. Definitely it is still not the total norm, but living in fear that you won't be accepted is making you miserable, so I am not sure that finding out that certain people will be fine with it and others won't be could be that much worse. But I think you need to talk to some people you trust to help you figure out how to best handle your specific situation. If there is a gay and lesbian community center in your town you could get some confidential advice from someone. There are also some good websites: Sex Etc. (a website about sex run by and for teens) and this Planned Parenthood teen talk blog.

The most important thing is to know that you are absolutely not alone with this, that a lot of people go through this, that you will be OK, and that there is a lot of support for you out there.

Signed,

A Gay Woman

Oh Snap! Marching For Love

TresSugar — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Gay rights activists carried a rainbow flag at the US Capitol Building during yesterday's National Equality March. Thousands gathered in Washington DC to push the Obama administration and congress to live up to their promises to advance civil rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Americans. The demonstrators called for marriage equality and the end to Don't Ask, Don't Tell. On Saturday, President Obama spoke to the nation's largest gay rights organization, renewing his promise to allow gay Americans to openly serve in the military. We'll have to wait and see if the demonstrations urge leaders to fulfill these promises any time soon.

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Front Page: Obama Set to Deliver Big Gay Rights Speech

TresSugar — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 08:00:53 -0700

After appointing the country's third openly gay US ambassador, Obama plans to deliver a "big gay rights speech" on Saturday. - Huffington Post
Romanian-born German Herta Müller has won the Nobel Prize for literature for her novels, poems, and stories depicting repression in Romania. -
New York Times
Harvard has been ranked the world's top school. - Times Higher Education
France's culture minister Frederic Mitterrand is facing calls to quit after he wrote in a book, published four years ago, that he paid young boys for sex in Thailand. The book is making headlines following Mitterrand's support of Roman Polanski. - BBC News
An Australia TV show has come under fire for allowing contestants to perform a Michael Jackson "tribute" wearing blackface. - CNN

Jon Stewart Calls Out Obama on Don't Ask, Don't Tell

TresSugar — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 10:00:00 -0700

On last night's show, Jon Stewart pondered whether gay people frighten Americans more than terrorists. Why else would Obama stall the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT), turning away openly gay Americans ready to fight for the country?

The official word from the Obama administration is that they have too much on their plates right now to figure out how to let gay Americans serve in the military. Jon thinks this a bogus excuse, and points out that Obama continually made promises as a candidate to make repealing DATD a priority.

Perhaps surprisingly, DADT has been shown to have a greater impact on women. A 2007 report revealed that although women make up only 14 percent of Army personnel, 46 percent of those discharged under DADT were women.

Do you agree with Jon Stewart that it's time for Obama to find time to repeal DADT?

Say What? Phyllis Schlafly on Taking Back America

TresSugar — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:37:12 -0700

"I submit to you that the feminist movement is the most dangerous, destructive force in our society today . . . My analysis is that the gays are about five percent of the attack on marriage in this country, and the feminists are about 95 percent."

- Conservative political activist Phyllis Schafly, best known for her opposition to the Equal Rights Amendment in the '70s, at
the conservative "How to Take Back America" conference this weekend. To watch a video clip of her speech, read more.

Say What? Bill Clinton Has a Change of Heart

TresSugar — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 14:00:00 -0700

"I was against the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage nation-wide, and I still think that the American people should be able to play this out in debates. But me, Bill Clinton personally, I changed my position. I am no longer opposed to that. I think if people want to make commitments that last a lifetime, they ought to be able to do it."

- Former President Bill Clinton says he now supports marriage equality. Maybe gay-marriage supporter Brad Pitt chatted with Bill about the subject when they met at the Clinton Global Initiative this week.

More Kids Are Coming Out in Middle School

TresSugar — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:00:00 -0700

The middle-school version of ourselves probably had a blurry idea of the adults we would become, but some kids are proving that we knew a lot more about our identities than we thought. With no doubt about who they are attracted to, more and more kids are coming out as gay or bisexual before they make it to high school.

An article in this weekend's New York Times Magazine examines the trend and reveals that many of these kid are coming out before they've ever dated or kissed anyone of either sex. They just know they don't want to date the opposite sex.

The piece profiles Austin, a gay 13-year-old from Oklahoma. To hear what Austin thinks about tweens and teens coming out and the reactions they get, read more.

Austin's experience went something like this:

Austin doesn’t have to play "the pretend game," as he calls it, anymore. At his middle school, he has come out to his close friends, who have been supportive. A few of his female friends responded that they were bisexual. "Half the girls I know are bisexual,” he said. He hadn’t planned on coming out to his mom yet, but she found out a week before the dance. “I told my cousin, my cousin told this other girl, she told her mother, her mother told my mom and then my mom told me," Austin explained. "The only person who really has a problem with it is my older sister, who keeps saying: 'It’s just a phase! It’s just a phase!'"

"It's just a phase" is probably a common reaction to the idea of middle schoolers coming out. But since we would never question a heterosexual adolescent who announces that he or she likes the opposite sex, should we question those who say they're attracted to the same sex? What do you make of all this?

Mad Men: Does Kitty Realize Her Husband Sal Is Gay?

TresSugar — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:00:00 -0700

If you watch Mad Men, you know Sterling Cooper's art director, Salvatore Romano, is gay. Whether or not he knows remains unclear, but that near-tryst with the bell boy should have helped clarify! Meanwhile his wife, Kitty, lives in semi-blissful ignorance - at least until Sunday's episode.

To prove his lackluster libido is really the side effect of work stress, Sal imitates the commercial he's shooting the next day. It features a blond beauty who sings and swings across the screen like a teenager. Big mistake! His wrists go limp, like they've been tied in cuff links too long (they have), and his pajamas become a makeshift dress. He fans the collar while running back and forth with schoolgirl hurry. The scene is long and painful, but not as excruciating as the wide-eyed Kitty as her face goes from uneasy intrigue to queasy realization.

But what does she realize? I doubt a 1960s housewife could spot and articulate homosexuality. Yet between the camera lingering on her face and Mad Men's aversion to sloppiness, something meaningful is set up. Was it a moment of truth? Confusion? Or, a jolt of unfamiliarity - the seismic shakeup we've all had when a significant other shows us we have no idea who they really are?

Source: AMC