TresSugar

I Am Home Alone

GiggleSugar — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 15:00:22 -0700

Until I saw this trailer mashup, I never realized how much Home Alone and I Am Legend have in common. The ~~last human on earth~~ last kid in the house getting terrorized by ~~zombies~~ Daniel Stern . . . the similarities are endless! (Thanks, eBaumsWorld!)

Do Tell: What Do You Do When You're Home Alone?

DearSugar — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 09:00:00 -0800

When you're home alone, do you do the same things that you'd do if your boyfriend, husband, or sister was over? I've been home sick for the past few days and I've noticed that I definitely have my own secret single behaviors that are actually quite funny: I eat my favorite comfort foods, I set up shop on the couch and indulge in reality TV, I wear my most comfortable worn-in baggy sweat pants, and I soak in the tub until I turn into a prune! Now you all know my secret routine, so what's yours? Do tell ladies, what do you do when you're home alone?

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How Do I Handle This Strip Club Situation?

Tres Community — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:00:15 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

First of all my husband and I have been married for half of a year now. He's in the Navy and just got deployed, but right before the deployment he was sent to Hawaii for one day. I dropped him off at the airport and it was so hard for me to let him go. He called from Hawaii and we talked for five minutes then he said he had to go and he would call back.

As I was checking our bank account to check on the bills I noticed he had paid to go in to some type of club. While crying my eyes out because of how much I already missed him and knowing he wasn't coming home any time soon, I waited for him to call back. When he finally did I got him to tell me the truth and it turned out to be a strip club. This was his first time going into a strip club. The problem is that I feel so offended and disrespected. I know I'm not unattractive, and I'm very open minded in our sex life. So to me it seems as if I'm not enough for him, and that he didn't care about how I feel about strip clubs. The fact that he was lusting over those girls makes me so angry and upset.

To see the rest, .

When we talked I was so mad and disappointed and couldn't stop crying. But after a while I realized that I've been told not to say anything negative or upsetting to him since he was going on deployment to a very stressful environment. I won't be able to talk to him at all while he's gone, I can only send emails but I can't confront him there either. So I had to pretend that I got over it and that I was OK, so he wouldn't feel bad and guilty. But in reality I feel so disgusted and can't take the thought of him wanting someone else. I'm alone and don't have any family here, this is our first deployment and I'm still trying to handle it. He made things so much worse for me, now I'm not just worried about his safety, but also at the thought of when he goes to a port he's going to cheat on me. I'm just hurt and feel resentment towards him, but for as long as he's out I have to pretend I'm fine and support him through the emails. I know some people might think I'm over reacting, but to me this is just like cheating.

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

Do Tell: At What Age Did You Feel "Grown-Up"?

TresSugar — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 08:00:00 -0700

Almost everyone reaches a point in her life when she finally feels grown-up. It could happen during a milestone moment like leaving home, graduating from college, getting her first job or during a more modest, non-Kodak moment like cooking her first gourmet meal for herself or traveling alone for the first time.

Some people can go forever without feeling like adults, forever stuck in childhood patterns or not realizing that there won't be a magic moment when everything is perfect. Many of us, though, can think of a period in our lives when we said, "Wow. I'm really an adult."

At what age did you feel grown-up? What made you feel that way?

Ask a Buddhist: Can I "Find Myself" While With Someone?

TresSugar — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. Today, a person who believes in Buddhist teachings will offer her common sense advice to a 24-year-old looking to find herself. You can submit questions here.

Today's Question:

Is it possible to figure out what you want out of your life while in a committed relationship? My boyfriend and I started dating when we were 16, when we were still young and impressionable. Now, we're both 24 years old, and while we are very much in love with one another, we're both feeling as though we do not know ourselves as individuals. And while we want to figure ourselves out while being together, we have tried - though not very successfully - and it hasn't quite worked so far. So, is it possible to figure yourself out while in a relationship? Or is it best to just cut ties despite the love you feel for another and take time out for yourself, alone?

- In Love but Confused

To find out what the Buddhist has to say, read more.

Dear In Love and Confused,

Wow. Your question really hits home, and I'll try to answer it with the wisdom of my experiences and those of my friends.

I, too, asked this question when I was 24 after having been with my boyfriend, my first love, since I was 18. (Not quite as long you.) I had the 20-something equivalent of the seven-year-itch. I'd never been with another person, I'd moved in with the boyfriend at a young age, and although we had different things going on (he was older and had a career that he loved and I was in college), I felt that there was a big world out there I wasn't exploring so we could be together.

In my case, ultimately, the decision was easier because my restlessness had to do with wanting to having other sexual experiences with people. I loved him, but knew that if I stayed with him, my curiosity would get the better of me. Although it was one of the toughest decisions I had to make, and there were many doubts and tears, I didn't regret my decision to break up with him and move on.

Having said that, I also know people who have remained with the people they fell in love with as teens who are leading happy and fulfilled lives in which the experiences they have separately add to the relationship they have together. The relationship, for each of them, is a place where they not only share experiences that expand their sense of self (they travel together, volunteer together, have similar hobbies), but where, after they do their own thing separately (with their own set of friends, their own travel adventures, etc.) they can come back to the relationship without the other person feeling left out or intimidated by their partner's separateness.

This is where it can get tricky. What experiences contribute to that feeling of "individuality" as you refer to it? There are things you might not be able to discover while in a committed relationship - in my case, it was experiences with other people. Or let's say you want to travel abroad. Unless your boyfriend can do that with you, you might have to spend some time apart. Will you both be OK with being apart and being monogamous? Would you be able to take a break from your relationship, and the monogamy, with an agreement to be back together and see how it goes? Maybe counseling could help you figure out what it is exactly that feels missing, so you could experiment before you "cut ties" with this person you sound like you're really in love with. (I'm curious about what it was you tried and wasn't successful.)

Whether you met when you were 16 or 25 (or 35, 45 or 55!), the challenge of maintaining your individuality in a couple will remain. I know some people who met at ripe old ages who are in stifling relationships that end up being excuses for not exploring who they really are. You definitely have a challenge, but one that's not insurmountable. The question is, how creative can you be, how honest can you be, how flexible can you be? Try out everything you can, and if at the end of the day, you decide that the only way you can find yourselves is to be apart, maybe you can make a pact to meet up again at a certain age and see if it works?

Not losing yourself in a relationship is something everyone - of all ages - experiences. I have a feeling you two can be honest with each other to try everything out to see what works best for you. If you were meant to be together, it will all work out in the end. Good luck, stay present with what you're feeling, and be honest with yourself and your boyfriend.

- A Buddhist

Conventional Wisdom: Ask a Bartender

TresSugar — Mon, 18 May 2009 06:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend who was also my best friend has left me, very cruelly. Ten days after the breakup, he started posting pictures of himself with a new girlfriend on Facebook! I hate my job in the family business and want to go abroad. My parents are extremely unhappy about this. None of my friends are here anymore; they have all moved out of town, either getting married or getting a career. I am lonely. I don't even have anyone to go watch a movie with.

Although I have a postgraduate degree, I am not confident that I will find a job in this economic climate, after three years of working in the family. My mom has been diagnosed with an ovarian cyst, which may or may not be malignant. Being the only child, now I am duty bound to take care of her, postponing my rebellious move out of the country. I am 26 and have no idea where my life is going. I have taken to popping Xanax and sleeping off my days; I prefer my dreams to my reality. I wake up at nights with a thumping heart and read novels as long as I am awake. Show me a way. Tell me what to do . . . please. I need help!

- Woeful With Wanderlust

To see what the bartender had to say, read more.

Dear Woeful,

I am not sure where to begin here. I seriously had to shake myself a stiff martini before I could delve into all of your issues. It sounds like someone has been having the only kind of party that is not any fun: a pity party. It's time to splash some cold water on your face, snap out of your benzo-induced haze, and do some serious soul searching.

Although your ex-boyfriend's behavior may seem cruel, he might have been unhappy for a long time and checked out of the relationship months prior to making the move. People get lazy in that comfortable space and often don't have the gumption to break up with the person until they meet someone else. You should be thankful that he had the decency to break up with you rather than carry on some torrid affair based on the fear that he didn't want to hurt you.

I am going to take a stab in the dark here and guess that you were one of those girls who let her friendships wane, instead spending nights at home watching movies with your boyfriend. Please learn something from this experience. You should only have to experience that feeling of complete and utter aloneness once in your lifetime. Having a great group of friends always helps ease the pain of a breakup. They are there to remind you what a fun, smart, and sexy person you are and can say things like, "There are so many other fish in the sea," and "We always thought he was a douchebag but just didn't have the heart to tell you."

As far as your family and career go, yes, yes, yes to living abroad. Become bilingual, trilingual, quadlingual. People automatically respect you. If you're worried about dilly dallying away your time while our economy is in the crapper, do some volunteer work in another country. I have a sense that you might be a business-minded gal; what about helping women in South America write business plans? Just a thought, but I am sure there are programs applicable to your profession out there, and I am a firm believer in always trying to better yourself.

You seem like you have been the dutiful daughter for far too long. Since you are the only child, I am sure your parents are going to be nervous, but they obviously love you and will not disown you for making an independent decision. Now, if your mom truly does have ovarian cancer, maybe consider a month-long trip oversees - in which case, party your ass off - instead of relocation.

Lastly, lay off the freaking Xanax. Benzodiazepines are highly addictive with long-term use. Your words suggest anxiety and depression, which I predict is a product of your current situation and hopefully not a chemical imbalance that needs medical attention. You seem like a hardworking, sensitive, and smart woman. Empower yourself instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Always trust your gut; it never lies. And don't forget to tip your bartender.

Click here to find out more about Conventional Wisdom and here to submit a question.

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Momma Said: Postcards From Yo Momma Read Our Emails

TresSugar — Tue, 05 May 2009 16:00:00 -0700

It's hard to believe we used to laugh at our moms' hilarious emails alone. But we had to! We had no idea anyone else would find them funny until Postcards From Yo Momma - the site that gave children a place to publish mom's emails - came along.

What began as two friends IMing emails from their moms over Gchat turned into an overnight success when Postcards tapped into a secret that had been password protected in our inboxes: all moms sound the same - smart, loving, and un-self-consciously hilarious. And now, their wisdom has been bound into a book, Love, Mom: Poignant, Goofy, Brilliant Messages From Home.

Using the best of the 7,000 emails sent to Postcards From Yo Momma, Love, Mom looks at the modern-day relationship between adult children and mothers, and how the Internet has changed it for the better. As coauthor Jessica Grose's mother said, "In a not particularly intrusive way, I can be part of your life." Unintrusive, until they find our blogs!

To get ready for Mother's Day, Jessica and her coauthor Doree Shafrir, former bloggers at Jezebel and Gawker, are reading between the lines of emails from Sugar staffers' moms (Sugar mommas?) every day this week. What's up first? The Staunch Cheerleader Mom. Because if there's anything worse than a staunch woman, it's a S-T-A-U-N-C-H mom. To see the email and their interpretation, read more.

Good Morning!

I'll be thinking of you all day today. Remember, when people are
bombastic and caustic it is a sign of insecurity. They put their pants
on one leg at a time, and probably don't know the difference between
straw and hay!

We love you. Knock their socks off!

Doree and Jessica: Our little girl is brilliant, and I will cut anyone that's mean to her.

Photo credit: Brad Walsh

In the Market For a New Home? Take a Boat Tour!

CitizenSugar — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 06:00:03 -0700

Foreclosed home speculators in Florida are keeping the housing market afloat. Positive that the home prices are near the bottom, Foreclosure Tours R Us offers land and water tours of properties with access to the Gulf of Mexico. The company, which tours only foreclosed homes, sold 830 homes in one month alone.

Waterside homes that used to go for $700,000 are listed in the $200,000 price range. If you take the less glamorous bus tour, inland homes can go for about $54,000!

Many of the buyers are speculators who want to buy buy buy, while the price is right. Let's hope that doesn't cause another bubble . . . and bust!

View 5 Photos ›

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Dos and Don'ts of Living Together Before Marriage

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 10:30:00 -0700

When couples get serious in their relationship, they start to think about taking things to the next level, and living together is usually the next step. Many prefer to do it before they get married to strengthen their bond and see if they're compatible, but before you pack up your boxes and move in on the fly, here are some things to consider.

Do	Don't
Do be flexible about where you'll live. Take space, cost, and convenience into consideration. And instead of moving into one of your places, consider finding a completely new place.	Don't move in for the wrong reasons. You shouldn't live together just because it'll save money or it's close to your favorite health food store. Decide to share a place because of where you are in your relationship.

To see the rest of my dos and don'ts read more.

Don't

Do communicate each other's needs, expectations, and schedules before moving in. He should know that on Tuesday nights, you need the place to yourself to host your all-girls potluck dinner.
Do respect those needs, expectations, and schedules. If he can't stand a dirty kitchen, don't leave your dishes in the sink.
Do discuss your finances. Whether you split things even-steven or one person pays more than the other, be sure you're fully aware of your responsibilities.
Do make sure you're on the same page when it comes to having pets, house guests, and time alone.
Do divvy up the chores and responsibilities that come with your home evenly and fairly.

Don't assume that moving in together means you're getting married. If that's the only reason you're doing it, perhaps you should wait until you're engaged first.
Don't buy a place together unless you're ready. It's better to rent together first, without any financial ties.
Don't be bossy or stubborn about decorating. Try to compromise with a new style that works for you as a couple.
Don't let living together take the romance out of your relationship. Be sure to schedule weekly dates to keep the magic alive.

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5 Tips For More Satisfying Masturbation

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

OK ladies, you might want to bookmark this one and save it for when you're in the privacy of your own home!

With that said, I know not all of you are in relationships, and even if you are, there may come a time when you need to, um, satisfy your urges. Like I've said before, I don't think there's anything wrong with masturbation, but I realized that I've never really talked about it in much detail. I've given you tips for enhancing your sex life with a partner, so here are some tips for reaching the big "O" on your own. Learning how to orgasm alone is not only pleasurable and a great way to relieve stress, but it can also help you figure out how to have an orgasm when you're intimate with someone else. If reading these tips makes you blush, it may make you feel better to know I was blushing too while writing them!

To hear my tips, read more.

Set the mood the way you like it. Dim the lights, turn on some calming music, light some scented candles, and make sure you're not in any rush.
Have a variety of sex toys on hand. They come in many shapes, sizes, speeds, and materials, so not only is it fun to try them all out to see which kind you like best, it's also nice to have an array in your nightstand drawer, you know, since variety is the spice of life!
Play around with temperature. Keep a glass of ice water on your nightstand and periodically dip your fingers in it, or cool off your sex toy in the fridge. Heat is also an arousing sensation, so use some warming lubricant, or place your hand on a heating pad for a couple minutes.
Water isn't so great for intercourse, but it can be outstanding when you're alone. In the shower, you can use an extendable shower head that has a variety of speeds, or if you have access to a hot tub, point the jets in your direction!
Find your G-spot. If you're not sure where it is, ~~Mapquest it~~ here's a diagram. Some women experience orgasms like they've never had before by stimulating this area inside them.

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