TresSugar

Hump Day: Is My Cold Sore Contagious?

TresSugar — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column! Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

“I know that cold sores are the same virus as herpes. Is it a bad idea to go down on my boy when I have one? Is it transmissible that way?” To hear what Dr. Glickman has to say, read more.

Dr. Glickman's Answer:

YES!!!

There are two types of herpes virus: HSV-1 and HSV-2. Oral herpes is usually HSV-1 and it’s estimated that 80 percent of the population has been exposed to it. Genital herpes is usually HSV-2 and it’s estimated that 25 percent of women and 12 percent of men have it. However, genital herpes can be caused by either version of the virus, so going down on someone when you have a cold sore (another name for a herpes outbreak) can spread it. To make things a bit more complicated, only about 1/3 of the people who have genital herpes are aware of it - either they’ve never had an outbreak or the outbreak was very mild. (See herpes.com for more info.)

Part of what makes herpes tricky is that it can be transmitted even when you don’t have a visible outbreak. The virus lives in your nervous system and every so often, it’ll come to the surface. It’s especially likely to happen when you’re sick or have been stressed for a while. There’s evidence that the virus starts shedding from the skin (and is therefore potentially contagious) before any visible symptoms. It’s a low risk, but it’s a possibility. To make matters worse, if the site of the shedding isn’t covered by a condom, it can be spread even when you’re practicing safer sex.

While herpes can be uncomfortable, it doesn’t represent nearly as much risk as other sexually transmissible infections (STIs) such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, human papilloma virus (HPV), or HIV. Having said that, there’s evidence that HSV-2 makes HIV transmission more likely. See this article for more information about how that works.

It’s also worth mentioning that I’ve seen a lot of people get really upset about STIs when they don’t get nearly as upset about any other health issue. I’ve also seen a lot of people who have all sorts of judgment about STIs but think nothing of going to work and sharing their flu germs (or worse)! STIs can be unpleasant, annoying, or life-threatening, but they don’t mean anything about the person who has them any more than chicken pox or measles do. Negative attitudes about STIs are a holdover from before we invented antibiotics and when diseases such as syphilis were seen as the wages of sin. But now we know that they’re just germs and we don’t need to shame people for having them. (Not that I’m saying that you’re doing that, but I wanted to mention it.)

The best thing that we can all do is to get tested for STIs regularly, even if you’ve never had a symptom. Lots of people have STIs and don’t know it. Check your local Planned Parenthood or other agency for information, although I recommend going with anonymous testing in order to ensure your privacy.

And safer sex is always a good choice. It’s easy to do, with a little practice. Using a lubricant can make safer sex more enjoyable since latex tends to have a bit more friction than skin. Try a silicone-based brand if you’re prone to yeast infections. Water-based brands are a bit easier to clean up since they rinse away.

If you or your partner don’t like the way condoms feel, try a different brand. The Japanese-process condoms such as Maxx and Skinless Skin are more sheer than other types. Or you could give Skyn a whirl. It’s made from polyisoprene, rather than latex, so it’s very sheer and both people will get more sensation.

Given that you have oral herpes, you might want to talk with your boyfriend about using condoms for oral sex. If you go that route, change the condom before having intercourse. That will make sure that you don’t spread the herpes virus to your vulva or vagina. It’ll also reduce the risk of your condom breaking; teeth can cause small abrasions that weaken the condom.

For an excellent, sex-positive read on safer sex, check out The Hot Guide to Safer Sex . It’s full of helpful advice and great tips.

Fact or Fiction: Genital Herpes

DearSugar — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 10:00:00 -0800

I know you'd rather not talk about herpes, but the only way you'll know how to prevent yourself from contracting this STI is by knowing the facts and myths. Take this little quiz and you just may learn a thing or two.

Source

Take the quiz

Funny or Not Funny: Herpex

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

This morning I found a funny faux commercial posted on Tango mocking the herpes commercial genre. The funny guys at Britanick.com are the brains behind this add promoting a made-up drug called Herpex. Since there is no cure, Herpex is "specifically created to deal with genital herpes" and even though it doesn't prevent outbreaks, it does allow you to teleport which can come in handy during those uncomfortable moments! Of course this STI isn't a laughing matter, but I have to say that I thought this parody sure was. What do you think? Does this faux commercial take it too far or are you able to see the humor in it?

Sunday Confessional: She Knew He Had Herpes and Didn't Tell Me

DearSugar — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Six months ago I started dating my girl friend's male roommate. At the time, my friend warned me that although her roommate was a good friend, he was a notoriously bad boyfriend. I explained to her that I just wanted to have fun, but she still acted weird about it. Five months in, I learned he was hanging out with a lot of other girls, so we decided to end things. I was disappointed it didn't work out, but I knew it wasn't meant to be.

A few weeks ago I found out that I have genital herpes. I knew immediately it was from him - I've only been with one other guy who was also a virgin. I had asked him before we slept together if he had been tested, and he said he was totally clean. Obviously I was very upset by the news and confronted him. Naturally, he claimed that I must have picked it up from some other guy.

When I came crying to my friend, she was extremely distressed by what he had said. Apparently, he had confided in her a long time ago that he had herpes, but asked her to keep it a secret. When I heard this I was furious. I know that they're good friends, but I couldn't believe she'd kept that from me when she knew I was sleeping with him! I feel beyond betrayed, but she says she "tried" to warn me. Is her omission of the truth forgivable?

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Herpex: The New Wonder Drug!

GiggleSugar — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 01:00:00 -0700

Some commercials for herpes medications make it seem like having this virus is a freaking walk in the park, or hike in a national forest, or fun time for everyone involved! In a parody of such ads, this commercial for Herpex herpes medication claims it will give you superhuman powers. Coming to a late-night television spot near you.

Dear Quiz: The Big Apple Has Some Big Problems!

DearSugar — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I've given you a lot of information about genital herpes and even though people seem to be aware of how easy this STI is to contract, herpes is still effecting sexually active men and women every day. According to a new study released yesterday, the number of infected New Yorkers is up. What do you think the new statistic is? How many people have genital herpes in NYC?

Source

Take the quiz

You Asked: I Can't Get Over My Herpes Diagnosis

DearSugar — Thu, 22 May 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Recently I was diagnosed with genital herpes. I didn't know that I had ever been exposed to it, and then an ex-boyfriend called to tell me that he was diagnosed seven months ago. I felt very betrayed and shocked that he waited so long to tell me. I haven't slept with anyone else, but learning this news has me totally devastated. I've been having a hard time moving forward, and I'm struggling with the thought that my life is essentially over. I'm just now starting to come to terms with the diagnosis, but my biggest fear is how and when I tell someone who I am interested in. I have gone on a couple of dates with a guy I really like, but I completely panic at the idea of having to tell him the news. I'm just terrified. Do you have any advice?

- Devastated by the Diagnosis Danielle

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Devastated by the Diagnosis Danielle,

Your feelings of shock, betrayal, and sadness are all completely normal. To learn you'll have to deal with a lifelong disease, no matter how manageable, is very scary and will take some time to process. But Danielle, your life is not over. You are very much the same person you were before this diagnosis and can live just as fulfilling a life, both emotionally and sexually.

But it's true, part of the burden you'll have to deal with is sharing this very private information with any potential sexual partners. As far as timing, I would wait until you've moved beyond the casual dating point; you want to be able to trust and confide in him. Before you do, I think it's important that you recognize that having this disease doesn't define you. You have to accept yourself before you can expect others to.

While there is always some shame associated with STIs, remember that you're not guilty of anything, so don't divulge this info as if it's a confession, but rather approach it as a fact. Be honest with him, and ask him to return the favor by telling you his concerns. Openly discuss the risks together and go from there. You can't control his reaction, so if it's not what you were hoping for, then don't let it feel like a reflection of your worth. The more comfortable you become with this, the more at ease others will feel when you discuss it. Good luck!

Source

True Confession - Did I Give Him an STI?

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 09:00:00 -0700

I know how much you all love our Sunday Confessional, so my friend at True Confessions is joining forces with me to bring you a midweek confessional! Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive the confessional below.

"I have herpes, and I planned how I would introduce the topic to my new found love but unfortunately, one thing led to another on Saturday night and before I knew it, we were having sex. I told him after the fact but I know that wasn't good enough. I also know that I'm the scum of the earth, and deserve to suffer in my own personal hell for as long as I live. I wouldn't wish herpes on anyone, let alone a man I purported to love. I pray that he tests negative, but either way, can I be forgiven for being so selfish?"

Source

Group Therapy: Herpes Hits Home

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 03:00:00 -0700

This past weekend I noticed a patch of red, itchy bumps and a sore "you know where." I found it ironic, and helpful, to see DearSugar's recent postings regarding herpes and other STIs. I am going to allow my doctor to diagnose me, but my mind can't help going to the worst scenario. Despite knowing that herpes is so common in America, and that it is manageable, I am still terrified that I might have it. The things I fear most are telling my ex-boyfriend and my family (I am still on their insurance, so it's inevitable), and rejection from men in the future. It might be a bit early to be worrying about this (my doctor's appointment is 36 hours away, and who knows how many more days I will have to wait for the results), but has anyone gone through this? How did you deal with this all?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Genital Herpes 101

DearSugar — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 08:00:00 -0700

A couple days ago I posted Handle This: He Has Herpes and some of your comments let me know that we could all use a refresher course on this STI.

Genital herpes is highly contagious, and is passed on through sexual contact. It's caused by a strain of herpes simplex virus (HSV), which enters your body through small cuts in your skin or mucous membranes, and then causes outbreaks of painful sores on your privates.

You should know that a person can pass herpes on to someone else even if they have no visible sores. Although there is no cure for genital herpes, the outbreaks can be controlled with medication, so a person with herpes can still be in a relationship and have sex (with protection, of course), without passing it on to his or her partner.

Want to learn more about how this STI is tested and treated? Then read more.

Symptoms	Small, painful blisters or open sores. After they ooze, they'll scab and then heal within one to three weeks. For women, sores may appear in the vagina, on the outside genital area, cervix, anus, or rear end. For men, sores may appear on the penis, scrotum, rear end, anus, thighs, or inside the urethra. Along with an outbreak of sores, a person may have flu-like symptoms including headache, muscle aches, and fever. Many people have no symptoms at all, or they'll have one bad outbreak of sores and then never experience another. Others can experience outbreaks up to 40 years after they first contract herpes.
How do you test for it?	A blood test can detect a herpes infection. If you have present sores, your doctor can take a fluid or tissue sample and test that, too.
Complications	Herpes will not cause death, but it can increase your risk of contracting other STIs such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, or HIV. A pregnant woman with sores can pass genital herpes on to her baby during delivery, which could cause brain damage, blindness, or death to the newborn. In this case, a C-section is usually performed.
Treatment	There is no cure, but oral, antiviral medications taken including Zovirax, Famvir, and Valtrex can help heal sores faster and prevent recurrent outbreaks. If taken every day, these meds may also help reduce your risk of passing it on to anyone else. If you have herpes, wait until all sores are healed before resuming sexual activity. Always use a condom to prevent passing it on to your partner, since this virus can be spread even when no symptoms of herpes are present.

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