TresSugar

The How-To Lounge: Asking For Help

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 10:00:00 PDT

Although being independent is great, if you happen to have a stubborn streak, your determination may hinder you from reaching out for help when you need it. For whatever reason, asking for help has become synonymous with not being tough enough, but I’ll be the first to say, that’s just not true. So if you’re one of those girls who has to do everything herself, read my tips for how to reach out for help when you really do need it when you

Recognize that there’s nothing wrong with needing help. In fact, being able to acknowledge that you don’t know how to do something shows good judgment.
Try by yourself first, but know when to admit defeat. When you’re wasting time trying to do something that another person could have helped you accomplish already, then it’s time to reach out. You don’t want to wait until it’s too late.
Go out of your way to ask someone whom you feel comfortable with. Knowing that you won’t be judged for your question and that they won’t lead you astray can make all the difference in the world.
Make sure you know what you’re asking for. Most people are better at helping when they can advise on a specific problem.
And finally, once you make your big break and ask, don’t forget to say thank you.

Are you comfortable with asking for help?

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The How-To Lounge: Finding a Therapist

DearSugar — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 10:00:00 PDT

As you already know, I’m a huge supporter of therapy and often suggest it as a means of working through a specific issue - some problems are best solved with professional, and specifically, unbiased help. But finding someone who can meet your specific needs and whom you can trust is not an easy task. I’ve compiled a list of things to consider when seeking a therapist. To check them out

Since you really are looking for someone you can both confide in and count on to provide real help, it’s important to do a little research before choosing someone. The first step is making sure that whoever you consider is certified with the proper credentials - don't be afraid to ask them.
You also want to consider the specific issues you’re looking to address. While one therapist might be known for dealing with victims of abuse, he/she might not be as successful working with patients who have anxiety disorders. It's incredibly important that they can meet your needs so inquire about their particular strengths before going in.
Similarly, if you’re looking at treating a specific mental illness you may want to widen your search to include psychiatrists who have the ability to prescribe medication if needed.
Since some people might be wary about sharing a therapist, try turning to the Internet instead of relying on a referral. One quick search will give you access to a myriad of resources like Psychology Today’s Therapy Directory.
Before you make any appointments, make sure to get the details on what your insurance provider does and does cover. If you can only use an in-network therapist, ask for a list of names in your area.

Don't be afraid to try out a few people before settling on one; it seems like a lot of work, but it really will be worth it in the long run.

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Help DearSugar Name New Kittens!

PetSugar — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 16:30:09 PST

How adoro are these two?! DearSugar's mom just added the lil preciouses to her family - the aqua-eyed Tonkinese made the trip up from Fresno and are now settling in nicely at their new home. The duo arrived yesterday but there's one big problem . . . or two, rather. They're so adorable that she can't decide what to name them!

To make it easier for myself, I'm gonna creatively refer to these babies as "one" and "two. " The feisty kit on the right ("one") is trying to claim her throne as queen of the household and prances around like she owns the place. But I think soon "two" (on the left) may stage an attack - this cat may be smaller and more timid, but she has a big, bold voice and is already meowing up a storm. So, as classy as my temporary names are, Dear's mom wants something a little more fitting for their beauty. Can you help out? If you've got name ideas, leave them in your comments below. I'll keep you posted on the naming process!

Dating Coach: Would You Use One?

DearSugar — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 13:00:00 PDT

The New York Times published an article last month about dating coaches. We all know that the dating game can be incredibly difficult, but some women are going to the extreme and hiring dating coaches for that extra push in the right direction to find their perfect match. According to the Times, dating coaches are very different than matchmakers, they don't arrange dates; instead they act as cheerleaders and advisers, pointing out less than helpful behavior.

Ms. Slotnick, a New York City dating coach, wants women in their 20's and 30's to devote at least 15 hours a week to the cause in addition to turning their "cab light on" so men know that you're in the game so to speak. Slotnick offers guidance on learning how to balance assertion and aggression, and whether to kiss on the first date, which she advises so the man knows you want to see him again.

Of course their services are pricey, ranging anywhere from $125 an hour to $10,000 for an entire weekend, but Lisa Clampitt, a dating coach and a founder of the Matchmaking Institute, thinks it's well worth it. “We have business coaches, dietitians, accountants, but we don’t have an expert for our love life? It doesn’t make sense. It is really the single most important aspect in our life.”

I know you will all have an opinion on this one, so let's hear it! Do you think it makes sense to hire help when it comes to your dating life? Do you think you would benefit from a dating coach and cheerleader, or do think it's just a scam and a waste of money?

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Wise Guide: on helping

DearSugar — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 10:31:00 PDT

We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves. ~ Pema Chodron

Can you think of a way you've helped someone that also helped you understand or get past your own personal issue?

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Putting It Off, Again: Procrastination Week

DearSugar — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 14:30:00 PST

Believe it or not, this week is National Procrastination Week. You might be wondering why I'm just now making a post about it, on Wednesday? Or you might have figured out already why the topic appeals to me, and why I'm writing about it midweek. Are you always thinking things would be different if you just got organized? Or practiced better time management? Or maybe you've already purchased a dozen different kinds of dayplanners, folders, files, containers and books, but you still delay finishing -- or even starting -- important and necessary tasks.

If this sounds familiar, click here to

If you doubt the effects of procrastination on stress levels, consider a study by D.M. Tice and R.F. Baumeister (reported in Psychological Science 1997, 18, 454-458). The researchers studied the effects of procrastination on health and stress levels among college students in a health psychology course. Although those who procrastinated started the semester with lower stress levels and better health than non-procrastinators, the procrastinators ended up with worse stress levels and health by the end of the semester. Additionally, overall, procrastinators rated worse stress levels and health than non-procrastinators. As the article states, "In the long run, dawdling seems to be self-defeating."

Great. Another habit that's bad for our health. But we know from our own experience that procrastinating causes us stress and anxiety. If you already struggle with anxiety, this is a behavior that will definitely interfere with getting it under control. And though it's difficult, this is one habit we can do something about. It will take a little introspection, however, because it's necessary to understand what's at the root of your behavior; not everyone procrastinates for the same set of reasons.

There are lots of theories out there about why we do it: fear of failure, fear of success, perfectionism, boredom, anger, large tasks or lack of organizational skills. Online Organizing provides every kind of resource imaginable for getting at the root of your procrastination habits: they offer dozens of links for self-tests, strategies, solutions, tips. and worksheets. Just don't let researching your procrastination become another thing you do instead of that other thing you need to do!

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Website of the Day: Audible.com

GeekSugar — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 09:01:55 PST

If you plan on traveling this holiday season, but want to listen to something other than Christmas music or your same lineup, check out the download options at Audible.com.

Audible.com offers more than 23,000 digital audio programs - unabridged best sellers in genres like fiction, comedy, mystery, nonfiction, politics, self development, and language learning, informative audio newspapers, and public radio programs such as This American Life and Booknotes. It only costs $7.49 a month for the first two months and you can easily burn your downloads onto CDs or upload them to your MP3 player.

Why You Should Marinate Your Meat

Leta Shy — Sat, 26 May 2012 19:29:02 PDT

Barbecue season is upon us, so let's celebrate by grilling, since it's an easy and low-fat way to cook. If you're grilling, protect your health by marinating your meat. Here's why marinating is good for your health and tips on how to keep it safe.

Marinating meat, fish, and poultry significantly decreases the amount of carcinogenic heterocyclic amines (HCAs) produced when the meat is cooked at high temperatures, like in grilling. Marinades can reduce HCAs by as much as 99 percent. Adding rosemary to the marinade may even up the anticancer potential of your marinade even more. While research is unclear why marinades protect meat so much, the belief is that they act as a barrier against the high heat, or may reduce chemical precursors of carcinogens from the meat.
The acid in marinades may slow the growth of harmful bacteria, like listeria.

Learn a few more tips about marinades after the break.

What Was Hot the Year You Graduated From High School

Tara Block — Sat, 26 May 2012 10:35:28 PDT

For today's generation of teenagers, high school's almost out for Summer. And for seniors graduating this month and the next, this is a big time of transition as they enter the collegiate world and beyond. We've long said our goodbyes to our high school days, but during this graduation season we can't help but reminisce about our past. So if you graduated from high school any year from 1990 to 2005, we've got a blast from the past for you! Here are some of the hottest pop-culture moments by year that will take you back to the days of backpacks, lockers, and homework!

Men in Black 3: A Return to (Alien Life) Form

Becky Kirsch — Sat, 26 May 2012 10:29:01 PDT

I saw the original Men in Black movie so long ago that my memories of the film might as well have been zapped with a neuralyzer (that's the memory-erasing device the guys use in the movie, for those of you who are also having trouble recalling the original). What I did retain is that the film was funny, fresh, and silly and that it didn't hold up very well for the 2002 sequel. With that in mind, I had low expectations for Men in Black 3, but the newest installment is just as much fun as the original, and it actually benefits from the 15-year time lapse.

The script for the film is one of its biggest assets and truly sets Men in Black 3 apart from its predecessors. The aliens are still alive and ickier than ever now that they're in 3D, but the story is more focused on the friendship between J (Will Smith) and K (Tommy Lee Jones) and how it has evolved over the years. We learn early on that K has been keeping a secret from J all these years, and the mystery drives a wedge between the partners. Meanwhile, a treacherous alien named Boris the Animal (played to hilarious perfection by Flight of the Conchords's Jemaine Clement) breaks out of maximum-security prison and goes back in time to get revenge on K, who arrested him back in the '60s. The day that K had Boris locked up is the key to K's secret, so J heads on a mission back in time to save K and learn the truth.

To see why Men in Black 3 is so much fun, just

Will Smith hasn't been in a movie since 2008's Seven Pounds, and I didn't realize I missed him until I found myself giggling all the way through Men in Black 3. His shtick is still the same (he's one-liners still consistent of dialogue like "Where did you come from? Planet damn?"), but you can't help but love Agent J as he bumbles through the '60s, desperately trying to sell his story to people who don't recognize him - or believe him. You can tell that Smith feels completely comfortable in the role, and in the signature suit, which still looks perfect on him, as he hasn't aged a day.

Tommy Lee Jones is ever the reliable curmudgeon, but the film mines extra laughs when J travels to the '60s and meets a much younger version of his partner, played by Josh Brolin. Brolin looks enough like Jones to pass for him, but it's really his studied delivery and mannerisms that sell the performance. We also get some insight into how K has evolved over the years (he's always had a penchant for cowboy music, but he also used to be a bit of a dreamer), giving the film an extra layer to the enjoyable banter between J and K.

I'm not usually one to gush about 3D, but the special effects really come to life in Men in Black 3 in a way they never did in the first two movies. Not only do the aliens look creepier than ever, but the cartoonish feel of the film is taken to the next level with the 3D aspect, especially with the time-travel thrill-ride element. Much like with the 3D movies from my youth, I found myself shrinking in my seat just to avoid being too close to the alien goo, blood, breath, and beyond. Combined with the welcome return of Will Smith, you've got yourself a fun, mindless blockbuster.

Photos courtesy of Sony