TresSugar

Head Over Heels: The Literal Version

GiggleSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

I'm so glad my hunch was right, and literal music videos are the next big thing! And I love this song. I bet back in the '80s they were all, "Let's make a video about a freaky library, it's gonna be awesome!" Little did they know the video would achieve never-before-seen levels of awesome 20 years later. Any guesses what '80s video will get literalized next?

Debate Rebate: Our Reactions to the First Presidential Debate

CitizenSugar — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 19:54:16 -0700

Did you watch? Were you with us all commenting? If not, don't worry, here's the whole transcript of every word of the first presidential debate. Want to know what Liberty and I thought of the whole event? You're in luck!

Citizen:
First of all, Jim Lehrer did an excellent job. His ruthlessness and tenacity to get the straight, specific answer he was looking for, especially in regard to the economy, made his presence incredibly valuable. McCain stayed very consistently on message, railing against wasteful spending and solidifying his position against it. In terms of conflicts abroad, McCain's personal experience inside of Iraq gave him practical credence during the the segment on the wars, though Obama was very well prepared for it academically. I loved that McCain acknowledged history in terms of Afghanistan and the trouble caused by leaving the region before the job was finished early on, and he was clearly well focused on what needs to happen militarily in a global sense.

To see the rest of my thoughts, and what Liberty had to say, read more.

McCain hammered home naivete over his institutional memory and experience and it stood up against Obama's admittedly impeccable preparation. The direct head-to-head did get tense at times, but they managed to keep it in a constructive arena. With moderator Lehrer springing a no-holds-barred, "are we facing another 9/11?" question toward the end, I think of all the elections, Lehrer may have just won "Supreme Moderator for All Time." McCain wrapped it up cosmically saying, "I know how to heal the wounds of war... I know how to treat our adversaries." As for a winner? Both candidates stumbled at times, did their jobs at others and both brought a serious A-game.

Liberty:
Tonight the candidates clarified, as well as muddled, their positions on many issues. On the introductory question about the $700 billion bailout plan, Barack Obama offered a numbered list of conditions he would require in an acceptable plan, while John McCain said "sure," he would approve the negotiated bailout. It seemed that after suspending his campaign, McCain would have clarified his position.

As for the designated topics - foreign policy and national security - McCain and Obama emphasized their respective strengths: the surge and tough talk on Russia and Iran for McCain and foresight on the folly of an Iraq war, and strong, but smart diplomacy for Obama.

Overall, McCain somewhat effectively painted Obama as naive, while Obama attempted to prevail as a cautious, informed leader. As for the punches, I think Obama's landed some hard ones; he called McCain out on discussing North Korea's extinction, and bomb, bomb, bomb, Iran. According to my super-scientific reading of the CNN audience reaction graph, Obama seemed to have higher marks with all groups while he spoke, but what do you think?!

The opinions expressed here are those of the authors, CitizenSugar and LibertySugar, and do not necessarily reflect the positions of Sugar Inc.

Source

You Asked: Why Can't I Get the Guys I Want?

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

Ever since high school, I seem to be unwillingly getting myself into this annoying cycle: I start having feelings for a guy, we become friends, and he either dates friends of mine or someone else altogether. I've had a long-term boyfriend in the past and I've dated around, but it's never been with the guys who make me fall head over heals crazy in love. I am seriously wondering what I'm doing wrong! People tell me how they notice how close I am with those specific guys, and that we'd make a great couple, and I always have to brush it off as "Oh, we're just friends!" It bothers me so much because they always compliment me and treat me so well, but I'm just never the one they want, those other girls are. I need some advice on what to do to change this bad luck. I'm 21 and I'm tired of being the good friend. I want to fall head over heals and have the feeling be reciprocated!
- Wishful Thinking Thea

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Wishful Thinking Thea,

Getting stuck in the friend zone can be incredibly frustrating so let's put our heads together and try to break the cycle. Something tells me you're comfortable in the safe area and being the girl these guys can rely on. Do you like playing that role because you've been hurt in the past? If you're afraid of rejection, keeping your feelings inside instead of taking a risk isn't going to get you where you want to be.

The next time you find yourself back in the same position, try to step up your game and flirt a little bit. These guys probably have a hard time seeing you as anything else but their friend, but if you step outside of your comfort zone, they just might see you as the girl that's looking for love. Hang in there and be patient. When the time is right, most likely when you least expect it, something will click for you. Good luck.

Source

Come Story Telling with me!!! The Completed Story

DearSugar — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 14:56:51 -0700

I hope you all enjoyed this new feature as much as I did! Your wild imaginations made for a great story line! To read the completed tale you all helped create, read more

"I am going to bring the salad so will you bring the dessert?" Do we really have to go to this thing? "Yes, we do," I replied. "And," I said pointedly, "we even have to pretend to enjoy ourselves." Mel sighed loudly on the other end of the line, paused, and then said, "Alright fine, I'll pick you up at 6." "Make it 5:30," I said firmly, knowing full well that my little sister Melanie was never, ever on time. Melanie looked at the wall, ignoring my every word, like usual. It was impossible to win any sort of argument with Mel, I thought to myself, as I studied her avoidance. Then I snapped out of my day dream as I realized that I could not see Mel's face since I was talking to her over the phone. I smiled because I knew exactly the look she would have on her face just from the tone of her voice.

"Fine, see you then." she said and I heard her hang up the phone. I sighed as I closed my cell phone. What was I going to do with that girl? Lately, she just hasn't been interested in the things that we have always done together. She doesn't enjoy shopping, she doesn't want to go to the dinner parties, and even working together isn't as fun as it used to be. The hardest part was that I couldn't figure out why. I mean, I know that she's been feeling really self-conscious about her body since her operation, but the doctors assured her that the scars would fully heal. Besides, I couldn't see why she wanted to have her nose shrunk. We both have the cutest button noses and she thought she looked like Toucan Sam. In the back of my mind I think she regrets the whole thing since changing her nose has made her look like a completely different person. She'd never admit to it out loud, though. I could almost swear that even the portrait of mom in my study had to take a second glance to be sure it was Melanie when she came over the other night.

Before the operation, I asked her why and her reply was, "I'm not happy with the way I look. I feel like when I enter a room, my nose is the first thing people see. I work in the fashion industry where EVERYONE is perfect and I want to feel confident."

I knew that a girl named Eva, Mel's frenemy from high school had just landed a job at the same magazine Mel worked for, and had been flirting up a storm with Mel's crush, a drop dead gorgeous Gabriel Aubry look-alike. This is it, I thought, really want my sister to be happy, and I'm not going to let this girl steal her man. Now all I needed was a plan to bring Mel and her crush together without Eva being able to interfere Well, that is for another time.

Right now I have to make a salad. It then occurred to me that I had no idea of what kind of salad to make. Salad nicoise? Potato salad? Caesar salad? Getting up and walking to the fridge, I looked inside of it and debated my choices.

I logged on to YumSugar to find a spectacular salad recipe to take to the dinner party our friends were throwing after but then decided, screw it. I'll order one up from the catering place a few blocks over and just pass it off as my own. Those upper crust socialites won't know the difference because they do the same thing. A knock on the back door jilted me from my food debate.

"Who is it?"
"It's John. I need a cup of sugar neighbor."

I knew full well what he meant by a "cup of sugar" Unfortunately, he meant a cup of sugar and that's it. I'd been lusting after John since he moved in last month, but he seemed more interested in Melanie. "So, how's your sister doing?" he said as I opened up the door. "She has a telephone, and a number; both work surprisingly well what with technology and all," I said. "Bad day or what Kim? Please, if it's hard to be neighborly, keep the cup of sugar and the comments," John said.
"No, no, I just, yes, bad day, long day. Whatever you want to call it," a little sigh escaping my mouth. "Please just take the sugar and accept my apology."

He took the sugar from me and as he started looking away I spoke without thinking as I always do, "What's the sugar for, SUGAR?". What was I thinking I just called a grown man SUGAR! I leaned againts the wall trying to recover, arms crossed. With that, John flashed his 1000-watt smile and took the cup.

"Thanks for the sugar, sugar" he laughed, walking out the door. I couldn’t help but smile; I abhor cutesy pet name but I’d be his sugar anytime. “SALAD, Kim” I reminded myself. I decided to call Café Dulce up the street.

“Yes, I’d like to order a fruit and walnut salad” I started, “ohh, and a dozen mini Lindsor Tortes” I continued. Mel might forget to bring dessert, but those trust fund babies weren’t going to be looking down their sculpted noses at the DeMaui sisters. Yikes, I’ll have to wean myself off the nose job humor, I thought, thinking of Mel. Just then the phone rang, I couldn’t believe it - it was John, he said, "thanks again for the sugar, but I'm gay so please stop hitting on me - it's pathetic." I was so shocked by the phone call that I simply said "Get over yourself" and dropped the receiver.

I was too busy to deal with such rudeness. I had just enough time to get to the store and back before 5:30 so I grabbed my car keys and headed out. On the way I ran into Mario. And I have to tell you that after that phone call, Mario was looking like the fresh drink of water that I needed. So I asked him if he might like to join me for dinner? What was I thinking dinner? After totally embarrassing myself with John, and here I am asking this tall drink of water to dinner. Oh my God please tell me I didn't just ask him! Please God, Please God! Mario had been a student in the ESL class I taught, and I had a crush on him that had been hard to hide. I'd seen him out for a walk several times since but chickened out and gone the other way before we got to speaking distance. And no wonder, I sounded like a total idiot; Mario quirked an eyebrow, and I could tell he was trying to hide a smile because his adorable dimple creased his cheek. "Bella Mia do you realize yourself? You are speaking strange things out aloud. I do not understand your drink of water. You are...it is....giornata stressante, no?" He shook his head. stressful day. That was putting it gently. "And your shoes --" he gestured. I looked down -- one sandal and one sneaker. Both left footed. Now I looked like a total idiot. "I just..." I broke off helplessly, flinging up my hands up in a gesture of humiliated resignation. I could feel a blush rise to my cheeks.

He caught one of my hands and stepped in close before I could pull away. "Yes, I would like dinner with you, anywhere, anytime." he murmured. "Tonight?" "Yes," I squeaked in spite of myself as his warm fingers traced my knuckles and trailed down to trace my fingertips. I could feel my pulse fluttering like a caught sparrow. If he did anything else I would melt right here on the sidewalk. How was I going to manage having dinner with him? Oh my god, I had invited him to my dinner party tonight. The one I was hosting for my ex-best friend and my ex-fiance.

My thoughts veered away from old memories, as I realized how close Mario was standing to me, his breath warm on my face. "Tonight, when?" he prompted gently. "6:00. My place and I'll drive you over." My mouth said, smiling, as my brain frantically screamed: zip your lips, girl, shut your mouth, call it off, call it off, get a rain check, you can't handle this tonight, you'll wreck any chances with him if you drag him into this, call it off, wow, he smells good and his hands are so warm....ohhhh....

"Not at your house, then?" he sounded faintly disappointed, then his dimple quirked again. "I will drive. It is a new Ferrari 612 Scaglietti - you will love it." He leaned in close, brushed a straying lock of hair off my face and kissed each cheek -- a European farewell. I could still feel the softness and warmth of his mouth long after he turned the corner and disappeared down Tobein avenue.

I floated home, despite the two left shoes, trying to figure out what to do next. What did I have that looked good that didn't ride up indecently in a Ferrari? How could I stand to be in the same room with ex-best-friend Beth or ex-fiance Sean again? Frack me, I had forgotten the salad, I realized as I changed for the tenth time. So long as I didn't put on two left shoes again, the rest would fix itself, I told myself determinedly, digging through my closet and changing again. I wasn't going to let anything screw up tonight with Mario. Especially given the circumstances of this dinner party I had to endure. I put on my sexiest red dress and did my makeup just right before finally deciding to delve into the salad once and for all. Finally my day is now over.

I had the salad, my outfit was way too sexy for Mario, and I knew I could face the rest. As I was thinking of changing the bed sheets for maybe a little surprise for Mario, I heard the door open and Mel say "hey Tracy, I'm here with the desert," I flung the duvet over my rumpled unmade bed, grabbed the salad out of the fridge, and checked my makeup one last time in the upstairs hall mirror. As hurried down the stairs to the front door entry, I heard a cacophony of noise -- car doors slamming, raised voices, running footsteps, and startled exclamations. I slipped on the steps and almost fell -- all the noise and chaos made the tiny foyer into Grand Central Station. I could see Mel holding the cake platter overhead with two hands, shrieking, trying to stay out of the way of a tangle of arguing men. I heard fragments of conversation "--only kissed her hello--" "--NOT gay!" "--stop fighting, my cake--" "--friend Eva was lying--" "--not GAY, I want her--" "--how they say hello in where I come from--" My neighbor John spurted free of the fracas and careened into me, grabbing my arm for balance the salad bowl spun out of my grasp. I fell with John still in his death grip and yelling in my ear

"--said I was gay to get you to leave me alone, you thick-skulled twit!" And we landed with in a heap, knocking into the crowd on the floor. A confetti of field greens and pear tomatoes rained down us. Wedged between John's shoulder and Mario's knee, I had a perfect view of Mel tilted against Gabe's chest (her crush!), the upraised cake wobbling precariously. I pinched my eyes shut, wincing. All I needed was Eva's frenemy Eva to show up to make this a total disaster. I felt salad dressing drip on my cheek and a tomato bounce into my cleavage.
Mario reached down and hauled me to my feet, and his laughing voice in my ear made me shiver. "Cara Mia, you invite disasters, my Armani is ruined, and yet I have I crave nothing but to taste your tomatoes."

Come Story Telling with me!!! The Completed Story

DearSugar — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 11:00:00 -0700

I hope you all enjoyed this new feature as much as I did! Your wild imaginations made for a great story line! To read the completed tale you all helped create, read more

I woke up with the sun pouring through the blinds...My head was throbbing and my mouth was very dry. As I slowly opened my eyes, the blurry memories of the previous night came rushing back...did I really make out with that fireman in front of my crush??!!! I reached over to my nightstand to grab my blackberry and called Katie in hopes of piecing the jumbled up night together. Only my blackberry wasn't there....crap!! Why was I such a hard partyier??? I sat up immediately, where was my purple Miu Miu handbag??? I scanned my bedroom to notice that it wasn't my bedroom at all! What have I done? I rolled over as slowly and quietly as possible to get my barrings, and low and behold, I was in the fireman's bed. I laid back, put the covers over my head and shut my eyes in disbelief. Just as I was about to come up with a plan to get out of there before he got up, my fireman grabbed me and, gave me the most passionate morning kiss I have ever experienced. Then he pulled away and said "I'll make us some breakfast". He got up leaving the covers on the bed.

I couldn't seam to resist looking at his rear end as he left the room. Just as I was checking him out, he turned around and I noticed he was still quite excited. My heart started to beat fast as I tried to remember the sex that we had last night. Before I could think he jumped back into bed and said breakfast is going to have to be lunch, "I just got called in to work, but help yourself to anything you want, I'll be back in a flash" and hopped out of bed, into his uniform (which did I mention he looked way too hot for words in) and ran out the door. I looked around the bedroom to take everything in and realized this guy couldn't be so bad! I mean, he knew how to decorate considering it looked like page two through twenty six of the pottery barn catalog. Just when I had a good feeling about this, I saw a picture that caught my eye on his nightstand, a picture that made my spine itch, it was a picture of my youngest cousin, Carrie, who had just graduated from college within the past month. The very same picture had been mailed to me and reluctantly stuck to the fridge. I ran past him, guarding the door.

"Who the hell is this?" I shouted, near hysterics. "It's my colleague's daughter?" he said, a little off balance, probably wondering why he'd spent the night with a crazy person. "I've known this kid practically since birth, and her father is my best friend. And knowing that this girl has followed through on her dreams, I can too." Touched by his sweet, even if a little strange story, I let him through and made my way to the kitchen, feeling rather silly for not remembering my uncle was in fact a fire chief in a nearby town. He followed me and said "Last night was so amazing, I will forgive your insecure little outburst. Please stay for lunch." He gently kissed my lips and left the house. I helped myself to some coffee he had already brewed and contemplated whether I should stay. After having my coffee and toast I decided to give Katie a call on his house phone.

“Hey Katie… you might not believe this, but I spent the night with that hot firefighter from last night! “Oh my god,” Katie gasped. “Don’t you know that everyone was talking about how good you two looked together?! So, where are you? Can I come pick you up so we can get coffee and re-cap the night?" I took a moment to figure out if I wanted to leave and then thought to myself, what the hell. "Katie, I am still at his place and he asked me to stay for lunch, so coffee is going to have to wait!!! Just as I hung up the phone I heard a knock at the door. I peeked out and saw a woman-cute, blonde hair, nice tan, low cut shirt with what HAD to be an expensive set of fakies, my heart was saying I shouldn't get jealous that this may indeed NOT be the one who the fireman is actually dating mental note to self: find out fireman's name anyway, I am trying to figure out whether or not I should open the door when I hear the noise of a key being fit into the lock. I freeze, unable to decide whether I should go to the closet or shut myself in the bathroom. I hear the lock catch and before I could run and hide, I was face to face with a very surprised looking woman.

"Oh, sorry to barge in like this," she said, sticking out her hand ready for a shake, "I'm Michelle, the nanny for Nick's daughter. She's at her Mom's today but apparently she forgot his favorite blanket at Dad's place, so here we are." With half of the introduction out of the way, I relaxed a little bit, and said oh yes. He asked ME to drop that off for Nicky. You drive and I'll take shot-gun. we can chat on the way." I was going to find out all I could from this woman. I introduced myself, dressed quickly and we got in her car. I started asking questions, trying not to be obvious. He was 32, single, wanting to get married and have more kids. Nicky's mom cheated on him 3 years ago and his heart had just healed enough to try again. he was so lonely, and depressed. He seemed like the absolute perfect man. But, as we chattered on, it seemed he had his flaws. Turns out, he was a sex addict. I opened my mouth in shock and said "No way! I'm a recovering sex addict as well!" Michelle glanced, up, surprised at my enthusiastic admission, and said, "Well, I guess you have a lot in common then." She paused, considering her words. "I try to stay out of his business, but you seem nice, so I'll tell you this. You aren't the first person I've found alone at his place on a Sunday morning, and no offense, but I'm sure you won't be the last."

I felt a pang of jealousy as she said that, but then I thought about it well, he brought me back here and he has brought others back also so maybe I can change the future part. Then she said "But you are the only one that has ever wanted to come to his ex's house...." then, I added "and can we not tell her about the circumstances in which you found me?" She said sure as we pulled into the driveway. Suddenly I was sick with panic. Am I insane?? What am I doing here? Meeting some guy's ex who I just had a one night stand with? Why do I always get stuck in these crazy circumstances. What would the fireman say when he finds out. Thinking fast I undid my seat belt, opened the card door, and jumped out. Thank goodness we were at a stop light, I thought, as I ran, fists pumping, down the sidewalk in the middle of a quiet, tree-lined suburban street. I heard a horn honking ahead of me and I tried not to look, but it was persistent and getting louder. I finally turned to see who was honking, and could not believe who I saw! It was Katie, to the rescue! She slammed on her breaks and I opened her car door and jumped inside. "Oh my god, what are you doing???" Katie asked, looking at me like I was crazy. "Katie, I am going to drop off the fireman's daughters blanket as his ex wife's house! What am I doing?? Thank god your here, this is all just too much too soon. Will you drive me by the firestation so I can say goodbye to him and finally put this day to an end?" Katies obliges and off we go.

At Least I Can Say I Tried

DearSugar — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 08:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
After 16 years of marriage and five years of my husband cheating on me, he finally left and moved in with his mistress. Our four kids were the reason why I didn't leave him in the first place and I always kept hope that he would realize I really was the only one for him. I lost and now I am broken hearted.

When does your head start to take over your heart? I know the right thing to do is move on and start a new life without him, but my heart won't let him go. I know time will heal all pain, but I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Any advice would help. Heartbroken Heidi

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Heartbroken Heidi
I am sorry. Having a broken heart can be one of the most painful experiences, but it sounds like you are better off without this man in your life. As hard as that may be to accept right now, you will soon be able to realize how much better your life can be with a partner who loves and respects you and your family.

Time is a wonderful healer and while it feels like there is no end in sight to the pain you are experiencing, try to remember your sadness will eventually go away. Do you have a good group of friends or family members you can lean on for support? Now is the time to really take care of you.

Do whatever makes you feel good; spend time with your kids, your friends, exercise, shop, get a massage, anything to keep busy. Unfortunately, there is really nothing I can say or do to make you feel better, breakups stink, but don't sell yourself short by convincing yourself he was the only man for you.

Time really is the only thing that will make your head take over your heart so try not to be so hard on yourself. There are many stages of grief after a breakup and as you experience the first few crappy ones, you will be well on your way to recovery. Good luck to you and try to keep your chin up.

Group Therapy: Engaged and in love. With another man?

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 10:00:00 -0700

So. As it goes I was in a relationship with another man I was head over heals for when I met my fiance. We (the first man and I) were two peas in a pod, we both wore many hats, but always seemed to have a matching pair. He was the guy I could totally be myself with. I could be athletic, cowgirl, biker, bookworm, adventurer, gardener, carpenter, chef... We shared a love for life and adventure I have not found anywhere else. We could do it all together and have nothing but smiles! When I met my fiance I asked this first guy is he was interested in being an official couple, or if I met someone should I persue that? He said he was not in a position to be in a relationship, that between his job and his starting company he didn't have time... So I persued this other man - or at least allowed a relationship to progress. We fell quickly in love. He was everything I never wanted to date. He was younger than me, in the military, we are complete opposites. But it seemed to go smoothly and I was blown away with emotion and love. Now that the dust has settled, as many of my friends said it would, I realize we are so SO different and rather incompatible in too many ways... And engaged to be married this coming spring!

I keep thinking about the guy that I left in the dust. The more things my fiance and I face together the more our differences are showing - and pushing us apart. I am a very positive person, he always believes the worst. I like to go for a drive and see what we find, he wants a schedule and gets annoyed if we don't keep to it. I am usually late, he is 15 minutes early and my tardiness drove him so crazy that I am no longer late (yes THIS is a good thing I know). He needs a big breakfast, I don't eat till noon. I'm a night owl, he needs 8 hours. I like to spend time with friends, he would rather stay home. I am a very social person, I have a lot of friends and wish I could see them all more. He has a few close friends that he talks to every now and then, and would rather not go to any of my social events. I wear jeans with holes in them, he will throw out a piece of clothing for a stain so small I can barely see it. I save everything, he throws everything away. I have more patience than most people, he has a one inch fuse. I watch soap operas, he watches CNN. I like a good bottle of wine, cosmos with friends or beer at a backyard BBQ he doesn't drink, then watches what I drink. I'm all for differences, but we have so little in common. We have very different ideas about what is a good day, what is a fun time, what is relaxing... We are like Dharma and Greg!!

I feel like things keep popping up reminding me of the man I left behind. It seems like everywhere I look there is something that reminds me how easy life was with the last guy. Who by the way was much more distraught when I told him I was engaged than I expected him to be. But I told him last November. Now it is August and still he permeates my mind and heart. I fell in love with my fiance for a lot of reasons, but they don't seem to be enough to keep us smiling together now. What should I do???? HELP HELP HELP! Wedding on the way!!!! And I can't picture it anymore!!! I can't help but think Dharma and Greg only work on TV. Not working so well here...

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

You Asked: When will I be Ready to Move on?

DearSugar — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--
Last year I unexpectedly got pregnant while on birth control. At the time I had been dating the father of my baby for over five years, and he beamed with pride when he saw the first ultrasound, but I was very young (22) and wasn't sure how to tell my conservative family. When I was only 7 weeks pregnant, I had a miscarriage. The miscarriage was devastating to me, but since no one knew I was pregnant in the first place, I didn't tell anyone. I was exhausted for about 8 weeks during and immediately after the first day of miscarriage, and I was sad and detached in a way I didn't know how to explain to my partner and best friend.

After a few months, he broke up with me, saying I was just so sad all the time, and he didn't think we were "working." After a week apart we ended up getting back together, we stayed together for two more months and I was very happy, but then he left again. It has been six months since we broke up and he is now dating someone else--someone who looks like me, seems like me, and my friends tell me he is taking her to the exact places we used to go and doing things we used to do together. I am devastated and I don't understand if he misses me or not; it seems like he doesn't, but it also seems like he is trying hard to replace what we had.

I know I should be trying to "move on," but I miss him and my baby so much it hurts. I just want to be a family again. When I tell my other 20-something friends how much I want to have children, they look at me like I am crazy. I have heard people say miscarriage is sometimes the will of God, but that phrase gives me no comfort. Why would God take away something that gives so much happiness? How long does it take to recover from a miscarriage? Will I ever feel happy or whole again? --Feeling Blue Brenda

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Feeling Blue Brenda--

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage -- that must have been a devastating time and my heart truly goes out to you. Although it doesn't give you any comfort, the saying rings true -- a miscarriage is your body's way of telling you it wasn't meant to be, that the baby wasn't healthy. Carrying such an upsetting weight on your shoulders all on your own can't be good for you. Have you given any thought to seeing a therapist, or opening up to your family or friends? Talking about your feelings, and getting some of your hurt and heartache off your chest is the first step to the grieving process. Keeping all your emotions bottled up inside will not do anything to help you move on.

It sounds like your boyfriend couldn't handle the pressure or intensity of your hurt, or maybe he was hurting just as you were, but ran from his reality instead of facing it head on. Regardless of his rationale, he should have been there for you, so as much as you miss him, it sounds like you are better off without him. He clearly can't support you when the going gets tough. Everyone grows and develops at different paces, so try not to be so hard on yourself. With time, your wounds will heal. And Brenda, I can't stress to you enough how helpful it will be to open up to a trusted friend or counselor -- sometimes you just need a little help from a friend or a good shoulder to cry on. I wish you well.

Source