TresSugar

Group Therapy: What’s Up With This Guy?

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

I’ve been dating a guy for about a month, and until a few days ago he seemed totally smitten with me. He’d call, text, or email me at least once a day and always planned ahead for dates and lunches together. Last week he even sent me roses for no reason!

We had a great date on Saturday, but ever since then he’s hardly contacted me at all. He’s only texted me twice on his own, and other than that, he gives me short responses when I text him. He hasn’t said anything about getting together this weekend, he hasn’t called, and he hasn’t emailed. I don’t know if he’s pulling back to see if I’m interested, or if he’s changing his mind about me, but either way, I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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What's The Best Way To Have "The Talk"?

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 04:00:00 -0800

I've been dating someone exclusively for almost four months, but we're still playing this push and pull game where neither one of us acts too interested or committed. He doesn't refer to me as his girlfriend, and he hasn't said anything about New Year's Eve yet. I was hoping Christmas would shed some light on how he feels about me, but he gave me a nice gift with no card, so no help there.

This relationship just isn't giving me what I need at this point - I want more - so what's the best way for me to bring this up? What should I say, when should I say it, etc. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Group Therapy: Have I Fallen For a Gay Guy?

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 03:00:00 -0800

I'm going through a hard time right now and I've been relying on a good male friend of mine. This situation has brought us really close and I've started to think that I might be in love with him. I'm extremely confused because there's a problem: he is gay. While that should stop me from feeling something deeper than friendship, I can't seem to stop myself. I feel he's overly flirty and has even remarked on the fact that we'd make a great couple (among other things). On one hand I wish he'd stop because I get more confused, but I really enjoy his company, trust, and friendship. I deeply care. Should I talk to him and risk our friendship? I have no idea how to deal with this - please help!

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Group Therapy: My New Guy Might Have a Crush

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

I started dating this guy about five weeks ago and things are going well. We're not exclusive yet and we haven't slept together. My problem is that I'm pretty sure he has a crush on another girl, one who won't give him the time of day. When he finds something funny, he posts it on her Facebook page with a note, instead of posting it on mine. She almost never writes back. There are times when we've gone out, and I'm pretty sure he's invited her too, but she says no. She's nine years younger than I am; his age is in between the two of us. So how do I know if this is just an innocent crush or if I'm his second choice, so to speak? I wish he'd think of me when he saw something funny. What do I do?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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You Asked: I Only Attract Much Older Men

DearSugar — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am a young, college student who is comfortable in her own skin. However, I seem to only be pursued by men that are much older than me. Guys my age just seem to look straight past me, while older men always show interest in me. I find this a little creepy and can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me. I'm a pretty girl by most standards, in good shape, and wear the same clothes as other girls my age. Physically, there's no reason why a young guy shouldn't be looking at me. There just seems to be something about my aura that only attracts older men.

Admittedly, I'm usually attracted to guys a little but older than myself, and when I really like someone, it has always been reciprocal. I'm not worried that I'll never meet anyone, but it bothers me that younger guys don't seem to notice me. Is there something wrong with me, and if so, what should I change?

- Older Men Only Marissa

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Older Men Only Marissa,

Though I've never laid eyes on you, if I had to guess, I would assume that you're a women who looks a few years older than her age and who brings with her a maturity associated with women in their later 20s. While there's certainly nothing wrong with that, it's not surprising that older men, who are looking for a younger woman, would find that combination attractive. Unfortunately, having a much older man interested in you can feel a bit discomforting, but you can't control who's attracted to you, only how you react to their advances. If any man, no matter the age, makes you feel the least bit uncomfortable, then keep away from him.

As far as men your age go, I would bet that your male peers are attracted to you, but unlike their older counterparts, the young men wandering your college campus are still novices when it comes to pursuing a woman. Also, you mention that you're mostly interested in men a few years older, so it may be possible that around men your age, you're giving off an indifferent vibe that they're responding to by keeping away. If you want to start connecting with them more, don't be afraid to reach out via a quick conversation or even a smile; they're probably just waiting for an invitation.

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This or That: Boring or Arrogant?

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Your friend begs you to come on a double date as her wingman with a guy she’s crushing on. You hesitantly agree, seeing as how you know nothing about the friend her date is bringing. When they meet you guys at the restaurant, you’re pleasantly surprised - the friend is a total looker - but then he speaks. Would it be worse if the guys is . . .

This: A total bore - his voice just drones on relentlessly? He’s nice as can be, but you’ve never been so bored talking to someone.

Or . . .

That: Completely arrogant and overly opinionated? You spend the entire night arguing with him about politics and relationships.

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Dear Poll: Do You Trust Him With His Friends?

DearSugar — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Whether it's dragging them to a strip club or making them feel guilty for not hanging out more, our boyfriends' buddies have a big reputation for being bad influences. We can feel certain that our boyfriends are the most honest and good-natured people, but put them in a room full of their guy friends and suddenly they’re one of the pack. Of course, it always depends on the guy and the friends, but do you trust your significant other when he’s with his friends?

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Turn On or Turn Off: Guys Who Love to Dance

DearSugar — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I love a guy who likes to dance. There's something incredibly sexy and sensual about a man with rhythm. But whether he's a total goof or a hip-hop legend, if he's down to shake it on the dance floor then he's on his way to being perfect in my mind. So do you think a man that loves to dance is a complete turn on, too?

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Sunday Confessional: He Chose Someone Else, But Wants Me Back

DearSugar — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Less than a year ago I started casually dating a guy I met through a friend. We lived just over an hour apart, but when we were together we had a great time. We talked once a day and I saw potential, but we weren’t an exclusive couple. Two months ago he was in town visiting our mutual friend and myself, and as soon as I saw him I could tell that something wasn't right. He was acting very aloof and he’s normally quite affectionate.

As soon as we got a moment alone, I asked him what was wrong. He told me that he had started seeing another girl who lives closer. They weren’t serious yet, but he really liked her. Of course my feelings were hurt, but I told him that I understood and asked him to go stay with our friend for the night. He acted completely shocked and very upset that I wasn’t letting him stay the night with me and had the audacity to try to kiss me after giving a speech about making it work with the other girl!

Needless to say, I promptly kicked him out. We didn’t talk for a while, but he was here last weekend and we ended up spending a little time together. Nothing happened between us, but he told me that things hadn’t worked out with the other girl. He now calls me and tells me that he wants us to be together officially, but I still feel wounded that he chose someone else over me, and I’m having a difficult time trusting him since he put the moves on me when he was “with” her. Should I just get over all this stuff, write it off as mistakes, and forgive him?

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Do Tell: What's Your Criteria For Giving Out Your Number?

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:00:00 -0700

When it comes to passing out the digits, women are picky, and rightly so. With some men, you can tell right off the bat that they aren’t good candidates while others appear innocent enough. Until a week later when they’ve called you four times and texted you twice - their promise to not give up until you go out with them seems more creepy than cute. We don't need more than one of those experiences to learn our lesson!

And yet, every once and a while, something clicks and we recite our actual numbers to a guy we barely know while he types it in his cell phone. So please ladies, do tell, what makes it click for you? What’s your criteria for handing out your number to a new guy?

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