TresSugar

You Asked: My Boyfriend Doesn't Believe in Himself

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend just graduated from college last Spring and is taking some time off. Right now he's taking community college classes and deciding what direction he wants to go with his life (grad school, career, etc). His parents are more than fine with supporting him - he's worked really hard, and deserves a break - so he can avoid jumping into something he hates. Unfortunately, he doesn't see it that way. He feels lazy and wants to get a job to occupy his time, but all of the jobs that seem interesting don't respond to him (it's a tough job market right now).

I try to tell him that he should take this time to pursue stuff he loves and that something amazing will come eventually, but there's only so much I can say without sounding like a broken record. I've also tried to help him find jobs (he does freelance website design, so I've gotten him a few clients) but once again, there's only so much that I can do. He's down a lot and I feel down when I can't cheer him up. What can I do?

- Cheering Him Up Chelsea

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Cheering Him Up Chelsea,

The time between graduation and before you jump into the professional world is extremely confusing and scary. In school there's a very clear path to follow, but once you reach the end, the sudden lack of direction can leave a person feeling inadequate and lost. But eventually most people find their way, especially if they're capable and hardworking.

For now, it certainly sounds like you're doing everything you can to support him even though I'm sure this is hard on you too. If I were you, I'd recommend that he start applying for internships in any of the fields he might be interested in. Not only are they a great way to discover if a particular job might be for him without the commitment of an actual paying job, but they'll keep him busy and help him build a resume, which could perk up his mood quite a bit. For someone with parents willing and able to support them, internships are a great way to make the jump from student to employee.

As far as grappling with his bleak mood in the meantime, keep doing what you're doing. Though the practical stuff is important, don't be afraid to remind him of how much he matters to you as a boyfriend, career aspirations aside. With that said, a jolt of tough love never hurt anyone. Sometimes people need a reminder that things could be worse, and trust me, in his case, they certainly can. And for sanity's sake, you both need to remember this situation is only temporary. Remind yourself of that every day if you have to and help him do the same.

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You Asked: Should I Move?

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

A friend and I have been talking about moving to New York together after we finish college next May. We haven't discussed anything solid, but we both think it's a good idea to live there because of the areas we're specializing in, plus, it's my absolute dream city!

My problem is that I'm currently in a relationship with a great guy, and have been for about a year and a half. I'm almost 99 percent sure he doesn't want to go to New York when he graduates - I've brought it up with him before - so I feel incredibly guilty about considering doing it on my own. On one hand, I feel like I'm making plans behind his back, but on the other, there aren't any real plans yet; it's all very, very tentative, and we may not even go through with it - a lot can happen in a year. If I feel something is right for me, should I go through with it regardless? This decision is consuming my every thought! - Apprehensive Annabelle

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Apprehensive Annabelle,

Making plans after graduating from college can be incredibly exciting, but also very stressful. Since the world is your oyster, making the decision as to what to do and where to go can get overwhelming, so start with writing a pro and con list so you can weigh all your options. While I'm sure you love your boyfriend and he loves you, you have no idea what your future holds or how your relationship will manifest itself out in the real world. With that said, if New York has always been your dream, I say go for it!

To avoid making this a secret decision, open up the lines of communication. Tell him this has always been something you've wanted to do and if he's not on board, this is a perfect time to discuss your options - you never know, he could have something up his own sleeve or he could have changed his mind about NYC.

If you decide to go your separate ways, try out a long distance relationship for a while. If you can't live without each other, one of you can make a move, but at least you will have tried to live out your dream. If you don't, you could end up wondering what it would have/could have been like, and worse yet, you could end up resenting your boyfriend. I wish you luck on whatever path you choose!

Source

Headline of the Day

GiggleSugar — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 04:00:00 -0700

Man in Penis Costume 'Streaks' Graduation With Silly String

Streaking your high school graduation in an oversized penis costume? Funny. Streaking a high school graduation when you're not graduating and have no business being there in the first place in a penis costume? Creepy. Calvin Morette, age 19, crashed this year's Saratoga Springs High School graduation dressed in his Sunday best - an inflatable six-foot penis costume - even though he already graduated last year. To make matters worse, Calvin had silly string. Lots and lots of silly string. I'd say someone's darn ballsy - and in need of a girlfriend, maybe? To read more on the story, click here.

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It's A Graduate, It's A Diploma, It's...

GiggleSugar — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 11:00:00 -0700

This UCI graduate has a big secret up his sleeve and he's now ready to expose it. Don't be fooled by his everyman appearance. He may be Daniel Bailor by day, but he's better known as... (By the way, he's accepting his teaching credential. Our children are officially doomed.)

Graduate, You're A Rising Star!

GiggleSugar — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 09:52:14 -0700

Or maybe a falling one? If the way this dude tackles a flight of stairs is any indication of how he'll fare in life...ouch! What's more amusing is that he must quickly retrieve his rolling diploma, regain composure, and then smile for a photo-- so the memory can last a lifetime.

You Asked: Should I See a Psychic About My Future?

DearSugar — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 17:00:00 -0800

DearSugar --

Hi. I am going through a difficult time in my life at the moment. I just graduated college a little while back and have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no career path lined up like most of my friends and to top if off I just went through a terrible break-up. I am so sick of crying everyday and feeling confused and am pretty much willing to try anything to help me get out of this funk I have been in.

I have seriously been considering seeing a psychic. I just wanted to know if it's something I should pursue and if any of the readers have been to one themselves. I am very fearful I'm going to be conned. I am really just curious to hear people's experiences on their psychic meetings. -- Psychic Curious

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Psychic Curious --

It's really very tough to feel directionless after college, though it's not at all an unusual experience, despite the fact that many of your friends have found a path. You haven't failed or faltered, yet, Psychic Curious; these next years are exactly the time for you to experiment, wander, dabble and explore.

Passion and focus do not immediately come to all of us; we must discover those qualities in ourselves through trial and error. Unless you attended a vocational school, you are exactly where you should be. You are at the beginning.

Perhaps our community here can make some recommendations or share their experiences with psychics. I think it's possible any holisitic health practitioners in your community might be able to recommend reputable astrologers or tarot card readers, should you decide to go that route.

That said, Psychic Curious, nothing will substitute for getting to know yourself, exploring different subjects and careers, test-driving a few jobs, asking people for informational interviews, and reading some books that might inspire and guide you. Have you considered talking with a career counselor? They'll often help you evaluate, through various tests, your natural skills, your personality and temperment, and careers that might suit you.

There's also a great book called Roadtrip Nation: A Guide to Discovering Your Path in Life, written in 2003 by two college graduates who spent a summer in an RV, traveling the country, interviewing successful people, and trying to suss out their own career paths. That link will send you to Amazon.com, where you can find out more. Here's a great NPR interview with them, too. Another nice book to check out is called What Should I Do With My Life, written by Po Bronson. Several big universities now assign this book for all incoming freshman.

We'll be thinking about you, Psychic Curious. Check back in and let us know how you are and what you're discovering! Please.

Source

Someone Cared! Woman Called 911 in Richmond Rape Case

TresSugar — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 11:22:01 -0800

Margarita Vargas, an 18-year-old woman from Richmond, CA (and a graduate of Richmond High) was the lone person who called 911 on the night a teenager was gang raped outside her high school while a homecoming party was still going on. It's alleged that at least 20 people watched and did nothing. Vargas says that her brother-in-law came home and told her he'd seen a woman being raped; it was Vargas who insisted they call the police.

It might seem pretty sad that we're applauding Vargas for doing what people should do, as she said, "without thinking twice," but you'd be surprised how often people are apathetic. So many people are saying, "What do you expect of Richmond?" but I can say, as someone who was grabbed on the streets of San Francisco in broad daylight and ignored when I asked for help - apathy happens everywhere, in all communities. (Just read about the bystander effect.)

Many years ago, I was walking down a busy street in a popular business district in a "good neighborhood" and a man grabbed me inappropriately. I had just bought coffee, so instinctively, I poured it in his face and grabbed onto him, hoping to get him arrested. As I grappled with him, trying to make eye contact with people walking by, riding by on their bikes, driving by, and yelling, "Someone help! This man attacked me!" no one did anything. Eventually, I couldn't hold the man any longer, and he got away, perhaps to assault someone else later. Helping out is rarer than you think, so kudos to Margarita, who even walked over to the school to make sure the police had arrived.

Classy Ladies: 20 Actresses Who Are College Grads

TresSugar — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 11:00:00 -0700

When Emma Watson arrived at Brown University earlier this month, the paparazzi were ready. They snapped up pictures of what looked like her freshman orientation, while tabloids made up stories that she arrived by helicopter, which she later denied. But I believe her. A chance to be normal is a common reason for celebs to put their careers aside and start college. What's not the norm? Graduating. Check out these 20 actresses who have.

View Slideshow ›

Group Therapy: Should I Put My Life on Hold or Move On?

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 16:00:00 -0800

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost two years. He is a year and a half younger than me, but we have never really had a problem with that until a few days ago. I'm graduating college in a few months, and I have been dying to get out of Michigan - there is nothing here for me since unemployment is so low. The problem is that he goes to a college here (the credits don't transfer), and he has a good job as well. He told me that he'll move with me if I can wait until he's done with school, but I don't want to wait! My plan was to get married a year after college, and then have a baby two years after that. He won't be ready for all that, because he'll still be in school. We both love each other very much, and I really want to marry him. Should I move without him and start a new life or wait around? I'm so confused.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Group Therapy: Thinking about living alone...but afraid it will get too lonely, need your thoughts!

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 03:00:00 -0700

Hi everyone! I am 23 and will be starting graduate in the fall. I have always lived with roommates (in college and the year after) that were friends. But this time, going to grad school it is different and living with friends isn't really going to work out. I started thinking about living alone while apartment hunting and I keep going over the pros and cons but can't decide. I don't know how I feel about doing the whole living with a stranger thing and becoming friends. It reminds me of the dorms freshman year of college and it is very hit or miss. I know grad school will be challenging so having a place all to myself will definitely be a plus. Also, in the past I have had several small yet annoying fights over living with people. I think living by myself would be so relaxing and stress free. On the other hand, I am afraid I will get lonely.
Any advice? Do any of you girls live alone or have in the past?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]