TresSugar

You Asked: Should I Tell the Truth About My Ex?

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

A couple months ago I got a friend request from someone on Facebook. I ignored it because I didn't know who it was, but she kept messaging me, pretending to know me. My curiosity got the best of me so I responded, asking who she was. She said that we had never met, but that she is currently dating one of my exes and she wanted to get some information on him.

My ex and I are no longer in contact - things ended very badly after he repeatedly cheated on me. Part of me wants to warn this girl, but the other part of me doesn't want to even talk about him anymore. What should I do? - Wavering Whitney

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Wavering Whitney,

It sounds like you still carry some hurt feelings about the breakup, so while divulging information about him is completely up to you, I advise you to weigh the pros and cons before getting involved in his life again. The notion of warning this girl might seem heuristic, but I'm a big advocate of allowing people to make their own judgments; I'm sure you'd want the same autonomy. Yes, he was a jerk to you, but that isn't to say that he'll be a jerk to the next girl; then again, he might - it's a total crapshoot.

At the end of the day, the decision is yours and I wish you luck in whatever choice you make.

Source

Group Therapy: He's Not My Type

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I recently started dating a guy who is so not anything like the type of guys I normally date. But I went out with him because we seemed to have some things in common, and I figured why not try something out of the norm. He is so sweet to me, and we get along on so many levels. Now he wants me to be his girlfriend, but I'm not sure. I don't know if that is a sign that he isn't the one for me or if I'm just scared to be committed to someone. Although I'm not dating any other people, I sort of like the thought that I could if I wanted to. I don't want to lead him on, so should I just let him go? Or should I just tell him that I don't want a commitment right now? I am attracted to him on some level, but at the same time, I find myself longing for the type of guy I usually date. But I wonder if I need to get over that idea, and commit to a really great guy. What do you think?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

Group Therapy: How Can I Tell If He's Serious About His Girlfriend?

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I met a guy a few weeks ago, and he's really nice and seems interested in me. I only see him once or twice a week during events for an organization where he's employed and I volunteer. At the last event, just the two of us spoke for nearly an hour - he invited me to join him at a small table.

I heard through the grapevine that he has a girlfriend, but he's made no mention of her, even when I give him the opportunity. He's in the process of moving from an apartment to a rental house with a male roommate. So I know he's not too serious with the girlfriend or he'd be moving in with her - not finding a new place with his buddy. (And no, he's not gay!) I'm really interested in him, but I can't even tell if he's single or not. Also, I can't find him on Myspace or Facebook, so no help there. So what do I do in this situation? Any advice?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

You Asked: I'm Stuck Between My Parents and My Girlfriend

DearSugar — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

Last year I started dating a good friend of mine. We had a great relationship except we had to hide it from everyone. She was out and proud but she was my first girlfriend and I wasn't ready for everyone to know my secret. I started traveling a lot and my girlfriend broke up with me. She immediately started dating a new girl, but when I would come home, we would still get together and no matter how many times she hurt me, I would always go back to her. When we are together it is like none of the bad times ever happened.

Fast forward a few months, we started dating again, but this time rumors started to spread. My parents found out and made me choose between them and her. I chose my family and she was hurt and angry. We got back together and did the make-up/break-up thing for awhile (every time we were off, she went back to her ex). Everything was going great, and I was planning on telling my parents the truth, but they ended up finding out we were back through her blog. They learned that I had lied to them for months - they already don't like her, but now they can't stand her.

In an attempt to stay connected with my parents, I stopped seeing her. I have tried to completely cut her out of my life, but we are involved in a lot of the same things - we play on the same team and have the same friends. Even though she is back together with her ex, I still love her. I want to have a chance to be with her and forget about everything else. I can't help but feel that if I don't give it one fair chance then I will forever wonder what would have happened, but at the same time, I don't want to lose my parents. Please help.

- Torn in Two Taryn

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Torn in Two Taryn,

This sounds like a very complicated situation. If your parents don't like her because they don't approve of who she is as person, it's a different issue than them not approving of her because she's a woman. If the latter is the case, then it's not about making a choice between them, but being true to yourself. Even if you don't end up with this girl, there will be another girl that you will have to introduce as your girlfriend, so the first step would be opening up to your parents about your sexuality. It may be painful, but not being true to who you are will only lead to long-term unhappiness.

However, if your parents just don't like this particular girl then you might want to talk to them about it. Ask them what it is that they dislike and try to get their feel for the situation. I think oftentimes we discount our parents opinions when we should at least hear them out - whether we like to accept it or not, they do have a few more years of experience on us. Additionally, the fact that your girlfriend keeps finding herself in the arms of that other woman is a bit concerning. If you do pursue a relationship with her, I think you need to make sure that you're both making some changes. There's no point in going through the exact same relationship over and over again if you already know how it ends. I hope I was of some help and good luck.

Source

You Asked: Should I Make Him Leave His Girlfriend?

DearSugar — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I've known this guy for about two years now. At first, he was very interested but I had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn't completely over the breakup. We had made a few dates but I always stood him up. I guess I just wasn't ready. Three months ago, I ran into him. We had lunch and a great time hanging out. There was amazing chemistry but - he has a girlfriend!

For the past three months we've still been hanging out, kind of a friends-with-benefits thing, but I'm falling for him and he's falling for me. He's never said he wants to leave her for me, but I'm crazy about him and really want to be together. What should I do?

-Falling in Love Laura

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Falling in Love Laura,

I think it's time to have a big talk and tell him exactly how you feel. I wouldn't see him romantically until he breaks it off with his girlfriend because you don't want to encourage his cheating behavior. Being the other woman can't feel very good so hopefully he'll want to be with you too and and you can start an open and honest relationship together. Good luck.

Source

Do Tell: How Old Is Too Old to Have a Roommate?

DearSugar — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 07:00:00 -0800

A friend of mine is dating a 32-year-old man with two roommates. She lives alone, but 20 minutes outside the city so whenever they go out, she reluctantly spends the night at his place. She has complained to me on numerous occasions that their place resembles a frat house, it's always loud, people come and go at all hours of the day, and she has to worry about being walked in on while she's going to the bathroom.

While I know it's expensive to live in the big city, what I want to know is, how old is too old for a man to have a roommate? Is it a turn off for a grown man to share a bathroom and kitchen with someone else besides his girlfriend?

Source

Dear Poll: When is the Time Right?

DearSugar — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 13:00:00 -0700

I have been receiving many e-mails from women complaining that their boyfriends won't commit to making their relationship "official." It seems like the title of boyfriend/girlfriend is much more important to women than it is to men -- go figure! Of course every relationship progresses at a different pace, but what I want to know is, how soon into the relationship do you usually have "the talk?"

Would You Be Honest?

DearSugar — Fri, 25 May 2007 09:32:48 -0700

Here's the situation. Your best friend just got a date with this guy she's had a crush on for months. You're out shopping together for the perfect outfit and she calls you into the dressing room yelling "I found it!" You walk in and she looks at you all excited and says "Well, what do you think? Does it make me look fat?" In your mind you answer yes, but to her face...

Source

My Girlfriend Wants Me to Break up With My Boyfriend

DearSugar — Wed, 02 May 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My former best friend and her then-boyfriend set me up with my current boyfriend of over a year. They have since broken up, and she is now hinting that I should break up with my boyfriend, "so we can be there for each other again."

To be honest, I would rather break up with her! I've been trying to distance myself over the past several months due to fights we've had and severe differences of opinion. She's always thought of us as "sisters," being an only child whom the world revolved around. I already have one actual sister, and that's enough for me.

She somehow thinks that my boyfriend is the one who's come between us, and doesn't realize that she's the one instead. She's one of those who can be infinitely critical of everyone else, but freaks out as soon as someone calls her out on it and turns the tables, taking things much too seriously. She's also afraid of change--I have moved to a larger city and am beginning my career, while she still lives in our old college town.

So should I just ignore her childish whining, as I have for years, or should I say something to her about it? What should I say? I'm terrible at confrontation. I always knew she was going to try to hint about this matter, but I'm amazed it took her this long. I wonder if it's even worth the effort. The only contact we've had in months is a couple of messages on MySpace. I'm just so angry that she would actually dare to go there, you know?

Thanks for any and all help.

--Tired-of-Dealing Denise

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Tired-of-Dealing Denise--

It sounds like your friend is pretty needy and selfish - not a great combo in a close friend. The only reason she wants you to break up with your boyfriend is because she's lonely and upset and wants you to feel the same way -- misery loves company. Sometimes friendships go in waves but it sounds like the distance between you two isn't making things any better.

If you want to mend your friendship with her, I would definitely talk to her about how you feel. Since you were great friends a while back, you owe it to her and yourself to talk out your differences. Tell her how angry you are that she would even suggest that you break up with your boyfriend who makes you happy just to spend time with her -- you shouldn't have to choose between the two of them. Maybe you could suggest planning a girls' night out, or a day of shopping together so feels included in your life.

If what she's said and done is way too much for you to ever let go, and you don't want to be friends, you've got to be honest and tell her that too. Confrontation is always tough, especially between people who have a history like you two do but you will feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders after getting all of your feelings off your chest. Good luck Denise.

Source

Group Therapy: Why Am I Not the Girlfriend?

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 17:53:36 -0700

I started casually seeing a guy who is two years younger than me right before my ex moved out. He's a gorgeous, intelligent tattoo artist and painter.tattoo kiss At first things were awesome; we hung out almost everyday and texted each other practically hourly. After about two weeks of hanging out we went to a party together and ended up having sex. He then told me he wasn't really ready for a girlfriend, which I understood and, given that I'd just gotten out of a relationship myself, I wasn't really ready to jump into something serious just yet... but I was hoping eventually that it might develop. We continued seeing each other and the connection was undeniable. We had sex yet again. After that I heard from him less and less. He didn't respond to text messages or call very often. After about a month I found out he'd started seeing someone officially. Of course, this was a little confusing. Just recently we started talking again, less frequently than at first but more so then during the last month or so. He came over and spent the night a few nights ago. It was completely innocent physically but I could tell there was still something there. He said a few things that were very flirtatious and the chemistry was incredible. He also mentioned that he'd found out his girlfriend was talking to another guy and while he didn't know if she had messed around with this other guy yet, all the signs were there. The more time I've spent with him the more I can see how great we would be together. I'm really confused by his behaviour. I don't know if the age difference scared him off or the intensity of our connection. The girl he's seeing now is the total opposite of me and doesn't seem to fit him very well at all. I'm trying to keep it casual and friendly but I'm beginning to think I may be falling in love with him. Any advice on what I should do?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]