TresSugar

Do You Like to Double Date?

TresSugar — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:00:00 -0700

Last night's How I Met Your Mother was all about double dates and the couples who love them - and the couples who hate them.

In the episode, married couple Marshall and Lilly get so excited that their friends Barney and Robin are together because finally have another couple in their group of friends.

Unfortunately, Marshall and Lilly's previous attempts at double dating haven't gone too well. The eager pair comes on really strong and ends up scaring couples away. The same thing happens when they invite longtime friends Barney and Robin over for a couples night of cheese, charades, and margaritas. While they're enjoyable under normal circumstances, the fact that it's an official double date turns Marshall and Lilly into an overbearing and annoying duo. Barney and Robin have an awful time and end up trying to avoid any future double dates!

When you're in a relationship, do you avoid the classic double date, or are you eager to hang out with other couples?

Photo courtesy of CBS

Do Tell: When Is the Last Time Someone Gave You Flowers?

TresSugar — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 13:16:29 -0700

I don't think I've ever received flowers and not loved them. I love tulips, roses, ranunculus - I'm not picky at all. OK, I'm not a fan of carnations, but even then. . .

Whether they're from a friend to say "thank you" or a significant other to say "I love you," flowers just make you feel better. And if no one's giving you flowers - get them for yourself!

When is the last time someone gave you flowers?

Source: IMDB

Have You Ever Dated the Same Person as Your Friend?

TresSugar — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 11:00:00 -0700

Last night on How I Met Your Mother, we saw the rare benefits that can come from dating a friend's ex. On the episode, Barney (played by Neil Patrick Harris) looks to his best friend Ted for tips on how to date his new girlfriend Robin. If you don't follow the show, I'll fill you in. Robin and Ted dated for a while, broke up, and remained friends. Now, Robin is dating Barney.

To help out his friend, Ted gives Barney a lesson in Robin 101. Conveniently, Ted is a college professor, so he and Barney meet in his classroom where Ted spills the beans on everything, from Robin's surprising erogenous zones to a crucial list of five things never to do in front of Robin. Needless to say, Robin is not thrilled when she finds out about these lessons.

While watching the episode I couldn't help but think that the characters make the potentially awkward situation of dating your friend's ex seem pretty fun and easy. Have you ever had a lover in common with your friend?

Photo courtesy of CBS

Awkward! How Do I Tell My Friend We're Too Close?

TresSugar — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Thanks to a reader with an issue (sorry, reader!), we have an awkward scenario requiring your advice. (Have some awkward tales of your own? Join our Awkward! group to share etiquette questions and stories with other readers.)

"I think my friend and I are too close. We have been friends since we were really young and we also walk really close to each other and shove each other jokingly. It was fine when we were little but now that I'm getting older it makes me uncomfortable. If I talk to her straight on about it our friendship would become extremely uncomfortable and I'd get embarrassed around her. I don't think I'm willing to do that to our relationship."

http://www.racialicious.com/2009/06/03/new-words-for-mixed-race-people-of-colour-with-or-without-white-ancestry/

Awkward! I Invited a Stranger to Visit

TresSugar — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 09:00:00 -0700

We love sharing awkward situations around here so you can all weigh in with some advice! Join our Awkward! group to share etiquette questions and stories with other readers.

Today, I want to share an uncomfortable situation my friend finds herself in:

When visiting my boyfriend's hometown, we went to his friend's party. I got to talking to another guest and he confided in me that his wife had just left him for another man. He had been with his wife since he was 18, so I started telling him that he should enjoy the things he couldn't do while he was in a relationship. He said he felt like traveling, and I said: "Oh! You should totally visit San Francisco, where I live." Fueled by a couple glasses of wine, I went on and on about how nice it is in my city, hoping to convince him that a little travel would do him well. I didn't really think I was inviting him to stay with my boyfriend and me. Well the next day he sent me a long message on Facebook asking when would be a good time for him to come stay with us in SF! He's not really a friend of my boyfriend, although they have a mutual friend, and I only met him at that one party! I have no idea if I should just be friendly and let him stay, or tell him that I'm really busy for the next few months.

What would you do?

Rent-a-Friend Business Booming in Japan

TresSugar — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 01:00:00 -0700

One of my favorite episodes of How I Met Your Mother involves Barney and his hired "family." The eternal playboy (played by Neil Patrick Harris) wants his mother to think he has settled down, so he pays actors to play his wife and son, concocts an elaborate backstory with details including his son's "catch phrase," and plays along for years every time he visits his mother with his fake family in tow.

Well apparently, Japan has turned this sitcom plot into a reality. Japanese rent-a-friend companies allow people to pay for pretend friends, relatives, work colleagues, or even best men! Sometimes single mothers hire fake husbands so kids stop bullying their children at school for having absent fathers!

Just like Barney's family, the "agents" are trained to know an extensive backstory. If rentees give any hint that they're aren't really the people they're pretending to be, it could mess up the clients' lives. Creepy! Apparently the need to look like everything is perfect in your life is so important in Japan that some people are willing to rent these actor-CIA-agent hybrids for about $250 per appearance.

While it might be tempting to hire a stand-in boyfriend for awkward situations, like when you're the only single girl invited to a dinner party filled with couples, this still seems strange to me. What do you think?

Photo courtesy of CBS

Do You Have a Hard Time Apologizing?

TresSugar — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Some people have a hard time apologizing. They'd rather pretend nothing happened and evade responsibility for actions that hurt someone else.

Others fudge and deliver the classic non-apology apology, which might be more frustrating than not getting any apology at all. It's usually a variation on the "I'm sorry you feel that way" theme, deflecting the wrong-doer's responsibility and putting the focus on the recipient and her flawed or misguided reaction. Ultimately - it's not an apology.

There are lots of reasons apologizing is hard, according to Psychotherapist Dr. Robi Ludwi. It's a blow to our egos to apologize, because we are admitting weakness, because we're asking for forgiveness (which puts the other person in a power position and makes us feel vulnerable), or perhaps it reminds us of being the child to a critical parent. And then there are those who are in total denial completely: if I don't acknowledge I did anything wrong, the thinking goes, I must not have done anything wrong.

As anyone who was on the receiving end of bad behavior will tell you, an apology is crucial. You can't regain trust or respect from a person you hurt if you don't acknowledge what you did, make amends, so that the relationship can move forward.

Ask an Expat: Can I Tell Her He's Cheating?

TresSugar — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 08:00:26 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, an American living in England dishes advice to a woman who is burdened with the knowledge of another person's infidelity. If you have a question, you can submit them here.

This week's question:

My boyfriend's friend cheats on his girlfriend. It's pretty much common knowledge among the group of friends, but his girlfriend doesn't know. At least I don't think she does. While the girlfriend isn't my best friend, I can't help but feel guilty when I'm around the couple. And I don't want my boyfriend to think I condone the infidelity. What should I do?

Signed,
Feeling Guilty

To see the expat's answer, read more.

Dear Feeling Guilty,

I don't think that you should say anything to your friend's girlfriend. Unfortunately (or fortunately!), their relationship problems aren't yours too.

If you can't let it totally go, you might consider convincing your boyfriend to tell his friend that the cheating makes you guys uncomfortable, especially when you're hanging out as couples. And if being around them still makes you feel guilty, maybe you should simply spend less time with them. It sounds like there might be other things you don't have in common with this couple, or at least the boyfriend.

You should also remember that since you are in a committed relationship, it probably goes without saying that you don't condone cheating. If, however, your boyfriend jokes around about it and seems to condone or support it himself, maybe it's time you and he had a talk about your own relationship and expectations. Good luck!

Do Tell: What's the Most Important Quality in a Friend?

TresSugar — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 10:00:00 -0700

Trustworthy. Fun. Positive. (Punctual?) These are all words that describe a good friend. If you had to choose the quality most important in a friend, what would it be?

Awkward! I Feel Guilty For Believing Hateful Gossip

TresSugar — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Thanks to a reader with an issue (sorry, reader!), we have an awkward scenario for you that she needs you to weigh in on.

"I recently discovered that a friend had been lying and conning me for about eight years. As the friendship dissolved, I realized she'd played everyone in her life against the others, to the point of telling people I had been abusing her daughter.

During the friendship, she told me horror stories about a friend that I met through her. As with most con artists, her lies were based on readily available information, making them seem very plausible. Because of this, I told the mutual friend I thought she was neglecting her son and being a bad parent. Now that I don't believe a word this con artist has ever told me, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt and regret having accused and lectured the mutual friend.

This mutual friend (who is still friends with the con artist) cut off all ties with me, but should I reach out to her and explain everything or let it rest? The ex-friend has been telling terrible lies about me since I stopped talking to the mutual friend."