TresSugar

Have You Ever Gotten Into a Brawl With Another Woman?

TresSugar — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0800

First, a rumored bar fight involving Mischa Barton, and now Miss England? Whatever happened to sweet and demure?

Rachel Christie, the reigning Miss England, has to give up her crown and withdraw from the Miss World competition which will be held in South Africa next month because of an alleged bar brawl earlier in the week with another beauty queen, one Sara Beverley Jones (Miss Manchester).

As someone who has thrown a punch (or two) back in the day, I'm no one to judge, so I shall refrain. Did you get into physical fights with other girls when you were younger, or have you ever gotten into a brawl with another woman?

Do You Fight Fair?

TresSugar — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 11:00:00 -0700

Every couple faces that moment when the fairy dust of romance settles, they're in a relationship - and a conflict triggers their first fight. How a couple fights (or if they fight at all) can determine whether or not they will have a healthy and enduring relationship.

The word "fight" has such negative connotations, but in every relationship, disagreements will come up that need to be negotiated and resolved. Studies have even shown that the couple that fights together, stays together. Avoiding conflict, after all, will only create built-up resentment and unhappiness.

The relationship site Longevity has great tips on fighting fair. They include the following no-no's: name calling or hitting below the belt, excavating past grievances, dragging others into the fight, or wandering away from the subject.

We learn how to fight from watching how our parents resolved conflicts, and for some people, that means unlearning bad habits. Do you fight fair?

You Asked: How Can I Change?

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:30:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Me and my boyfriend got into a couple of bad fights last month. Actually it was more like me yelling like a crazy person and him trying to walk away. He says he does that so he won't say something he'll regret, but I take it as him not listening or not caring. We finally talked a week after our last spat, and he told me that he doesn't think it's going to work out because he's tired of trying.

Every time it gets to the point where he wants to breakup with me, I change my tune and don't sweat the small stuff. But after a couple of months go by, I get back into the routine of getting upset and flipping out. I know I need an attitude adjustment and I want to change, but I don't know how. Do you have any advice? - Want to Save My Relationship Sandra

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Want to Save my Relationship Sandra,

This isn't a healthy cycle to be in so I'm glad to hear that you want to make a change. I think acknowledging your flaws is the first step, and I know that's not an easy thing to do, so I applaud you for stepping up to the plate.

It sounds to me like you get angry easily. Try taking deep breaths and thinking through your emotions before letting your initial reaction get the best of you. If you find that that doesn't help, try to look deeper inside to see if there's something else going on that's creating this anger. It's also important that your boyfriend looks at the role he plays, as something tells me he's not just an innocent bystander.

While I understand that you want to save your relationship, I think it's important for you to make this change for yourself, not only your boyfriend. Talking to a trusted friend or a therapist might also help you sort through your emotions, but whatever route you decide to take, try to keep it all relative. Good luck to you.

Source

Relationship Protocol: Are You Fighting About Money?

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 10:00:00 -0700

I wasn't all that surprised when I read in the April issue of Glamour magazine that 43 percent of couples fight about money. When you're having to learn to love the simple life again and cut back on your frivolous spending, it's easy to be on edge - especially if your money woes are ruining your sex life!

Of course this recession is affecting everyone differently so tell me, is money a topic of conversation that lends itself to an argument these days?

Source

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Fought With Your Significant Other in Public?

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:00:00 -0700

Yesterday I gave you the dos and don'ts of fighting and one of my suggestions was to fight in private. Not only is it important for the quarreling couple to be disturbance free, but fighting in public is sure to make everyone in the vicinity feel incredibly uncomfortable. Now I know that it's easy to let our emotions get the best of us, but tell me, have you ever gotten into a knockdown, drag-out fight with your significant other in a public place?

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The Dos and Don'ts of Fighting With Your Significant Other

DearSugar — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 07:30:00 -0700

As we all know, relationships aren't always perfect, and since fighting is just a part of life, it's important to learn how to fight fairly. If you need some pointers on how to keep things in perspective when arguing with your significant other, check out my crucial dos and don'ts of fighting below. And if I've missed anything, be sure to share what works for you in the comments section below.

Do	Don't
Do fight fairly. Do think before you speak. Do admit when you're wrong. Do fight in private. Do know when to call it quits and move on. Do break the tension with laughter when the time is right. Do kiss and make up when the fight is really over!	Don't fight after you've been drinking - you don't want to say or do something you'll regret. Don't hit below the belt. Don't bring up past arguments if they are not relevant. Don't yell - you're much more efficient when you can hear each other talk. Don't interrupt. Don't leave anything unsaid. Don't say that everything is OK if it's not.

Source

You Asked: Is My Lack of Spirituality Going to Tear Us Apart?

DearSugar — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I got sober together and have been dating, clean and off drugs, for over a year now. He uses a 12-step program to maintain his sobriety and is a highly spiritual person. I do not use a 12-step program, nor am I religious or spiritual. We are obviously very close, but every few months, I will confide in him about an issue or problem occurring in my life, and he will respond by saying that the only way he knows how to live is by doing the 12 steps. It's almost like he can't be of any assistance to me if I won't do it his way, and it always turns into an argument.

Most of the time we get along great and are the best of friends, but this issue of his spiritual program versus my lack of one comes up monthly, and it makes me think it's something that is always on his mind. How can I stay open with him and confide in him without worrying about being attacked? - Unsupported Sasha

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Unsupported Sasha,

Let me first applaud you and your boyfriend for your year of sobriety - that's no small feat, so congratulations! Since you both took different approaches to getting sober, I can see how that could cause some confusion in your relationship, but at the end of the day, he needs to understand that what works for him might not work for you, and vice versa. What matters here is that your chosen methods work, so if you're feeling deep down that he resents you for taking an alternative approach, something's got to change.

Since life isn't perfect, you're both going to continue to experience bumps in the road, which is why it's so important that you feel safe and secure when opening up him. Since these conversations usually end in an argument, I suggest you broach the subject unattached to an issue or problem you're facing. Ask him if what you're feeling is true, and if he does have a problem with your lack of spirituality, and if that problem is a difference he can't accept, you two just might not be right for each other. I understand that you love and care for him, but it's important that you put your needs and your sobriety first. Hopefully laying it all out on the table will give you both some clarity, but when all is said and done, follow your instincts on this one. Good luck to you.

Source

Have You Ever Had a Valentine's Day Go Awry?

DearSugar — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 15:00:00 -0800

There's a lot of pressure that surrounds Valentine's Day, and for those that crack under such pressure, it could make for a tricky holiday. Often times when you put so much emphasis on making one specific day perfect, things can easily go haywire. I've heard your favorite Valentine's Day memories, but tell me, have you ever had a Valentine's Day go awry? If so, misery loves company so tell us about it in the comments below!

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You Asked: Is It Too Late to Mend Our Friendship?

DearSugar — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

Last year I went to visit one of my best friends in Chicago. Before I had arrived, she mentioned that she cut her hair really short. A few years ago when I did the same thing, she would tease me about it, so the night I arrived, in joking, I said something about her new "boy" do. I reassured her later that night that I was just teasing, but during my visit I couldn't help but feel that she was distant towards me.
After I left, she stopped returning my phone calls and when I would see her online, she would not respond to my IMs. After about a month, she finally called me to let me know that I had really hurt her feelings. I apologized and I reiterated that I was only joking with her, but I'm not sure I made things better because I pointed out that she had teased me when I had my hair cut that short, too. She reminded me that she's a lot more sensitive than I am and told me I should have known better. I apologized and thought we had worked everything out, but I haven't talked to her in over a year. I left her messages on her birthday, on Christmas, and on New Year's last year, but I haven't heard a peep in response so I decided to give her some space.

I miss her terribly and want nothing more than to have my friend back so should I call her and make another attempt to mend our relationship, or should I just respect her obvious decision not to talk to me and just leave it at that? - Cut Out Constance

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Cut Out Constance,

It sounds like your friend was incredibly sensitive about her new hair cut and, in my opinion, overreacted. Are you sure there was nothing else bothering her? The fact that she's gone radio silent for over a year makes me think there is something deeper behind her anger towards you. It's pretty clear that she isn't going to make the first move to rekindle this friendship, so if you miss her, I say reach out again - you have nothing to lose.

Since she doesn't seem to answer her phone when you make attempts to call, I'd write her an email or send a card. She's explained that she's more sensitive than you so I advise you to take a tender tone - I might not even talk about the incident at all. What happened is in the past now, so try to focus on the future. Let her know how much you miss her friendship and ask what you can do to make things right in the new year, for a new friendship. Unfortunately, friends grow apart, so once you say your piece, it'll be up to her if she wants to mend things - I hope she does. Good luck!

Source

Relationship Protocol: After a Fight, Who Apologizes First?

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

I've definitely been in a few relationships where it felt like I was always the one apologizing after an argument - even when I knew it wasn't actually me who was in the wrong. Let's face it: Some people just can't say, "I'm sorry" first, regardless of the circumstance. So how is it in your relationship? After a fight, who typically apologizes first?

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