why are you so afraid? you have been having sex with your fiance for 7 years now you said. it hasn't happened yet. there is always a chance of getting pregnant even while using precaution, but you are in a stable and loving relationship. talk to your husband, and gyno, and if you are still having anxiety it could be for other reasons, and maybe you should think about talking to a sex therapist or something of that nature. ask your gyno what he/she thinks. good luck.

The missing periods might make this a worse option for you, but when me and my friends switch to the Mirena IUD it made them feel better knowing the margin of error associated with not taking pills at exactly the same time everyday was erased.

Maybe you need to talk out what would happen if you were to become pregnant. Abortion is not the first option for most women, but the comfort in knowing that if condoms and hormonal bc fail they have it as back up. How are you financially as far as keeping it and how do you feel about adoption. I think running through worst case scenarios might ease your panic.

Also seeing a therapist might help, there may be more to this then the fear of getting pregnant. This might reflect on your level of comfort in the relationship you're in.

i would say seek therapy. Don't let it control your life one more day.

I understand, I have irrational fears too. But this is so new to me.

You should be proud you reached out to speak about it. That's the first step to letting it go.
Stay strong and seek help.

I wouldn't go so far as to consider something like sterilization, especially because you're about to get married and may one day actually want to get pregnant.

I can understand why you would be fearful of getting pregnant if you are at a point in your life where having a baby would not be a good thing. I myself am a little paranoid about getting pregnant because I have still in my early 20s and am in law school and could not afford/nor handle having a kid if I were to get pregnant. And while the thought is never far from my mind,it certainly doesn't stop me from having sex! You can't let it take over your life and stop you from enjoying a life with your fiance, especially if you actually enjoy having sex with him!

Talk to him about your fear and talk to your gyno about it, and see if she or he can suggest some form of birth control that you don't have to really remember to use such a nuva ring or something a long those lines. Good luck!

I think you should seek therapy because it doesn't sound like this is something that you are able to conquer on your own. In some ways, it sounds similar to obsessive compulsive disorder, because people who suffer from this also experience irrational fears (eg. obsessing that they will or have run over a pedestrian, or fear of germs, etc..). There are therapeutic techniques that can help you with this. As for the sterilization, I wouldn't even consider this unless you have been evaluated by a therapist first, because that is not a decision you can go back on if you ever decide you want children. Good luck to you.

this is a very random fear
just know that if you did become pregnant, there are options, and since you do have a fiance and a stable relationship that you are not alone in this

i have a paralyzing fear of getting pregnant too.
but i make sure i take my pill religiously and use back up if i take it a little late or when im on the green "sugar" pills.
so it doesnt affect me the way it affects u. really all u can do is be as careful as possible. because if you're doing the same routine, whether you have sex twice a week or seven times a week, ur risk of getting pregnant are the same, VERY LOW.

I agree with Janine22--I have general anxiety disorder and OCD, and getting pregnant is often on of my fixations....I know it sounds weird, but often people with GAD and/or OCD obsess and panic over the absolute most random things ever! I am married but my husband (who I have been with for nearly 8 years) and I still use two forms of birth control, and I literally had myself convinced at one point I was pregnant. I take zoloft, but my doctor actually prescribed xanax so I could bring myself down! My panic attack passed, but I'm still trying to overcome the fear (and heck, I even want to have kids one day!).

It's hard to explain things like this to people who don't have any anxiety issues, but it can make like hell, and it doesn't help when others say "oh snap out of it" or "that's silly." So perhaps seeing your doctor and explaining her fear, and it's impact on your life, and he/she might prescribe something for anxiety/OCD. When fears/worries/actions start to effect your daily life, then it is often something anxiety/OCD-related! Good luck!

I had this same fear and later found out I had severe anxiety and OCD. You should seek therapy

You really aren't alone. I do this too. I would suggest therapy, and maybe letting your fiance know about your fear so he doesn't feel like you falling asleep is because you don't want to be with him. Also, you might look a little silly but if you have the money why not just buy some home pregnancy tests? If you have a health centre where you live they may even have them free. Buy a bunch and then when your stomach hurts and you fear its a sign, take a test and ease your nerves:)? Might not be the best suggestion but that would make me feel better, I think.

i agree that you should see someone, whenever an anxiety is controlling your life this much you need to get help. And im sure you are not alone! I dont have a fear to the extent you described but I do have a slight case of ocd when it comes to the possibility of getting pregnant. I am terrified of childbirth, beyond terrified so dont worry, everyone has issues!

I agree with you everyone here who is suggesting this could be part of an anxiety disorder. This may be the way you channel all your anxiety by focusing on this issue or this could be a specific phobia. Hearing rational facts that you won't get pregnant isn't helpful because you may feel like you are destined to be that 1% statistic where BC doesn't work. As someone mentioned, when an anxiety begins to impact your life, it is a disorder. You might benefit from therapy from this. Maybe just talking through your worries with your fiancee or friends will be enough, but if not a professional can help. Therapy, prescription drugs, or a combo might be the solution.

Well guess what I have an irrational fear of never getting preggers....I'm 28 and never been Wah!

SunSun, you really don't have to use backup while on the sugar pills
if anything, that's not the week you're ovulating so you're less likely to get pregnant anyway
the most likely week is two weeks after your period, so basically the middle of your pack
not the weeks around the time you get your period (ie: sugar pill week)

Why would you purposefully continute to partcipate in an act that scares you, that just doesn't make any sense. And although is seems as if your taking all the right precausions the only way to prevent this irrational fear is to stop having sex. So STOP HAVING SEX until you ready to have kids ugh!

Wow, this exactly what haunts me too. I messed up with the pills more than a year and a half ago and I was so frightened that I did not believe my ob-gyn when she told me that nothing could've happened. So yeah, I wasn't pregnant but ever since that one pregnancy scare, I've been obsessed with my fear of pregnancy. But knowing that I never miss a pill (and I usually take it for 4 months straight, which I read somewhere should basically make it even safer) and am overly careful about medication and whatnot... I don't know, it's weird.

May I also just say that you're having sex "only" 2 times a week and you've been together for 7 years? Two times a week is a rather normal number of times per week for most couples who've been together that long. I know some do it more and some less, and your real issue here is the anxiety problems that I agree with everyone you seem to have and need to address, but stop beating yourself up over the number of times per week you have sex, which sounds perfectly within the range of normal considering the length of time you've been with your fiance.

skigurl- my logic knows that but my fear doesnt. partly because i've heard stories of people who got pregnant on the green pill. the truth is they probably messed up before the green pills, but still

Lord I have the same fear. Like sun_sun says my logic knows its irrational but you're still scared. I mean I never understood ppl who fear needles but I guess its the same feeling I have about sex and pregnancy. It sucks because its hard for me to get intimate.

I agree with whoever said to just buy a bunch of pregnancy tests and take one every time you feel anxious. In conjunction with therapy, seeing INSTANTLY that you aren't pregnant should help you ease out of this anxious cycle.

You have sex two times a week and you think that's barely anything? My boyfriend and I only have sex two or three times a month.

As for your fear, this is the way I see it. If you're that scared of getting pregnant, stop having sex. It doesn't matter how old you are. You're most likely not to get pregnant anyway, but I'm sure it would help with your fear. No sex, no chance of pregnancy.

Wow, that is a tricky situation. As many people have said before you should try and see a therapist. Is such a shame that it is having so much control over your sex life. I wish you all the best.

I'm in the same boat to a lesser degree; my husband and I do not want kids, ever. I have talked to my gyno about getting my tubes tied, but they won't do the surgery because I'm "too young". Anyway, one thing that helped with my anxiety was talking to my husband about what we would do if I actually did get pregnant. Once I felt like we had agreed on a worse-case scenario plan, it helped to ease my fears a bit.

I don't know if this will help but the average women can only get pregnant certain days of the month which means even with OUT any type of birth control theirs a chance of not getting pregnant.

I have the a friend that is going through this right now, she just changed birth control and she is like mortified.

Hi Everyone, thanks for the support, this was my question

I do have a servere aniety disorder and was seeing a therapist but my insurance ran out, and I couldnt afford the sessions. And at this point I'm trying to deal with it on my own, and it's even harder because I am in my last year of university. I am on Nuvaring and condoms ahev never failed us, and I have discussed this with my fiance a number of times and it's pretty much getting old for him to see me crying hysterically over my period being not coming EXACTLY at the time it's supposed to. So, something needs to change. I am ashamed of this, amd I think that a lot of you have some good ideas, thank you :)It's reasuring to hear people with similar problems.

And those of you who said "GOD JUUST STOP HAVING SEX", that isn't an option, sex is such an important part of any intimate relationship, Besides, I had this fear before I started having sex.

Hi Kate
I just wanted to respond to you again. I am a Psychology student and I am disappointed to hear that your insurance ran out for your treatment. I just wanted to let you know that there is no reason for you to be ashamed of this. If you are a student, then you should check out the counselling resources at your school. They may be covered by your student fees or be fairly inexpensive. Also, there are many counsellors that work on a sliding fee, based on your income. I think that cognitive behavioural therapy may be a good option for you, but there are also other effective approaches to anxiety disorders. Generally, the therapy should not be long term, it should be a fairly short term treatment that gives you specific methods to deal with the anxiety on your own. Sometimes, medications can also help as well.
You can also read self help books on anxiety that will allow you to learn methods such as relaxation techniques, to help you deal with your problems. Don't be afraid to research your disorder on your own, there are probably many things that you will be able to learn about dealing with this problem if you just do a bit of searching and reading. Good luck to you and I hope this helps.

I had CBT, and I am psychology major going into clinical psychology to become a therapist, so i know a lot about it already.I tried the relaxtion techniques, and applied CBT to my life but it works only short term until something aggravating happens. THe couselling services at my school are overbook at this time of the year, and even during regular time, it takes almost 3 weeks. I am too busy to really try to shop around for another therapist, and I have absolutly zero money to pay for it anyways. Thanks though, but I somewhat think this is a biological thing with me since I have been like this as long as I can remember.

Honestly, I think this has less to do with getting pregnant than it does with your obsessing over it. As you explained, you know logically that you won't "magically" get pregnant, but worry about it anyways. It's affecting your relationship and getting in the way of you enjoying your life. Honestly, it sounds like you have some anxiety issues, and you owe it to yourself and your partner to get some treatment and live your life the way you want to.

Talk to your fiance about what the two of you would do if you got pregnant. By communicating your fears and getting the idea out in the open, you may become less anxious.

I would say you have OCD. I had this fear since I started having sex since I grew up in a home with high standards and alot of guilt about sex. I wasn't supposed to be having sex and even years later I still obsessed about getting pregnant. I didn't know until my college years were over that I was suffering with OCD. I feared ever getting preganant because I thought I would disapoint my parents. Even at 27 I still have this fear.

Very nice site!

Oh I am exactly like this! I hate it! I am constantly worried and I mistake every little irregularity in my body for pregnancy. Glad to know I'm not alone!

I know you feel miserable with what you are going through, but I have to thank you for posting this question! I could not have worded it any better myself..as I am going through the same thing! You are so not alone! This actually seems to be a fairly common manifestation for women who struggle with anxiety disorders/OCD..which I have been since I was a child. My second pregnancy was a "surprise"..and while I wouldn't change any of it now for anything in the entire world, (my daughter is my angel!) I will never forget the morning I took that pregnancy test and saw a positive appear... Since giving birth to my daughter over a year ago, this fear of another surprise pregnancy has taken over my life. I even underwent the procedure for Essure (permanant birth control - tubal blockage - LOVE IT!) but am STILL having, somedays, severe panic attacks over this fear. I know that it is nearly impossible at this point for me to conceive again, but it does not stop me from worrying when I feel any little thing going on in my body. Anyhow..just wanted to say, thanks again..helps to know I'm not alone. And I want you, and anyone else going through the same thing to know you are definatly not alone. This is a (strangly) common fear. Also, one last note on stocking the home pregnancy tests and taking them when you feel anxious..I thought this was a good idea too..but I don't recommend it! For almost a year I did this cycle..I bought them in bulk online to make myself feel better, but just knowing they were in my drawer in the bathroom made me take them obsessivly. That became almost more painful than any other symptoms. I hid it from my husband because I was so embarrased about what I was doing..deep down I knew I could not be pregnant, but taking those pregnancy tests and getting a negative made me feel better for a little while, but it never lasted long. All in all, I think what you're doing has you pretty well covered! You are being safe, smart, and consistent. Also, think about this...especially people who struggle with anxiety, MOST of time you worst fears will NEVER come true. All they are is worst fears.

hey the same thing happens to me! ...can´t stand it.
I´m on the pill since 2001 never missed one and also use condoms.
Still the fear of getting pregnant is huge.