TresSugar

Stranger Than Fiction: Spider Venom For Erectile Dysfunction

TresSugar — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 09:00:00 -0700

How desperate are some men to cure their erectile dysfunction, otherwise known as impotence? They might be desperate enough to use spider venom - as a drug ingredient, of course.

Researchers in Brazil are looking closely at the Brazilian wandering spider. Its bites are extremely painful and can cause priapism, which is basically a painful erection that could last for hours. (I'm wondering who the poor research subject was who led them to this conclusion!) The researchers purified the toxin, tested it in rats and mice, and found that it causes a chemical reaction that helps blood flow in penile tissue.

Since erectile dysfunction is the result of an inadequate supply of blood flow in the penis, the venom is a promising treatment for the condition. See, people? Although many of you are afraid of them, spiders can be your friends!

Hump Day: My Boyfriend Is a One-Minute Man

TresSugar — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"My boyfriend has premature ejaculation problems, and it's a little frustrating for me. As far as I know, he doesn't have any health problems. Is this psychological? Can I help him fix this?" To hear Dr. Glickman's response, read more

One of the challenges when talking about premature ejaculation is coming up with a common definition for it. Masters & Johnson defined it as when a man ejaculates before his (female) partner at least half of the time. Others have tried to define it as when he orgasms within two minutes of starting to have intercourse. That kind of definition works better in some ways, especially since many women don’t orgasm from intercourse. Ultimately, the “problem” of premature ejaculation rests on whether it causes concern for either person and since you’ve said that you’re finding it frustrating, that’s good enough for me.

There are a lot of potential causes of premature ejaculation, from the physical to the psychological. It can be caused by anxiety and stress, hormonal imbalances, prostate health issues, and relationship difficulties. With all of these possible reasons, some of which need a medical exam to detect, there’s no way for me to tell you what’s causing it for him. Having said that, there are some tips that I can offer you. Bear in mind that these assume that there aren’t any medical factors complicating the situation.

First off, anxiety is a common cause of both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Unfortunately, worrying about whether it’ll happen can make it happen, creating a self-fulfilling prediction. One of the best ways to address that is to widen your definition of what you consider sex and pleasure to be. If you can let go of the focus on intercourse and enjoy the buffet of sexual options, the worry tends to decrease. It can be really helpful to talk about how you might make that happen when you’re not having sex or just afterwards. If he’s feeling embarrassed about the situation, it’s probably going to be a lot easier to have the conversation when the clothes are still on.

Another factor that can influence when a guy ejaculates is what position he’s in. For many men, being on top seems to make him orgasm more quickly, while lying back and being straddled can make things last longer. While I’m not aware of any actual research on this, I’ve heard stories from enough men to suggest that you give it a try and see what happens.

Still another reason that some men ejaculate more quickly than they or their partners might like is that they don’t know how to work with their sexual energy. Modern tantra and other similar practices offer many men a lot of useful tools and tips for lasting longer. While this approach might not be everyone’s cup of tea, I think it’s worth looking into. Check out Mantak Chia’s book The Multi-Orgasmic Man for a really interesting and easy-to-read take on this. He also has a book for women and one for couples.

Also, some men report that one of the best ways to last longer is to be on the receiving end of a little more foreplay. Actually, I dislike the word “foreplay” since it implies that everything else is just a lead-up to “real sex.” But leaving that aside, many of us are familiar with the idea that lots of women prefer/enjoy/need some warm-up before intercourse. What you might not know is that a slower approach can be a great thing for lots of guys, too. Men’s sexual arousal isn’t just about getting an erection; ramping up can increase how much sexual energy he can maintain. Or to put it another way, just because some guys can hit the ground running doesn’t change the fact that a little warm-up makes it a lot easier. So try extending how much time you give oral sex, hand-jobs, kissing, whatever. It can help him relax and increase his arousal, both of which reduce anxiety and can make it easier for him to last longer.

To get to the last question that you ask, there are some things you can do to help him but he needs to be willing to deal with this situation in the first place. A lot of men feel ashamed of early ejaculation, even though a lot of men experience it, at least sometimes. One of the best things you can do is to talk about it with him at a time when you’re not having sex. Right after it happens is probably not ideal since he’s having whatever feelings this brings up for him. And yes, men have feelings, even when (or especially when) they don’t know how to show them!

The How-To Lounge: Reacting When He Can't Perform

DearSugar — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 09:00:00 -0700

I don’t care how long you’ve been in a relationship, it’s always a difficult scenario when your man can’t perform. But, it happens - to everyone. And while it's not the end of the world to most women, it can be devastating to a man. For some helpful tips on how to cope with a situation such as this, click here to read more

Don’t repeatedly ask him what’s wrong or why it happened. Once should be plenty sufficient, and trust me, he probably doesn’t have an answer.
It’s likely that he’ll no longer be in the mood, so don’t force anything right then. Give it time, a day or two, and then initiate things again, but go slowly. It’s likely he might be feeling some residual anxiety.
Even if he acts frustrated, try not to return the sentiment. Instead, maintain some affection. You don’t need to smother him, but rest your hand on his stomach or give him one last good kiss before going to sleep.
Though this isn’t a big deal (really, it’s normal!), don’t say, “It’s not a big deal.” You don’t want to undermine how he’s feeling, it’s better to convey that through your actions.
Don't take it personally! It doesn't mean your boyfriend isn't attracted to you, turned on by you, or totally blown away by you, in fact, that's about the least likely scenario.

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You Asked: Our Sex Life Sucks

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend has ED (erectile dysfunction) and it's absolutely driving me crazy. I don't even want to have sex with him because it's very disappointing. He doesn't give me the satisfaction I desire and we are limited in sexual positions. He has tried Cialis and it's totally awesome when he's on it, but it's so expensive that we can't afford it. He's even tried ordering different vitamins and natural pills online, but they do nothing. I can't deal with this! I love him to death but the sex sucks!

-At My Wit's End Emily

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more.

Dear At My Wit's End Emily,

Sex is definitely an important part of a relationship and I don't blame you for feeling frustrated. I think it's important to talk as openly as you can with your boyfriend. Since he's probably feeling really self-conscious about his ED, try to be as understanding as possible. Tell him how much you love him and how you want to deal with this as a couple, and reiterate that it's not just his problem. Be honest and let him know that your sexual needs aren't being met, and remind him that intercourse is just one way to share intimacy. You can still experience pleasure without him having an erection, so take the focus off what's in his pants and spend more time on foreplay. He can use his hands, his mouth, even a vibrator to help you have an orgasm. Pleasuring you will hopefully take his mind off the negative thoughts I'm sure he must be having about sex.

You may also want to encourage him to visit his doctor again. Perhaps there are other medications he can take that are less expensive. If you still hit serious road blocks, you have two options - you can be fed up with not being satisfied and leave him or you can stay in this relationship and learn to accept that he can't pleasure you sexually (and you may have to rely on pleasuring yourself). Only you can make that decision. I know in a perfect world, you'd want to have both love and pleasure, but you may have to decide which one will make you the happiest. Good luck, Emily.

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Viva Viagra!

GiggleSugar — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 02:00:00 -0700

What better way to break the stigma surrounding male erectile dysfunction than by showing a group of grown men entertaining themselves in a bar by communally singing of their love for Viagra? Meanwhile, there are no women in sight... (Thanks, Best Week Ever!)

Cuba Gooding Jr. Is Hard Up

GiggleSugar — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 09:26:55 -0700

Cuba Gooding Jr. has a boner to pick with you. That's right. "Hard" times call for desperate measures, like Cialis, and Cuba wants the world to know that there's no shame in a 36-hour erection. (Too bad he doesn't realize that there's plenty shame in going from Jerry Maguire to this gig!)

Do Tell: Have You Ever Dated a One-Minute Man?

TresSugar — Thu, 28 May 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Along with penis size, height, and the ability to get it up, the locus of many a dude's insecurities lies in his stamina, or ability to have sex for as long as it takes to satisfy his partner. This hilarious (for anyone who doesn't have a premature ejaculation problem!) Australian ad capitalizes on this insecurity.

Created for the Advanced Medical Institute, a Sydney-based provider of treatment programs for fun things like erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, it shows the police breaking into a couple's bedroom and telling a one-minute man they'll give him a speeding ticket unless he calls AMI for help. Australia's Advertising Standards Bureau has received complaints from people saying that it's offensive to men.

Have you ever dated a one-minute man? Was it a dealbreaker? Did it get worse, better?

High Blood Pressure's Effect on Your Sex Life

DearSugar — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 07:30:00 -0800

High blood pressure (also called hypertension) is really common. It can be caused by stress, a diet high in saturated fat and sodium, and it can also be a result of genetics. High blood pressure comes with a risk for heart problems, so if you suffer from hypertension, you may be wondering if it's still safe to get it on. Since sex (like all cardio activity) can get your heart pumping, the concern is that the physical exertion will put too much stress on your heart which could cause a heart attack. You'll be happy to know that according to the American Heart Association, fewer than one percent of heart attacks have occurred while getting busy in the bedroom. So for those that have their blood pressure under control, sex gets a thumbs up! Hypertension can make sex less enjoyable though, and if you're wondering how, just read more.

For guys, hypertension can cause erectile dysfunction, since blood flow to the penis may be slow. Having this problem even once can cause a guy to be really nervous and self-conscious about sex, which could affect the relationship and his performance.

For ladies, blood flow to the lady parts is also reduced, which can cause vaginal dryness, difficulty getting aroused, and issues with reaching orgasm. Also, if stress is the cause of her hypertension, she'll be too uneasy to allow herself to let go, so chances are her sex drive will suffer the consequences.

The bottom line here, ladies and gentlemen, is that high blood pressure is no joke. It can begin in your 20s and continue throughout your lifetime. Aside from it affecting your overall health, you don't want it to put a damper on your sex life either, so get checked by your doctor and begin treatment if necessary. Your orgasms depend on it!

Source

Not in the Mood? Have Some Watermelon

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Have you or your honey been less than excited to get busy lately? If so, don't start popping Cialis or Levitra pills just yet. A quick trip to the produce aisle or your local farmers' market to pick up some juicy, sweet watermelon could do the trick, and no, this is not a joke! Researchers at Texas A&M are reporting that the ingredient in watermelon known as citrulline may help to increase a person's libido. When you consume watermelon, citrulline is converted to arginine, which is an amino acid that benefits your heart and circulatory system. Arganine also boosts levels of nitric oxide in your body, which helps to relax blood vessels, much like Viagra does. Consuming this fruit may even prevent erectile dysfunction. It seems that the rind has higher concentrations of citrulline, so scientists are working on developing a variety of watermelon that has higher concentrations in the pink fleshy part.

I'm in full support of anything that puts you in the mood for love so have a slice (or 12) of watermelon this holiday weekend! Enjoy!

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Impotence Could Be a Sign of Heart Problems

DearSugar — Tue, 20 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

You may not have known that performance problems in bed are a frustrating side effect for about 80 percent of men with type 2 diabetes, and as if that wasn't bad enough, new research shows that these men also face double the risk of potentially fatal heart problems. Both erectile dysfunction and heart problems occur when specific arteries fail to fully expand in response to stimulus. Since arteries in the penis are smaller than those in the heart, issues below the waist may show up sooner. That means this sexual side effect can act as an indicator of such heart problems as chest pain, heart attack, and stroke. For this reason, as embarrassing as it is to talk about or admit, impotence shouldn't be ignored.

Dear's Advice: If a man with diabetes is having a difficult time achieving or maintaining an erection, then he should see his doctor immediately to get his cardiovascular system checked. If caught early enough, lifestyle changes through diet, exercise, and medication can help reduce the risk of heart problems in the future.

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