TresSugar

Ruh Roh! Employee Sends Steamy Emails to Co-Workers

TresSugar — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 01:00:00 -0800

A tech consultant at Cornell did what we've all had nightmares about doing: he accidentally sent personal emails to everyone he works with. And they were quite the Freudian sends.

Gulp. But what makes it worse is that his emails were of a sexual nature. Big whoop, you say? Um, yeah. It gets more awkward. He's married - and so was his partner-in-crime.

Good lord. Has anyone ever done this? I can't imagine how humiliating this would be! Not to mention the fact that their marriages are probably over. Oh, the schadenfreude!

Who's Crazier? Girlfriend Endlessly Emails Traveling Boyfriend

TresSugar — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 17:40:09 -0700

So, a guy goes to Europe and turns off his phone for two weeks. Fair enough. His girlfriend somehow does not remember he was going on vacation for the entire time. Questionable . . . on both sides. She emails him and then keeps emailing him. The notes go from "later baber" to "I hate you" to "I love you" to "I'd like to say it was fun, but it wasn't" and so on. Now that two years have passed, he's decided to relive the magic by setting his pictures and her emails to music. (Oh, the music. That alone makes me want to defend her.)

The message is clear - laugh at his misfortune, his psycho exgirlfriend. But anyone who's ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend just disappear has, rightfully, acted in unimaginable ways. And seriously, who doesn't check his email for two weeks? Or contact his significant other? He was in Europe, not the Sahara desert.

Awkward! Sending an Email to the Object of Your Gossip

TresSugar — Thu, 14 May 2009 04:00:00 -0700

There are Freudian slips - and, as an old pal once referred to them - Freudian sends, emails whose bitchy, gossipy content accidentally gets sent to the object of your bitching.

I've never done this myself (it's only a matter of time), but I keep hearing stories about people who have. The awkwardness of having to face that person and apologize, probably only to deal with their eternal wrath, is hard to imagine. Have you ever "accidentally" sent someone a message talking stink about them, or knew someone who did? What was the fallout?

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Group Therapy: I Got Dumped Over Email

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

I had been dating a guy for two months and I couldn't have asked for a better relationship; other than the fact that he was too career-oriented and ambitious and always put his work first. I have a very demanding career as well so I made it clear to him that it was OK if we didn't meet up every night after work. When it came down to it, he felt too pressured to spend time with me, so he dumped me over email and blocked me on Facebook, IM, and all other technologies. I'm incredibly hurt because he didn't even give me the respect to end things in person or at least over the phone. I guess I am looking for closure, but will I ever get any?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Sunday Confessional - I Snooped in My Boyfriend's Email

DearSugar — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 10:00:00 -0800

I've been with my boyfriend for just over six months, and he recently asked me to move in with him. While you'd think I'd be over the moon, things have actually been a little rocky between us lately. Something about his behavior has made me fear that he's been unfaithful, but whenever I bring up my concerns to him, he always tells me that he'd never do anything to hurt me. I love him dearly, so I chose to believe him.

This weekend we decided to order pizza and watch a movie at home. When he went downstairs to meet the delivery man, I noticed that his computer was left open. I seized the moment and quickly went through his email. To my amazement, there was an entire folder filled with emails from a girl I've never heard of. I didn't have time to read them because I didn't want to get caught, but my gut told me that my suspicions were right - he'd been cheating on me. I grabbed my purse and ran out the back door with tears in my eyes.

He's been calling off the hook, but I have no intention of talking to him. While I'm glad I saw what I saw, I've been feeling extremely guilty for invading his privacy - I've never gone behind someone's back before. I know I shouldn't have snooped, but can I be forgiven since I was basically just getting the proof I needed to know for sure that my boyfriend had been lying to me?

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Where Do You Stand? Forwarding Emails

DearSugar — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Email seems to be the most popular mode of communication these days. And when you're trying to plan something or relay a message, it's sometimes easier to just forward someone's email instead of retyping it, but that could easily lead to trouble. Since the Internet has a life of its own, you can never be too careful with your personal conversations or private information. So where do you stand when it comes to forwarding emails without permission? Is it something you do without thinking twice? Have you done it before and had it blow up in your face? Or has someone forwarded an email of yours that wasn't meant for anyone else's eyes?

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You Asked: Do We Have a Chance?

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I met a really great guy about three years ago. He's from another country and was in my city for a couple days because of work. We talked for a while and exchanged emails. We've now spent these years writing to each other and getting to know each other well, until last year when he suddenly stopped contacting me. Last month I found out he was coming here again (work keeps him traveling) so I wrote to him. He confirmed this and said we should meet up. We got together for drinks and had a blast - it was amazing! We spent all night talking. I realized I have true feelings for him, and dare I say, he likes me, too. But it's complicated as we live over 6,000 miles away.

Anyway, he left the next day and it's been a week and I haven't heard from him. As I was the one to ask him if he was coming over, I don't know if I should be the first to write again. But I don't want to lose him. I know he finds me attractive and he did say we had a lot in common. We both didn't want to say goodbye and hoped to meet again. He even said I was welcome to visit him anytime and that his family knew about me. Sometimes I think it's all in my head but sometimes I think this guy's for me and that he feels that too but he's unsure because of the distance. What do I do?

- Miles Apart Megs

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Miles Apart Megs,

Well, those kind of miles certainly take the term long-distance relationship to a whole new level, but it's certainly possible if you're both committed and as long as there is an end in sight. Obviously, there is a connection between the two of you if you've managed to stay in touch for so many years, and if you get the vibe that he has feelings for you, then you're probably right. But it does sound as if he doesn't see the possibility of a relationship as a reality because of the distance or another concern.

Normally, I might tell you to just move on and meet someone within driving distance, but you sound passionate and it's always worth trying. So reach out to him and tell him what an amazing time you had, and that you're afraid you'll lose him. Yes, it's taking a risk, but why not? He lives around the world - you have nothing to lose. If his reaction is casual and withdrawn, it'll be clear that he just wants to be friends. But there's always the hope that it will open up the doors to something more. Either way, at least you'll have your answer.

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Group Therapy: My Ex Reads My Email

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up two years ago, and he left me completely heartbroken. We ended things on bad terms and have only spoken a handful of times since, mostly to try to settle our issues. We've both coincidentally moved to the same new city, but our lives have diverged enough that we have no contact. I just recently found out that he's been reading my email (the password to which I've never changed). There have been new people in and out of both our lives, but I know I still care about him. However, too much has happened that we can't work through. I'm just wondering what could possibly be going through his head at this point. Is it curiosity? Love? Or is this more stalker material?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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The How-To Lounge: Confrontation Via Email

DearSugar — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

When a conflict develops between two people, most of the time a direct conversation is the appropriate solution. But sometimes, such a direct approach is just too hard. When it comes to interpersonal issues, any communication is better than none, even if it's through the impersonal Internet. So if you're someone who'd rather bury your head in the sand than verbalize your concerns, or if you think a less explicit talking-to is necessary, then check out my tips for communication via email and read more.

Take advantage of the fact that you have the opportunity to think about what you want to say before you say it. Consider your words carefully, and make sure you're being clear.
Determine your real issues and be as concise as possible. Once you've figured out what you want to say, it's important to take your tone into account.
Remember in high school English how you learned all about writing essays and making points with evidence to back them up? Well, now you have another opportunity to put that to use. Don't just throw around accusations. If you're going to make a statement explicitly referencing someone's behavior, make sure you have an example - you only need one.
If possible, try to end your email on a positive note so that you can keep the lines of communication open. Ask the recipient for their feedback and sincerely invite them to comment on what you've written.
By all means, take the time to read over your email before sending it. Not only do you want to make sure that you're satisfied with what you've written, but it's best to avoid typos, too. And make sure you have the correct email address before you hit the send button!

One problem with an email is that the response can often take a significant amount of time, so remain patient and know that the ball is in their court.

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Handle This: You Don't Want to Make an Assumption

DearSugar — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

You're in a happy, committed relationship with someone you love dearly. Last week, you ran into an old guy friend who you hadn't seen in months, and he seemed more than excited to see you. You exchanged cards, and the next day there was a friendly email in your inbox.

You wrote back some light chitchat, but before you knew it, he'd already responded. This time fairly flirtatiously. He's unaware of your relationship status, and he seems to assume you're single. Though he hasn't overtly said anything to make you certain he is flirting with you, you feel a little uncomfortable with the way this is going. Since you don't know his relationship status either, you don't want to mistake an innocent catchup session with something more, but at the same time, you don't want to give him the wrong impression. You're completely off the market, so it's an awkward situation to say the least. How would you handle this?

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