TresSugar

Man Arrested For Assaulting Woman During Monopoly Game

TresSugar — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 13:00:00 -0700

We have several rubrics here at TrèsSugar that this news story could have fit under. Stranger Than Fiction. Très Bizarre. And then there's the less-oft-used Dumbass of the Day. The following story is a rarity - I will file it under all of the above.

A 54-year-old Michigan man was playing Monopoly Saturday night with a female friend. He tried to buy Park Place and Boardwalk from her, but she wasn't budging. So what did the guy do? He hit her in the head and broke her glasses. Needless to say, he was subsequently arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault and battery.

May I add another charge? Terminal stupidity.

Source

Dumbass of the Day

TresSugar — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 15:00:00 -0700

A Bloomington, MN, man is in stable condition in spite of falling off a bridge while pretending to fall. That's right: a 23-year-old man, after some drinking (surprise, surprise!), asked his friend to pull over to the emergency lane of a bridge over the Minnesota River so he could urinate.

He climbed over the ledge, looked over at his friend, and - while pretending to fall - actually fell. Police had to use a chair to retrieve the man 30 feet below the bridge since he was stuck in a marsh. Great to see tax dollars being put to good use!

Source

Middle School Teacher of the Year Drunkenly Forces Students to Dance With Her

GiggleSugar — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Florida Teacher Accused of Being Drunk at School Quits

Why teach middle school students boring old reading, writing, and arithmetic when you can show them how to party like a middle-aged rock star? That appears to have been 42-year-old Tampa Bay resident Kylene Nelson's strategy when she got so drunk at school she forced her terrified students to dance with her and then ran to a nearby recreation center where she passed out on some outdoor chairs. Students report being horrified that Nelson appeared to have no underwear on while she rubbed her butt all over them. As one student said, "We all got kinda scared." Jeebus, woman! Get some help. These children are now scarred for life. I am - and I wasn't even there! Click here to read more.

Dumbass of the Day

GiggleSugar — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Not only does this defendant on Judge Judy not know how to provide intelligent testimony - you know, the kind that won't get her into trouble - she doesn't understand what a rhetorical question is. When Judge Judy tells you something isn't rocket science, and then asks you what rocket science is, don't define it, followed by an "I think . . ." Sigh.

911, What Is Your Dumbass Emergency?

GiggleSugar — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 13:00:00 -0800

Are people getting dumber, or are we just hearing more about dumb people? This past week, I read two news stories about idiots calling 911 for nonemergency purposes. (One guy made a call because the restaurant he was at ran out of lemonade, and in another case, a drunk guy called 911 because a convenience store clerk wouldn't sell him booze.) If you'd like to hear crazy 911 tapes or read about these dumdums, then read more.

Woman calls 911 because Burger King won’t make her a Western Barbecue Burger the way she wants it.
Drunk dude calls 911 because convenience store clerk won’t sell him booze.
Woman in Birmingham, AL, calls 911 because two men are kissing on a bench.
Man calls 911 because the restaurant he's at has run out of lemonade.
Off-duty police officer calls 911 because he thinks the pot brownies he is eating are killing him.

This Is . . . Awkward

GiggleSugar — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 09:00:00 -0800

An English Maury Povich Show aired their version of "who's the baby daddy," complete with paternity test results. To prolong the suspense, the host starts grilling the potential father (who has a habit of impregnating women willy-nilly) if he even knew how to spell father, to which he proudly demonstrated that he . . . did not. I can't tell when he asked the host "Are you gobsmacked?" if he actually still doesn't know he spelled it incorrectly. Sigh.

Dumbass of the Day

GiggleSugar — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 11:20:00 -0800

"Note to self on Sunday morning: Wake up. Put on a suit. (Or maybe I never took off the suit I had on last night.) Hang out with pals I got drunk with the night before. I wonder if I'm still drunk. Go into the town square. Try to mount a fiberglass horse, repeatedly failing and falling on my ass and breaking the horse. Elude police as videotape evidence of my nimrod antics hits the Internet. Consider the day a fulfilling one." Click here to read more about this doofus.

WTF?!

GiggleSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Meet Mark Ciptak. Instead of donating money to his presidential ticket of choice, or canvassing or any number of normal ways of showing his support, he decided to take the opportunity while his wife was recovering from childbirth to change their newborn baby's name from the lovely Ava Grace - to Sarah McCain Palin. His wife Layla declined to speak to reporters because she's tired and in shock. My theory? She's honing her ninja skills so she can kick her douchebag husband's ass 10 ways till Tuesday. I'd hide if I were you, Mark. Click here to read more about this genius.

This Is the Agony of Defeat Part . . .

GiggleSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Cliché alert: watching this is like watching a train wreck. You know it's going to happen, you don't want to watch, but you can't look away. Sigh.

This Is Your Brain on Stupid

GiggleSugar — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

There's usually nothing more boring than watching someone else get high. I've watched a lot of Salvia trips online lately, and generally, they're dull or disturbing. The one you're about to see, though, is pretty hilarious, and just confirms to me that doing drugs is stoopid. This guy smokes some Salvia, and then proceeds to talk about seeing "Muppet hair," followed by the brilliant observation that trees are vertical, which he then thanks his parents for. I just hope his neighbor kept him away from those kittens that show up at the end.