TresSugar

You Asked: How Can I Know if He's Cheating?

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and two months. He's a wonderful man, but I've been noticing some strange things that lead me to believe that he might be cheating on me. For example, he doesn't want me to see his phone, and before he used to have a picture of me on his phone wallpaper, but suddenly he has a picture of himself instead.

Just yesterday we were at the beach having a great time when he decided to check his voicemail. I was close enough that I could hear the messages, which were clearly left by another woman - he just smiled while he listened. I have no problem with him having female friends, but what was particularly off-putting was that when he was done listening, he said, "It was the guys." I've known my boyfriend long enough to have built a wall of trust between us, but all these little things lead me to think that maybe he might be cheating. He says he loves me very much, but I'm starting to doubt him. Does this mean that he is cheating on me or will be soon?

- Doubting Darla

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Doubting Darla,

I wish I could tell you with certainty whether or not your boyfriend is cheating on you, but obviously I can't. I will say, however, that if you've been dating for over two years and you're suddenly feeling uncomfortable about certain things, don't ignore your instincts. Regardless of whether or not he's engaging in any kind of intimate relationship outside of your own, there's something about his behavior that's making you feel insecure. And sudden insecurity in an otherwise healthy relationship is definitely a red flag.

Ask your boyfriend what's going on; you don't have to accuse him of cheating, but I think it's perfectly reasonable to tell him that for the first time in your relationship, you're doubting his honesty. Once you confront him, your boyfriend can handle it one of four ways: he can offer a completely reasonable explanation; he can tell you that you're imagining things; he can get defensive; or he can admit to doing something behind your back. Unfortunately, aside from the last, none of these offer a 100 percent guarantee of truth, but I do think you can use his reaction to get a better sense of things. In the end, my best recommendation is to follow your instincts; usually there's a reason they're trying to tell you something.

Source

Handle This: Your Wedding Is Weeks Away, But You Have Doubts

DearSugar — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 14:00:00 -0700

You and your fiancé have been planning your nuptials for nine months. You've had your bridal shower, and everything is booked with all the details in place. But recent fights with your fiancé have led you to see your relationship more clearly than ever. Suddenly you're not sure if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

You love your fiancé dearly, but you feel like there are things you've ignored for a while that just aren't working for you. The idea of canceling your wedding is humiliating and terrifying - both sets of parents will be devastated - but you're also scared of making a mistake, so how would you handle this?

Source

You Asked: Should I Be Worried About His Dance Partners?

DearSugar — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 09:01:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have been in a relationship for 9 months with a man I feel is the love of my life. He is 51 and I am 42. He has been divorced for 7 years, me for only 1 year. We were good friends before I was divorced, nothing more, although the attraction was there. My marriage was in the toilet.

The problem has been that he has a lot of female friends. Almost zero guy friends. He has had 7 intimate relationships in 7 years. He is still friends with some of these women. I came into a situation where he is still seeing some of them socially. Most of these women are dancers, he goes to dance every week.

The problem is, he is in Boston, I am in Atlanta. When he goes to dance class, he usually stays and parties with all of his friends. It makes me jealous. He has never given me any reason to not trust him, but there are two women in particular, one who he has admitted he has been attracted to
in the past and one who could not move on from their prior relationship. The first I feel is my friend as well, the second refuses to meet me. So, when he goes to class, these women are generally there. It makes me insane that he is dancing and partying with them.

Am I overreacting? I used to feel much more insecure than I do now, but being in an LDR (long distance relationship) has added definite challenges to the situation. We are talking engagement and marriage. I am so in love and he calls me five times a day saying the same thing. -- Nervous Naomi

Advice? --

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Long-distance relationships bring with them some measure of instability and insecurity, particularly if the greatest part of the relationship is spent or built while apart. We don't get the opportunity to build and demonstrate trust and connection in the ways we do on a daily basis, in a variety of situations. As several of his current classmates have become lovers (and then friends again), I believe your worries are only natural. Keeping those worries in perspective and working to prevent jealousy and fear from undermining the relationship will be your challenge, Naomi.

It sounds as if your boyfriend has been dating and exploring relationships with women since his divorce. This is what we do, how we refine and discover what we want in an intimate relationship, and dating is the means to learn these things. If you know him as an honest and respectful person, who values the women in his life and treats them respectfully, then I would ask you to have faith in what you know.

I think it would also be wise to have a very honest discussion with your boyfriend about your fears. While you've expressed your love and hopes for the future, I encourage you both to discuss how you think about commitment, monogamy, and handling attractions while you're apart. We must be wise in love, too, Naomi, while we remain open and hopeful. Before an engagement, I encourage you both to come to know each other well, over time in the same city, growing together while handling together the daily struggles and rewards of an intimate relationship.

For more help exploring your longer standing struggle with feelings of insecurity and jealousy, perhaps you might take a look at the book If This Is Love, Why Do I Feel So Insecure?

Source

Hillary Talks Sexism, Obama's Job Offer, and Mad Men to Vogue

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 10:00:35 -0800

Hillary Clinton finally sat down for a long-overdue Vogue interview. She offended editor Anna Wintour during the primaries by turning down the fashion mag out fear of looking "too feminine." And though she won't be on the December cover, the article is as substantial and satisfying as a cover story.

From night swimming alone to her favorite shows (Mad Men!), we see a side of Madame Secretary that all the vetting in the world would not unearth. See some of what she had to say below.

On visiting countries as a high-ranking female: "You can go to some countries and there's not a woman in the room. They don't even make the effort to give me the token woman minister. . . . And in lots of African countries the honorific for women is 'Mama.' So I had lots of people say to me, 'Mama, what about this; Mama, what about that?'"

On President Obama's job offer: "I was stunned after the election when President Obama asked me to consider this. . . . I really was very unconvinced. I did not think it was the right thing to do. I didn't want to do it. I just really had a lot of doubts, and I kept suggesting other people: Well, how about this person! How about that person! This one would be really good! But then a friend of mine called me and basically said, 'How would you have felt if you'd been elected and you'd called him and asked him to do this?' And that really made a big impression on me. How do you say no? And so . . . I said yes. And here I am."

On Mad Men: "That's how it was! That's why the women's-liberation movement was so shocking. It was like news from outer space"

See what else she had to say after the jump.

Robert Pattinson Believes in "the One" - Do You?

TresSugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:00:51 -0800

Twilight's Bella may find "the one," but Kristen Stewart doesn't believe he exists. When Pop's Molly asked Kristen if she believes in "the one," the actress defended her doubt saying that she doesn't believe there are "chosen ones" who find their soul mates and other unlucky people who don't. What does she believe? That different levels of love can be achieved.

Yet, when Molly popped the same question to Robert Pattinson, he had a very different answer. "Ahh, maybe," he said. "Yeah, yeah - I think so." Not too convincing, but more starry-eyed than realist Kristen. Could get awkward if they really are together, as they seemed to be in Paris last week!

Do you believe there's one for everyone? What if your partner disagrees?

Martha to Christina Hendricks: I Thought You Were Older

TresSugar — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Good thing Martha Stewart never went into the etiquette business! In just under four minutes, she manages to say a couple incredibly awkward things to Christina Hendricks, better known as Joan Holloway on Mad Men.

First, she tells the 34-year-old actress, "I thought you were so much older." And then, about her on-screen husband, she asks the no-doubt confused actress, "Do you love him?" We're going to give Martha the benefit of the doubt and assume she means does her character love him, in which case that ~~makes total sense~~ barely makes sense. Between raping Joan last season and being a professional failure this season, what's not to love?

Front Page: Congress Passes Matthew Shepard Hate-Crime Bill

TresSugar — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 08:00:08 -0700

Congress has passed a bill making violence against LGBT Americans a hate crime. The bill named after Matthew Shepard is now headed to the White House for signature. - LA Times
Roman Polanski is one step closer to being extradited to the US. - AP
The FAA is investigating whether fatigue caused two Northwest Airlines pilots to overshoot the airport by 150 miles earlier this week. - New York Times
Significantly more Americans now doubt global warming. - The Guardian
Fox News founder Roger Ailes is being encourage to run for president in 2012. - Politico

Très Bizarre: Man Charged For Being Naked in His Kitchen

TresSugar — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Spending more time around the house naked might be good for the planet, but it could also land you in jail. The state of Virginia has charged Eric Williamson, 29, with indecent exposure for hanging out nude in his own home.

Early Monday morning, around 5:30 a.m., a naked Eric was making a cup of Joe in his kitchen. At the same time, a woman and her 7-year-old boy happened to walk through Eric's front yard. She called the police, who quickly arrived on the scene and arrested Eric. The reporting officers must have given Eric a chance to get dressed, because he's wearing clothes in his mug shot.

The police say that Eric wanted the strangers to see him naked. If prosecutors can prove that, Eric might be sentenced to a year in jail and a $2,000 fine. Considering it was so early in the morning and still dark out, it seems unlikely that he was standing in his kitchen naked waiting for random passersby to catch a glimpse. I doubt Eric will be convicted, but he still must be pretty upset about the whole situation. Perhaps the lady cutting through his lawn should be the one facing the law!

Front Page: Bailout Plan Hits Stalemate, Debate Remains Doubtful, Terror Suspects Held on Plane

CitizenSugar — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 06:51:49 -0700

Bailout Plan Hits Stalemate:
Negotiations over the plan to rescue Wall Street have ended in a "shouting match," with Republican members of Congress blocking the government plan after discussion with President Bush. Bush just gave a short statement outlining how the legislative process isn't pretty. Both sides are resuming talks later today with Nancy Pelosi saying there will be an agreement because, "it has to happen."

Debate Remains Doubtful:
The first debate between McCain and Obama appears doubtful as negotiations over the economy continue in Washington. Obama says he plans to travel to the University of Mississippi where the debate is scheduled to begin at 9 p.m. ET. McCain says "I'm very hopeful that we'll get enough of an agreement tomorrow so we can make this debate." McCain is returning to Capitol Hill today.
Terror Suspects Held on Plane:
Two terror suspects have been arrested in Germany on a plane preparing to take off. The two Somali men had been under surveillance for months and were said to have been "possibly planning attacks" having left suicide notes behind in their apartments saying they wished to die in a "holy war." The plane was eventually allowed to take off following the arrests and a luggage search.

Source

Are You There God? Bill Maher Sells Doubt in Religulous

CitizenSugar — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 11:00:06 -0700

A wordplay on ridiculous, Bill Maher's new docu-comedy Religulous found its calling this weekend when it opened across the country. It grossed a modest $3.5 million and ranked number 10 at the box office, but I suspect many people will have an opinion regardless of whether they see it.

Directed by Larry Charles of Borat and Curb Your Enthusiasm, Religulous will remind you of everyone's favorite Kazakhstani roaming around America, exposing isms and making enemies. It adopts the same wanderlust quality and lets Maher loose in the US, Europe, and Middle East to humiliate unsuspecting people.

I decided to check out the movie this weekend so I could report back to you today. To find out what I thought, read more.

I keep hearing that Maher can't expect to appeal to religious people by belittling them, but I don't think that's his goal. He's not talking to them. He's talking to the 16 percent of Americans that consider themselves nonreligious - challenging them to talk openly about doubt.

In the doc, Maher interviews Christians, Jews, and Muslims, most of whom are easy targets for comedy. Here are a few that stood out.

Senator Mark Pryor (AK-D): This senator may never live down saying, "You don't need to pass an IQ test to be in the Senate." Guess not!
José Luis de Jesús Miranda (Messiah in Miami): José believes Jesus's lineage moved through Europe until it reached Spain and then made the voyage to Puerto Rico, where he was born. People should follow him over Jesus, he says, because Jesus was Jewish and he is Christian.
Roman Catholic Priest (Vatican): I could have watched this man for the whole movie. He laughs. And laughs. And genuinely seems amused by illogical teachings and contradictions in the Catholic Church. Unfortunately, Maher does not dig enough to learn how he rationalizes the two. The priest does leave us these words: People are going to believe what they want, and then they'll die. Amen.

I wish we heard more from the skeptical devout like the Vatican priest. In fact, I had hoped Maher would interview Stephen Colbert (real-life Stephen, though fake would do). Colbert's a practicing Catholic (he even teaches Sunday School) who would appreciate the irreverent humor and, unlike most of Maher's victims, be savvy enough to keep up. But when it was over, I was really only fixated on one fact. Did you know there's a theme park in Orlando called The Holy Land? There you can experience the "wonder of ancient Israel."

Did anyone else see it? Who's going? Who would you like to see Bill Maher interview?

Photos courtesy of Lionsgate