TresSugar

Doggie Style: Sexy or Degrading?

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Although some people think this specific sexual position has a demeaning name, Katherine Heigl's character from Knocked Up to name one, doggie style can be just as pleasurable as any other position. In fact, it's a favorite for many couples I know! Of course, it has its upsides and downsides, but tell me ladies, are you a fan of doggie style? Does experimenting with this position turn you on or does the lack of eye contact and inability to kiss your partner steer you away from this submissive position altogether?

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The Superbowl Done Doggie Style

GiggleSugar — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 15:02:00 -0800

Folks, I bring you the 2007 Puppy Bowl and it's practically the real deal--only better. There's the grassy field, the referee, the tackling- while one team of dogs is pitted against another. The only real difference is that these athletes have no qualms with a little post-game cuddle time. And that makes all the difference.

Hump Day: I Want to Orgasm Without a Vibrator!

TresSugar — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's new sex advice column! Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

“I'm 22 and have masturbated basically as long as I can remember. It wasn't until getting a vibrator about a year ago that I finally had an orgasm, but I have yet to have an orgasm with my boyfriend without using my vibrator. We've tried missionary, doggy-style, cowgirl, him going down on me - nothing but the vibrator gets me off. I would love to have an orgasm with my boyfriend without the electrical help. Any advice?“ To hear what Dr. Glickman has to say, read more.

Hi,

This is a really common situation - it happens much more often than most people realize. It turns out that some women need to learn how to have an orgasm. Not just in the sense of figuring out what feels good to them, but also in the sense of having their bodies learn how to do it. Fortunately, since you’ve had orgasms with a vibrator, we can probably set aside the different medical reasons that can get in the way.

Most women report that they need some sort of clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, so it’s not a surprise to me that trying different positions hasn’t done the trick. In fact, some women find that the reason that a particular position works for them is that they get clitoral stimulation from their partner’s torso, not because they get deeper penetration. Although you’ve tried lots of different positions, you might find that small things make a big difference - how you position your legs, for example, can have a big effect on how things feel. I can’t say for sure what will work for you since everyone’s a bit different, but one thing you can try is making small adjustments and seeing what that does.

It’s not clear from your question - have you tried using the vibrator while having sex with your boyfriend? For many women, that can be a way to take something that works and connect it with something different. I’ve heard from quite a few women that combining the two for a while eventually made it easier for them to have orgasms without the toy.

You could also try using your vibrator with your boyfriend for a while before shifting to intercourse. The more turned on you get before changing things up, the more likely it is that intercourse will put you over the top. Another option would be for you or your boyfriend to pleasure your clitoris by hand during intercourse. A little bit of lubricant can help with that - I like the silicone-based lubes because they don’t dry out and they’re safe to use with condoms. And if you don’t have an orgasm during intercourse, feel free to grab that vibrator afterwards and enjoy yourself. You can always give it another try next time.

Having said all that, it sounds like you (or you and your boyfriend) might be putting a lot of pressure on the idea of orgasms without a vibrator. Ironically, the more you stress over whether you’ll have an orgasm, the less likely it can be. It’s the female version of performance anxiety creating the very situation you’re trying to keep from happening, just as performance anxiety can lead to erection difficulties for a lot of guys. And in both cases, one of the best ways to respond is to not worry about it. I know that can sound like the line about “don’t think of a pink rhinoceros” but it’s often true that if you can enjoy what you’re doing without getting stuck in the “will it happen this time” loop, you’ll have a lot more fun.

One of the best ways to do that is to do whatever the two of you enjoy without stressing about using a vibrator. If a vibe is what you need at this point in your life to have an orgasm, go for it! It’s really, really likely that you won’t always need it - sexual response changes a lot and you will probably find that in the not-too-distant future, what works for you will be quite different. I’ve spoken with a lot of women who have found that they needed the intensity of a vibrator when they were younger and that when they got a bit older, things were very different. That’s one of the best things about sex: we get to keep trying new things. It’s kind of like food. Your favorite foods will probably also change over time, so you get to try new cuisines. The only thing that’s important is whether you’re enjoying whatever works for you right now.

If you want to do a little reading, there are some books I can highly recommend. I Love Female Orgasm is a fun read that covers pretty much everything - masturbation, partner sex, safer sex, toys, anatomy, and more. There are also lots of useful tips for women in your situation. Orgasms is an excellent guide for folks who want to figure out how to have an orgasm or how to have them more consistently. It’s a great read for partners, too. And Becoming Orgasmic is one of the best on the topic. It’s a bit more text heavy than the first two, but there’s an incredible amount of information there.

So the upshot of all of this is that the more you can relax and enjoy yourself without worrying about whether it’ll happen or not, the more fun you’ll have. And don’t stress about whether there’s something wrong with you - you’re not alone and lots of women have found that practice does, indeed, make perfect. Usually when you least expect it.

Have fun!

Dear Poll: Which Sex Position Would You Choose For a Lifetime?

DearSugar — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 15:00:00 -0800

Doggie style was your favorite sexual position of 2008, but only by a few votes - missionary and girl on top were close contenders - but I wonder how your votes would change if you had to pick one position to make love in for the rest of your days. It's a tough decision, I know, so think long and hard before you seal your fate!

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2008's Most Popular Sexual Position

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 07:30:00 -0800

It was clearly difficult for you to chose just one favorite sexual position in '08, since many of you wanted an option for all of the above! The results came in incredibly close, but the winner - by only two percent - is doggie style, with girl on top and missionary making it a true race. I'm glad to hear that you're getting it on, but remember to be safe, and more importantly, have fun in '09!

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Giggle Links

GiggleSugar — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0700

OMG. It's the principal from Saved by the Bell! - Best Week Ever
Can a tattoo be cool and dumb at the same time? You be the judge. - Stupid Videos
The seven hamburgers of the apocalypse. Excuse me while I go hurl. - Diet Blog
Prehistoric freak. - Glennz
The six things I hate about the Miley Cyrus song. - Cracked
What happens on Facebook when you die. - Flickr
Fake, but still gross. - Doggy Condoms
I believe this is what they call, sacreligious. Songs in the key of Craigslist. - Men Style

This Dog Is Going Places

GiggleSugar — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 09:00:00 -0800

At first, you just see a chair rolling. Then, you see a dog walking with the utmost concentration on his hind legs, cartoon-style. Whatever this doggers wanted on that counter, he totally earned it! That's a good doggie!