TresSugar

This or That: Whining or Gloating?

DearSugar — Thu, 08 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

You and a friend have made a great duo for the past year while you’ve both been single. It’s been so nice to have someone to commiserate with over all the bad dates and giggle with after the great late nights. While you’re not opposed to finding a guy, you’re actually really happy with the way things have been lately. Unfortunately, after a night out a month ago, everything has been different with your friend. Would it be worse if…

This: She met a new guy and just won’t stop talking about how amazing he is and how perfect they are together? You’re happy for her, but now when you see her it’s more like she’s bragging then actually talking with you.

Or…

That: After getting turned down by a cute guy, she just won’t stop whining about how terrible her life is, and how she’s going to end up alone forever? You understand where she’s coming from, but her constant pity party is getting old and starting to bring you down too.

Which would be worse?

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Dear Poll: How Do You Feel About Romantic Films?

DearSugar — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Whenever I see a romantic comedy, or even a epic romance film, I can't help but feel a little frustrated. Sure, I love to see the main characters end up happily ever after, but let's be realistic, it usually doesn't work out that way! I happen to think movies like When Harry Met Sally give false hope that Mr. Right could be right in front of your face when realistically that's a pretty uncommon scenario. I hate to be a Debbie Downer but I have to ask, do you think romance films negatively impact real-life relationships? Do they leave a sour taste in your mouth because they are so unrealistic, or do they give you hope that one day, you'll have your own version of a fairly-tale ending?

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The Adventures of Debbie Downer

GiggleSugar — Sun, 27 May 2007 01:09:49 -0700

This time, Debbie Downer goes to the happiest place on the planet, Disneyland. Will the magical kingdom have what it takes to turn Debbie's frown upside down? Or will her dry delivery of informational tidbits regarding deadly terrorist attacks, the feline AIDS epidemic, and her own fertility struggles ruin the trip for everyone? Watch and see. (And yes, even the SNL cast couldn't keep a straight face during this one!)

Group Therapy: My Friend's a Debbie Downer

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 03:00:00 -0700

Within the last few months, my best friend has become a serious downer. Her sister and I cannot figure out the cause, and it's getting worse and worse. She can, and has, literally sucked the energy out of the people around her. Last night we were out with friends, and a guy that doesn't know her well turned to me and asked if she was bored. I apologized for her and just shrugged my shoulders.

I find myself making excuses for her behavior every time we go out and it's beginning to bring me down. We've been trying to think of creative non-confrontational ways to address this, and so far we've come up with nothing. If we do say something flat out, we're positive it will turn into an aggressive shouting match. Do you have any suggestions?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Would You Ever Work as a Wingwoman?

TresSugar — Thu, 21 May 2009 10:30:00 -0700

We've all heard of wingmen, dudes who agree to talk to the friend of a woman who another dude is interested in. The wingman, for that night anyway, is supposed to be selfless, keeping the other friend occupied so his male friend can swoop in and get his girl.

Taken from military lingo to describe planes that flank fighter planes during serious missions (because, you know, getting the girl is a really serious military mission), I didn't realize you could ask a woman to do the same thing - until I read about an ad on Craigslist (where else?) procuring the services of a wingwoman for $30 an hour. To check out excerpts from the ad, read more.

"We have an opening for a part-time personal introduction assistant, aka a 'wingwoman.'

You must be classy and dress well.

Beyond that you must be able to do 4 things: 1) start conversations with beautiful women; 2) after that, remain totally silent, unless spoken directly to, but smile and look friendly while the man you are 'winging' orchestrates the social situation; 3) socialize and block any man or woman attempting to interfere with the man you are winging and any woman he is chatting with; and 4) end any conversation you are having instantly at the direction of the man you are winging. These requirements are essential, not for everyone, and difficult to do well. . .

This job is not for you if you are uptight, frumpy, grumpy, shy, a man-hater, a debbie downer, a critic, a control freak, a pouter, a therapist, researching, writing an article, with the press, a prostitute, an escort, a relationship counselor, or a feminist with a bone to pick. . ."

Being a debbie downer feminist with a bone to pick, I think I'd suck at being a wingwoman! But mostly, I would have to stifle my laughter. (Hey, that makes me not uptight, right?) Anyway, in doing research for this, I found so many weird "learn how to be a playa" websites that actually teach men how to pick up women. (I think it's these organizations that hire wingwomen.) Would you do it? Do you think it'd be fun?

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4 Tips on Keeping Your Diet in Check When You're Dating

DearSugar — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 07:30:00 -0800

With so much eating out and letting loose with the one you're crushing on, it's not surprising to see that 51 percent of you gain weight in the beginning of a new relationship. In an effort to avoid letting your waistband suffer in the name of love, I've shared four tips on how to keep your weight in check while falling in love. If I've missed something that works for you, please share your secrets in the comments below.

No one likes to be a Debbie Downer, so instead of saying no to dinner dates or ordering pizza while watching the football game, make sure to stay on track of your exercise routine. If you continue to work out, you'll be able to give yourself a little more leniency with your diet.
Be mindful about how much you're drinking. Not only does alcohol add empty calories to your diet (be sure to drink light beer and avoid sweet mixers when you can), but it can lower your inhibitions and make you eat more.

To see two more tips, just read more.

Pick and choose. If you want to indulge in a decedent dinner, pass on dessert. If you chose to eat a light meal, treat yourself to a shared dessert - just try not to do both!
Work it off in the bedroom! In a half-hour period, you can burn up to 43 calories making out and 125 calories making love!

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Onwards and Upwards

DearSugar — Thu, 04 May 2006 07:12:12 -0700

Dear Sugar
I am going through a tough break-up from a long term relationship. All my friends are telling me to move on, but I'm still so sad. Now, people are starting to try and set me up on blind-dates. I haven't gone on a date in 10 years. I am nervous and feel awkward and insecure. I used to be so fun and funny. Now I feel like such a downer, what should I do? Debbie Downer

Dear Debbie Downer
You have the right to be sad and to mourn your lost love. Your friend's hearts are in the right place and they don't want to see you sulking any longer than you already have been. But there comes a point where you just have to get out of your rut and force yourself into certain positions that aren't necessarily in your comfort zone. It's part of the recovery process. Just take a big gulp and you may surprise yourself and have a good time. A date might also take your mind off of things - and who knows you could even meet a nice guy.

You Asked: Am I Not Making Myself Available?

DearSugar — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,
I have never been a real commitment person. I have had a couple flings in the past year but nothing serious. I'm ready to open up to a more serious relationship and am actively looking, but I haven't found anything worthwhile so far. I have been told, repeatedly, that I am constantly putting up "single signals," which apparently keep others from approaching me. What are these and how can I stop them? - Playing the Field Phoebe

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Playing the Field Phoebe,

While there are definitely subconscious signs we all give off to others, most of them are simply part of our personalities. When your friends say single signals, I'm assuming that they're saying you're confident, perhaps flirty and outgoing - all of which are great qualities to posses. And just because you haven't met anyone worthwhile yet, it's not to say that your personality traits are to blame.

Being approachable is extremely important when meeting new people, so make sure you're aware of the vibe you're giving off. Try to keep a smile on your face and just have fun - no one wants to approach a Debbie Downer. But when the time is right Phoebe, you'll meet someone that sparks your interest, regardless of your signals!

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Dear Poll: Are You a Skeptic?

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Even if you're not a Debbie Downer per se, being a bit skeptical from time to time can be a good thing. We all know that getting prematurely excited about something can leave you disappointed, but then again, being too cynical can lead to downplaying things that deserve legitimate enthusiasm.

Are you the kind of person who's automatically on the defense about anything from love to career, or is your first instinct to go out on a limb and take a chance, no matter what the circumstance? I like to think I fall somewhere in the middle, but tell me: Do you consider yourself to be skeptical by nature?

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