TresSugar

DIY Burials: Less Expensive, More Intimate?

TresSugar — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:00:00 -0700

Due to the recession, most of us focus on how much we spend going about our daily lives, but we don't often budget for death, which can be very pricey. An increasing number of people are finding ways to decrease the cost of burying a loved one - they're holding DIY funerals.

Compared to the average cost of a funeral, which runs about $6,000, taking over part or all of the burial preparations can cost family members as little as $250. In states where a funeral director is required, home funerals are still less expensive. And loved ones say it seems like "the natural, loving way to do things." It also sounds a little creepy. The New York Times explained the home burial process for 92-year-old Nathaniel Roe:

They washed Mr. Roe’s body, dressed him in his favorite Harrods tweed jacket and red Brooks Brothers tie and laid him on a bed so family members could privately say their last goodbyes.

There are countless organizations and individuals (called "death midwives") who help families with things like setting up cremation, moving the body to a cemetery, or securing a burial permit (if available) when a family decides to bury their loved one on their property. Would you ever consider this?

Source: Flickr User KaCey97007

Do Tell: Which Celebrity Death Affected You Most?

TresSugar — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 10:08:10 -0700

On July 16, 1999, John F. Kennedy, Jr. took the fateful flight that ended in his death. I remember watching the news with my family as authorities looked for the missing Kennedy. As we sat around the TV, my parents recounted their memories of little John-John, and we were all so shocked when they announced that he had died. With no real connection to JFK, Jr. I still felt a whole lot of real sadness.

The 10th anniversary of JFK, Jr.'s death and the attention given to the recent death of Michael Jackson remind us that the death of a celebrity can really hit home. From John Lennon, to Princess Diana, Kurt Cobain, Heath Ledger, Michael Jackson, or John F. Kennedy, Jr., there have been so many famous deaths that have left the public collectively grieving. Which celebrity death affected you most in your lifetime?

Group Therapy: My Ex-Boyfriend Just Died, And I'm Relieved

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 04:00:00 -0800

Over the weekend I found out that my ex-boyfriend (my first boyfriend/love whom I dated when I was 17-20) died in a motorcycle accident. He was a horrible, manipulative boyfriend who cheated on me the entire three years we were together. He disrespected me, made me feel dumb, took advantage of me, and talked negatively about me when I wasn't around. Needless to say our relationship was unhealthy, dysfunctional, and emotionally abusive. Luckily, I have moved on and become a more confident person. However, when I found out about his death, I felt nothing but relief - Now I know I will never have to see him again. People who knew us both are questioning if I will attend his memorial service, but I have no positive memories and want nothing to do with him. Am I a horrible person for not feeling anything but relief about his death? Do I need to honor his memory?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]
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Group Therapy: Supporting a Grieving Loved One

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 04:00:00 -0800

My boyfriend's very close family member is dying. He is going to see her soon, but it is close to the end. Sadly, he's already seen a lot of his older family members in the same situation. He is the type who holds his feelings in and handles them privately, but I can tell he is suffering. I'm trying to give him time alone without pressuring him to talk, but I feel like I should show some more support even though it's his nature to withdraw.

No one close to me has ever died so I have no experience with this. What's the best way to support him while he is grieving? What should I say? What shouldn't I say?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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You Asked: Should I Forgive Her Insincere Apology?

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,
My old college roommate asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding six months ago, and I agreed. Unfortunately, three weeks ago, her mother has passed away unexpectedly. It has been hard on everyone, but especially difficult for the maid of honor; the bride's best friend and a college friend of mine. She's acted as the liaison between the grieving bride-to-be and all her friends. In the time since, the maid of honor expressed in an email to me that she was unhappy with the back seat I took during the grieving period. When I called her and told her I wasn't that close to the bride and I didn't think it was appropriate to get more involved than I already was, she got very upset, started to cry, and told me that perhaps I don't deserve to be in the wedding at all.

She has since emailed to apologize for that comment, but deep down, I know she isn't sorry. While I know this isn't her wedding or her decision, her words were still very hurtful. I know I have to at least keep up appearances through the wedding, but I don't know I can or should forgive her beyond that. Do you have any advice? - Scolded Bridesmaid Bianca

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Scolded Bridesmaid Bianca,

It sounds to me like the maid of honor let the stress of everything get the best of her, and unfortunately, you got the brunt of it. I'm sure the bride is experiencing overwhelming emotion right now - the sadness of her mother's death mixed with the excitement of her upcoming wedding - but if you feel you did your part to express your condolences and be there to support her, there's not much more you could have done. Sure, there's a chance she told the maid of honor that she was disappointed you didn't take on a bigger role during this tragic time in her life, but you're right, that's between you and her. If you're concerned that could be a possibility, I suggest confronting her ASAP. Let her know again how sorry you are for her loss and ask her if there's anything else you can do.

Once things settle down, I have a feeling this misunderstanding will become a distant memory, but if not, it's completely your decision if you want to end the friendship after the wedding. I wish you luck in whatever decision you make, but remember, we can all say and do things out of character under times of stress - something you might want to keep in mind.

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Group Therapy: How Can I Forget the Past and Be Happy?

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and during the Summer, went on a break. My boyfriend's grandmother died and we had been fighting constantly; he claimed that he wanted a break from the stress he was going through. Regardless of the fact that our break only lasted 10 days and I maintained my dignity by refusing to call or text, I still can't go over the fact that he hurt me after being together for so long. This was two months ago and I'm still having a hard time getting my old attitude that we can make it through anything back.

Ever since we got back together, he has done nothing but be great to me. He has repeatedly told me how stupid he was and how he is so sorry, but I can't seem to get it out of my head. I love him and I don't want to lose him, but ever since this has happened I feel so insecure and needy. What can I do to fix my attitude and start building our relationship again, instead of tearing it down with my insecurities?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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What Do You Want to Do Before You Die?

DearSugar — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700

I just came across this great website asking a very poignant question: What do you want to do before you die? The inspiration behind this project was sparked by "a passion to get people to think about (and act upon) what is really important in their lives through this simple, very straight-forward question." Nicole and ks, the co-curators, have collected numerous photographs asking each participant to fill in the blank “Before I die I want to . . .” on the white section of their Polaroid pic, and they plan to keep in touch in order to see if participants have accomplished their goals. I absolutely love this concept, so let me throw out the same question to all of you: What do you want to do before you die?

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Group Therapy: How Can I Forget the Past and Be Happy?

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, and during the Summer, we went on a break. My boyfriend's grandmother died, and we had been fighting constantly; he claimed that he wanted a break from the stress he was going through. Even though our break only lasted 10 days, and I maintained my dignity by refusing to call or text, I still can't get over the fact that he hurt me after being together for so long.

This was two months ago, and I'm still having a hard time getting back my belief that we can make it through anything. Ever since we got back together, he has been nothing but great to me. He has repeatedly told me how stupid he was and how he is so sorry, but I can't seem to get it out of my head. I love him and I don't want to lose him, but ever since this has happened, I feel so insecure and needy. What can I do to fix my attitude and start building our relationship again, instead of tearing it down with my insecurities?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Divine Intervention: 1 in 2 Say Prayer Saves the Dying. Do You?

CitizenSugar — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:44:20 -0700

Paging Dr. God? More than half of adults in the US put more faith in the divine than in a doctor's care - 57 percent said God's intervention could save a dying family member even if their doctor had declared treatment futile. Researchers say this data should spur doctors into being prepared "to deal with families who are waiting for a miracle."

Oddly, the strong show of faith over doctoring may be a result of leaps in medical care. The author of the study says that advances in trauma treatment has allowed more patients to survive past the scene of an accident, living longer and allowing more time for hope and prayer. He says, hospital trauma specialists "are much more heavily engaged in the death process," and that he frequently meets people who think God will save their dying loved one. It's a tricky balance, mediating a miracle. He says, "you have to respect that," while still showing the medical facts that may ultimate prove otherwise.

With prayer even being credited with softening gas prices, where do you stand?

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What Do Your Grandparents Mean to You?

DearSugar — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

This morning, Leonardo DiCaprio is mourning the death of his grandmother, who passed away at 93 in her native Germany. Apparently Leo is close to heartbroken, which comes as no surprise, because they had always been very close.

As we all know, death is one of life's natural progressions, and for many people, losing a grandparents is their first experience with loss. The relationship one has with her grandparents can vary drastically from person to person. Some fear the elderly, while others completely relate. Some grew up with their grandparents acting as their parents, and other people barely know them at all. I've always been fascinated by my grandparents. I consider them a wealth of knowledge, and I could happily listen for hours to their stories about the good old days and how they met and fell in love. Do you, or did you, feel the same way about your grandparents? I'm curious, so tell me what they mean to you!

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