TresSugar

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Can I Say No to Being Her Bridesmaid?

DearSugar — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Not Into It Natalie need your help. She was asked to be a bridesmaid in her husband's best friend's wedding, but she has no desire to accept the challenge. Since her husband is in the wedding on the groom's side, she doesn't know how to get out of it. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

A friend asked me to be in her wedding. My husband is best friends with the groom, but the bride and I hardly know each other. I feel like she only asked me to fill a hole in her wedding party and I have no desire to take on this responsibility. Not only do I not have the time or money, I'm not this girl's biggest fan. If it was anyone else I'd simply tell her I couldn't afford it, or didn't have the time, but my husband is in the wedding so I feel like my excuse isn't valid. Is there a way for me to say no or am I stuck?

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Is My Wandering Eye Normal?

DearSugar — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Daydreaming Dotty need your help. She loves her boyfriend with all her heart but her mind has been wandering about past lovers and she's afraid of what it means. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world. He's got just enough jerk in him to keep you wanting more, but he would also do absolutely anything for me and I'm completely in love with him. We've been dating for almost two years, we always have a great time together and the sex is fantastic! Recently though, my mind has started to wander. I find myself thinking about previous boyfriends whom I've had sex with and it's becoming distracting in my current relationship. I know what I'm doing is wrong because I'm feeling guilty about it, but I can't stop myself! I'm afraid that my thoughts may drive me to take action. What's wrong with me? - Daydreaming Dotty

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Am I Even in Love With Him?

DearSugar — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Conflicted Constance need your help. She feels like she moved too fast in her relationship and now she's unsure if she even loves her live-in boyfriend anymore. What advice do you have for her?

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, and I just recently moved in with him. He is 10 years older than me, he has his life together, he's smart, makes me feel safe, is in love with me, and would do anything for me. But recently I have been wondering if we are right for each other. I think I moved in prematurely and now I am unsure if it was the right decision at all. Something has definitely changed between us and I'm left longing for more. He is a great person, but I wonder if I'm only with him because he is stable and trustworthy, more than the fact that I am madly in love. When I think about leaving him, I feel sad that I wouldn't have him in my life anymore, but I am conflicted - I don't want to settle either. How do I know if he's right for me? Do you have any advice for how I can figure this out? - Conflicted Constance

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: My Roommate Is Crossing the Line

DearSugar — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Sleepless Sammy need your help. Her roommate has been extremely disrespectful and it's starting to affect her ability to get a good night's sleep. She's tried to talk with her roommate about it, but she has yet to make an effort to change. She's stuck in her lease until the end of Summer, so do you have any advice as to how she can make the best of this living satiation?

Dear Sugar,

I'm in law school and living in an apartment with another girl who I found on Craigslist. It's been about seven months now and I feel like she has absolutely no respect for me. She uses my stuff, eats my food, drinks my beer, and lets her friends crash on our couch without ever asking me. I can deal with these things; however, I recently hit my breaking point.

My roommate likes to sleep around and will have loud, porn-like sex even when I’m home. It's not that I'm a prude - she's entitled to sleep with whoever she wants - but our walls are paper thin and I can hear every bed creak, scream, and moan, and sometimes I can feel her bed shake through the wall we share. Her late night activities are wreaking havoc on my sleep pattern and I'm constantly exhausted. I’ve talked to her about it once before but nothing has changed. I’m stuck in this lease until August but I can't continue living like this. What should I do? - Sleepless Sammy

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: I Can't Accept That She Had an Abortion

DearSugar — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Devastated Danny need your help. His girlfriend recently admitted to having an abortion in her previous relationship and he's having a hard time accepting that part of her past. He doesn't want this to negatively impact their relationship, but he's can't seem to let it go. Do you have any advice for him?

Dear Sugar,

My current girlfriend told me that she had an abortion in her previous relationship, and I am left completely crushed. Is this something she should have kept to herself? We promised that we would never keep secrets from one another, but it feels like she just lifted her burden and dropped it right onto my lap. It's not that I don't believe in abortion - I'm actually pro-choice - but I just can't bear to think of her going through such a traumatic experience with another man; a man who didn't support her in her decision, who didn't help her monetarily, and who wasn't there to hold her hand.

I wish I could be the bigger person and accept her past, but I can't seem to get this scenario out of my head - I really wish she hadn't told me. How can I put this behind me and not let it affect our otherwise amazing relationship? - Devastated Danny

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: How Can I Find Myself?

DearSugar — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Searching Sandra need your help. While in a five-year relationship, she lost track of the person she is and the woman she wants to become. Now that she and her boyfriend have split up, she wants to find herself, but she doesn't know how. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

My on-again, off-again boyfriend of five years broke up with me a few days ago. We’d had the same problems since the beginning of our relationship and we knew they were never going to get better - we just weren't right for each other. Part of the problem was instead of growing with him, I depended on him for happiness and didn’t bother to discover who I really was. I was never truly satisfied because I didn't know what I really wanted out of life. I know that only I can make myself truly happy, but I just don’t know how to get there. So my question is, how do you get to know yourself? What should I do to get the clarity I need to move on with my life as an independent woman? - Searching Sandra

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Leave My Fiance Before He Leaves Me?

DearSugar — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Almost a Bride Amanda need your help. Her fiance just confessed to having feelings for another woman, but their wedding is less than two months away. She is at a total loss as to what to do next - do you have any advice?

Dear Sugar,

I am supposed to be getting married in seven weeks and everything is ready to go - invitations go out next week. Two nights ago, my fiance told me that he has a crush on a girl he works with. He hadn't been open with me about his feelings until now, but looking back, I realize that he's lied to me on numerous occasions and then made me feel like I was being a crazy and jealous girlfriend.

He says he loves me and doesn't want to break up, but he also says he has reservations now because of these feelings for this girl. He wants to work on things and says he doesn't want to call off the wedding, but I am worried that I am going to end up with no groom on our wedding day. This basically came out of nowhere and I feel totally blindsided. I love him very much and really want to spend my life with him, but now I'm wondering if I should just get out of this relationship before he leaves me even more brokenhearted than I already am. Help! - Almost a Bride Amanda

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: What's So Great About Strip Clubs?

DearSugar — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Grossed Out Gretchen need your help. Her boyfriend enjoys the occasional jaunt to the strip clubs with his buddies, but she doesn't understand the thought process behind it. I'm sure many of you have experienced this before, so do you have any words of wisdom for her?

Dear Sugar,

Why do attached men go to strip clubs? It's a topic of conversation that I try to bring up with my boyfriend, but he brushes me off every time I broach the subject. I just don't understand why they spend money to see a strange naked women who won't dance for them for less than $50, when they could go home to the women they love and do the horizontal tango for free! I totally get that men need their guy time, but why can't they do it at a bar that doesn't involved scantily clad women? - Grossed Out Gretchen

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Follow My Dreams or My Heart?

DearSugar — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 10:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Needy in New York need your help. She has a great job in the fashion industry, but her boyfriend of a year and a half just asked her to move to Connecticut with him so he can attend his first choice law school. She loves him dearly, but isn't sure if giving up her dream job for the man she loves is worth the risk. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

I have been in a wonderful, healthy relationship for about a year and a half. I am 25 years old, living in New York, and working hard to accomplish my dreams. My boyfriend is my biggest supporter, but he is also working hard to accomplish his goals.

He recently took the LSAT and got into some great law schools in New York, but just yesterday, he got accepted to his first choice school which is in Connecticut. He starts in the Fall and has asked me to move there with him.

Though I love my job in New York, I could probably find a fashion editorial job in Connecticut, on a smaller scale of course, but should I make the move with him in hopes that our relationship will continue to grow? Should I stick to my dreams and ambitions here in New York and hope we can withstand the distance? I always said my career would come before anything, but I feel that my priorities have shifted over the years. What should I do? - Needy in New York

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: I'm Ready to be Engaged!

DearSugar — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Impatient Isla need your help. Everyone around her is getting engaged and she wants to jump on the bandwagon, but her boyfriend isn't ready to pop the question. They had agreed to wait until all their ducks were in a row, but she's getting impatient. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

I am only 21, but it feels like everyone around me is either engaged or getting engaged! My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year but he doesn't see us getting engaged for at least another year or two. This is what I felt made sense, but now that all my friends are getting engaged, I can't help but want that too! What can I do to make myself believe again that waiting is the right thing to do? We want to be completely secure in our relationship, pay for a nice wedding, and he wants to be able to buy me the ring of my dreams, but all I want to do is get married now! Please help me! - Impatient Isla

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