TresSugar

Found! Dear God . . .

GiggleSugar — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 15:00:00 -0800

Move over Bill Cosby. God seems to be getting an earful of the darndest things outta kids these days. The following are a batch of letters - or prayers - intended for the big dude upstairs. Some are thankful for one thing and upset about another, others have questions or make requests, and then there are those that shamelessly hate that b*tch Jennifer Horton. God understands, I'm sure.

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Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: I'm Happy, But Not Sexually Pleased

E Jean Carroll — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 13:30:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

I’m 25 and have been with my boyfriend, a perfect gentleman, two years. In the beginning everything seemed wonderful; and things are still great except for the sex. We just can’t get it right these days. Either we have sex and it ends in disaster (over too quickly), or we make no attempts to do it at all.

I mean he tries to make "moves," but I usually reject him because I’m no longer turned on (mainly because I know how fast it will be over.) I can count on a few fingers the times I’ve had an orgasm with him in this two-year relationship! Aside from the sex we’re pretty fabulous together. He wants me to be happy; but I’m starting to feel desperate. We plan to marry next year! - Pleased, But Not Satisfied

To see E. Jean's answer read more.

But Not, My Blossom,

My God! Has the man never heard of oral sex? Give him Dr. Ian Kerner’s She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman and hold a vibrator to his head until he reads the entire chapter called, "The Tongue Is Mightier than the Sword." After that ask him what he likes. It’s time you both develop sexy curiosity and open minds.

To see more advice from E. Jean, visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: The Olympics Have Me Down, How Do I Get Motivated?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I’ve been watching the Olympics. How do I get as motivated as these athletes? Watching all this extraordinary achievement makes me feel like such a loser. And the worst part is I can’t stop watching them.

I’ve been glued to the TV since they started, and I mean glued! Tonight while I watched the gymnastics I ate three bowls of cereal and a plate of lasagna! God! Am I the only person who's stopped exercising completely and is doing nothing but getting fat watching Shawn Johnson and Michael Phelps? I want to be successful, too!

I keep watching and hoping I’ll find out what their secret is, but nobody can put it into words. Should I just hire a life coach? - Coach Potato Girl

To see E. Jean's answer, read more.

Miss Couch, My Kumquat,

Oh, but the Olympic stars are revealing the secrets of their success. (And I’m not talking about Michael Phelps disclosing that he eats 12,000 calories a day or Nastia Liukin saying she likes to keep her “legs together on the dismount.”) Anybody watching the games has picked up a few Tips of Triumph:

Don’t focus on what’s wrong, concentrate on what’s right.
When an opponent falters, seize the opportunity.
Half the battle is knowing exactly what you want to do.
Play to your strengths. Know what you’re good at. And concentrate on it to the exclusion of everything else.
When you can’t go on, go on.
And the single idea which seems to be shared by nearly every athlete: “I suffered all those horrid practices, pains, tears, sweat, blood, and set backs . . . and now that I’ve made it to Beijing, thank God I didn’t give up!”

As for hiring a life coach, well now. I’ve seen a couple of specimens on Oprah who were so brilliant that I gained a brain size just looking at them, but, alas, in the real world, 99 out of 100 life coaches are total douchers.

The motivation required to find a good coach (i.e. a coach who did not receive his “certification” from an online moron factory) and the patience needed to listen to his bull hockey if/when you do locate one, will waste any energy you have left.

Best to form a “Just Do It” group with your friends and enjoy a hilarious time energizing one another, or read Self-Reliance by the great Ralph Waldo Emerson. Old Ralphy will jam you so full of success strategies, you’ll run the 100 meters of life in 10 seconds flat.

To see more advice from E. Jean, visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: I'm Ready to Date Again So What Do I Have to Do to Attract Men?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I suddenly feel old. I feel so old and bland I don’t want to tell you how old I actually am (even though I know this will be anonymous).

The truth is I haven’t had a date since my husband left. (He had an affair with his secretary - the old story.) He is now dating a woman who is eight years younger than me. We split three years ago.

I am tired of sitting around sulking and feeling sorry for myself. I read a quote today spoken by somebody about Tim Russert: “He regarded a day greeted without real enthusiasm as a sadly lost opportunity.”

I believe that! I want to rejoin the human race. I want to meet a new man! But I look old and drab. My question: What should I do to change and update my look? What do men like? I don’t have a lot of money so plastic surgery is out of the question! Thanks Auntie Eeee - Ready to Leave the House!!

To see E. Jean's answer read more.

Miss Ready, Miss Ravishing Woman,

What an excellent Russert quote! (I believe it is from Mario Cuomo who spoke at the memorial.)

There’s no need to put yourself through an atom-smasher to change your look. And, ye gods! No plastic surgery! (We have enough dingbats walking around with breasts that look like toilet plungers.)

You can do a few subtle things here and there, and ZOOM! The guys will hand you their hearts (or at least cast you admiring looks on the street).

Anyway if you try too hard, you’ll just end up looking a little desperate and silly (we’ve all seen the overly-plucked, overly-curled, overly-tanned, overly-stretched, overly-dressed douchebags staggering around our big-city boulevards). And worse, when you spend a lot of money “changing your look” then you will kind of need men to find you pretty, and the moment you need a man to find you anything is the moment you lose your bewitching individuality.

So . . . get plenty of sleep, stand up straight (it will blast you with radiance and add an inch to your height), meet the girls for margaritas at least once a week, and go through your closets, your living room, your kitchen, your office and toss out all the boring people.

Then go buy a pretty new Summer dress. (First scoot around FabSugar and BellaSugar to get ideas. Then make certain to select a dress that shows off your waist - the male beast is hardwired to chase the feminine shape. Whether you are 208 pounds or 108 pounds, curves captivate men. Especially the all-important waist-hip ratio.)

Wear the dress to the hairdressers and get a cut and a blow-out. Throw in a few highlights if you can afford it. Then hit the make-up counters (the more the better) and buy a new lipstick and eye shadow. (You will receive plenty of advice from the experts, trust me.)

NOTE: I’d love to tell you to now go enjoy a dinner of hot dogs at a big time baseball game or boat show or NASCAR race where there will be crowds of men - but it’s up to you.

Either way, you’ll now feel tremendous and wonderful. And when you feel tremendous and wonderful, it means you are delighting in your own attractions. And when you delight in your own attractions . . . you will attract!

Good luck, darling! We are all pulling for you here at DearSugar!

To see more advice from E. Jean, visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Will a Baby Save Our Marriage?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I’m happily married to a wonderful, successful, and ambitious man. Recently his ambition has extended to me - he wants a baby. The thought leaves me cool at best. But I fear if I put it off much longer (I’m 33, he’s 40), our marriage will be in danger.

This is not something I can discuss with my sisters, friends or mother (they all have children). When I tell my husband how I feel, he says I’m not normal. What do I do? Give up my birth control pills, or get a secret tubal ligation? - Nulliparous

To see E. Jean's answer read more

My Dear Nully,

If you don’t want a baby, do not, under any circumstances, have a baby. And for God’s sake, don’t let anybody beat you into a coma of “normalcy.” Because I promise you, darling, if you have a child to “save” your marriage, the union won’t just be in danger, it will be doomed.

So take the honorable action. Do what a superior woman would do. Tell your husband why and how you think a baby is wrong for you. It’s going to be difficult, but your frankness will help him sort out his own feelings and maybe you can both get beyond this impasse. And try not to put it off. He won’t know how to reach his own truth till he hears yours from you.

So stick to your guns, Nulliparous! There are enough little unwanted babies in the world - indeed, half of them are born into the best families.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Is This a Deal Breaker?

DearSugar — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Thrown For a Loop Laura need your help. Her new husband suddenly had a change of heart about his religious beliefs. While Laura loves him, she feels betrayed that he wasn't honest about his faith before they got married. They've already said "I Do" so it's too late to turn back now and Easter is tomorrow, so she needs some advice, fast!

Dear Sugar,

I am a newlywed and I find that everyday, I discover new things about my husband. For instance last night, we had a paradigm shifting fight that has changed the way I look at him. When I met him, he told me he was Catholic, like me. As we were preparing for marriage, I realized he didn't really know what Catholicism was, at all, not even really basic stuff like why we celebrate Easter. This was not a problem at the time because I figured we at least had similar beliefs about why we are here. However, last night it was revealed to me that he isn't even really Christian! He believes there could be Gods or one God, but that's about the extent of it.

Frankly I was shocked. This wouldn't be a big deal to me if it were anyone else. I respect the beliefs of others and I don't think of anyone as lesser for whatever they believe in, but since this is my husband, I feel betrayed that this wasn't discussed sooner - like before we got married! He says he respects my beliefs and if I want to say a prayer over dinner or go to church, he's OK with it, but he will never participate with me - ever. I love him, of course, but it makes me worried about what our future family would be like. Saying prayers over dinner and celebrating holidays for their religious significance has always been a big deal to me and my family. I never thought that once we were married, that I would have to celebrate my beliefs alone. What will it be like if I have a family one day? I feel sick just thinking about it. I guess the gist of it is that I feel spiritually betrayed and I don't know what to do. How do I reconcile my feelings about this?

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Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Should I Break Up With Him?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

Please, please you have to help me! I can't believe I'm writing, but I'm so confused.

My boyfriend is the nicest guy in the world. He's perfect in every way except his ambition and his career. At first, I didn't mind his job and his being broke all the time because I was so in love. Now that we've been together for almost three years, I'm getting tired of his endless problems.

In the last two years, he changed his jobs five times, got into an accident, totaled his car, and got kicked out of his house. On the other hand, I've been working so hard to build my career, making three times more money than him, and bought my first house. I let him move in with me because I felt so bad.

It's not about the money, but I'm just really tired of coming home from work to find him watching TV, taking a nap, or doing nothing instead of looking for a job. He just doesn't seem like he wants more from life. Doesn't he want to go back to school? Doesn't he want to be successful? I told him many times to update his resume, but he always had excuses. When I asked about his goals and career plans, he got offended. I really don't know what to do. I really love him but I'm stressing out about his laziness.

I want to break up with him, but he’s so good to me. He always treats me so well! He makes me laugh. What should I do, E. Jean? Should I break up with him? Or am I being a b*tch? Should I push him more or is it useless? Please help me! Thank you and love you! - Wanting More, Getting Less

To see E. Jean's answer, read more.

Miss Wanting, My Delectable Half-Wit,

Oh my God, what a clod! Get rid of him. It’s over. Done. Fini. Fini. Fini. I lurve a toolbag as much as the next woman, but Mr. Endless Problems is a worthless leech who's been sucking on you for so long, you can’t even feel how dumb and cruel he is. Remove his fist from your wallet, strap on your heaviest hiking boots, and give his gluteals a running kick out the door.

To see more advice from E. Jean, visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Should I Trade Up?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,
I’m 29, educated, attractive, fun, and creative. I’ve been in relationship with a great guy for about five months. The only problem is that he's an aspiring (indie) rock star, and I'm guessing that deep down his greatest love will always be his music.

So my question: Am I selling myself short here? Should I trade in the fun, cute musician for someone more stable and commitment-minded?

I'm not sure exactly what I want for my future or what's the sure path to happiness, but perhaps it's time to trade in the rock shows for an investment portfolio and a secure future?

My greatest fear is waking up one morning when I'm 35 and it's just me and the cat! - Rocker or Banker?

To see E. Jean's answer, read more.

Rocker, My Rosebud,

Now, now. God knows I love men - what sex! - and I confess I've romped with many a handsome specimen in my time, but I'd rather wake up with a cat than with 99 percent of them.

So I do not understand your quandary, my luv.

Aren't you on this earth to enjoy as many lads as you like? Why limit yourself to just rockers and bankers? Why not let cowboys, movie stars, race car drivers, internet billionaires, college professors, male models, and hedge funders thrill you to the marrow?

Because here's the deal: There's no such thing as a "secure future." Get that straight, or you'll be surprised (and possibly miserable) the rest of your life. Yes, you can plan for a brilliant future; you can marry a commitment-minded man; your love can be pure and flame-like; but only a half-witted female depends on a dude for "stability."

It will take self-discipline. But if you can create a way to earn a comfortable income yourself, you’ll be free from the limitations, expectations, and the demands of men. Free from your own uncertainty. You won't be afraid if a guy is secure or stable. You can love whomever you like, commit for as long as you like, and not give a flying fig for their financial statements.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

You Asked: Can Two People From Different Religions Make It Work?

DearSugar — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My fiancé and I have different religious beliefs. In the past, this has never been an issue since I do not seriously practice Catholicism and he does not practice any sort of religion. But now that we are getting married, it's become a serious problem for me. I want to honor my Catholic religion by being married in a Catholic church. I feel that since he does not believe in God or have any sort of religious background that this should not be an issue. As a former Catholic, he feels that the religion is corrupt but he said he would honor my wishes of having a Catholic ceremony anyway. I appreciate his flexibility, but it does bring up some concern for the future. What is going to happen when we have children? Will they be raised Catholic? What do we do on holidays? I just need to know how two people with different religious beliefs comprise.
- Difference of Opinion Olivia

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Difference of Opinion Olivia,

Figuring out how to incorporate religion into your relationship is a serious discussion that must happen before saying I do. Just because he's not religious, it doesn't necessarily mean that he'll be OK with honoring your religion. With that said, couples from different beliefs make it work all the time. It sounds like you're going to want Catholicism to play a role in your children's lives, so have you told your fiancé this yet? If he's opposed to the idea, you're going to have to come up with a middle ground. Since he thinks the Catholic religion is corrupt, perhaps you can suggest letting your child choose the religion he believes in - tour a few different kinds of churches or temples until something clicks.

Since you've decided to get married in a Catholic church, chances are you'll have to take some sort of marriage preparation classes prior to your wedding day. As much as people loath the idea, these classes cover all sorts of important issues that affect your future such as money, how you plan on raising your children, and religion - just to name a few. These are all very serious topics that must be discussed so be sure to get everything squared away before becoming husband and wife. You want to make sure there are no surprises later on down the road. Good luck.

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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Why Hasn't He Called?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean and DearSugar,

Six months ago I left my fiancé of six years. Although he was/is a fantastic man, it was the absolute best decision of my 32 years thus far. Since then, I've been dating regularly and it's been wonderful!

I've met plenty of wonderful men, been happily promiscuous, but haven't met anyone I wanted exclusivity with because I've been loving the randomness and spontaneity of my life. Until now.

Holy crap! I met a man three weeks ago who makes me giddy and stupid. He's 31, has his career in order, has a mortgage, and understands my wit and engages in clever banter. Plus he's hot! The thing is, during the first week and a half that we met, we saw each other four times. During the last week and a half, I haven't heard from him. My cell phone "lost" his number (I kid you not) and although I know where he lives, I'm hesitant to just stop by because he lives an hour away and I'm afraid he'd think I was stalking him.

He told me once that a “huge turn off is a needy girl,” and I loathe to appear that way. I'm just perplexed as to why he hasn't called me in nearly two weeks - not even a text message! I swear to you E, I'm a very easygoing girl who doesn't get hung up on men. I just can't seem to stop thinking about the silence and what it means. If he isn't into me, that's fine as long as I know. But this is the first time in an awfully long time that I have no idea where I stand with a guy. And really, it's the not knowing that sucks. What to do, what to do? - Devastated and Crazed

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Miss Devastated, my daffodil,

Here’s the Rule: When a guy’s interested, he calls. When a guy’s not interested, he doesn’t call. And here’s how to ignore that rule: Pick up the phone, call 411, get his office number, or his home number, write the number on a large piece of white paper, and call the bastard.

Don’t wimp out on me now.

And for god's sakes, when you speak to him, don’t ask him “where you stand.” (Of the 11 best ways to kill a chap’s interest, the seventh best way is to ask him “where you stand.”) Keep the conversation light, keep it bright . . . and then if he says he’s been “so busy he just didn’t have time to reach you,” that's when you say goodbye, rip the number to shreds, board an elevator to the top of the tallest building in town, and hurl the pieces out the window. Hurl them. Whhhhheeeeee! And that’s how you deal with a man who hasn’t called.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and AskEJean.com