TresSugar

Would You Want Help From Your Ex?

DearSugar — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 16:00:00 -0700

If you liked The Real Housewives of Orange County, you can't miss the season premiere of Date My Ex tonight! Jo, who had a turmultuous on-and-off-again relationship with ex-fiance Slade, is now looking for love again with the help of her two close friends. . . . and her ex! While the concept sure does make for great TV, I don't see how this scenario could possibly work in real life. I mean who wants to help their ex find love with someone else? Sounds way too close for comfort if you ask me. We'll have to tune in to see if their experiment works, but in the meantime, tell me, have you ever been involved in your ex's love life? Would it be too hard to watch him move on right before your eyes?

Photos courtesy of Bravo

Ask an MBA Student: Is It OK For My Boyfriend to See His Ex?

TresSugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:00:44 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a guy working on his MBA tries to help out a woman nervous about her boyfriend's ex. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:
My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend just moved back in town and he wants to hang out with her. She's going to stop by his house this week so they can catch up. They broke up a couple of years ago, but they dated for a few years so this sort of makes me uncomfortable. Can I tell him that I don't want them to be friends? I don't know whether I should be upset or just let it go.

Signed,
Nervous

To read the MBA student's advice, read more.

Dear Nervous,

My advice is to let them hang out and catch up initially. It's natural for friends who haven't seen each other to meet up; there is nothing to worry about. I think it might be a good idea for you to be there, if your boyfriend is OK with that. If this is truly a friend situation, he shouldn't have a problem with you being there, and if the ex-girlfriend is moving back into town then she should want to get to know you. After they catch up, the novelty might go away and they might never see each other again as people change. However, if they continue to hang out and see each other a lot, you can let him know that it makes you uncomfortable. He should respect your wishes and tone it down.

Signed,
An MBA Student

You Asked: Should I Tell My Best Friend I'm Dating Her Ex?

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My best friend and I had been close since the seventh grade. Seven months ago, I met her boyfriend. He was cute and funny and great to be with. In fact, we'd talk online every once and awhile. Unfortunately, a few months ago my friend and I had a huge falling out and we still aren't speaking. As of a month ago, her now ex-boyfriend and I started talking much more often and we have developed mutual feelings for each other. They still talk on occasion, but he hasn't said anything to her. Even though they broke up just before our falling out and although it was definitely mutual, I still feel guilty. Should we tell her?

-Crushing and Concerned Cassie

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Crushing and Concerned in Cassie,

This is definitely a difficult situation. When it comes to dating a best friend's ex-boyfriend or crush, the code of rules is really complicated. Half the time we won't allow it, and the rest of the time we find a loophole. My general rule is don't do it unless you are absolutely in love and even that can get you in trouble, but at least it'll be worth it.

Since you and your friend are on the outs, she might see your relationship with her ex-boyfriend as a way of hurting her. Best friends often fight, but many are able to get past their differences in the end. Make sure that before you pursue a deeper relationship with this guy or decide to tell your friend, you're willing to potentially damage your friendship permanently.

Since she's still talking to her ex, it's likely that she'll find out about your relationship sooner than later. Your past fight might be forgivable, but sneaking around with her ex may not be. She'll be angry either way, but if you're direct and honest with her, it might be something you two can eventually work through. Either she'll forgive you or she won't, but at least you can sleep well knowing that you've been honest. Best of luck!

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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: My Sister Is Secretly Dating My Ex

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 14:15:31 -0800

DEARSUGAR and Seething Sister need your help. She is about to flip out on her sister for being deceitful and shallow. Should she let a man come between them or should she swallow her own anger and let it go?

Dear Sugar
I have just learned my sister's secret. She's dating my ex! Ew, I can't even believe it. I feel so angry inside. Feelings of betrayal and deceit are running through my veins and all I want to do is tell her off. Am I mistaken or is their an unwritten rule that you don't covet your own sister's ex boyfriend? I know that I am right, or else why would they be keeping this a secret from me?

He and I dated for two years and when we broke up, I was devastated. He was my first love and I still believe that he was my deepest love. After all of the wonderful high's that we shared together, he turned out to be a rotten liar and I broke up with him; but I've never really been the same since.

I still find it difficult to trust men and it is much harder for me to blindly fall for someone when I know how much pain it can cause you if it doesn't work out. My sister was around during the entire time I was going through this mess with him.

Not only would you imagine that she would consider him to be a jerk for lying and hurting me, but you'd definitely think that she'd be smart enough to steer clear of him. He was very handsome and she must have always been attracted to him. What should I do? Should I write her out of my life or should I just let it go and let fate take its course with them? Seething Sister

I'm dating my sister's ex boyriend

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 06:38:52 -0800

i just read about a girl who found out that her sister was secrectly
dating
her no good ex boyfriend. most people told her to cut her sister loose.
my
situation is a little different. to start this story, i'll explain how
i
got the chance to date him in the first place. over three years ago, my
sister cheated on her boyfriend with his friend, and then moved 3,000
miles away with him. her boyfriend was devastated, as he has never
cheated
in his life. all he ever wanted was to start a family. after my sister
left, he and i remained friends. we were always in the same situation
relationship wise, and so we were eachother's shoulder to cry on. he
went
on to date a girl i've known most of my life and they had a baby girl.
at
six months old their baby died of sids... three months after that his
girlfriend cheated on him. needless to say they broke up and once again
we
found ourselves in the same situation... i've been lied to and cheated
on
repeatedly. we started hanging out again and to our surprise we started
having feelings for eachother. 90% of the things that either of us
liked
to do, both of us liked. we could talk with ease and for the first
time...
we both knew what it felt like to trust. we want so much of the same
things
for our future and both desperately wanted to give it a shot. I told my
sister that we had feelings for eachother within day of acknowledging
it.
she cried a little but told me that if i thought we could be happy to
go
for it. so i did... but her supportive feelings didn't last long. for
the
last three months it has been battle after battle and it's wearing me
down. she claims that he was the only man she ever loved and that she
can
even still picture his face when they were doing the deed... he does
not
feel the same way. now, i'm caught in a whirl wind of guilt, but held
up
by the thought of us in the future... secure, in love, starting a
family,
and maintaining the active lifestyle in which we thrive. i'm torn
because
i love my sister so much and have always been there for her. i stood by
her side in every painfull situation she's been in... i even up and
moved
3,000 miles away to be with her when she was having a hard time. i
don't
know how to show her how strong my love for her is but that i truly
believe that this man and i were brought together for a reason. please
help me.

Grab Bag: Road Trip With the BF 101

TresSugar — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:00:00 -0700

How to go on a road trip with your boyfriend without breaking up by the end. - Lemondrop
Would you let your mom pick your boyfriend? - Glamour
7 surprising fetishes. - The Frisky
Time magazine covers eco-friendly sex toys! - Em & Lo
Help! My ex-BFF is going to be my sister-in-law! - Double X
Technology and dating: some interesting rules to consider. - Your Tango
Poor Mr. Judge Judy. - Jezebel
Hilarious and horrifying: Levi Johnston to bare all in Playgirl. - PopSugar

Have You Ever Defied Expectations?

TresSugar — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:00:00 -0700

In the latest issue of GQ, the seriously sexy January Jones opens up about how she overcame the low expectations of an ex-boyfriend. Instead of believing in her, the ex (rumored to be Ashton Kutcher) told her that she might not be cut out for acting. January recounts:

"The guy I was dating when I first got to LA was not supportive of my acting. He was like, I don't think you're going to be good at this. So - f*ck you! He only has nice things to say now - if anything, I should thank him. Because the minute you tell me I can't do something, that's when I'm most motivated."

January sure did channel that motivation, as her powerful portrayal of Betty Draper has earned her much critical acclaim.

Have you ever defied expectations to show what you're really made of?

Paper Heart's Charlyne Yi Talks Love and Dating

TresSugar — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 07:00:00 -0700

In Paper Heart, opening in theaters this Friday, Charlyne Yi plays a documentary filmmaker intent on finding out what people, young and old, feel about love. During her travels and interviews, she falls in love with geek heartthrob Michael Cera. Not only did Charlyne star in Paper Heart with Cera (and Seth Rogen and funny man Demetri Martin), she won the Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award for co-penning the film’s script! We asked the wisecracking Yi her thoughts on modern love and dating. . .

TS: Do you think that cynics are the true romantics?
CY: Before we begin, I'd like to clarify I am no Love Guru (Mike Meyers). I don't think anyone can really define love. It's one wild, wild beast. And I don't think anyone is wrong or right. For this, I'm just gonna share my personal op. That's short for opinion. I don't believe anyone is truly "cynical." I think we all have doubts and question love, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's normal and healthy. To find out what else Charlyne thinks about dating and love, read more.

Perhaps sometimes people are wary of love because they're trying to be smart, don't understand love, or of the fear of getting hurt again, or even hurting the other person . . . after all love is such a fragile thing. It would be awful to say you loved someone when you were unsure. When you're in a relationship, you're responsible for each other's feelings. And that is super scary. And I think there are no real cynics. Because there is a flicker of hope within them, where they wish they had somebody. I think everybody wants to mean something to somebody, even if they are "cynical" or "skeptical."

TS: How would you describe dating for the so-called Generation Y set? What makes dating different for them compared to previous generations?
CY: I'm not sure. I've only lived in this generation. But I've noticed my parent's generation got married really early on, around 19-early twenties. Most people I hang out with don't get married until much much older like mid 30s.

TS: What’s the best thing about dating?
CY: When you've reached the point in the relationship when you don't have to try anymore. And you both can spend time doing the most boring thing, and yet have fun.

TS: . . . the worst thing?
CY: Not being able to read the other person's mind. Uncertainty about how the other person is feeling.

TS: What is the best dating advice you ever got?
CY: I made up my own advice. I figure if I'm my gross weird self in the very beginning, instead of trying to show my best side and impress them, and later revealing who I really am, I would just be me. And this sounds dumb, but if I need to fart, I'm gonna do it. And maybe if they accept all of me early on, they've passed the test. And actually like me.

TS: What’s the biggest “don’t” on a date?
CY: Don't: Punch me in the face.

TS: Describe the worst date you were ever on.
CY: It was sad, the guy started crying at dinner about his ex-girlfriend. I felt bad.

TS: What are the elements of a good date?
CY: I don't think it matters where you are. It could be the dullest of all places or most dreadful. It just matters if the person you're out with and you are having fun and can actually carry an enjoyable conversation. And they can make me laugh.

TS: Should established couples still go on dates, or is this strictly the penance singles must suffer?
CY: I don't understand this question. Maybe because I don't know what penance means.

TS: Is dating obsolete?
CY: Again, don't understand this question. Seriously.

TS: Thanks, Charlyne! We can't wait to see this cute movie. . .

Source

Are You a Naked Person?

TresSugar — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 07:00:27 -0700

I used to date a guy who was such a "naked person," he would pretty much do anything in the buff. I once found him in the kitchen making quesadillas, wearing nothing but his birthday suit. Even he admitted that was a bit much.

There are a lot of naked people - folks who feel so comfortable in their own skin that they think nothing of walking around the house nude, skinny-dipping, or disrobing in group saunas. Remember the episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte won't remove her towel in the sauna, saying she didn't grow up in a "naked house"? Are you more like Charlotte or my naked ex-boyfriend?

Conventional Wisdom: Ask a Gay Man

TresSugar — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 08:30:00 -0700

I am a straight woman and I recently broke up with my ex of about three years. I was unhappy more than I was happy, and I wanted to be single again. I moved out and I'm generally enjoying the single life.

The only problem is dating! I just went on a date with a guy who was a casual acquaintance before. We planned to go to dinner, but when he failed to call me before 7 PM, I shot him a text. We met at the restaurant.

I dressed in jeans, boots, and a cute black top. Nothing too fancy, but date appropriate. He showed up in old jeans and - wait for it! - a backwards baseball cap! Throughout the date he proceeded to talk about how we should meet up with his buddies after at a bar. He continued to act generally rude all night, and after offering to get the bill, he actually changed his mind to have us split. It's not like I expect a free meal, but the whole thing was bizarre! I'm getting the feeling that no men out there understand the concept of good dressing and appropriate manners!

I went on a date to get over my ex, but it was so bad I want my ex back. Help!

Signed,

Woman Whose Ex Is Looking Better By the Minute

To read a gay man's answer read more.
Dear WWELBBM,

My dating life has paralleled yours in an almost eerie fashion. I, too, dated a boy for three years, though I would say most of the time I was pretty happy in that relationship. But, alas, it ended, and I've spent the past few years navigating the single world.

After a breakup, the first order of business is to find comfort in being alone. After spending a considerable time in a relationship, it can be hard not having a constant companion by your side. But taking this time to reacquaint you with yourself is paramount. It's best to do this before you jump into dating again. That way you won't be dating to get over the ex.

Now, in terms of this specific date, it sounds like this guy was a dud. But don't assume that all men are duds based on this one experience. Many of them are, but there are a few diamonds in the rough, and the exciting thing about dating is trying a couple guys on for size, and seeing which one fits (literally and figuratively!). This can take a week, a month, even years, but the beauty of this time is that it's spent with you, and aren't you fabulous?

Whatever you do, don't go back to the ex. You, yourself, said you were unhappy, and it's unlikely that anything drastic has changed that will make you feel differently about round two.

In the meantime, love yourself, and step out of your comfort zone. Just this weekend I joined a gay book club and our first meeting is next month. Who knows, by Summer I might be reading in bed with a new boy. Or, here's to hoping.

Good luck out there,
A Gay Guy

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