TresSugar

Group Therapy: I Got Dumped Over Email

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

I had been dating a guy for two months and I couldn't have asked for a better relationship; other than the fact that he was too career-oriented and ambitious and always put his work first. I have a very demanding career as well so I made it clear to him that it was OK if we didn't meet up every night after work. When it came down to it, he felt too pressured to spend time with me, so he dumped me over email and blocked me on Facebook, IM, and all other technologies. I'm incredibly hurt because he didn't even give me the respect to end things in person or at least over the phone. I guess I am looking for closure, but will I ever get any?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

Source

Group Therapy: Can You Please Help Me Understand Her?

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 10:00:00 -0700

I could really use some female perspective here. This past weekend I met a girl at a bar and we totally hit it off. We ended up going home together, we had a great evening, and in the morning, before parting ways, we exchanged phone numbers saying that we would get in touch to see each other again. There was some casual flirting via text message the next day and I told her I would call her later on in the week to set something up. When I tried calling her, I got her voice mail and left a messaging asking if she wanted to hang out some time. A day later I got a message from her, which just told me that she needed some time to fix her life up a little and even though she liked me, didn't want to start anything serious.

I realize that I was just "let down nicely," but I guess I am just confused as to why there was talk of meeting up again if she didn't want to. I wasn't looking to start anything serious yet either, I just wanted to get to know her better since she seemed interesting enough. How do I follow up on this? Should I take the hint and not respond? Should I pursue her and see if she has a change of heart? I've never been in this situation before so I could use all the advice I can get!

You Asked: Is This a One-Way Friendship?

DearSugar — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm really confused about my relationship with one of my male friends. He's gay, so there's nothing even remotely romantic about this dilemma. My problem is that I'm not sure whether or not he values my friendship as much as I value his. He's a photographer and we initially began hanging out when he asked me to model for a couple of his projects. He was so happy with my work that he ended up using me as his model in the vast majority of his projects after that. In working together, we became very good friends.

While we always have a good time together, he just doesn't seem to make any effort towards our friendship when it doesn't have to do with him telling me about the next project he has coming up. Now, I know the obvious answer at this point would be that he's just using me for his work, but it's a little more complicated than that. When we do hang out, he always tells me how much he values me as a friend. In fact, a few months ago he even suggested that we become roommates! He's always struck me as completely genuine when he says these things.

We met up again recently, and I felt as though I was a burden the whole time. When I brought the roommate subject up again, he seemed completely disinterested. He does have a ridiculously large circle of friends so I can appreciate the fact that he has a lot of other things going on in his life, but I just wonder why I seem to get the cold shoulder sometimes. To be honest I'm getting a little fed up with it. What now?

- Friend or No Norah

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Friend or No Norah,

It certainly sounds like your friend is more invested in you as his model than as his confidant, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's just one of those people who acts friendly with everyone, but isn't all that close with anyone. But even if I'm wrong, and he is completely genuine when he says that he values your friendship, he's still not acting like it and that's the real problem here.

The old adage "actions speak louder than words" applies to friendships just as much as relationships. And right now his actions clearly state that he's more equipped to be you acquaintance than a good friend. So I say, leave it at that. Once you change your expectations I think you'll find that things start to be easier. If as you back off, he suddenly starts making an effort then I think it's worth bringing up your concerns Otherwise, just enjoy him as a hobby-related friend and nothing more.

Source

Group Therapy: He's My World, but It's Driving Me Crazy

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been dating for roughly a year and a half. We both lived in the same student building when we met, so when we started dating I naturally began spending more and more time in his room, until I had "unofficially" moved in. At the end of term when it was time to look into finding a group of people to get a house with for the following year, it just seemed natural that he and I should live together - we reasoned that if we didn't live together one of us would wind up spending the majority of our time at the other's house.

Before I met him, I was a painfully shy person, and very nervous about starting my first year of college. As a result I wasn't able to meet anyone straight away. When we started dating he helped give me the confidence to come out of my shell, and I became friends with a lot of his friends. He also played a major part in helping me get through my actual schoolwork. Recently, now a year later, I've just been feeling stifled and having mixed feelings about the relationship, and I don't think it would be happening if we hadn't started living together.

I realize that I haven't accomplished anything on my own since college began. I met all my friends through him, and I live in our current house because of him. It seems likely that I passed my first year purely because I had his help. I appreciate what he's done for me, but I want to be my own person, and I have the confidence now to do so. On the one hand, life is good, and my boyfriend is great, but on the other hand, I'm only 20 and I want to see if I can make it on my own. Should I just accept that I have a good thing going and stick with it? Or try to branch out?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

Dog Has an Identity Crisis

GiggleSugar — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:00:00 -0800

Harley can't believe his eyes. Is that really him on the other side of that monitor? Or a virtual impostor? Can a dog exist in two places at the same time? And is he the kitties' man over there that he is here? They don't call him "Harley" for nothing, you know. . .

Group Therapy: To Stay or Not to Stay?

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:00:00 -0800

I am 25, and my boyfriend is 23. We have been dating for almost four years now. We met in college and we have been together since the day we met. Things used to be great, but lately I'm questioning everything. On paper, he is everything that I could possibly want: good looking, smart, funny, rich, he would do anything for me, and the list goes on and on. We have a lot of the same interests and get along very well, but I feel like we have become just really good friends. I find myself seeking out new relationships often - I have never crossed the line in any way and I honestly don't think he has either. For example, this past Saturday night I went out with one of my friends (and purposely didn't invite my boyfriend) in the hopes that my latest crush would be at the local bar that we go to all of the time. I am so confused, and I am scared to let my boyfriend go because he is everything that I want, yet there is no spark there. Am I doing something wrong? Am I selfish for feeling this way? Should I just walk away or try to get the sparks flying again?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

Group Therapy: Friendless and Frustrated

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 14:00:00 -0800

I am a senior in college and I have found myself with very few friends. I was friends with a group of people for a couple of years, but realized they weren't the type of people I wanted to associate myself with. I broke away from them and have since had trouble finding new friends. I used to consider myself outgoing and somewhat of a social butterfly, but since I'm so late in the friend-finding game, I feel clueless. I am graduating in May and will probably not be staying in this area. Should I take the time and effort to make new friends for the few months that I will be here or should I just rely on my friends from home until I move and have a chance to make new friends in a different area? Also, how do I go about making new girlfriends!? I'm lost.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

Group Therapy: Hooked up with a celeb; what to do??

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 10:00:00 -0700

I've been talking to someone for a while now (since Aug of last year), we started speaking on AIM and then met a few months after that. In March, we stopped talking because of a little spiff we got into, and since then, hardly talked. He came to NYC on Friday for a performance, and I didn't think that we'd even say hello to each other but ended up hanging out and having sex. This has never happened before, although, there were many opportunities for it to. I guess now I'm just unsure of what to do and how to feel. I would love to see him again or have something with him, but I DO understand the nature of his business. His work is very important to him. He travels all over the world all the time, he comes to NY once every 6 months, but I feel like I can't possibly have anything going with his guy even though I am totally into him. Anyone have any advice??

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Group Therapy: Am I Reasonable Or Shallow?

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 03:00:00 -0700

I've been with my boyfriend, who I'll call Go*, for four years and six months now. Things are going well. Last year we moved in together and it was exciting and all...but I feel like we're going too slow.
It seems like everyone around me is getting married, having children and starting their lives before us. When I try to convince Go to talk about marriage and children, he's pretty aloof. He thinks it's not something we should worry about right now.

But...I don't know. In a way, he is right. Everything is fun now. We enjoy ourselves and each other. We have big plans and dreams. Maybe marriage and children WILL be money and time we don't have or want to give up.

Click here to

Yet I feel like it's something we should do. I think it's been long enough. I feel like a failure every time someone tells us they're married or having a child when we've been together longer than them. I kind of look to Go and think: "What are you waiting for?".

Is there such a thing as going to slow? Do you think Go just doesn't want to commit to me? Or am I just unreasonable to think that marriage and children are necessary at this point?

You Asked: For Love or Money?

DearSugar — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 14:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--
I have been dating this guy for about two months. He treats me like a goddess. He is very affectionate, which is something I am not used to, very giving and attentive. But (there is always a catch) he makes a lot less money than I do, does not have a car, which means that I do all the driving on the dates, and he has a seven year old son. I have a bachelor's degree and a post graduate degree, I am not making six figures but I am financially secure. I do not have any children and I have always dated a guy with at least a motor vehicle and I have to admit I DO NOT LIKE this dynamic.

But on the flip side, I feel like I am being stuck-up and judgmental if I dump him. When we go out I don't pay for anything but my worst fear is that it will be two years later and he still won't have a car and will still be making less money than me. As bad as this is to say, I want financial security from my spouse and I just don't know if he can provide that for me. He also told me that I have to accept him for who he is and his situation and I either have to support him or walk away. My mind says walk away but my heart says give him a chance. Please help! -- Flustered Frankie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Flustered Frankie--

You are being entirely too hard on yourself right now Frankie. The desire for financial security is absolutely valid, and any woman that doesn't come right out and say that it's something they think about is lying. But, with that said, your boyfriend is right, you either need to completely accept him for who he is or let him go and move on.

There is a reason why you fell for this man, despite his financial situation, so what has changed? Have you been talking about your future lately or thinking about taking the next step in your relationship? You're very lucky to have a boyfriend that treats you like a princess, but you need to ask yourself if that is enough for you. Many women dream of having the white picket fence and 2.5 kids, but just know that is more of a fairly tale than a common reality. While it sounds like you are unhappy being the breadwinner in this relationship, something tells me there is more going on here. Are you feeling like there is a power struggle because of your differences in your paychecks and degrees? Do you respect him less because he isn't as successful as you?

You have only been together for two months so be sure you aren't jumping the gun here. Is there a possibility your boyfriend will advance in his career or potentially get another job? Knowing what you want and what will make you happy in the long run does not make you judgmental or stuck-up -- it makes you honest. It sounds like your boyfriend is being affected by your doubts in this relationship so to be fair to him, you're going to have to make a decision that you can live with and that makes you happy. Good luck.

Source