TresSugar

Dear Poll: Do You Enjoy Attention From Strangers?

DearSugar — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 07:30:00 -0700

Construction workers whistling at women? That’s probably an unfair stereotype. But receiving unsolicited positive attention from strangers can certainly be an ego boost, whether it’s from a passerby on the street, a cute guy at a coffee shop, or, yes, even the occasional construction worker. I know not everyone is receiving compliments from friends, but tell me, do you like receiving them from strangers?

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Where Do You Stand? Receiving Compliments

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 10:00:00 -0800

The other day a friend of mine complimented me, telling me that I looked good in the shade of pink I was wearing, and she caught me so off guard that I actually blushed! I've never considered myself shy, but I have to admit, receiving that accolade out of left field made me slightly uncomfortable. I know that a lot of people share my sentiment, so tell me where you stand on receiving compliments. Do they make you feel uncomfortable or do you easily accept praise?

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You Asked: How Can I Compliment My Boyfriend?

DearSugar — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend loves to tell me how sexy, hot, or gorgeous he thinks I am. I love that he loves how I look, but I find it hard to return the compliments. I find him sexy and am very attracted to him (and tell him so), but I would never describe him as "hot." I don't know how to compliment him the way he does me without feeling like I'm lying through my teeth. Do you have any advice? - Shy Sheila

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Shy Sheila,

Complimenting your boyfriend doesn't have to be done in the same manner that he compliments you. As you stated above, it feels good to hear that your significant other finds you attractive, so while you might not think he's the most beautiful man you've ever seen, why not compliment the features or characteristics you do find attractive? Perhaps it's the way he touches you, or the way he looks at you; you could even let him know how amazing it makes you feel when he does x, y, or z or how sexy you find him when he's fresh out of the shower.

At the end of the day, we all like our egos to be stoked from time to time, so remember, extending an accolade doesn't always have to be about appearance. I hope I was of some help!

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Do Tell: What Do You Typically Get Complimented On?

DearSugar — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 07:30:00 -0800

Yes, men have a knack for dishing out some pretty terrible pickup lines when trying to get lucky, but they can be sweet and honest with their words too. Paying someone a sincere compliment, without any personal gain, has the ability to truly lift our spirits and self-confidence. Since we all have unique attributes that make us who we are, do tell, what is it about you that usually gets the most compliments?

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You Asked: Should I Pass on Praise to My Ex?

DearSugar — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of five years and I broke up (rather awkwardly) last October and it completely shattered my heart. While we were civil and polite immediately after, we haven't spoken much or seen each other for about a year. I've since moved on, and I am confident he has too. Although I'm curious to know how he is, I hadn't really considered any contact until I heard a really nice compliment to him. I was at the local dog park a few days ago and some of the other women there were discussing the math programs at their kids' schools. One woman mentioned what a difference a certain teacher made for her son, and the particular school as well as the way she described him makes me 100 percent confident that she was talking about my ex-beau.

I know how much he loves teaching and acting as a role model to his students so should I write him an email to relay the praise? I want to respect his space and privacy, and my heart, so is this a can of worms I should avoid opening or should I just do it? - Do Good Greta

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Dear Do Good Greta,

I think it's very sweet that you're considering relaying this praise on to your ex, but I just want to make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. If you want to use this as an excuse to get back in touch with him, I highly suggest you weigh the pros and cons before doing so. Ask yourself if you'd be upset if he wasn't happy to hear from you, if he didn't want to rekindle your friendship, and be prepared to have all those sad feelings around your breakup resurface again.

If you wholeheartedly just want to pass along the compliment with no strings attached, do it, I'm sure he'd love to hear it, but if you have an ulterior motive, make sure you think through every angle - you don't want to set yourself up for failure or hurt.

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Relationship Protocol: How Often Does He Compliment You?

DearSugar — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

There’s something extra meaningful when you get praise from a significant other. Of course, a compliment is always nice, but when it comes from your loved one, it tends to hold more meaning. That kind of positive energy really goes a long way in keeping the romance alive. How often do you get compliments and praise from your significant other?

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Dear Poll: Do You Like Getting Looks?

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

A little flattery can go a long way when it comes to boosting the ego, but even praise can get excessive sometimes. To be honest, I’ve never been a fan of the male gaze; no matter the guy, I just don’t like being stared at. My girlfriends see it as a form of flattery, but to me, being ogled is just too much. Is this flattery you can get behind, or do you prefer to grab your compliments verbally?

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You Asked: I Can't Accept a Compliment

DearSugar — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

When someone compliments me, I get extremely uncomfortable and don't know what to say. I know it's all a matter of insecurity, but I don't see myself as insecure. I love my appearance and who I am on the inside, but for some reason I just cannot accept flattery. I started dating a new guy and he's constantly complimenting me, which makes me feel good, but also incredibly awkward. I am literally incapable of just saying thank you.

To make things even more challenging, I was recently at dinner with family and friends to celebrate the beginning of my sister's new company. In front of over 100 people she asked me and my younger sister to be the faces for her ad campaign. I immediately declined - in a very respectful way. It would have been fun, but I just can't help but feel like someone else might have deserved it more. I don't want to miss opportunities because I have this complex! How can I learn to just take a compliment?

- Compliment Complex Casandra

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Compliment Complex Casandra,

Though I certainly think insecurity can play a role in not being able to take a compliment, I also think much of accepting flattery is simply learning how to properly give a gracious "thank you." From a young age we're taught that there's nothing worse than an immodest woman, and thus we learn to think that by agreeing with a compliment, we're both conceited and impolite. But it's time for ladies to learn that responding graciously to flattery is far better than averting our eyes or downplaying ourselves.

Next time you a receive a compliment, remember that there's nothing wrong with saying thanks. There's no need to agree with the person or go on and on; you can simply acknowledge that what they said was meant to flatter you. In fact, it'll will be far less awkward to offer a thank you than dodging the statement. The more you do this, the easier it will get, but it does take a conscious desire to change, so keep at it.

As far as working with your sister's concerned, why not see if the position is still available? There's nothing wrong with changing your mine and taking a little credit. Plus, it never hurts to ask!

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Do You Use Flattery to Break the Ice?

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

A few months ago I asked you all if you return a compliment when given one, and 71 percent of you said no. I also mentioned that flattering someone is a nice thing to do when breaking the ice, but now I want to pose a similar question in a different way: Do you ever compliment someone just to appease them, almost out of nervousness? Some of us do it as second nature because we know it feels good when people do it to us, but others aren't as forthcoming with accolades, especially to other women. So ladies, what I want to know is, do you offer up compliments as a way of breaking the ice, or do you leave that job to others?

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This or That: He's Creepy or He Won't Stop Peeping?

DearSugar — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 08:00:00 -0700

You’re on a very romantic first date with a guy, who seems perfect on paper. You met him through a friend of a friend, so you don’t know much about him besides the basics. Over the course of dinner and some pretty decent conversation, you guys each enjoy a few glasses a wine. There’s only one thing that’s sending you a red flag, and it's a big one. Maybe he’s just drunk, but would it be worse if . . .

This: He keeps bringing up sex-related conversation topics? Sure, you like to get down, but you’ve never felt so uncomfortable.

Or . . .

That: His eyes graze every lady's behind and chest that comes within a 20-foot radius? The conversation is actually great, but he can’t keep his eyes on your face.

Neither is great for the mood, but which is worse?

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