TresSugar

Do You Compare Your Relationships to Your Friends'?

DearSugar — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 07:30:00 -0800

Whitney and Erin are both smitten by the men in their life, and since their relationships began around the same time, I wasn't shocked to see Whitney comparing the two on last night's episode of The City. Erin and Duncan have already exchanged I love yous, but Jay still isn't comfortable putting the BF/GF label on his relationship with Whitney, and it's clearly starting to weigh on her. Of course we all progress at different paces, and we all have different bonds with our significant others, but tell me, do you ever compare your relationships to your friends'?

To get all the fashion from last night's episode, check out our new site, CelebStyle.

Photo courtesy of MTV

Dear Poll: Are You Competitive About Your Career?

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Job security isn't what it was a few months ago, and for some, even talking about work hits a major nerve. I'm not in the same industry as most of my girlfriends, but when I listen to the ones who are in the same field talk about their careers, you can cut the tension with a knife. It's almost like they're competing; everything from whose company is doing better to where their Christmas party will be this year. It's a scary time right now, so shouldn't we all be supporting one another instead of competing?

So do you and your girlfriends have the same kind of competitiveness when it comes to talking shop? Or do you avoid talking about work at all costs for exactly this reason?

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Have You Ever Had a Friend Sabotage You?

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Monday night's episode of Gossip Girl was filled with the usual hijinks as best friends Serena and Blair found themselves competing for an opportunity to make it into Yale. But their particular method of competition involved consciously humiliating the other and trying to make each other look bad - not exactly friendly, to say the least.

Admittedly, their drama was over the top in true Gossip Girl fashion, but still, the idea of sacrificing a friendship for a personal opportunity lingered with me. In fact, I have had friends make me look bad so they could look better, and though it showed me their true colors, it still felt awful. Have you ever been in a situation like this? Are there any circumstances for which you'd potentially sacrifice a friend?

Photos courtesy of The CW

You Asked: My Sister-in-Law Is Competitive With Me

DearSugar — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 16:40:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have a sister-in-law who I've been having a hard time dealing with lately. We used to be a lot closer, but over the past two years we have grown apart. My husband's family decided to buy two hair salons, one of which my sister-in-law was employed at. And it just so happens that I'm in the business as well, so we've been working together, too. Ever since then she has tried to compete with me. We are both managers and though we do have some differing views on managing the salons, our priorities for the most part are the same.

Recently I left a note for one of the employees to make sure she properly handled her clean-up and I got a nasty response back. Instead of defending me or helping me deal with it, my sister-in-law just laughed about it. It's obvious she doesn't value me as her partner, and I don't know how to deal with it. What can I do to make this situation better?

- Sister-in-Law Stress Sadie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Sister-in-Law Stress Sadie,

Dealing with competition in the workplace is very common, and accompanied by the fact that you're working with your sister-in-law in a family business, it's not too surprising that you've encountered some issues. Like any sort of conflict, if you don't deal with it, it'll only get worse. It's clear that you need to talk to you sister-in-law about the situation. Try to keep it moderately professional; however, I do think it's OK to bring up that fact that you're sad you've grown apart.

As with any conversation, avoid attacking her and instead, describe how you're feeling. Ask for her opinion as well; I wouldn't be surprised if she has an entirely different point of view. If you can't work through your personal issues, then you both need to come up with a solution to make your professional environment more manageable. If your attempt at a resolution falls flat and things only get worse, you may want to look into other managerial jobs, outside of the family, since I would guess that she's not going anywhere.

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Where Do You Stand? Sibling Rivalry

DearSugar — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Even though I'm the oldest in my family, I've still fallen victim to sibling rivalry. And while my brother and I are very different, it's that competition that often times pushes us to reach our goals, whatever they may be. Yes, rivalry has a down side too, but tell me, where do you stand on the matter? Do you think it's just a healthy part of any family dynamic or does rivalry have the ability to wedge a gap between siblings?

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Relationship Protocol: Competition

DearSugar — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I don’t consider myself a competitive person, but I can get pretty feisty during a round of Guitar Hero or a game of Scrabble. There’s nothing wrong with a little competition in a friendly game, but what about when it comes to a relationship? I’ve always kept my tiny competitive edge away from my significant other, but I’ve seen some couples duke it out over Monopoly or worse, their roles at work. Maybe it has more to do with the urge to get out a little tension than an actual desire to win, but what do you think? Have you seen this in other couples? Do you and your man ever go head to head?

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The How-To Lounge: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

DearSugar — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 14:00:00 -0700

There’s nothing like comparing yourself to someone else to completely illuminate your insecurities. Whether you’re knocking their choice of boots or feeling particularly envious of them - most of us admit to the up-down glance - by sizing them up against yourself, you’re only serving to further your own worries and self-doubt. So check out my tips on how to free yourself from this possibly detrimental habit and read more.

Ditch the competitive streak for a while. Although the desire to be better than someone else can be extremely motivating, it can also put you in the position of feeling unsatisfied with yourself no matter what you achieve. In a world filled with 6 billion people, you'll always be able to find someone "better" than you so try to keep things relative.
Instead of focusing on everyone else, turn all that attention to yourself. Consider your own accomplishments and pat yourself on the back. Running for 20 minutes might mean nothing to the girl on the treadmill next to you, but that doesn't mean that it's not impressive in your book.
Jealousy is a lot easier than change. Turn your envy into emulation. While it might be second nature to compare yourself to someone else, learn from them instead.

It's so much easier to stay positive when you don't feel that irrational need to measure yourself against someone else, so do your best to fight the urge!

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Sunday Confessional: I Spread a Dirty Secret

DearSugar — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

I'm close with my team at work; we often meet for happy hours and even get together on the weekends. About a year ago we hired a new girl who became fast friends with the whole group, including me. But a few months ago something in her changed. Now I find that she's increasingly competitive with me, but not in a professional sense. Instead, she's competitive when it comes to just about everything else.

When I get gleeful about losing five pounds, she starts working out every day and comes in bragging about the 10 pounds she just lost. If I host a cocktail party at my house, within weeks she's planning her own and literally tallying the amount of people that comes to each. Most recently, she started flirting with a bartender that we see often whom she knows I have been pursuing. Needless to say, she drives me absolutely nuts - I feel like I'm in high school again!

She also tends to drink way too much when we go out, and usually ends up sleeping with someone (it's been a coworker on more than one occasion). For whatever reason, she's inclined to confide in me about her sexual escapades so I usually know what everyone else on our team is just speculating about. Recently she told me that she slept with one of our biggest clients after a dinner meeting - a big no-no at our company. This time I was so fed up with her that I decided to spread it around the office. It felt satisfying at the time, but now her job's on the line. It's not like I made something up, but I still feel guilty that she might lose her job. Can I be forgiven for spreading her secret around?

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You Asked: My Friend Is Too Competitive

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My best friend and I are both actresses, and although I love and value her friendship, she's been getting really competitive with me. I want to be able to share all of the exciting stuff happening in my career, but when I do she digs for more information. At one point she even showed up at an audition I was going to claiming she had been invited, too!

I want to help her and I offer her career advice and support, but I'm not getting the same in return. I want her to do well, but at the same time I need to focus on myself, especially since I see her benefiting from my advice a little too much. How can we still maintain a close relationship when there is always this competitiveness whenever career is brought up?

- Career Comes First Catherine

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Career Comes First Catherine,

First of all, any friend that consistently uses you and appreciates your friendship only for what it can offer as a benefit to her career is no friend in my book. Furthermore, while you say your girlfriend's competitive nature is putting a strain on your friendship, I can't help but notice that you're not shy about pointing out that your advice is helping her a "little too much." To me, that comment is reflective of a someone who is competitive in her own right, which makes me assume that this competition between friends is more than the one-sided issue you make it out to me.

You and your friend need to decide if your friendship is more important than your careers, because right now that doesn't appear to be the case. If it's not, then why bother with it at all? A friendship is only as good as the people creating it, so if you want to make it work, you need to communicate with each other. Keep in mind that if you do maintain your friendship, you'll have to be supportive even when things are going better for her than you and vice versa.

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Do You Have a Frenemy?

DearSugar — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 11:00:00 -0800

I think I’m out of the loop because I only heard the term frenemy recently. As you can guess, frenemy is a slang term used to describe a person who is both an enemy and a friend. At first I found this idea plain silly; how could someone be both of those things at once? But then I recalled a relationship I once had with a co-worker. While I called this woman a friend, and overtly treated her like one, in reality I actually didn’t care for her all that much. Her “friendly” competition was not what friendship is all about.

It seems like many women feel like they have to be friends with everyone, even if they don’t necessarily like that person, creating a lot of situations for frenemy relationships to grow. Is this term legitimate? Have you ever had a frenemy?

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