TresSugar

You Asked: Is It Too Soon to Ask Her Out?

DearSugar — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I currently work with a woman who recently broke up with her boyfriend. Last year she thought he might be cheating on her and when she confronted him about it, he denied everything. She trusted him and let things go on, however last month, she found out the truth and broke up with him - she is completely heartbroken.

The few months leading up to their split, she would talk to me everyday about her situation; she'd ask for my advice, she'd ask for my support, and it seemed like she genuinely enjoyed my company. Nothing ever happened between us, but now that she is single again, I was wondering if you think it would be a good idea for me to ask her out? - Proceeding With Caution Chris

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Dear Proceeding With Caution Chris,

You say your co-worker is heartbroken, so while she's technically fair game, I'd give her a little time to mourn her failed relationship. In the meantime, continue to be her friend, but make sure you don't take on the role of her new best girlfriend - make subtle hints here and there to let her know you're interested in something more, but I advise you not to ask her out just yet in case she's not ready to be back in the dating scene again. Keep feeling out the situation, and when the time is right, I say go for it - ask her out - you have nothing to lose! Good luck.

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You Asked: My Boyfriend and I Are Opposites; Should We Break Up?

DearSugar — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been having some issues for a few years now. He is not attentive, he is an extreme control freak, and he is very judgmental. I am the complete opposite. I do anything to see people happy, I don't like to feel controlled, and I am the least judgmental person you'll ever meet. This is obviously tearing us apart - we argue five out of seven days of the week.

Recently, I have become increasingly interested in my co-worker. He is amazing, sweet, caring, attentive and funny. He has told me multiple times that he really likes me and would love to take me to dinner. He respects that I have a boyfriend and that I denied his dinner proposal, but in the back of my mind I really want to take him up on his offer. I love my boyfriend, but I am not in love with him at all anymore and I really think that this man can show me the world. What should I do? - Stuck Sophie

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Dear Stuck Sophie,

It sounds as though you're mentally checked out of your current relationship, and with good reason, he sounds like an unhealthy partner for you. I'm glad to hear that you haven't accepted your co-worker's advances while in a relationship with someone else, but the fact that you want to is just another indicator that it's time to end things with your boyfriend. Though opposites can attract, it doesn't sound like he is bringing anything positive to the table.

Once you sever ties and grieve your relationship, explore the possibility with this other man, but in the meantime, I don't see why you can't deepen the friendship you're developing. Breaking up is never easy and I know how tough of a position you're in, so the best advice I can give you is to follow your heart and gut instincts. Good luck to you.

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Sunday Confessional: I Embarrassed My Boyfriend at Work

DearSugar — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

My boyfriend and I communicate during the work day over instant message, usually just to check in and say hi. He's been working some really long hours and it feels as though we are two ships passing in the night even though we live together. In an effort to keep things spicy, we often times IM each other sexual innuendos and it's really been helpful during these busy days to keep the romance alive.

We made dinner plans, just the two of us, Friday night. Before leaving work, I IMed him and went into short but explicit detail about how excited I was for our night together. When I didn't hear anything back, I just assumed he was away from his desk so I logged off and went home. When he got home later that night, he looked furious. Apparently he was giving a presentation and his computer was hooked up to a projector in front of his entire team - they all saw my IM. He went on to tell me that I had embarrassed him and made him look unprofessional, but I meant absolutely no harm! I was just trying to tease him before our much-needed night together, but he's beyond upset with me. Can I be forgiven?

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Dear Poll: Do You Dress Sexy For Work?

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

I like to think I look cute when I come to work, but my dress is pretty modest and laid-back. Some women, on the other hand, use coming to the office as an excuse to look their best. I love seeing style around the office, but knowing your audience is incredibly important - seeing your co-worker's provocative side could be slightly uncomfortable! Since we're all different, tell me, do you dress sexy for work?

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Sunday Confessional: I Embarrassed My Boyfriend

DearSugar — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

After being unemployed for several months, my boyfriend finally landed the job he'd been pining for. To welcome him to the firm, his co-workers planned a happy hour at a pub nearby. My boyfriend invited me to join so I agreed to meet them after I left work.

I knew this was a big night for him and I was a little nervous, but I knew I had to be there for my boyfriend. All his co-workers were incredibly nice and we ended up having a great time. But since I hadn't eaten since lunch, I got tipsy pretty quickly. And when the shots started flowing, I went from being tipsy to being drunk. I don't remember much of the night other than having to run to the bathroom to get sick. I thought I was discrete about it, but one of my boyfriend's female co-workers was in the bathroom at the same time and witnessed the whole thing. I know things happen, and people make mistakes, but I have extreme guilt and shame for embarrassing my boyfriend in front of his new co-workers, especially during his first week on the job. Is my drunken indecency forgivable?

Submit your own Sunday Confessionals here and see if you are forgiven!

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Dear Poll: Are You Competitive About Your Career?

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Job security isn't what it was a few months ago, and for some, even talking about work hits a major nerve. I'm not in the same industry as most of my girlfriends, but when I listen to the ones who are in the same field talk about their careers, you can cut the tension with a knife. It's almost like they're competing; everything from whose company is doing better to where their Christmas party will be this year. It's a scary time right now, so shouldn't we all be supporting one another instead of competing?

So do you and your girlfriends have the same kind of competitiveness when it comes to talking shop? Or do you avoid talking about work at all costs for exactly this reason?

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You Asked: Should We Un-Invite Them to Our Wedding?

DearSugar — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I got engaged last November, and our wedding is set for Oct. 18. Last March, my fiancé's company was bought out by a corporation and in early April, the entire office was shut down unexpectedly. He was out of work until July when he was hired by a small independent technology company (and by small, I mean a total of seven employees). He was having a great time for the first few months; he really enjoyed his new boss, co-workers and responsibilities. During that time, we were writing out our wedding guest list and to be friendly, we invited his new co-workers and their significant others. A few months later, he became really unhappy with the company as a whole and is at the point now where he's going to apply elsewhere. If he finds something, he may quit before the wedding. So my question is this: if he does quit before the wedding, how do we handle his current co-workers that have RSVP'd yes? Do we un-invite them? Do we tell them that we still want them there but we understand if they change their minds? I have no idea how to handle this, so any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated. - About to Wed Wendy

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Dear About to Wed Wendy,

Since you've already sent the invitations and some of the guests have already RSVP'd, I'd have to say that the right thing to do is nothing at all. There is still a big question mark around whether or not your fiancé will still be working at his current company come October, so worrying about the unknown will just add unnecessary stress to your wedding planning. If your fiancé does in fact get another job before the big day, it's not to say that his former co-workers wouldn't want to celebrate with you - just because they won't be working together anymore doesn't mean they can't be friends.

If inviting these seven guests really stretched your budget, and if they were just courtesy invites, do what you need to do, even if it means uninviting them. But Wendy, if you decide to go that route, understand that there may be some ill will toward you both. You don't want to burn any professional bridges - the technology industry can be a small world. Since these guests were taken into consideration in your original wedding count, I'd leave well enough alone if I were you. Good luck.

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Do Tell: Do You Talk About Your Co-Workers to Other Friends at Work?

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Even if you don't spend time with your work buddies outside of the office, you've probably made some pretty good "work friends" - you know those people you can vent to, share exciting news with, and gossip. And when the going gets tough between nine and five, they are the only ones that can understand your frustration so it's no wonder we all rely so much on them. And I know it's not the most PC thing to do, but it's pretty common to vent about other people in the office to those trusted confidants. I'll admit that I do it on occasion so do tell, do you talk about other co-workers, even your boss, to your friends at work? Don't worry, I won't tattle on you!

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Good Idea or Bad Idea: Working With Family

DearSugar — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Since we all spend more time with our co-workers than our loved ones, it makes sense that some of you have a desire to work with your significant other, but what about working with a family member? In Hollywood, parents oftentimes double as their children's managers, but oftentimes it can backfire, (remember what happened with Macaulay Culkin?) resulting in a tainted work and personal relationship. Having a momager seemed to work for Usher for a few years until news of a split hit the wire back in May, 2007. No one knows the details surrounding their breakup, but it couldn't have been all that bad because he's rehired her as his manager!

I know my parents would only have my best interests at heart but even so, I'm not so sure it would be a good idea to mix business with family. What about you? Would working with your family members be a good idea or a bad idea?

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Dear Poll: Do You Talk About Your Personal Life At Work?

DearSugar — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Since we spend most of our time at work, it's inevitable that our co-workers become more than that; they become our friends, our confidants, and our sounding boards. And since having gripes about our loved ones, dealing with family drama, or even financial woes is just a part of life, it's close to impossible to leave those worries at home. I've always been the type to wear my emotions on my sleeve - I'll confide in co-workers as I would friends and family - but I know many people who are opposed to mixing business with anything personal. If you think about it, it's a good idea to draw the line somewhere, but no one way is better; so tell me, do you talk about your personal life at work or do you keep the two completely separate?

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