TresSugar

Something New? Saudi Cleric Condones Child Brides

CitizenSugar — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 13:00:38 -0800

A ceremonial wedding between a girl and a frog sounds like child's play compared to a real wedding between a girl and a middle-aged man. Yet the practice continues to cross our screens and affect real lives around the world. And it's not stopping anytime soon - at least not in Saudi Arabia.

Top Saudi cleric, Sheikh Abdul Aziz Al-Sheikh, said it is not fair to tell a 10- or 12-year-old girl that she can't marry. This comes after a Saudi judge refused to annul a marriage between an 8-year-old girl and a 58-year-old man.

The girl's mother petitioned for the annulment, saying the marriage was arranged by the girl's father to settle a debt. The judge's only consolation? He required the newlywed husband to sign a pledge promising to abstain from sex until the girl reached puberty, bringing new meaning to abstinence pledge.

Though Saudi law may intend to protect children, it's difficult to separate the secular from the sacred in a country so steeped in Islam - a religion that imposes no age limits on marriage. A Saudi Arabia researcher for Human Rights Watch said, "It is still the religious establishment that holds sway in the courts, and in many realms beyond."

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Two Indian Girls Marry Frogs (Literally), Not Even the First Time

CitizenSugar — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 14:00:08 -0800

Villagers carried two 7-year-old girls on their shoulders and two frogs on garlanded sticks as they walked them to a temple where they were married. Afterward, the girls returned to their parents while the frogs were thrown into a muddy pond.

The ceremony goes back to a centuries-old tradition. The Hindu god Shiva is said to have turned himself into a frog after a fight with his wife, causing her to cry for days and create a health hazard with her dirty tears. Disease control not being what it is today, Shiva decided to marry a young girl to stop the disease. His wife made herself young again, and he agreed to marry her again. After the wedding, they returned to their original forms and good health reigned in the village.

While any old frog will do, a girl who has yet to reach puberty is required. Proud parents offer up daughters because, in their minds, they are saving their village from disease. But the Indian government holds its head in embarrassment at this backroad tradition, calling it ignorant and blaming illiteracy. It has sent psychologists, sociologists, and religious leaders to villages to persuade people to stop.

Though human-animal marriages are not legally recognized by any country, frogs aren't the only animals getting hitched. To see what else humans have been forced (or just chose!) to marry, read more.

Goats: The Sudanese government forced a man to marry a goat after he was caught having sex with it in 2006.

Dogs: Girls can be forced to marry dogs in India to ward off bad omens. A surprisingly adorable ceremony of a puppy-girl (or maybe not that surprising!) wedding can be watched here.

Horse: An Indian woman married a snake by choice in 2006. She "fell in love" with it after recovering from an illness upon giving the snake milk. However, an investigation by Harper's magazine suggested the snake never existed and the incident was staged in a local power struggle between two religious leaders.

Ahh, well. These other stories appear to be (un)real!

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Eight-Year-Old Saudi Cannot Divorce Her 58-Year-Old Husband

LibertySugar — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 13:00:04 -0800

An eight-year-old Saudi girl will not be able to divorce her 58-year-old husband until she reaches puberty. A Saudi court rejected her mother's divorce plea, ruling that the marriage contract - signed by the groom and the father with the verbal condition that the marriage would not be consummated for 10 years - was valid.

In exchange for his child's hand in marriage, the down-on-his-luck father received $7,500. The girl still lives with her mother and attends school.

This story of a legal system tolerating essentially the sale of a young girl to a man 50 years her elder makes me wonder: Of the billions of women in the world, how many must face an unjust life with few opportunities to control their destinies?

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8-Year-Old Bride Escapes Husband, Gets Annulment

LibertySugar — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 11:00:32 -0700

If it takes three stories to make a trend, here's your third with an arguably happy ending.

Nojoud, an 8-year-old Yemeni girl forced to marry a man in his 20s, took her destiny into her own hands. She ran away from her husband, and took a taxi to a judge's office. Luckily for her, the forward-thinking judge granted her an annulment. Nojoud is living safely with her uncle, and looking forward to going back to school.

Economic conditions are dire in Yemen, which borders Saudi Arabia in the Middle East. Marriage laws are murky - there is no minimum age for marriage, but child brides are not allowed to live with their husbands until they reach puberty. To see what happened in this case, read more.

Nojoud signed the marriage contract with the expectation that she would live with her parents, until she reached 18. Instead she was forced to consummate the marriage, and live with the man. Her father had arranged the marriage, after threats from the husband's entourage. Her older sister had been kidnapped and forced to marry her kidnapper.

Considering that Nojoud's tragic co-habitation and consummation were against Yemen law, how do you feel about Yemen's legal version of child marriage, which requires a girl to reach puberty before sexual relations begin? Is it hard for Western societies to accept a conception of marriage, which resembles a business transaction void of romance?

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9-Year-Old Brides Traded For Food in Afghanistan

LibertySugar — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:00:24 -0700

In Afghanistan, a startling trend is emerging. Recently a family of a 13-year-old girl received 40,000 Afghani ($800) for allowing the girl to marry her father's cousin, and nine-year-old brides are traded for wheat and two cows. As a result of the trend of young girls being sold into marriage, midwives are helping girls as young as 10 years old deliver babies, only to see many mothers perish in childbirth.

These child brides are being sold in Afghanistan not because of religion or tradition, but because of poverty. Many people live in remote villages, separated from the nearest town by weeks of travel and massive snow. Many Afghanis are dying from hunger and cold. Local and global food shortages have caused the price of food to double, with no relief in sight.

In these circumstances, parents feel marriage is the only way to save their daughters.

We've been hearing a lot about child brides and mothers on a Texas compound associated with the FLDS. Do you have a different reaction to the situation in Afghanistan?

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You Know You're Obsessed With the Big Polygamy Story

CitizenSugar — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 12:00:53 -0700

Authorities trying to talk to some of the kids taken from this weekend's big polygamy raid aren't getting much information. After state troopers raided a 1,700-acre West Texas ranch last Friday looking for evidence of the teen, who placed a call authorities a week ago, some 220 women and children have been removed from the premises. The tipoff call came from a girl who allegedly had a baby at 15 and was married to a 50-year-old (under Texas law, girls younger than 16 cannot marry, even with parental approval).

The compound was built by jailed polygamist leader Warren Jeffs, and residents of the compound were practicing a breakaway version of Mormonism, the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. A local child advocate said of the kids hesitance to talk, "When children live in a pretty secluded environment and they're as sheltered as these children, it's very difficult to get them to talk to you and to open up. If you can get them to a neutral place, they're a lot more prone to answer you truthfully."

220! Women and children! What in the world was going on there?! It's almost beyond comprehension if you're used to the world view that prizes the nuclear family.

But does it make sense that with all our soft-focus pop culture romanticism of polygamy (see Big Love, The Girls Next Door, and any number of easy-watching documentaries about plural marriage on TLC) that we would then vilify this? Do you think polygamy is within a person's religious rights? Are you disgusted or fascinated by this story?

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Runaway Brides in China Taking Their Bride Price With Them

TresSugar — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 01:00:00 -0700

With a surplus of bachelors in China thanks to the one-child policy and cultural preference for boys, the country is starting to see more runaway brides - who run away with the bride price their grooms-to-be saved up for the bride’s family.

“Cai li,” the set amount the groom’s family pays the bride’s family, used to be a small sum in the '80s. But since the country has become more prosperous and prospective brides more scarce, the sums have risen to sometimes several years’ worth of a farming family’s income.

Officials speculate that although the runaway bride phenomenon isn’t exactly yet an epidemic, they’re concerned that when the runaways happen in clusters, organized crime rings may be behind the scams.

The British Journal of Medicine estimates that in a recent census, there was a surplus of 32 million males under the age of 20.

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You Asked: How Do I Tell My Bridesmaid to Back Down?

DearSugar — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 11:56:14 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I recently got engaged, and as you can imagine, this is an extremely exciting time for me. I am beginning to plan and consider ideas for the wedding, but one thing I've already gotten out of the way is the bridal party. I have a very close family and was having a difficult time choosing between my two cousins as bridesmaids. I was very close with one as a child, but I'm closer to the other cousin as an adult. In the end, we put both my cousins in the wedding and added a groomsman to my fiance's side.

My cousin from childhood was incredibly excited and wants to play a major role in my day. Unfortunately, her enthusiasm was much more than I had ever anticipated. She signed me up for several wedding websites and my email and phone number has now been solicited everywhere. She insisted that her daughter be my flower girl and even went as far as to tell me what colors I should avoid and which colors I should choose. I need help! I have tried confronting her and she will back down, but then do something else pushy. How else can I deal with this situation? - Bugged Bride

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Bugged Bride,

Your wedding day should be about you and your husband - not about your bridesmaid. While I'm sure she's just trying to be helpful, she's overstepping her boundaries and you need to explain that to her. Being in someone's wedding is a huge honor, and I'm sure she's simply trying to take as much off your plate as possible. But it sounds like you want to be a hands-on bride so assigning her tasks might be the way to go.

Planning a wedding is a very stressful time and it's not uncommon for relationships to be strained during the process, so be as open and honest with her as possible so your friendship doesn't suffer the consequences. Let her feel needed, but not at the expense of your own feelings. Good luck and congratulations!

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You Asked: She Invited Her Family to My Wedding!

DearSugar — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My fiancé and I are pulling together our wedding on our own with no help from a wedding planner and minimal financial help from our families. We are trying to keep our guest list reasonable so that we can stick to our budget. This has proven to be difficult since we both have large extended families, so we've had to pick and choose who we're inviting. So imagine my surprise when my fiancé's brother's wife called me to insist that her parents (who I've never met) be invited to the wedding to care for her 2-year-old child. It would be one thing if she was a direct family member, but they are a few degrees removed. To add insult to injury, my fiancé's brother's wife is already bringing a nanny, which makes her request even more outlandish.

When she first asked me about this, she did ask, however as I told her about our budgeting concerns, she became increasingly adamant, and ending up basically instructing me to invite them. Since we are paying for 90 percent of this wedding, I feel like I should be able to just say no, but I don't want to start off my marriage on the wrong foot, this is part of his family after all. I'm really told but most of all astounded by her query. Do you have any advice?
- Broke Bride Brooke

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Broke Bride Brooke,

First and foremost, I must commend you and your fiancé for planning and hosting your wedding alone, I know that's not an easy task. Since you're sticking to a pretty tight budget here, I completely understand how you'd feel taken aback by this woman's request. Like you, I'd think having a nanny there to help care for her child would be more than enough, so something tells me there's more to her wanting her parents there. The etiquette for inviting quests is all very circumstantial, but at the end of the day, it's your wedding, not hers, so the choice is ultimately up to you and your fiancé.

Of course, starting off your marriage on the right foot is important, as is not burning any bridges, but it's even more important to not go into debt all because of one night - remember, it's about the marriage, not the wedding. So with that said, I'd talk it over with your fiancé, tell him how you feel and if you both see eye to eye, I advise you to say no to her. Now if your fiancé feels that it's important to have them there, unfortunately you're going to have to extend the invite - while this is your special day, it's his, too. I think we can agree that this was a pretty presumptuous request, but you should not, by any means, feel badly for saying no if that's the decision you make. I hope I was of some help, and good luck.

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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Where Do You Stand: Kid-Free Weddings

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Earlier this week, Broke Bride Brooke was put in an awkward situation when one of her guests asked if she could bring her parents to Brooke's small wedding to care for the guest's 2-year-old child. This created quite a dilemma because the bride really can't afford to have them there, which is why I (semi-jokingly) thought TidalWave's suggestion of making it a kid-free wedding was a pretty good one! Now I've never received an "adult only" wedding invitation, and while part of me thinks it makes sense, another part of me thinks it's pretty tacky. I agree that there's a time and a place for kids to be present, but what about those who can't afford a sitter, or new mothers who are still breastfeeding? I think kids bring a fun element to any occasion, but where do you stand on kid-free weddings?

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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