TresSugar

Can Women Have It All?

TresSugar — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 07:30:17 -0800

A successful career. A loving marriage. Well-loved and well-behaved children. The promise of women's liberation holds that women can have all of this if that's what they want. But one teacher wrote in the Daily Mail yesterday that telling a young girl that she can reach the top of the career ladder and raise a family is passing on nothing more than a fairy tale. This not-so-modern woman thinks:

"The young women we are sending out into the world believe they can have it all - and, if they don't, they will have failed. And what a tragedy that is, because the truth is that modern women can't have it all. They may succeed in their careers and they may succeed as mothers, but to do both at the same time? No, that is not possible without making huge sacrifices which many will find simply too much."

Obviously life is full of compromises and trade-offs, but I don't think that means women have to choose between success outside the home and success inside the home. With a little balance, I think women, just like men, can manage both. What do you think?
Photos courtesy of AMC

Do Tell: Where Do You See Yourself in Five Years?

TresSugar — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 07:00:00 -0700

For some people, this is an exciting question that's often asked in interviews. If you know what you want and what steps it takes to get there, you can really look like a go-getter answering it.

But what if you're not sure what you want, or never even gave this any thought?

The question also has a second question built in - how are you going to get there? I'm kind of a free spirit and this wouldn't be an easy question for me to answer.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

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What Kind of Employee Are You?

TresSugar — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 15:00:00 -0700

Your answer, it turns out, could make you richer or poorer than your female colleagues.

In an Essex University study called Does It Pay to Be Nice?, researcher Guido Heineck found that women who exhibited so-called "masculine" traits (aggressiveness or assertiveness, I imagine) earned about four percent more than their nicer or more passive colleagues over the course of their lives. To put a number on it, these Alpha Females earned about 40,000 pounds (or $65,224) more in their lifetime.

Conscientious women, or "women who displayed self-control and persistence" earned up to five percent more than their lazier co-workers. Neurotic women, however, or women who were more anxious and moody on the job, earned about three percent less than their co-workers.

None of this is a surprise, if you think about it, but what's frustrating is that although personality traits were deemed as important as intelligence in women, this hardly factored in at all when it came to a man's earning potential. Researcher Heineck: "Our statistics show that being nice does not pay for women, whereas working hard does. This is probably, in part, because agreeable people are too passive in conflict situations and are poorer wage negotiators."

Chronically Awesome? Don’t Put That on Your Resumé

TresSugar — Sun, 31 May 2009 01:00:00 -0700

I thought this was a joke, but this career strategist must have seen these words in resumés before if she’s cautioning job-seekers not to use them. So, uh, if you were planning on telling a prospective employer you’re “habitually pregnant” or an “awesome Republican” - yeah, don’t do that.

Here are some words not to put on your resumé:

Awesome
Democrat
Chronically ill
Habitually pregnant
Atheist

To see what else you shouldn't add to your resumé, read more

Amazing
Phenomenal
Cool
Spectacular
Liberal
Conservative
Republican
Monotheistic
Polytheistic
Healthy
Diabetic

Source

Handle This: You Caught Him Reading Your Journal

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 10:30:00 -0700

If you were put in a situation like this, how would you handle it?

You recently lost your job and as a result, you've been pretty down and out. Thankfully you have a very supportive and loving live-in boyfriend, but truth be told, you've been craving your alone time. You have found solace in your journal, something you never had time for before, and it's really helping you sort through your feelings. Your boyfriend has noticed that you've been pulling back a little and has responded by being extra clingy, which in turn only irritates you.

The other night, while having dinner at home, your boyfriend made a strange comment - it sounded like he was privy to your personal thoughts only written in your journal. When you asked him point blank if he had read it, he nodded and quietly said yes. As you stormed out of the kitchen, he said that he was left with no other choice since you hadn't been willing to open up to him. You understand that he was just trying to help you during this rough patch, but you're furious - he betrayed your trust and went behind your back. You're going through enough as it is, so how would you handle it?

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Dear Poll: Would You Move Back in With Your Parents?

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:00:00 -0700

Living on your own as an independent woman is something we all strive for, but what happens when you just can't afford to make ends meet? I know moving back into your parents house isn't ideal, but for some it's the only option. So ladies, tell me, if you needed to move home until you got back on your feet, would you consider it?

Source

You Asked: Waiting For the Other Shoe to Drop

DearSugar — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:51:43 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I feel like I've been on a mental downward spiral for the last few months and I don't know how to get out of it. Two months ago my company announced that there would be layoffs, but we won't know exactly who is getting the ax for another few weeks but the stress of waiting is starting to affect all aspects of my life. I tell myself how lucky I am to still have a job, but still, I'm unfocused and unmotivated at work, I'm depressed at home, and stressed out all the time.

Normally I'm a very active and social person but I find myself too tired to plan anything with my friends and lost all interest in meeting people on the romantic front. I keep trying to stay interested in my hobbies and my life, but I'm just so mentally wiped out. Do you have any advice? - Waiting Around Abbie

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Waiting Around Abbie,

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling right now - waiting for the other shoe to drop can't be a good feeling - but since you do still have a job, I'd try to keep everything in perspective. Remember that if you slack off at work that could in turn jeopardize your position, especially if they are hand picking who gets let go. And if you're really concerned with your future at this company, I suggest you start looking for other positions now, just in case.

While I understand that you're mentally exhausted, now is the time to lean on your friends and family for support so you can get out of your head. Push yourself to get lost in one of your hobbies or exercise a few times a week, and instead of hiding out from your social life, commit to going out even when you think you're too tired - I'm almost certain that you'll be happy you did once you're out.

This is a hard time for a lot of people so don't be too hard on yourself for feeling a little down and out, but if your overwhelming anxiety continues, I'd consider talking to a therapist. Good luck to you.

Source

Do Your Co-Workers Fool Around While on the Clock?

DearSugar — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 10:30:00 -0700

If you watch The Office, you know that the employees of Dunder Mifflin are always up to no good, which is usually orchestrated by their boss, Michael. Sometimes their antics are endearing and promote team building, but mostly they're just wasting time and energy. While I'm pretty confident that no other workplace is anywhere near as ridiculous, I'm curious to know if you participate in any wild, funny, or just plain silly activities while on the clock. If so, tell us about them - it's Friday and I think we could all use a good laugh!

Photos courtesy of NBC

Has a Relationship Ever Gotten in the Way?

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 11:00:00 -0700

As we said goodbye to the first season of The City last night, we also watched Whitney say goodbye to her boyfriend, Jay. After he broke up with her last week, he decided he made a mistake by letting her go, but it was too little, too late. Whitney realized she was the one who had let herself go in their relationship - focusing too much time and energy on Jay, which was taking away from her career and friendships. I was pretty surprised when she turned him away, but I glad to see her put herself before a man that didn't seem to be all that ready for the relationship.

Having to choose and make sacrifices when it comes to matters of your heart can be incredibly overwhelming, but tell me ladies, has a relationship ever negatively gotten in the way of your career, friendships, or family life?

To get all the fashion from last night's episode, check out our new site, CelebStyle.

Photo courtesy of MTV

You Asked: Should I Back Out of Godmother Duty?

DearSugar — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I was recently asked to be the godmother of my cousin's first baby. I was thrilled and honored, and I accepted without any hesitation.

After telling a few of my close friends about my exciting news, I got a rather strange reaction that left me feeling awkward and slightly confused. They asked why she picked me because I "don't have enough money to spend on a godchild." Yes, I'm still in med school and I'm on a tight budget, but in my opinion, being a godmother is all about loving your godchild, trying to always be there for the child, taking the time to do things together and letting them know that they can always count on you. Of course, giving presents comes with the job, and I will enjoy spoiling him every now and then when I have more money, but my friends seem to think I am not fit for the job.

What do you think? Should I welcome the challenge regardless of my current financial situation or am I really just not fit for this role? - Conflicted Connie

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Conflicted Connie,

Being a godmother means something different to everyone, but I happen to agree with your definition of the term - being there for the kids, loving them unconditionally, and being their confidant. It sounds like your friends have a different opinion, but remember that your cousin asked you to be this person in her child's life because she thinks you fit the bill.

Your first instincts were of joy and happiness, so don't let their judgment make you second-guess yourself. Embrace the challenge and just take it one day at a time. You won't be a student forever - one day you'll be able to spoil this child with gifts, but in the meantime, spoil him with love - that's what really matters. Good luck!

Source