TresSugar

Sunday Confessional: I Want to Leave Her

DearSugar — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

My girlfriend and I are both 24 years old and have been together for nearly four years. Two years ago we were in a terrible car accident together. I was driving at the time, when an oncoming car swerved across our lane. I walked away with chronic back problems, but my girlfriend was critically injured. She spent two weeks in the hospital, where she had multiple surgeries to fix her broken arms and legs. She did eventually recover, but she has a very bad scar that runs the entire length of her face; she looks like a different person.

At the time, I struggled with extensive amounts of guilt over what had happened to her. I did everything to be a good boyfriend while she recovered; I worked closely with her through her rehabilitation and was always there for her. Once she was doing better, we started focusing on our relationship again. We've been making it work, with ups and downs of course, but overall we've been happy. However, in the last couple months, I've found myself longing for something else.

I care about my girlfriend deeply, and I think that we'll always have a connection, but I don't love her the same way I used to. Based on a few conversations, I know that my girlfriend and our families assume that we'll marry because of what's happened. I don't want to abandon her - she still copes daily with her appearance and physical pain - and I don't want to disappoint our families, but I'm just not sure that's what I want. Can I ever be forgiven if I walk away from this relationship?

Source

This or That: Claustrophobia or Car Accident?

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

On an unusually busy Friday evening, you’re desperately trying to get out of work to make it to a concert with your girlfriends that you’re already running late to. By the time you leave the office, it’s pretty well cleared out and you’re practically running out the door. Would it be worse if . . .

This: As your office elevator starts to make its way down it suddenly comes to a halt, and the doors don’t open? You press the emergency button to no avail. You’re stuck inside for more than two hours while they get it fixed.

Or…

That: You’re racing to the concert venue when a car suddenly pulls right into you? You’re fine, but your car’s left side is completely totaled, and the other driver is arguing that it was your fault for speeding.

Source

Bad Samaritans: Witnesses Stand By as Elderly Man Hit by Car

LibertySugar — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 00:00:56 -0700

A graphic and shocking surveillance video shows a 78-year-old man struck by a hit-and-run driver in Hartford, Connecticut. In the minute and a half that followed, before the police passed by, witnesses refused to come to the man's aid.

The video shows cars passing, and dodging the motionless body. A scooter circles the body, and then drives off. Those on the sidewalk continue about their business, or eventually join a circle of gawkers, standing feet from the man but refusing to do anything but stare. Officials did say that four people called 911.

Other countries, aware that common decency is apparently not enough to help a fellow human in need, impose criminal penalties for failing to reasonably help a person in danger.

How would you react in this situation? Should the United States adopt a duty to rescue, holding uninvolved by-passers liable for not helping a person in danger if they are not at risk themselves? Or do citizens have a right to be a Good Samaritan only if they want to? Does dialing 911 count?

Source

You Asked: I'm Ready for Sex But I Think He's Scared

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating this guy on and off for one year now. He was in a car accident about two years ago which resulted in him losing both of his testicles. You can feel the sexual tension between the two of us ever since we met and I am ready to take things to the next level and have sex. Every time we have some alone time, he stays distant from me like he's scared of me. I can't take much more but I don't want to lose him. I feel like he knows how I feel about him, but what else should I do? How can I let him know I am okay with the fact that he lost his testicles but I can't live like this for much longer.

-Understanding But Wanting Intimacy Emma

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Understanding But Wanting Intimacy Emma,

You are dating a man who I'm sure has a lot of uncertainties and concerns on his mind. He's probably self-conscious about what you'll think when you see that he looks different from other men. I'm sure he's also nervous about whether he'll be able to get aroused enough to have an erection, and worried about whether or not he'll be able to please you sexually.

You should know that the testicles are where sperm and testosterone are produced. Without that male hormone, he may not have any urge to have sex and may also be moody and tired. The good news is that he can have testosterone replacement therapy to help him get his sex drive back.

With that said, it may be difficult for him to get an erection or have an orgasm, but the only way you're going to know is if you talk to him. Share your feelings and try to be as sensitive as you can since this is such a difficult thing to discuss. Try to get him to explain more about his feelings and what he's going through. Being as open as possible will help you both feel more comfortable about your sex life. If he still turns down your advances to have sex, you're going to have to get a little creative with how you two share intimacy. Good luck.

Source

The How-To Lounge: What To Do After a Fender Bender

DearSugar — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 10:00:00 -0700

I have been in more than a handful of fender benders in my lifetime. It's never been anything serious, and it's not something I am proud of, but it's just one of the things that makes me who I am. So if you're like me and have unfortunately tapped a bumper or two, here are some helpful tips to keep in mind.

Click here to read more

The most important thing to remember is to remain calm so you can tell if you are hurt. If your adrenaline takes over, it might mask your pain.
Immediately pull over and make sure the other party isn't hurt.
If there is significant damage, if either party is injured, or if you have caused a traffic jam, call the police.
Exchange driver's license numbers and contact information even if there is not obvious damage. Sometimes it takes a few days to realize if you are hurt or if your car's alignment is off.
If there were witnesses at the scene of the accident, make sure to get their information as well as a written statement of what they saw<./li>
If you aren't sure who's at fault, don't talk too much, as you might have to involve lawyers and you don't want to have anything used against you.

Hopefully you won't need to use any of these tips, but if you do get into an accident, at least you'll know what to do! Be safe!

Source

When Auto Accidents Are Funny

GiggleSugar — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 14:00:00 -0700

When are auto accidents amusing? When the driver responsible fills out an insurance claim form and attempts to condense, evade, or embellish the facts a bit. That's when the truth spins out of control and the retelling gets funny:

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."
"The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."
"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprung up, obscuring my vision."
"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."
"When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
"In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
"As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."
"The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished."

Source and Source

How to Deal With Road Rage

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 11:00:00 -0700

I'm sure you've all been one of those pissed off people, angrily clenching the steering wheel, cursing at the traffic that's making you late for work. Stress from driving can cause your blood pressure to rise and your emotions to get the best of you behind the wheel. People with such road rage honk their horn incessantly, yell at other drivers, tailgate cars in front of them, and weave in and out of different lanes, which can cause accidents.

If any of this rings true for you, here are some ways to prevent road rage:

Carpool. Take a bus. Hop on the subway. You can get to work anyway you want, but who said you have to be the one behind the wheel? Now instead of getting annoyed during your commute, you can read a book, catch up on the news, write a letter, talk to other people, do a little work, or even snooze. Doesn't that sound relaxing? Plus, it's better for the environment!
If you have to drive, try to avoid certain times of day or places that get congested. I used to leave for work a little earlier, which almost cut my commute in half.
Make yourself a mix of calming songs to listen to in the car. You'd be surprised what relaxing music can do for your mood. Or listen to a book on tape. Getting lost in a good story can distract you from getting bothered by what's happening outside the car.
Be the bigger person. If someone cuts you off, doesn't use their turn signal, runs a red light, or rides up your behind, just let it go. You can't change what they did (even if you give them "the finger" with both hands), so just forget about it. Be proud that you are being a good and safe driver.
If you come across an aggressive driver, keep your distance, don't make eye contact, don't honk, and don't do anything to instigate them.

Most importantly, buckle up!

Source

Dumbass of the Day

GiggleSugar — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 07:00:00 -0800

Rolling into an automated car wash with your windows down may be a dumbass move, but it's a reasonable mistake-unlike what you're about to see. The dude drove in needing a car wash, only to drive off needing major body work. Wax on, wax off - dumbass.

TGIF!

GiggleSugar — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 12:55:46 -0700

Now if this isn't a great way to kick off the weekend, then I don't know what is. Most people would start by first kicking off their shoes, but this lady shows us a different way of cutting loose. Lucky for us, the security camera caught it all on tape!

Book Bag: Kingdom of Simplicity Explores Forgiveness

TresSugar — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:00:00 -0700

They say an accident happens by chance, with no planning or deliberate intent. And people who knew my sisters would have said just that. It was an accident. But I would like to tell them there are no accidents.There are only opportunities.

Kingdom of Simplicity, the story about an Amish boy who loses his family in a car accident, explores the simple power of forgiveness.

In 1994, author Holly Payne saw her life plans put on hold after she was struck by a drunk driver and left unable to walk for almost a year. A few months after the accident, the man who inflicted the hardship on Holly wrote her a letter asking for her forgiveness. Not ready to confront him, Holly put the letter away. She finally decided to respond to him with this book about forgiveness, which she recently sent to him along with a letter of her own.

Holly says that she wishes she would have gotten back to the driver earlier to free him from the burden of guilt he felt and free herself from her feelings of resentment.

Have you had the opportunity to forgive someone for something significant?