TresSugar

Group Therapy: I Just Found Out I Might Not Be Able to Have Children

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 04:00:00 -0700

I recently found out some disturbing news from my gyno. I apparently have a condition where I do not ovulate and my body has not responded to treatment. I have always dreamed of having a family so this news is obviously devastating. There is still a possibility that I could have children with expensive fertility treatments, but truthfully I'm not sure how I feel about taking such extreme measures.

So my question to you is whether or not I have an obligation to tell my boyfriend about this. He and I have only been together a couple of months and have not yet discussed marriage or children. I think it's too soon to have a discussion like that with him (we haven't even said "I love you"), but I feel like my condition is a deal-breaker for some men. I feel guilty keeping this knowledge to myself, but I don't want to throw a wrench in our relationship that is just beginning to blossom. Any advice?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Group Therapy: I Accidentally Snooped and Found a Disturbing Letter

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:00:00 -0800

I just started dating this amazing guy. Things have been going great, and we seem to have a real connection. He's an editor and got ahold of one of my manuscripts before we started dating. He said he saw real potential in it, and wants to work with me to get this thing published. It felt amazing to have someone believe in my talent, especially since my ex couldn't have been bothered to even read my writing. Anyway, once we started working together, we realized we had romantic feelings for one another and we've been dating for the past two months.

Last night I was at his apartment. We were in his room and he got up to use the bathroom. I noticed these papers on his desk that were all handwritten. I thought they might be notes about the book so I glanced at them quickly which turned out to be a big mistake - it was a letter from his ex! I know I should have stopped looking at it, but I couldn't pry myself away. It looked like it had been sent recently and it said all kinds of things like "you need to quit drinking" and "get therapy." The letter made it sound like she had left him because of his "hermit-like nature" and his "addiction to alcohol and pot." I have not seen this side of him but should I be steering clear of this guy anyway? I really like him so should I just take a step back and pretend like I didn't see the letter? I'm so torn.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Held Onto a Gift From His Ex

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 04:00:00 -0800

About a month ago I was checking out my boyfriend's bookshelf and saw a book with a very lovey-dovey inscription from an ex-girlfriend. It wasn't signed, but I'm pretty sure it was from the girl he dated about three years ago. I didn't say anything to him about it but two weeks later, we were preparing for a party in his apartment, and we moved things from his bookshelf to his closet - including this book. Yesterday, I noticed that the other stuff was still in the closet, but the book is now sitting on top of his desk. He would've had to dig around to find it.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years and I'm wondering what this means. It makes me uncomfortable that he is holding on to this gift, and that he deliberately looked for it after the party. I know this make me sound really insecure, which is why I don't want to talk to him about it directly, but I can't help my feelings. It's especially troubling because we have been talking about our future recently, and I'm wondering if he is subconsciously having second thoughts. Am I overthinking this?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Group Therapy: Help - My Boyfriend Is Having a Financial Crisis

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 04:00:00 -0800

My boyfriend owns two properties, a car, and a credit card he can't afford to make payments on. He doesn't reveal the extent of his financial crisis to his family members, but they do occasionally give him money - $1,000 to $2,000 whenever the lenders call for his payments - which really only softens the blow until the next payment is due.

He has a great job, yet he doesn't earn enough to pay the bills. The other night he asked me for money, as in a couple of thousand dollars. I thought about helping him but then realized that if he's not willing to give up one of his properties or one of his cars, then I shouldn't sacrifice my hard-earned savings to bail him out. I have helped him where I can, but his unwillingness to change his lifestyle in order to get his life back on track is really starting to take a toll on our relationship. I have been with him for six years and I've noticed him lose his zest for life because of this financial strain. I loved him when he didn't have a cent to his name and would love him just the same if he had one property instead of the two. I want him to relieve himself of this stress and realize that life is far too short to spend each waking moment counting his pennies, but he doesn't listen to me. What should/can I do?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Group Therapy: My Boyfriend's Brother is a Complete Jerk

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 04:00:00 -0800

I've been with my boyfriend for three years and we live together. He's a great guy and I adore his parents, but I don't know how they managed to spawn such horrible offspring as his younger brother, who's in his early 20's. He's lazy, mean, misogynistic, he smokes pot all the time and talks to people (including his lovely mother) like dirt. He's never held a job, and has a serious online gaming addiction. He spends his life complaining about "the world", "the man" and "the system". He takes advantage of the nice people around him (his friends, his parents, his roommate, etc) and I know for a fact he steals from them (nothing huge, but little things here and there). He's got an incredible sense of entitlement and thinks he's God's gift to mankind.

The problem? My boyfriend, who is so amazing almost all of the time, is for some reason in awe of his brother and tends to follow in his wake after spending time together. He'll come home with his head full of lame ideas about "society", and "the man", and I think it's embarrassing for a 30 year old man to talk like a rebellious teenager. What can I do?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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What's The Best Way To Have "The Talk"?

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 04:00:00 -0800

I've been dating someone exclusively for almost four months, but we're still playing this push and pull game where neither one of us acts too interested or committed. He doesn't refer to me as his girlfriend, and he hasn't said anything about New Year's Eve yet. I was hoping Christmas would shed some light on how he feels about me, but he gave me a nice gift with no card, so no help there.

This relationship just isn't giving me what I need at this point - I want more - so what's the best way for me to bring this up? What should I say, when should I say it, etc. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Group Therapy: How Can I Make Our First Holiday Alone Enjoyable?

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 04:00:00 -0800

This is me and my boyfriend's first holiday season alone, without our families. Both of our families live in different states so we are pretty far away from everyone. I've felt upset this entire holiday season even though I have a wonderful boyfriend - I just really wish I could eat my mom's home cooking and see my brother and sister.

I'm trying to make this Christmas enjoyable for us, but I don't know how. I suggested something casual, like ordering in pizza and watching Christmas movies together, but it just doesn't seem special enough and he's not suggesting other alternatives.

I don't know what I'm asking here, I just want to know what you think is a good idea for a couple who has never spent the holidays apart from their families before, and for someone who is utterly depressed about it.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]
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Group Therapy: Supporting a Grieving Loved One

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 04:00:00 -0800

My boyfriend's very close family member is dying. He is going to see her soon, but it is close to the end. Sadly, he's already seen a lot of his older family members in the same situation. He is the type who holds his feelings in and handles them privately, but I can tell he is suffering. I'm trying to give him time alone without pressuring him to talk, but I feel like I should show some more support even though it's his nature to withdraw.

No one close to me has ever died so I have no experience with this. What's the best way to support him while he is grieving? What should I say? What shouldn't I say?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Group Therapy: What Do I Need To Know Before Moving?

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 04:00:00 -0800

My boyfriend and I are seriously discussing moving in together. Our relationship has been a lot of work so far and we've had many ups and downs, but I really love him and he really loves me. He's started talking to his landlord and a few of his friends about finding affordable places nearby but I'm just writing in to see what kind of advice you all have for me because I've never lived with a boyfriend before. We've started discussing things that annoy us about each other and how we could avoid arguments about those things - I feel like that's helped ease my worries, but I was wondering if you have any warnings/advice before we take this big step.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Group Therapy: Is My Boyfriend a Sex Addict?

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 10:00:00 -0800

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, and we live together. I always knew he was flirtatious but never really thought anything of it. The last couple of months, though, things have been a bit weird - we've been fighting a lot and I felt like he was being secretive and hiding things from me. When I started to snoop, I found out that he had been emailing and messaging all sorts of different girls, sexually and completely inappropriately, on MySpace, Facebook, AIM, etc. I confronted him and he gave me a list of excuses: that he doesn't find me mentally stimulating so he goes outside of the relationship (online) for a quick fix, that he feels like our connection isn't there as much as it used to be, and that he thinks he has an online sex addiction.
His addiction claim sort of makes sense to me because he seems overly sex-crazed when it comes to looking at women online, but what makes me doubt it is that he only seeks out these women when we are in a fight! If it was truly a sex addiction, wouldn't he be doing it 24/7? If in fact it is a sex addiction, do I stay with him and try to work on this together or should I just leave the whole situation now before things get worse? I love him with all my heart but I don't know what to do. Please help!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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