TresSugar

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Am I Overreacting?

DearSugar — Sat, 31 May 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Creeped Out Crary need your help. As her boss's right hand woman, she has access to his e-mail inbox, but instead of reading professional messages, she's been filtering through personal notes containing a significant amount of pornography. She's fed up with his chauvinistic antics but she's not sure if she's overreacting. Can you offer her some advice?

Dear Sugar,
One of my responsibilities at work is to respond to my boss's emails and monitor his email inbox for invitations to conference calls and meetings. He gets many personal forwards too, and quite a few of them contain photos of people having sex. He even forwards them to other people, and every time he writes an email, I get cc'd so I often open them thinking they are real emails that pertain to the job at hand. He even sends out responses like, "I had to close the door for this one!" and my desk is right outside his office! To make matters worse, he spends much of the day downloading porn from the internet, and his computer is always bugged with viruses.

Porn actually doesn't bother me, but it really irritates me that he is so incredibly casual about it. I think it just reinforces the stereotype of the older successful man being able to do whatever he wants at work. He has a very old-fashioned view of his support staff and he expects the women and secretaries to just to deal with him, but we are professionals too, and I just think we deserve more respect.

The problem is we work in a very small firm with no HR department and he is a senior partner. I want to say something but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting? Am I making this a bigger deal than it is? What should I do?

Source

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Used Your Sexuality to Get Ahead?

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 10:00:00 -0800

Jessica Alba is the cover girl for February's issue of Elle magazine. She talks openly about her career and denies ever using her sexuality to advance it. She was quoted saying:

I think there are ambitious girls who will do anything to be famous, and they think men in this business are used to women doing that. . . . Contrary to how people may feel, I've never used my sexuality. That's not part of it for me. When I'm in a meeting, I want to tell you why I'm an asset, how I'm a commodity, how I can put asses in the seats, not, "There's a chance you're going to be able to f*** me." That's never been my deal.

It seems like Hollywood has its own rules, but in real life it's not out of the question for women to use their sexuality to advance their careers, earn more money, or even get preferential treatment from their male bosses. So what I want to know is,

Dear Poll: Do You Prefer Working With Men or Women?

DearSugar — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 09:00:00 -0800

In this day and age, office buildings are full of both male and female employees. While it's great to see so many hard working women in the work place, it's easy to get a reputation of being a b*tch vs. a hard working, powerful businesswoman.

Sherri Shepard from The View, who works with four other women was quoted in Entertainment Weekly saying, "I used to think women couldn't work together. Because some b*tches will work your nerves." Sure, women can have their off days, but let's face it, so can men. Since I've mainly worked with women throughout my career, let me ask you this - do you prefer working mainly with men or women?

Source

You Asked: Should I Continue This Affair With My Boss?

DearSugar — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I'm very troubled and in pain. I'm married, and have been with my husband for 5 years. Everything is perfect. He's a great guy and he loves me so much.

But I did something horrible. I cheated...with my boss who's also been a good friend of mine for the last 6 years. He's a big time player and I know being with him is wrong in all aspects, but we are just so attracted to each other. As a friend and subordinate, he treats me very well, but as a woman I feel so dirty because I know he just wants it to be a secret and he still wants to be with other women.

I just want to forget him and move on, but don't want to lose my job. I don't know what to do, please help.

--Don't Know What to Do Dorothy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Don't Know What to Do Dorothy--

I'm a little concerned here since all you're worried about is losing your job. What about the risk of losing your husband? Is that even an issue here? Or did you cheat because you are unhappy in your marriage? Having sex with someone else while you're married is never okay, even if you do want a divorce. You made vows at your wedding and you owe it to your partner to live by them.

That being said, people do make mistakes and it sounds like you are trying to fix this situation, which is great. You must end this affair with your boss immediately. You're just in a bad situation since you obviously are falling for him and it's pretty clear that he's busy fooling around with a bunch of other women, which isn't only putting you at risk, but your husband as well.

Explain to your boss that you've realized this affair is wrong and you can't risk your husband, and your job. I know you love your job, but being around your boss is going to be really difficult. Perhaps you can get transferred to a different department so you don't have to deal with him directly or see him at all? I'm sure your boss would agree that that's the best option. I hope this helps Dorothy and good luck to you.

Source

You Asked: Do I Stay or Do I Go?

DearSugar — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

Weeks after finishing college I landed a job for one of the world's biggest companies. It was incredible and 8 months on, I'm still pinching myself. However, the transition from the breezy student life, to the grueling work days where I get home well after 7:30 pm are starting to take their toll.

On top of this I have a boss who can't deal with stress and as a result takes it out on me. He expects so much of me and treats me in a way that makes me feel about 2 feet tall. I'm now dreading coming to work every morning and feeling miserable (which is having an affect on my
relationship.)

This is my first REAL job, so I don't know if I'm just being oversensitive. Is this normal? This is a HUGE opportunity, but the job itself isn't where I imagined myself. But I'm still so young and have a lot to learn. Do I stay or do I go?

--Overworked Olivia

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Overworked Olivia--

They don't call it "work" for nothing. Jobs can definitely be challenging, frustrating, time-consuming, and stressful at times, but if you are feeling miserable the entire time, something has to change. Hating your job and dreading going everyday isn't healthy for your soul. You can't live like this forever, even if it is "the opportunity of a lifetime."

Try to pin down what you can live with, and what you can't. If the long days are too much, is it possible to cut back on your hours, or do some work at home? If it's your stressed-out, inconsiderate boss that's putting you over the edge, do you think you could have a talk with him or possibly switch departments? Even though he is your boss, you've got to stand up for yourself. No one should be speaking to you disrespectfully, no matter how high up on the corporate ladder he or she is.

If everything combined is the problem, and you never imagined yourself at this kind of job anyway, why not take a leap toward the field you intended on? Trying out different jobs will give you varied skills, and will get you closer to figuring out what it is you really want to do. Good luck Olivia!

Source

Dear Poll: Are you Comfortable Asking for More Money in the Work Place?

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 13:00:00 -0700

According to a new study at Carnegie Mellon University, reported in the Washington Post, women were far less likely compared to men to negotiate their salary, especially when the decider was a man. On the flip side, when a woman was the decider, she tended to penalize both men and women equally who negotiated their salary.

While many people believe men are simply more aggressive than women in the workplace, the difference in negotiating salary isn't necessary because women don't know how to haggle per se, it's more that they are afraid of being perceived as the "not so nice-girl."

Since women have a strong presence in the work place, what I want to know is, do you feel comfortable negotiating your salary with your boss or new potential employer?

Source

What Would you Say to your Boss?

DearSugar — Thu, 24 May 2007 09:00:00 -0700

After reading all about your work pet peeves, I can say I honestly feel for a lot of you! It wasn't a shock to see how many people had gripes about their bosses, so ladies, if you could tell your boss one thing, without suffering from any consequences, do tell, what would you get off your chest?

Source

Dear Poll: Who Would Be the Best Celebrity Boss?

DearSugar — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 08:31:00 -0700

The best managers challenge you, mentor you, and make sure you develop as a professional. They allow you autonomy, yet provide direction and leadership. A talented manager values and acknowledges your contributions. It's a matter of luck, timing, and good decision-making to find yourself under the wing of a really good boss.

If you could choose a celebrity to be your supervisor at the job you have now, who would you choose? And why?

Source

You Asked: Should I Worry About Dating My Boss?

DearSugar — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 06:00:00 -0800

DearSugar --

I work in a pretty small company, with people who are all between the ages of 24 and 40. A few months ago, my boss made a pass at me. I know that mixing business with pleasure is risky, but the thing is, I like him. He's smart, funny, cute and I now see why it's easy to fall for someone that you spend so much time with.

Most of us at work are single, and we'll go out for drinks or dinner together after work. My boss became more and more aggressive about wanting to go out on a date and finally I accepted. We have been together for about six weeks and it's been wonderful . . . until now. People at work have noticed we're dating and are starting to be mean to me. They think that I am dating him for perks and special treatment, but I am not; I genuinely like him and think I am falling in love with him. Should I feel guilty? -- Nervous Nancy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer, read more

Dear Nervous Nancy – I don’t think you should feel guilty one bit, but I do think you’d be wise to start updating your resume. I understand you’ve fallen for your boss, and I truly hope it’s a healthy and respectful relationship for you, Miss Nancy. I’m frankly a little bit nervous about the language you’ve used to describe this courtship (the "pass”, “more and more aggressive”), as from your note he sounds a little reckless or dominating. Please make sure you’re treated as peer outside the office, ok?

Rules against workplace romances between colleagues have changed over the years, but most businesses still have policies about bosses and direct reports, and for pretty good reasons. Besides, if there’s any collateral damage, you’ll pretty much feel the brunt of it, as you’re starting to see: the suspicion, negativity or jealousy of your colleagues; professional retaliation should you decide to end the relationship; all manner of heartbreak, awkwardness, and repercussion should he end the relationship.

I want this romance to be good for you, which means I really suggest you keep your eyes open, your head held high, and your business card in circulation.

Source

Word du Jour: Boss Lady

TresSugar — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 12:00:00 -0700

Perhaps it’s too early to reclaim a word that has yet to enter the lexicon the way “b*tch” did, but I would argue “boss lady” comes close.

It’s dating expert Rachel Greenwald’s word for a successful woman who doesn’t tone down her confident and opinionated self on dates. If you're a boss lady, according to Greenwald, it's the number one reason “he didn’t call you back.” (Oh, brother.)

The author of (you guessed it) Why He Didn’t Call You Back, interviewed thousands of apparently insecure men who told her this was the number-one type of woman they would never call back. So, uh, that means if you’re a boss lady - pretend to be someone you’re not in order to snag someone who doesn’t like who you are!

This proud boss lady right here says - good riddance to a man who needs to me say “I think” and “maybe” so he doesn’t shrink in fear. (Are we living in the ‘50s?) I've dated plenty of men who loved my moxie, and the best dating advice I can think of is "Be yourself!" Other gems of advice from Greenwald? Dress like a woman (whatever that means), don’t state too many opinions, and don’t text on your BlackBerry before your date arrives lest he sees you’re busy and (egads!) are gainfully employed.

Are you a boss lady? Would you revert to ‘50s-era ideals of femininity so that he calls you back?