TresSugar

This or That: Torturous Toenails or a Hairy Behind?

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 09:00:00 -0700

The guy you’ve been dating for a while asks you to his house for dinner. You have a wonderful meal and a great evening. Things are going so well, and you’re so into him that you decide to let down your guard a bit and thing really start to heat up. As the evening progresses, you end up stripping down and he follows suit. Would it be worse if…

This: When he takes off his socks, you’re confronted with the longest toenails you’ve ever seen, and they’re not well taken care of either? He’s completely hot, but long, yellowed toenails are just plain unattractive and unhygienic.

Or…

That: His backside is completely overgrown with black, curly hairs? Sure, you love a man with hair, but you were hoping there would be more on his head than his behind.

Neither is pleasant, but which is worse?

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TREND WATCH: Body Hair Art

GiggleSugar — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 07:00:00 -0700

We first had to endure the bikini sculpting skills of this dude. And now someone's devised an even more heartless way to walk the fine line between hairy and scary and stomp all over my libido in the process. Thanks, a lot.

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Hump Day: Sex Makes Her Uncomfortable

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:23 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:
I'm 24 and in my first relationship. I really like the guy, we've been going out for six months, but I get nervous whenever he slips his hand under my underwear. He gets the hint and stops. I don't mind him doing other things (we haven't slept together yet), but I wish I wasn't such a prude. I don't know what he expects and I worry that he will be grossed out, as I only shave/wax the bikini line but not the whole thing. What if he thinks it is ugly? I also don't know what I should expect; he knows I'm a virgin, but I don't know how to speak to him about why I get uncomfortable, and I don't know how to overcome it! I also have a few stretch marks and worry that he will be grossed out by them. Please help?

To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more.

Thank you for sharing this challenging situation. I know that it can be scary to talk about things like this, but these are all really common thoughts.

One of the things that can help when you’re on the edge of your comfort zone is to take it very slowly. It’ll probably help to tell your guy about your discomfort, even if you can’t tell him why it’s there. You could simply say "I have a lot of discomfort around sex." You also might want to do a little solo exploration. It takes the pressure off because there aren’t any partner expectations. Check out the wonderful book Becoming Orgasmic. If you’re looking for tips or ideas for techniques, Tickle Your Fancy is full of suggestions. Once you know a bit more about what you like or dislike, you and your boyfriend might be able to find something that you both like to do.

It’s worth mentioning that vulvas come in all different shapes. (The vulva is the external female anatomy. The vagina is the inside part.) There’s a long history of negative attitudes towards the vulva, but each one is unique and beautiful in its own way. A lot of women have the idea that there’s something wrong with their vulvas because they don’t look like what we see in porn or because they have hair, and I think that’s unfortunate. I strongly recommend getting to know your parts and Scarleteen has a great site about that. It’s geared towards teens, but there's lots of amazing info about sex, bodies, and pleasure.

Another option would be to explore some of these concerns with a therapist. When you have an itch on your back, you need someone else to scratch it. Therapists help us by reaching the spots we can’t reach on our own. Lastly, depending on where you are, you could join a body-image support group. While they tend not to focus on sexuality, they can be an incredibly helpful way to work through our concerns about our bodies and how we (or other people) feel about them.

Working through these challenges isn’t always easy, but it can be very rewarding. Whatever route you choose, I hope you find the pleasure and joy that you deserve.

How Common Is Female Nipple Hair?

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 10:00:00 -0800

Hair on a guy's chest - now that can be sexy, but when it comes to women, hair on your breasts is not something you want to find. Or worse, it's not something you want someone else to point out. I'm sure you think that hair on a woman's nipples just shouldn't be happening, but it's more common than you might think.

According to Cosmo, a few stray strands is extremely normal. It's typical for a woman to find as many as 15 or so dark, straight strands at one time. Generally, if you have darker hair on your head, you'll have more hair on your nipples.

But just because it's common doesn't mean you're OK with it. To find out what to do about your nipple hair, read more.

If you have an abundance of strands on your girls, waxing is a good solution. Don't be embarrassed, because like I said, I'm sure your technician has seen tons of ladies with hair there. If you only have a few lonely strands, then plucking them is a good option. Clean the area with alcohol first, use clean tweezers to pluck each hair, and then wipe the area with alcohol once more to prevent infection.

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How Manscaped Do You Like Your Men?

TresSugar — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 09:00:00 -0700

A fascinating New York Times article charts the history of manscaping - the practice by men of removing hair from their chests, back, armpits or groin area. It used to be the province of male models, athletes, and homosexuals. No longer. If you look at the mass marketing of body razors (watch the commercial below for Braun bodycruZer razor "with a special attachment for sensitive areas"), you can see that every Tom, Dick and Hairy is supposed to manscape whether or not he's an athletic, gay, male model.

One survey of 364 male students at the University of South Florida on the subject of "male body depilation" found that more than 80 percent of them depilated. (I don't think I've ever used that as a verb.) The most interesting factoid? The graduate student who is conducting the survey said that there was no statistically significant difference between the number of gay men versus straight men who manscaped. How times have changed! I'm telling you, men are the new women.

A&E's Obsessed Looks at Hair-Pulling OCD

TresSugar — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:00:00 -0700

A friend of mine confessed not long ago that, in high school, she had trichotillomania, an obsessive compulsion to pull out hair on your head or body in order to manage anxiety. In her case, it was a small patch of hair on her head underneath her long hair where she hoped no one could see the bald patch she was creating.

This week, A&E's Obsessed follows Todd and his extreme trichotillomania. In addition to this problem, which gets in the way of his relationship with his wife and daughter, he's got a host of other issues: possible bipolar disorder and compulsive rituals involving counting, talking in segments, and writing on the walls of his "den" before he can even leave the house. Although he wants help, his case is so extreme that his cognitive-behavioral therapist ends up recommending that he go to a psychiatrist.

Flashback: Ted Danson Picks Up a Book, and That's It

TresSugar — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Is this Ted Danson's long-lost audition tape for that sleazy bartender he played on Cheers? As he reads pick-up line after pick-up line from a book that looks like a prayer book (perhaps, not so different?), he acts the part of a creep as well as he wears that argyle sweater. "God gave you a beautiful body," he says, "share it." God gave you a lot of hair, Ted, cut it.

The Dos and Don'ts of Bathing Suit Shopping

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 07:30:00 -0700

Now that Spring has sprung, it's time to start thinking about Summer! If you have plans to hit the beach, a comfy and flattering bathing suit is a must, but I'm with you if you're dreading that shopping trip. Before getting too discouraged, I have some easy tips for making bathing suit shopping as painless as possible. To see my dos and don'ts, just read more.

Don't

Shop with your body shape in mind.
Bring a close friend with you if you need a second opinion.
Get a spray tan before shopping - nothing is worse than trying on suits when you're feeling pasty white.
Make sure the suit fits properly. If your top is too big, it won't do your girls justice, and if your bottoms are too small, it'll cut into your side - not a good look.
Look in a three-way mirror so you can check out your backside.
Choose a color or print that flatters your skin tone, hair, and eye color.
Shop online (if the suits are returnable) so you can try them on in the comfort of your own home.

Go bathing suit shopping on a full stomach.
Berate yourself or fixate on what's "wrong" with your body - pay attention to the entire package.
Forget that fluorescent lights never do you justice.
Pay attention to the size of the suit. Most bathing suits run particularly small.

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What in the Sam Hill?!

GiggleSugar — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 03:00:00 -0800

Sorry, WTF?! just didn't seem an adequate response to this vintage ad for the Pubie, which is a sterling silver or gold plated "replica of your favorite body hair." Can you imagine if someone sent this to you "handsomely mounted on walnut or mahogany" and then wrote in an attached note "Just thinking of you!" You'd definitely not wanna know the specifics of what they were thinking. Wow.

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You Asked: What Should I Do? I Hate My Job

DearSugar — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have been at my job as a receptionist for almost a year now, and what started out as a great situation has quickly declined - managers have been fired then not replaced, leaving us to pick up the slack and a lot of employees are taking advantage of the lack of supervision (wearing inappropriate clothes, not completing assignments, making overt sexual comments about clients, etc). Unfortunately, as the lowest person on the totem pole, I get a lot of extra work dumped on me that doesn't fall under my job description. I don't mind helping out, but when others aren't working at all, I don't think I should have to do their work for them. However, any time I try to mention this to my boss, she pretty much blows me off. It is getting to the point where I am thinking about quitting, but I'm worried about finding another job in this economy.

This is causing me so much stress that my hair is falling out and I can't eat or sleep since I'm so frustrated and upset all the time. It's also causing tension between my boyfriend and I because he feels like my job is becoming detrimental to my mental health. How can I tell my boss that this working environment is unacceptable without hurting my chances at the company? Or should I just accept that this isn't the job for me and move on? - Unhappy Hayden

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Unhappy Hayden,

Your job situation defiantly sounds frustrating, but you're right, getting another position right now is going to be difficult. Of course your mental well being is the most important thing here so I'd talk to your boss ASAP. Let her know how you're feeling and ask for whatever you need to make things more manageable. If nothing changes and you're still unhappy, I'd dedicate whatever free time you have to looking for something else (keep in mind that you might have better luck after the holidays). Clearly your daily stress is wreaking havoc on your body and spirit so in the meantime, take care of yourself. Hit the gym when you're feeling stressed out and take some time for yourself before bed so you can get a good night's sleep - take a bath, go for a walk with your boyfriend, or watch a funny movie. Hopefully something will work out for you sooner than later. Good luck.

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