TresSugar

Do You Think It's True That Men Love B*tches?

TresSugar — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 09:00:00 PDT

I've never read the book Why Men Love Bitches, but the title is pretty arresting, and having perused The Rules, He's Just Not That Into You, et al, I think I can probably construct the argument without it.

Basically, unless you're a challenge and make him work a little to show you he's worthy of your attention, you're a doormat, and a lot of men will take advantage of that. For example, you're not supposed to call the guy you like a lot (particularly at the beginning when you're just getting to know each other), you're not supposed to drop plans you had because he invited you out (duh!), and it's important you have your own life.

A lot of these dating advice books for women seem like common sense to me. Whether they call a woman a "rules girl" or a "bitch," it seems that those words stand for "not a doormat." Do you think it's true that men love bitches or women who don't make things too easy for them? Or do you think if things are right between two people they don't need these rules of conduct?

Bad Idea of the Week: Fox's B*tches

BuzzSugar — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 15:15:31 PST

Sounds like a concept we've heard before: Four female friends live, laugh, and love in the big city, navigating the ups and downs of single life and falling back on each other for support when a romance goes stale.

Except this time, in a new pilot from Fox, the women are werewolves.

I am so not kidding.

Oh yeah, and this "quirky urban fairy tale" is called B*tches.

I mean, hey, we've gotten to the point where vampire love stories can become fancy TV shows and box office-topping movies, so maybe this is somehow a better idea than I imagine. Maybe werewolves are The Next Big Thing, and I'm just unknowingly discriminating against some of the world's most beautiful creatures.

But for now, I'll leave you with a quote from the show's writer about the subject matter he intends to explore:

How can you date and fall in love with someone when you're a werewolf and you start to turn when you're aroused?

How, indeed.

Source

5 Reasons Being a Single Man is Kind of Overrated

The Good Men Project — Fri, 11 May 2012 04:00:47 PDT

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Good Men Project. Today, Damon Young names five reasons being a single man is overrated.

While most will probably remember 2012 as the "Year Of The YOLO" (and by "most" I mean "like seven people"), it holds special significance for me because it’ll likely be the first year since 2002 where I spent the entire year single. I haven’t completed a full calendar year yet - May will make it seven months since the former Lady Champ and I decided to go our separate ways - but because I seem to enjoy doing random anthropological experiments on myself for absolutely no reason (and because I’m an INTJ and INTJs apparently suck at relationships), I’m confident that I’ll make it to 2013 without having to change my Facebook relationship status again.

Three Little-Known Stressors That Are Killing Men

Anyway, if I could sum up my seven months of singledom in one word, it would most likely be "interesting." I’ve met some "interesting" people, done some "interesting" things, made some "interesting" decisions, and, most importantly, thought some "interesting" thoughts. The most "interesting" of these "interesting" thoughts? Being a single man is kind of overrated.

Now, as I stated on the day where I wrote about orgasms, "overrated" doesn’t mean "bad." In fact, as the careers of Tupac and Derrick Rose continue to prove, something can be very, very good - even great - and still be overrated. I’ve enjoyed being single, and will likely continue to enjoy it. But, while it seems like many assume that being a single man (a single Black man, at that) is nothing but an utopic stream of easy popsicles and cold pancakes, there are a few downsides.

It can be very lonely. As a person who wanted to be single, is a natural introvert, and generally enjoys doing things by himself, I’m surprised by how, for lack of a better term, "noticeable" the solitude and loneliness of singledom can be. Even when seeing multiple people and/or having tons of friends, being single means that you are . . . single, by yourself, and there may be times when you want to have someone around but there will be no one that you want to be around readily available to be around.

Then, to add insult to injury, if you’re an angsty motherf*cker like me, you’ll start thinking things like "Wait. I’m a single man. A single Black man. My dad named me after Dolemite. Shaka Zulu is my second cousin. People who’ve never even met me call me "Champ" for chrissakes. Why the f*ck do I feel lonely right now?" which’ll make it even worse.

You have to wear condoms. And, wearing condoms sucks. If you’re one of the 137 people left on Earth who always has protected sex - even if in a long-term, monogamous relationship - just skip this section and move on to #3. Also, I’ve left a plate of gotdamn sugar cookies at the end of this post as a reward for your duty. Please eat them with a gotdamn smile.

If you’re not one of these people, you should be able to relate to how frustrating it’s been to go from condom-less sex to having to worry about having gotdamn condoms all the damn time. And, even if you’re not actively having sex, "Do I have condoms?" and "Since I don’t have condoms, is there somewhere close where I can buy them?" always has to be on your mind.

Also, from a logistical perspective, they’re a hassle to put on, they smell like a pack of slutty balloons, and "sex with condoms" will always be the Mike Conley of coitus. There is always the alternative - just don’t wear condoms while single, either - but I think one Cromartie per generation is enough.

(Btw, is it just me, or has the price of condoms spiked dramatically in the past four years? I was last single in 2008, and I don’t remember a box of condoms costing as much as it does to fill a gas tank. Does this qualify as a "first world problem?" If a Black blogger bitches about condoms in the woods, would Kanye’s missing draws make a sound?) As much as condoms suck, they don’t suck as much as . . .

Having to participate in the dating game. In a paradox so annoying that I almost didn’t mention it today because I plan on spending an entire day on this sole topic soon, I love meeting new, interesting women but I hate the process that usually goes along with meeting new, interesting women. I understand (and appreciate) the purpose of the process, but knowing why it’s necessary doesn’t mean that you have to enjoy it.

The superficial romantic connections synonymous with singledom gets old. Ironically, the best thing about being a single man - possessing the ability to have myriad short, commitment-free relationships AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!!! - ends up being one of the worst after enough time has passed. This actually hasn’t happened to me yet. I guess I’m still in the single honeymoon phrase. But, I’m certain it will, and the thought of this happening is already depressing me. Actually, this entire list is getting depressing. ***Making note to self to make sure tomorrow’s post is about the playoffs or strippers or something***

You start to realize some, um, "unpositive" things about yourself. I’ve been in three long-term - "long term" = "monogamous relationship lasting at least a year" - relationships as an adult. Each of these relationships failed, and my wanting to be single was the main catalyst behind each of these failures. Now, because I’ve always been a guy who did all the "right on paper" relationship things - I’ve never cheated, never physically or verbally abused any girlfriends, always followed the chivalry handbooks, etc - I’ve always assumed that I’m good at being a partner. But, these last few months have made me realize that I have some real deficiencies in the relationship department - personality quirks that have subtly sabotaged each relationship I’ve been in.

I wouldn’t quite call myself a trojan horse - the sabotage isn’t intentional (at least it’s not consciously intentional) - but I’m just not very good at this relationship thing right now, and I intend to spend the rest of 2012 trying to figure out why.
That’s it for me today. Fellas - single or coupled up - how do you feel about the concept of singledom? Is it all the beer commercials make it out to be, or do you agree that it may be slightly overrated? Also, ladies, are the "single man problems" expressed today at all similar to any "single woman problems?"

"Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Not Good Enough"

Tres Community — Sat, 05 May 2012 03:05:00 PDT

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm going to warn you now, that this may end up being a rant.

OK, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and I've been living with him for several months, instead of having sex or doing sexual things with me, he waits till I walk out of the room, take a shower, or go to sleep, and then watches porn. And sometimes bookmarks it, and everything he watches has girls that are prettier and skinnier then I am. I'm big, like fat, (5'4" and 145 lbs) but I've lost a lot of weight for him, like 30 lbs, and I still weigh more than him,(5'8" 134 lbs) but about 10 pounds compared to 40 or so, and he likes skinny girls, he plays with my fat all of the time, and tells me I don't need to change, but then bitches when I say okay, I won't. Even though I really plan on changing, I just want to see if he's still going to bitch about me saying no. He also doesn't like my boobs, or my vag, he says he wishes I was skinny, and had perky boobs, and I guess a bony vag so he can break his hips and my hips when he humps me. My boobs were all the way up to a DD when I was at my fattest, and with that and losing so much weight, they do sag. Not bad, but a little, he also talks shit about my teeth, hair, and nipples.

He gets mad at me super easily, and I'm pretty sure when he's mad, is when the truth comes out, he's talked to other girls before, like while we have been dating. But not the way he talks to me, or anything that could be considered cheating, but when I confront him about being sneaky, he says it's nothing, that I'm just paranoid, but when I say I know it isn't that, he yells at me and says it's because he found someone he likes to talk to more than me, he also calls me a fatass and a whore everytime he gets mad at me. And, I'm pretty sure this is all because I bought a car from a dude I dated, for like a week, years before I met my new bf. So I asked him to quit talking to the girl, he says okay, and doesn't. So finally months later I asked him to delete her number, and he did. But since then things haven't been the same, he doesn't ever hold me anymore, or kiss me. We still have sex, but that's all. I honestly don't feel like I'm good enough.

On another note, sometimes when he's being really sweet, he said on a scale from 1-10, I'm a 9, and my weight is the only bad thing, so I really just don't get it. If I am good enough, why would someone act like that??

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Link Time - Chloe Sevigny to Play Lizzie Borden

BuzzSugar — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 13:30:46 PDT

Chloe Sevigny to star in HBO's miniseries about Lizzie Borden - Deadline
Find out why Gilbert Gottfried was fired from his job as the voice of the Aflac duck - TV Squad
Mark Wahlberg is still talking about a sequel to The Fighter - Inside Movies
Logan Marshall-Green (Trey from The O.C.!) cast as the lead in Prometheus - /Film
Disney is no longer moving forward with its Yellow Submarine remake -MTV Movies Blog
Kristin Chenoweth joins the pilot for Good Christian Bitches - TV Line
A Sam Cooke biopic is in the works - Vulture
Christina Hendricks signs on to Neil LaBute's Seconds of Pleasure - The Wrap
Take a tour of the American Idol mansion - CasaSugar

"I'm Not Physically Attracted to My Boyfriend"

Tres Community — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 03:05:00 PDT

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I have been going out with my boyfriend for a while now, and things are going quite well. Emotionally we are a great match, he is everything I have wanted in a man, though I have always been troubled with the idea that I'm not physically attracted to him. Though this does not at all affect our physical relationship which I enjoy very much, I cannot help but wonder about the importance of physical attraction in a relationship. It's not that he's unattractive by any means, but I have many social problems one of which I am extremely wary of other people and what they think of me. I am working hard at helping this problem, but it means that in public I am quite aware of how other people perceive my relationship. I feel like a right bitch for thinking this way and I wish I could change it but it has made me question this issue of physical attraction. I have always been a firm believer in the fact that looks meaning nothing in a relationship (perhaps due to the fact my favorite book is Jane Eyre) but now that I'm in the situation I find myself very confused.

Should my lack of physical attraction be a factor considered? Or should I continue with my relationship with my boyfriend who I am slowly falling for?

There's lots of cool stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups, and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

Jon Hamm and Kate Upton Bring a Double Dose of Hotness to Esquire

Lauren Turner — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 10:23:14 PST

Jon Hamm and Kate Upton share the cover of Esquire's March issue. Kate, who was unveiled as Sports Illustrated's 2012 Swimsuit Issue cover girl Monday, posed in skimpy lingerie for photographer Yu Tsai. Jon was also shot by Yu, but he kept covered up in stylish menswear. Jon's gearing up for the fifth season of Mad Men, which premieres with a two-hour episode on March 25. Kate got candid with the publication about the popular YouTube video of her dancing at a Clippers game, but Jon wouldn't share much about his show. Make sure to check out more from Jon in Esquire and additional Kate Upton pictures.

Jon on season five of Mad Men: "I can't tell you anything. I can't tell anyone. None of us can. Those are my only real secrets."
Kate on video of her doing the Dougie: "People want to see personality. Otherwise they make assumptions, like, 'Yeah, she's pretty, but she's probably a bitch.' That's why everyone likes the video. It's me. It wasn't planned for Twitter or YouTube. It's, like, real."

Glee-ful Highlights From Episode "Yes/No"

Lizzie Fuhr — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 07:41:04 PST

Glee is back from Winter hiatus and makes a big splash this week with a genuinely awesome episode. It's super cheesy and full of multiple dance numbers and guest stars, which is essentially the recipe for Glee success, and I'll admit it gave me goose bumps more than once.

Nearly everyone's emotions and relationships are challenged in this episode: Mercedes is torn between two guys, Will contemplates taking the next step with Emma, and Finn's got big ideas for his future with Rachel. I can't believe how much happened! To get all the details on "Yes/No," just keep reading.

Link Time - Steal Sexy Golden Globe Looks For Date Night

TresSugar — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:55:20 PST

Sexy Golden Globe looks you can channel on date night - YourTango
Is Jay-Z giving up the word "bitch" - TheFrisky
30 percent of men do it where?! - Huffington Post
The best movies for a snugglefest - CollegeCandy
America's most tolerant cities - The Daily Beast
Kate Moss is 38! See her best jet-set moments - PopSugar
Jenna from The Bachelor says she would have sent herself home - Buddy TV
Women hunt for free sperm online - Yahoo! Shine
Using orgasms as a sleep aid - Em & Lo

90210 "O Holly Night": Most Scandalous Moments

Molly Goodson — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 08:11:19 PST

90210 is not holding punches in this week's episode and we ended up with one bloody nose and one bloody a whole lot more. But those aren't the only injuries we're looking at in this cliffhanger - there are broken bones and broken hearts by the night's end. Plus, Annie is at a crossroads and Silver's new man has a secret.

Dixon betrays Adrianna's trust to further his music career and Naomi is juggling her new friendship with Holly and internship with her high-powered party planning mother. Let's get down to the details, so keep reading