TresSugar

Relationship Protocol: How Often Do You Pay?

DearSugar — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Gone are the days when the man automatically pays for everything. Since many women out there bring home more money than their significant others, the paying field seems to be evening itself out more and more. When I'm in a relationship, I treat as much as I can budget - if I can't swing paying for nice dinners, I'll be sure to buy breakfast or coffee in the mornings. So ladies, perhaps you make more money than your significant other, or maybe you don't make anywhere near as much as he does - whatever the case, how often do you treat? Are you pretty much 50/50, does he usually pick up the tab, or are you the one that tends to foot most of the bills?

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You Asked: Is He Trying to Tell Me Something?

DearSugar — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. When it came time to resign our leases last spring, we both did as we knew it was much too soon to live together. He is 27 and pretty much has his life together while I'm 22, have a ton of debt, and am contemplating going back to school.

This week my boyfriend told me that he is seriously considering buying a condo or an apartment. This news really scares me - does this mean we'll never get to live together? I don't really see myself moving into his house and paying his mortgage and it's really starting to stress me out. Am I overthinking this or should I just forget about cohabitation until we are actually considering buying a home together? - Insecure Indy

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Dear Insecure Indy,

I think your reaction is completely normal but just because he's thinking about buying a home, it doesn't necessarily mean you're not being considered in the equation. You said you might be going back to school - would that mean you'd move away? Since your plans are still up in the air, I think it would be best if you talked to your boyfriend before jumping to any conclusions. Open up the lines of communication, let him know where your insecurities lie and make sure to tell him what you want out of this relationship.

Though many people feel it's ideal to get a place together instead of moving into one person's already established home when cohabiting, there is no right or wrong way. If you do end up moving into the place he buys, there are many ways you can divvy up the bills to make things fair. He could pay the mortgage while you pay the utilities and the groceries, or something alone those lines. It's also important to look at this realistically: just because he buys a condo or an apartment, it doesn't mean he's married to it for the rest of his life. Purchasing real estate is always a great investment so before you put labels on your relationship, talk to your boyfriend and make sure you're on the same page.

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Money and Relationships

DearSugar — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 11:18:46 -0700

Meeting someone and becoming a couple is a wonderful feeling. You begin sharing your time together and your love for each other, and as your relationship grows closer, you may move in together, which means sharing expenses.

Sure, it's nice when a guy asks you out on a date and offers to pay for dinner, but when it comes to being in a committed relationship, I'm a firm believer in sharing all the costs. While every couple is different, I don't think one person should be in charge of bringing home the bacon while the other one slacks at home.

So how can you make dealing with money as fair and painless as possible? Here are some tips:

No one said you had to merge all your money. And I hate to say it, but in this day and age, with so much divorce, that's just not a smart idea. But you could open a joint checking or savings accounts to pay for joint expenses such as rent, mortgage, groceries, electricity, etc. If one of you makes more money than the other, you may want to split the bills accordingly. So instead of spitting the bills 50/50, you may split them 60/40. As long as you are in agreement about your plan, that's all that matters
If you decide to go this route, you should use your personal bank account to pay for things that are solely for you like clothes, gym memberships, hair and nail appointments, gifts, etc.

Want to hear the rest? Then read more

It's not uncommon for one person be in charge of managing the finances. This person should deal with all of the paperwork, the bills, and the credit cards. (It doesn't have to be the guy. Growing up, this job was always my mother's.)
Decide what days bills are paid, the 1st, the 15th, etc. of every month. Whether one person is dealing with the bills or you're doing it together, this will ensure that it gets done on time and with no late fees.
When it comes to big purchases, like furniture, a pet, or a house, you must consult the other person before making any major decisions. Make sure to communicate openly about your wants and your concerns when it comes to spending large sums of money. This is good for your finances and for your relationship.

These are just a few tips that you may find helpful, but if you have a plan already in place that works for you, stick with it. Money problems can tear relationships apart, so just make sure you two are upfront and equally responsible when it comes to your expenses.

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Dear Poll: Would You Go on a Second Date If...

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 13:00:00 -0700

We all have different opinions on who should pay on the first date - I happen to feel strongly that the man should, but I am very old fashioned when it comes to dating etiquette. If you have the same mentality as I do, what would you do if this scenario happened to you:

You're on a pretty decent first date that he initiated, but when the bill comes, he asks you to go dutch. Of course you oblige - you don't really have a choice in the matter now do you? - but what if he asks you out for a second date? Would you go? Or would you be so turned off that he didn't pay that you'd rather simply high five it and politely decline?

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You Asked: Should He Pay or Not?

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My 36 year old boyfriend has been living with me since April of 2007. He retired at the age of 28 with a disability pension from an injury and lots of spinal surgeries. He has been divorced for 11 years and had been living at home with his parents until he basically moved in with me. He currently receives a disability pension and pays his ex-wife $700 per month for his 2 teenage children (14-17 years old). His children stay quite frequently, and they're great, but I end up paying for food and other things for them too. He has not paid anything towards ANY of my bills and this is draining me financially. I felt like in the beginning he really did not have anything extra to give me so I just never asked for money. He would occasionally pay if we went out to dinner, but I pay for everything else. I have several extra cleaning jobs and want the money to go into savings, but now I need those incomes to live. How should I handle this? Why is he like this? I do love him but, but can't keep paying for everything and supporting both of us. How can I ask him to move back to his Mom's?

Please help me. I am in a bad situation and want to be nice about it. I have a generous heart but now I am becoming resentful towards him and I don't know what to do.

--Giving too Much Mandy

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Dear Giving too Much Mandy--

It sounds like you have a very kind heart and want to help this man out, not only because you love him, but because you know he needs the help, but the thing is, you are giving way too much of yourself, both emotionally and financially, even giving beyond your means.

The only way to rectify the situation is to be honest with him -- tell him that you simply can't afford to support both of you and his 2 kids anymore. Although he has a disability, is there any way he can get a job where he can work from home? Let him know that if he wants to keep living with you, he must put money towards the bills or at least help out around the house. This is not a time to be a push over.

It may seem selfish, but you really do need to look out for yourself. This relationship is somewhat detrimental to your well-being because it sounds like it's one-sided. You are resenting him because you keep giving and giving, and you're not getting anything in return. His mooching has got to stop and it's high time that he moves out. Good luck Mandy.

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My Bills Are Sky High!

GiggleSugar — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 10:30:00 -0800

This is the height of intelligence. In fact, I'm disappointed that I'm not responsible for it. I wonder if this bill box could dually serve to receive any future jury duty notices...hmmm. High expectations? Nah, the sky's the limit!

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Bill Clinton Has Problematic Views on Mad Men

TresSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:02:00 -0800

It appears Bill Clinton has come out of retirement to put his foot in his mouth. When discussing his appreciation for Mad Men, Clinton attempted to present a balanced view about how the show depicts women. Unfortunately, it came out sounding quite embarrassing considering his reputation for putting the moves on his staff, something we see a lot on the show. Clinton said:

"The way women were treated is appalling, and only occasionally funny to me."

I think someone should tell Mr. Clinton that the "appalling" treatment of women is not supposed to be funny . . . ever. Let's just hope this was an unfortunate choice of words.

Say What? Bill Clinton Has a Change of Heart

TresSugar — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 14:00:00 -0700

"I was against the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage nation-wide, and I still think that the American people should be able to play this out in debates. But me, Bill Clinton personally, I changed my position. I am no longer opposed to that. I think if people want to make commitments that last a lifetime, they ought to be able to do it."

- Former President Bill Clinton says he now supports marriage equality. Maybe gay-marriage supporter Brad Pitt chatted with Bill about the subject when they met at the Clinton Global Initiative this week.

Hillary Clinton Offers Day With Bill

TresSugar — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 03:00:00 -0700

Have you gone into debt? Why not follow US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's lead and raffle off your husband (you know - the former President of the United States Bill Clinton!).

OK. So Hillary Clinton's not raffling off Bill, but Clinton supporters got an email from her former campaign adviser, James Carville, indicating that a $5 contribution would enter them into a drawing for different prizes, including the chance to spend a day with good ol' Bill. (Other, less exciting prizes, if you ask me, include tickets to the season finale of American Idol or lunch with the affable yet intense Carville.)

Mrs. Clinton owes $2.3 million from her run for the Democratic Party nomination for the presidency last year, and given her political position now, she's banned from fundraising. So what, exactly, does the day with Bill Clinton involve? Going to New York and attending "several interesting events" with him. Very intriguing! Click here to read more about this novel approach (available only to a select few) at paying off your debts!

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Lighten Up: Would Old Bill Approve of New Bill?

LibertySugar — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Some say Bill Clinton's behavior during his wife's campaign will have negative impact on his legacy. 23/6 did a little instant message experiment, trying to find out what Old Bill would say to New Bill. Here are some excerpts:

Old Bill: hey, you there?
New Bill: one sec
New Bill: back. had to set someone straight.
New Bill: a kid. wearing obama button. lets just say he aint wearin it no more
Old Bill: where r u?
New Bill: backstage at rally. brb
New Bill: sorry stupid kid wouldn't stop crying
New Bill: tried to play the cry card with me. kicked him right in his big boy pullup.
Old Bill: that's what i want to talk to you about
New Bill: that kid? he barely left the ground!
Old Bill: no, the whole thing
Old Bill: ur destroying my legacy

To see who signed off first, read the rest of the convo.

Do you think people will remember President Clinton for all the good things he did as President? Or will the recent negative press remind historians, and everyone else, of his not so commendable traits.

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