TresSugar

DearSugar's Dos and Don'ts of Surviving a Bad Date

DearSugar — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 10:30:00 -0700

I've given you my dos and don'ts of dating and my dos and don'ts of going on a second date, and now I'm back to give you some pointers on dealing with a bad date! Check out my dos and don'ts below.

Don't

Do remember that it's just a date, not the rest of your life and it'll be over before you know it.
Do find something to make the date somewhat manageable - spark up a conversation you know will pique both your interests, try to enjoy the movie you're watching, or simply enjoy the meal you're eating.
Do maintain your composure and be polite.
Do share the details with a friend after the fact and find the humor in it!

Don't be rude or mean.
But don't feel bad about about leaving the date early if he's rude or mean to you.
Don't beat yourself up over a bad date - they happen to all of us.
Don't accept an offer to extend the date - politely say no to drinks or dessert so you can be on your merry way.

Have I missed anything?

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The How-To Lounge: Recouping From a Bad Date

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Though I do know people who love to date, many people dread the dating game. It's like playing the love lottery, except if you lose, you've just sacrificed hours of your life for a bad meal and worse company. And while a great date can lead to a wonderful romance, a terrible date can end with a lot of self-pity and general disappointment. So check out my tips for dealing with the fall out from a bad date when you read more.

Try not to apply every terrible thing about your date to all men everywhere. After a few bad male encounters, it's easy to convince yourself that you'll never meet a guy that's right for you, but we all know that there are great men out there.
Do not consider it as some failure on your part. Bad dates happen, even between two perfectly interesting people. You can't fake a spark, so if you couldn't create one, don't feel like it's your fault.
Definitely talk it out with your friends. This one is obvious, but seriously, there's satisfaction in venting! I don't think anything makes the memories of a bad date fade faster than a few laughs with friends.
Though I think it's OK to take some time before your next date, don't write off the dating world all together. Sure, you may end up on another bad date, but you could also end up on a great one. Plus, if the best memories aren't the ones from a bad night, I don't know what are!

One of the best parts about being single is all of the opportunity that awaits, so even if dating gets you down, keep your chin up!

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This or That: He's Creepy or He Won't Stop Peeping?

DearSugar — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 08:00:00 -0700

You’re on a very romantic first date with a guy, who seems perfect on paper. You met him through a friend of a friend, so you don’t know much about him besides the basics. Over the course of dinner and some pretty decent conversation, you guys each enjoy a few glasses a wine. There’s only one thing that’s sending you a red flag, and it's a big one. Maybe he’s just drunk, but would it be worse if . . .

This: He keeps bringing up sex-related conversation topics? Sure, you like to get down, but you’ve never felt so uncomfortable.

Or . . .

That: His eyes graze every lady's behind and chest that comes within a 20-foot radius? The conversation is actually great, but he can’t keep his eyes on your face.

Neither is great for the mood, but which is worse?

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What Do You Do if a First Date Is Going Bad?

DearSugar — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 11:00:00 -0800

Who hasn't been on a horrible first date? Whether you were set up by a co-worker or met through an online dating service, we've all been there. The awkward silences, the distracting looks at everything but your date, and the continuous thoughts of wishing the date would just end already!

There are many ways to deal with a bad date, but I want to know what you typically do?

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You Asked: Why Are All These Guys the Same?

DearSugar — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

All of the men I date have something in common: they all have divorced parents and a bad or strange relationship with their fathers. My friends say that since the men I date are usually brought up by strong and independent women, that maybe that is why they like me. None of these relationships have worked for me.

Should I ask about their parents' relationship before I get serious with them? Should I avoid the guys with divorced parents and bad relationships with their fathers? Is there a reason I seek these type of guys out or is it just coincidence?

--Sick of Bad Dates Dana

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Sick of Bad Dates Dana--

It's a sad fact the divorce rate in America keeps rising , so it's no wonder that many of the men you go out with have parents who are splitsville. I don't think they are seeking you out or visa versa, it's just a coincidence.

I do see your point about people who have gone through divorce or who have bad relationships with the primary male figure in their life - it can really screw up their perception of what a respectful relationship is supposed to be like, or what their role is as the man. In their defense, I have to say that growing up with this type of family situation doesn't automatically mean that they can't be in a successful and loving relationship with you.

That being said, I don't think you should mark divorced parents as a character flaw in your dating notebook, or discount people just because of their family situation. It really isn't fair to give up on people before you've given them a chance. Dating is tough and most guys are not going to be the perfect match for you -- they don't call him Mr. Right for nothing, so hang in there on the dating scene and I'm sure you'll soon find "the one."

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Good Idea or Bad Idea: Dating your Ex's Friend

DearSugar — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 14:45:00 -0700

I get many questions from women asking if their ex's friends are off limits. While every situation is different, this is a touchy subject. The old cliché states, you can't help whom you fall for, but does that ring true when getting between two friends? We all have people we consider "off limits", so do you all think it's a good idea or a bad idea to date your ex's friend?

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Good Idea or Bad Idea: Befriending a BFF to Get the Date

DearSugar — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 14:00:00 -0700

The other night out with a friend, I was approached by a guy who was friendly and talkative. In fact, he was so relaxed that I could tell right off the bat that he wasn’t interested in me. All it took was one glance at the googly eyes he was making at my friend for me to know that he was befriending me as a way of getting to her. I was happy enough to play along, and by the end of the night she was totally excited to have a date for the weekend.

If you’re into dating strategies this seems like a good one, but I'd rather not chance giving some random guy the wrong impression when all I really want to do is talk to his friend. What do you think? Is befriending his BFF to get a date a good idea or a bad idea?

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Do Tell: Have You Ever Had a Blind Date Go Bad?

DearSugar — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 10:00:00 -0800

Blind dates can be really fun if you get set up by someone who knows you really well (dating your mailman's son may not be the best idea), but I know people who refuse because they've had horrible experiences in the past. Maybe the guy was texting his ex-girlfriend while watching a movie with you, or perhaps he kept reaching over to your plate at dinner to help himself to your meal. To see a blind date start off on the wrong foot, watch this comical clip below.

I guess the only thing worse than a blind date is an unexpected double blind date - Ha! Is your story worse than that? It may make you feel better to share it the comment section below.

Ask a Bad Boy: Putting Out on the First Date

DearSugar — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Steve Santagati, the author of The Manual, is back to answer another question for all of you - I hope advice from the male point of view helps! To ask Steve questions of your own, simply submit them here or in the comments section below. Enjoy!

Dear Steve,

This is a debate I've been having with my girl friends for years now and I'd love to hear your take on it. Do guys have a lower opinion of you if you "put out" on the first date? Can a relationship ever come to fruition if there's no longer any sense of mystery? - Wondering Wednesday

To see Steve's answer, read more.

Dear Wondering Wednesday,

It's not when you have sex that matters, it's the attitude you have when you engage in the act. I'll explain. The very term "put out" implies you're giving something away; you're giving in to something you "don't want to do." That attitude is so 1950. I don't know about the kind of guys you're dating, but when I fool around, it's a very fair trade; you're getting just as much - if not more - than I am out of it. I've been with women on the first night and on the 30th night, and I've fallen in love and been loyal after first date sex. How men feel about the women has everything to do with them believing something very special about her. The women that I've been with that projected this best had a certain attitude, almost like a guy; she didn't say it, she showed me with how she acted and treated me. It was loud and clear:

Steve, I'm doing this under my own volition. You didn't charm me, con me, and I'm not drunk. I want to be with you because I feel like it at this moment. I'm a woman and I've made this decision, and Stevie Poo, just because we're fooling around doesn't mean it will ever happen again, unless you deserve it!

It's so very provocative when a woman is strong and empowered. Stop thinking of it as putting out and start thinking of it as you're in control and enjoying something with him and he's enjoying something with you.

Warning: 80 percent of the female population will find it difficult to think like this so in general, it's best to take as long as you can before jumping in the sack. Notice I said take as long as you can, not wait as long as you can. You shouldn't be waiting, you should be actively getting to know this guy. This attitude is actually good no matter how confident you are. Regarding the sense of mystery: sexual mystery lasts about three months of steady sex. It's the person that creates mystery in a relationship. It's who you are. It's your ability to be spontaneous. Sex is fantasy. Both men and women are mentally designed to hate routine and enjoy the unknown so keep that in mind.

To purchase The Manual, click here and if you're wondering where Steve got that T-shirt he's wearing, click here to shop his entire assortment!

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Ask a Bad Boy: Are Hot Men Only Interested in Hot Women?

DearSugar — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 07:30:00 -0800

Steve Santagati, the author of The Manual, is back! To ask Steve questions of your own, simply submit them here or in the comments section below. Enjoy!

Dear Steve,

I'm no Ugly Betty, but I'm not a super model either, and I'm having a hard time meeting a man. It seems like the hot men I'm attracted to are only attracted to beautiful women - regardless of their personality - and I'm starting to feel incredibly discouraged. Whatever happened to a guy being interested in a woman for her charisma, her humor, or her intelligence? I'm trying hard not to lump all men into the same category, but not one has proven me wrong. Are men really that shallow? Are looks all that matter? - Frustrated Faith

To see Steve's answer read more

Dear Frustrated Faith,

It can be argued that men are - in fact - more shallow than women. Yes, men are more visually driven creatures and we're often obvious in the reasons behind our female selections. At least with men you know what you're up against. But women are tricky in what they say versus how they execute their mating decisions. Women are often just as bad as men, though their criteria may be different, the superficial standards garner the same results; women want someone hot.

How often have you heard this, it's like a broken record; "I want him to love me for me, I want him to love me for my inside." Yea, well what if the "outside" is lazy, unkempt, and lacks basic femininity? There are women out there who will blame men for being a "Shallow Hal" when in fact it's their own fault men don't notice or ask them out. Think about it, if you saw a house covered in vines with rats running around the front yard, I doubt you'd want to take a look inside. Even if that "inside" is the Taj Mahal, you have to look good inside and outside.

The problem(s):

Many women and men try to date out of their league in looks, education, and life interests.
Many women and men don't take the time to eat properly, dress well, or take care of their bodies, yet they still expect to get a stud or a studette.
Many women make excuses and blame people - other than themselves - for their misfortune in love. Remember; whenever you point your finger, you have three fingers pointing back at yourself. Cliche maybe, but true.

The solution:

Stand in the mirror naked. Love your body type regardless of what type it is. Don't read women's magazines or let TV tell you what sexy is. Men love all types. We just don't love lazy and unhealthy. It's not more complicated than that.
Take stock of "what you have to bring to the table". Are you well traveled? Do you have a ton of hobbies? Are you funny and fun to be with? Do you like music? How smart are you? What kind of shape are you in? Are you a sex machine? Go for someone that is equal or maybe one rung up in those categories.
Be culpable and honest with yourself; we're all shallow to some degree or another. I've challenged the "love me for my inside" types by telling them I had a great guy for them. I explained that he weighed 350 pounds, didn't have all his teeth, and was balding. I also explained that he's loyal, cooks, loves sex, and adores women. To this match attempt I've received a steady breath of "no ways".

So in the end - ladies and gentlemen - we are all shallow; some of which is based in our proclivity towards following natural selection and part of which is rooted in stupidity or delusion. The news you can use is: In the beginning, we're all a bit shallow, but what keeps a relationship going is charisma, humor, and intelligence. [And a million other things, but I'll leave it at that!]

To purchase The Manual, click here and if you're wondering where Steve got that T-shirt he's wearing, click here to shop his entire assortment!

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