TresSugar

What's the Worst Backhanded Compliment You've Received?

TresSugar — Sun, 17 May 2009 03:00:00 -0700

Why blatantly insult someone, when you can disguise it as a compliment? Intentional or not, some people have the art of backhanded compliments down. Like supermodel Iman for example. She told Parade Magazine this week:

Mrs. Obama is not a great beauty. But she is so interesting looking and so bright. That will always take you farther. When you’re a great beauty, it’s always downhill for you. If you’re someone like Mrs. Obama, you just get better with age.

Who wants to be a great beauty anyway, when you can be, uh, interesting looking? Other backhanded compliments include: "You age so well." Or, "You look great! Did you lose weight?"

Have you received any memorable critical compliments?

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Dish! What Backhanded Compliment Have You Heard?

GiggleSugar — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:15:00 -0700

A scoop of criticism with a cherry on top, anyone? Backhanded compliments can be the fiercest of insults. Chances are we've probably all heard them and even served them up at some point or another. I prefer to think that most of this nasty flattery is an accidental result of someone speaking before thinking. But giving our offender the benefit of the doubt doesn't take away the sting of a blindsided burn. So you tell me: What backhanded compliment have you heard or - mean girl alert! - dropped on someone else? Here are a few to get us started:

You're really filling out.
I'm so jealous you don't have to wear a bra every day.
Hey! Your face cleared up!
If you were taller, you could be a model.
You look so nice today, I almost didn’t recognize you.
That tasted better than it looked.
It's so refreshing to have a conversation with someone who doesn't feel the need to prove they are smart.
You're smart to do your laundry on Saturday night, when everyone else is out.
Nice dress. I've seen a lot of girls wearing it, but I think it suits you most.
You look like a porn star.

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Four Steps For Handling Hurtful Comments

DearSugar — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 15:00:00 -0700

There's nothing as rude and hurtful as a critical comment dressed as praise or a joke. The truth is no matter how they're brushed off, you know when someone's said something to intentionally put you down. Anger and embarrassment are natural reactions, but an article from November's O magazine offers some more productive ways of countering rude comments. I've summed up the four principles it mentions, so to see them just read more.

Find your emotional balance. In order for a verbal attack to be effective, the person being insulted has to be vulnerable. If you feel good about yourself, you'll recognize the attack as a character flaw in the person throwing it and not yourself.
Do what you can to get mean people out of your life. People who intentionally say something hurtful are not nice and by being around those people you're only opening yourself up to their cruel behavior.
If there's no way to get away from someone like this, then you have to learn how to properly defend yourself. The article offers three techniques as follows:
- Give a direct response to acknowledge that a comment is rude and to stop it in its tracks. For instance, "That was mean. Please stop."
- Don't get defensive - concede the truth in their words, but ignore their negative behavior completely. For example, if someone says something about how awful you look, you might respond with, "I'm tired today. How have you been?"
- Rudeness seeks to make others feel child-like and weak, so counter a biting statement with the tone of a reprimanding parent, like "If you have nothing nice to say, please don't say anything at all."
Changing your reaction to backhanded compliments and rude observations takes time, but the more you practice the more natural it will feel.

I found these strategies helpful, but I know everyone has their own ways of dealing with these situations. How do you react when someone makes a comment you know is meant to be to be critical and put you down?

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Did John Mayer Do the Right Thing?

DearSugar — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Over the weekend, John Mayer tried to clear the air and squash the never ending rumors surrounding his breakup with Jennifer Aniston. Of course, we've heard every reason in the book for why they split, but according to Mayer himself, "There's no lying, there's no cheating. There's no nothing..." In an effort to stand up for her, in my opinion, he also gave her a backhanded compliment when saying, "But it's about time that somebody stands up for that girl and I think she's great."

It's no secret that Jen hasn't been lucky in love these days, and though it was a sweet gesture to defend his ex, do you think John said too much? It sounded like a big pity party to me, but what do you think? If you were in her shoes, would you be thankful or angry by his message to the fans?

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GiggleSugar Best of the Week

GiggleSugar — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 04:00:00 -0700

Introducing: The Napoleon Dynamite of the '80s
The Godfather of Paternity Tests is finally getting the recognition he deserves.
Obama's got the baby vote in the bag.
"What the f*ck are you doing?"
James Blunt gets shite for being an obsessive, annoying a-hole.
Watch this and 55 seconds into it - give the back-up dancer in hot pink your undivided attention.
Pssst . . . Beaker's got something to tell ya.
No french kiss for you!
What backhanded compliment have you heard? Ready, set, dish!