TresSugar

Product of the Day: Bachelorette Party Invitations

GiggleSugar — Mon, 12 May 2008 00:02:00 -0700

Bachelor and bachelorette parties are so odd to me. Some of them seem to undermine the symbolism of the romantic gesture of getting married. Like, how does having a stripper grind on you during a lap dance signify that you're ready to walk down the aisle with your sweetie? And how does telling your friends you finally picked a pr*ck bode well for your upcoming nuptials? (Yeah, I know. I need to lighten up.)

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Have You Ever Skipped Out on a Bachelorette Party?

TresSugar — Wed, 06 May 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Bachelorette parties come in all shapes and sizes (as do male strippers). Some brides want relaxing girls' getaways, while others go for wild and crazy Vegas-style parties.

A wedding calls for a celebration, and the bachelorette party is an opportune time to spend some quality time with your good friends, but celebrating a friend's impending end to singledom could be time-consuming and expensive if it involves going somewhere. There's the cost of the flight out, hotel, dinners, drinks, cabs. . .

So I'm curious, have you ever skipped a bachelorette party you were invited to because it didn't work with your budget or schedule, or do you always make them a priority?

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The How-To Lounge: Bachelorette Etiquette

DearSugar — Tue, 13 May 2008 07:00:00 -0700

One of the best parts about getting married is having a bachelorette party, but deciding who you should invite and what you should do can sometimes make what's supposed to be a carefree event feel more like a tedious chore.

To see my tips on bachelorette etiquette, read more

It's your party, so you can invite whomever you want! Some people assume that only the wedding party gets the invite, but friends and family members who aren't in the wedding are welcome too, just as long as they are invited to the wedding itself.
First decide if you want a relaxing or wild bachelorette party and make your reservations from there. To keep the prices down, four girls can easily share one room. Getting ready with your friends and goofing off at the end of the night are some of the most fun moments of a bachelorette party, so don't feel bad about packing the rooms tightly.
Since weddings are already so pricey, adding in the added expense of a weekend away might just be too much for some, so if you're the bride, don't take it personally if not all your friends can make it.
Give your girls plenty of time to plan for your bachelorette party. Some might need to start saving money months in advance, and booking far enough out will ensure your girls won't have any scheduling conflicts.
If some of the girls don't know each other, it's important to make sure no one feels left out. If you are the only common thread for a handful of the girls attending, perhaps you should share room with them over your best friend or maid of honor.
The most important part of any bachelorette party is to have fun, so enjoy your last weekend getaway with your girlfriends as a single woman!

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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You Asked: I Can't Stand My Future Sister-in-Law

DearSugar — Thu, 15 May 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My fiancé and I are getting married later this Summer, but my negative relationship with his sister is putting a damper on things. We've always been friendly toward one another, but we've never really connected as friends in any way. Since the wedding planning has begun, she's been helping out with some of the details, so I've started to spend more time with her. As it turns out, we have a lot of conflicting opinions on things, and even though it's my wedding, we've managed to butt heads over a few choices I've made. She has a certain set of views and beliefs and if she feels like you're not following them, she lets you know in a very upfront manner.

Needless to say at this point I'm really annoyed. I have my bachelorette party coming up in a month that I want to keep very small, with only my closest friends - I really don't want to invite her. I feel like she'll put a complete damper on my mood. I talked to my fiancé about it, but he thinks his sister will be offended if she's not on the invite list, so I just don't know what to do. Can I get away with not inviting her to the bachelorette party?

- Sick of My Sister-in-Law Selena

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Sick of My Sister-in-Law Selena,

It is your wedding and your bachelorette party, and your sister-in-law shouldn't be trying to insert her opinions as demands, but unfortunately this is how family tends to be when it comes to weddings. It's likely that if you guys get through this without any head-to-head arguments, things will go back to the way they were when the wedding is over.

On that note, I think you really need to think things through before you leave her out. The bachelorette party is an opportunity for you to have some serious fun with your girlfriends, and there is no rule that says that you must invite anyone you don't want to. However, it's very clear that your sister-in-law's feelings will be hurt if you don't ask her, which can end up creating some post-wedding conflicts that could be easily avoidable.

I'd suggest asking a couple of your friends to make sure that she's entertained and out of your hair the entire night. Or consider having two bachelorette parties; a larger one in which you include your soon-to-be sister-in-law and a more intimate one with just your two or three closest friends. Keep in mind that a fun night with the girls may be just what she needs to loosen up and could lead to some sisterly bonding between the two of you. Either way, remember that a wedding only lasts a day, but the relationships with your in-laws can last for decades, so try to keep things amicable if possible.

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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Tips For Planning a Bachelorette Party

TresSugar — Thu, 07 May 2009 04:00:00 -0700

If you've been called on to plan a bachelorette party, you probably want to make it very memorable for the bride to be. But making the fun effortless requires a lot of effort beforehand! Here are some tips on how to prepare a night out on the town or a weekend getaway to celebrate a loved one's impending marriage!

Get the bride's expectations regarding: location, guest list, exotic dancers (are they banned or encouraged?).
Set a date: Send an email to the guests with a couple suggested dates, and settle on one that works for most.
Do some research: If you're traveling, find an affordable hotel and think about keeping prices down by sharing rooms. Think about calling a club you plan to attend ahead of time, so you can get on the guest list.
Set a budget: Based on what you found, estimate the cost. Make sure everyone is on the same page. Talking money can be awkward, but it's much better to be upfront so everyone can be carefree later.
Pool your resources for perks: Does your friend's uncle own a restaurant? Does your co-worker own a limo service? Call in any favors.
Make the plans: Send out invitations. If it's a getaway, send an email itinerary with all the crucial information and include links for more information.
Get people excited before the day: Forward fun reviews about the hotel you're staying in. Email an online slideshow of pictures of the bride and her friends throughout the years.
Have fun! Once the party begins get everyone in the right spirit by enjoying the party yourself!

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The How-To Lounge: Bridal Shower Etiquette

DearSugar — Mon, 12 May 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Traditionally a bridal shower is an opportunity for women to get together to "shower" the bride in the presents that she’ll need to make a home. While certainly times have changed in terms of wedding etiquette, generally, bridal showers have remained the same. To find out some basic shower etiquette and ways to make this traditional event more contemporary, read more.

Typically the shower is thrown and planned by the maid of honor and/or a female relative - the bride’s mother may be involved in the planning, but she's not in charge of the occasion.
Women who are not invited to the wedding should not be asked to attend the bridal shower. However, of the wedding invitees, feel free to ask everyone from coworkers to great-grandmothers.
Nowadays, it’s not uncommon to have a co-ed shower, which is usually thrown at night and is more similar to a traditional engagement party. But if you're planning the occasion, be sure to check in with the bride and groom and see what works for them.
Showers usually take place four to eight weeks before the wedding day in order to ensure the bride isn’t completely overwhelmed with scheduling right before the big day. If multiple showers are being thrown, the more time that’s given the better. You want the bride’s shower to be special, not another thing she has to stress over.
Formal invitations are expected for bridal showers. If you're following a specific theme, make sure to either utilize it in the look of the invitation or mention it within. While the invites can include an insert mentioning the couple’s website and gift registry, it's best not to include that information on the invitation itself.
Though many showers incorporate games and themes, neither of these are necessary. Just make sure that whatever is chosen works for the brides and keeps in mind that women of all ages will be attending.

Bridal showers may not be as exciting a bachelorette party, but they should still be fun, so don't be afraid to think outside of the box and try something totally untraditional!

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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You Asked: Am I Being Too Extreme?

DearSugar — Wed, 14 May 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,
I have been with my fiance for five and a half years, and we have been engaged for two. Both of us come from very traditional southern families. Since I am black and he is white, they felt very uncomfortable about our relationship and pending marriage, so we decided to wait and let everything calm down before tying the knot. My cousin, who introduced me to my fiance, got engaged a year after me and has since stabbed me in the back. I have spent the last nine months helping her plan her wedding, and when we went home a few weeks ago, I found out that her fiance doesn't want my fiance invited to their wedding. She has let him stir up trouble by talking to other family members who had finally accepted my relationship. Her fiance lectured me about the history of white men and black women, and what made me so angry is that my cousin sat right there and agreed with him!

Despite the fact that we have just bought a house and are saving for our wedding next year, I put serious financial strain on us by helping her plan her wedding. I have shelled out well over $2,000, and my fiance even gave me an extra $1,000 to pay for the shower and bachelorette party. She's being a huge hypocrite because she has dated outside of her race too, but when we talked this week, she said she stands behind her fiancé 100 percent, and since it's his wedding too, he has a right to make choices on the guest list. That was the final straw for me. I have handed over all the plans for the bridal shower and bachelorette party to another bridesmaid and have let her know that I am not going to her wedding, which is in three months. Family members think I'm being extreme and have an obligation to go, but I just can't get past my anger toward her and the pain she's caused me. Do I have a right to be this upset, or am I really being to extreme? - Backstabbed Brandy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Backstabbed Brandy,

Since I don't know all the details here, the only advice I can offer you is to trust your instincts on this one. It's pretty clear that your cousin is rocking the boat - could it be because she wants to be the only one in the spotlight? Since you're engaged too, she might be feeling some sort of competition with you. Whatever her reasoning, I agree that there's no excuse for her to throw you under the bus, so to speak, in front of your family. It's very clear that you're in love and have a strong relationship to be able to overcome the stresses and pressure of your family, so try not to let your cousin's fiance make you feel any differently. Interracial dating means something different for everyone, but at the end of the day, if you love each other, that's honestly all that matters.

I'm all for putting family first, but sometimes you have to put yourself even before them. Since you're understandably angry with your cousin, I don't blame you for passing off your duties, but you might want to reconsider skipping out on her wedding. Since it's three weeks away, could you have a heart to heart with her and hash out your differences before the wedding day? I think if you were honest with her and make her understand how she's made you feel, perhaps you can put this behind you, or at least agree to disagree. Feeling backstabbed by anyone is a terrible feeling, so let her know that it's her lack of support that is hitting such a nerve with you. She obviously likes your fiance to some extent or else she wouldn't have set you up in the first place, so remember that sometimes brides become bridezillas, even if they can't see it, and perhaps time will just be what it takes to mend your hurt feelings. Good luck.

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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DearSugar Needs your Help:

DearSugar — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Betrayed Brianna need your help. Her best friend's boyfriend isn't the biggest fan of her live in boyfriend and didn't invite him to their wedding. Brianna is devastated that it was more important for him to not have him at their wedding than it was to have her -- so what should she do? Should she tell her friend how betrayed she feels even though she is basking in the glory of this happy time?

Click here to read more

My best friend from college's fiancé has decided he doesn't like my live in boyfriend, who he has met twice, and has decided not to invite him to their wedding. This led to me, very calmly, telling my best friend that we are a team and we come as such, and that if he was not invited, I was going to have to step down from my bridesmaid's duties and not attend the wedding.

We have not spoken since, with the exception of attending our mutual best friend's bachelorette party where we both successfully put our problems aside in favor of celebrating the bride. The problem? I am SO angry. I feel betrayed that it was more important for her fiancé to NOT have my boyfriend at the wedding than it was for her to HAVE me at the wedding. I'm sick over the fact that this is the end of the line for our relationship, which has been an amazing thing for the past near-decade of our lives, and beyond hurt that she would allow this to happen. I'm not usually a dweller, but I can't seem to get past this, to the point where it's affecting my other relationships (my girlfriends and my boyfriend, especially) because I'm so afraid to let someone get that close to me only to turn around and throw it over for a petty problem (and it is petty--I've known her fiancé for years and he's done this in a smaller form to a whole slew of people in that time). I'm restraining myself from writing her a tell-all letter, because I still feel as though this is a happy time in her life and I don't want to ruin that for her...but another part of me is asking myself why I even care, considering how unhappy I am. I guess I'm just a mess, and any advice?

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Can You Decline Being A Bridesmaid?

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 10:17:19 -0800

Dear Sugar
Yesterday I was asked to be in a bridesmaid in a co-workers wedding. We met at work about a year and a half go, and I consider us to be relatively new friends. I must say that I was completely caught quite off guard when she asked me to do her this honor. I don't know anyone else in her bridal party and I am not currently dating anyone that I would be able to bring as my date.

While I really like her and I am very flattered, I am not interested in saying yes. Being a bridesmaid is an added expense that I can not afford right now, not to mention a large time commitment. Do I have to say yes or is there a polite way to decline without ruining our new friendship? I said yes yesterday, but I am hoping it's not too late to change my decision. Declining Davita

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Declining Davita
This is always a delicate topic. Being asked to be in a friend's wedding is an honor, but it can certainly feel like a chore; especially if you aren't very close with her. You technically do not have to say yes, but by saying no, you run the risk of hurting her feelings.

Being in the wedding party is definitely expensive so this could be your easy way out. Let her know how much you appreciate the invitation but that you are unfortunately on too tight of budget to take this on. A nice gesture would be asking her if you could still be a part of her special day by passing out programs, participating in a reading or offering to help chip in for her bachelorette party or shower.

Hopefully your friend will understand your financial commitments and will take you up on your offer to be a part of her wedding in another capacity. Reiterate to the bride that your decision is strictly financial and has nothing to do with how you feel about her, or her upcoming nuptials. I am sure your emotional support will be greatly appreciated by the bride and your friendship will be spared.

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