TresSugar

Where Do You Stand? Optimism

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Having a positive attitude is always a plus when it comes to leaving an impression, getting to know new people, and keeping your chin up during a rough patch. But sometimes, and I know some people may not agree with me, an optimistic outlook is not for the best. When the going gets tough, I think it’s important to be realistic, and I often find a friend or family member’s optimism irritating or just plain irrational. In my opinion, a little pessimism can come in handy - sometimes you have to plan for the worst! But where do you stand on this glass half-full or half-empty issue? Do you think optimism is harmful or helpful?

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This or That: His Mom's a Diva or a Control Freak?

DearSugar — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

You knew your fiancé’s mom had issues, but since you’ve started wedding planning, you’ve really been able to see her true colors. Now you’re in direct contact with her multiple times a week without your fiancé as a buffer. Would it be worse if . . .

This: She somehow manages to make every aspect of planning about her? You’ve spent more time helping her find a dress than focusing on your own wedding gown! When you call her out on it, she only gets more outlandish.

Or . . .

That: She’s completely taken over all of the planning? You feel like you don't have a say in your own wedding and when you try to make a suggestion, she tells you that she's already taken care of it.

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The How-To Lounge: Enhancing Your Patience

DearSugar — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

No matter how easy-going you might be, everyone can lose their temper from time to time. But if you happen to be impatient, well, then biting your tongue or not getting flustered can be very tricky. For that reason I’ve come up with a few ideas to work on increasing your patience. To see them, read more.

As soon as you feel your patience waning, instead of getting frustrated, start considering your options. Is there a solution? If so, how do you get there?
Whatever the cause of your impatience may be, keep things in perspective. Usually it’s not the end of the world, so don’t blow a minor inconvenience out of proportion.
This may seem counter-intuitive, but sometimes it really helps to rant to someone - ideally someone you’re close with. Tell yourself that you have five minutes to whine as much as you like. But when your time’s up, you have to let it go.
When all else fails, take your attention away from the problem and begin to focus on your breathing. Take deep breaths in, letting your hand rest on your stomach so you can feel yourself exhale slowly. This is a trick for combating anxiety, but I think it works in any situation when your blood starts pumping.
And most importantly, working on being more patient is something that takes time. Be understanding with yourself as you learn to gain greater control of your reactions, and be forgiving of yourself when you fall back into old habits - it's bound to happen a few times.

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Dear Poll: Do You Have a Temper?

DearSugar — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Everyone gets angry, but some of us tend to snap more easily than others. Maybe it's a frustrating customer service representative or an irritating comment from a family member, but suddenly your anger flares up in a bout of bad temper. Fortunately, I don't get heated easily, but I'd be lying if I said that stress didn't bring out my temper. Are you prone to fits of fury?

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Group Therapy: How Can I Break My Friend's Bad Habit?

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I have a good guy friend I've known for eight years. He's single and intelligent (albeit a bit cocky and conceited). We have some mutual friends, so I invite him to all kinds of events - happy hours, picnics, parties, etc. He's always excited to attend, but then without fail calls me at the last minute to say he's "not sure" if he's coming.

He usually ends up showing up anyway and having a good time. In fact, I think he calls at the last minute just so I'll convince him to come, almost as if he needs to feel like he's wanted - this conflicts with his cocky attitude.
Honestly I don't care if he's there either way. I host a lot of these events so I'm usually too busy to worry about him, but this pattern is getting on my nerves. I just don't understand why he does this. How can I break him of this habit? I've tried not answering my phone but then he calls repeatedly and leaves me messages telling me not to ignore him. Any ideas?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Dear Quiz: Can You Compromise?

DearSugar — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 12:00:00 -0700

With the exception of pushovers, I'm sure most of us can be a little stubborn sometimes, especially about the things that matter to us most. But there's a difference between holding onto your opinions and just being plain old difficult. In all aspects of life, knowing when to compromise is definitely an important skill. Take my short quiz to find out if you can compromise or if you're stuck with a stubborn streak?

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Are you willing to consider others' opinions if they greatly differ from your own?

I'll certainly consider them, but in the end they may not change my mind.

No, obviously I have my own opinions for a reason.

Definitely, I could be completely wrong for all I know.

Yes, as I'm often unsure of my own opinions.

If you thought you had a mistake would you admit it?

I would definitely disclose my uncertainty. I'd hate to be wrong and look dumb later.

Absolutely not; I would only admit it if I was sure I had.

I would; I'd be too embarrassed to be called out by someone else.

Yes, begrudgingly.

If you really want something - even something you've been told you can't have - will you usually get it?

Not likely. I'm not going to go after something that I can't have.

I'd try to get it, but if I couldn't, I'd let it go.

If it really matters to me, I'll fight for it.

I pretty much always get what I want in the end.

Hanging out with a group of friends, you get into a debate about an old high-school teacher's name, and you're positive they're wrong. What do you do?

Just laugh it off.

Continue to remind them of how wrong they are all night long.

Look it up in the yearbook as soon as possible, and then proceed to gloat!

Quickly agree with them; I might be wrong anyways.

Dear Poll: Are You Old or Young For Your Age?

DearSugar — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

If age is just a number, then appearance isn’t the only thing that makes a person seem older or younger. In fact, I always have a terrible time guessing a person's age because I base my assumption on her personality more than anything else. Taking into account your personality over your appearance, how does your outward attitude compare to the age on your driver's license?

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Dear Poll: Are Women Too Hard on Men?

DearSugar — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:00:00 -0800

I truly believe that women shouldn’t settle with any old guy - unless of course they actually want to. And though I think people are sometimes picky about the wrong things, I think it’s incredibly powerful to know what you want and what you need in a relationship. That said, I think there’s a possibility that as women have become more empowered, we’ve also become pretty darn tough on men. I adore He’s Just Not That Into You, but I fear that it’s made us more cynical than ever.

I think most of us have accepted that some guys we like just aren't that into us, but it also forces us to assume that every little imperfect action is intentional and not the result of a humble mistake or silly miscommunication. I mean, wouldn’t we want the benefit of the doubt if our actions were in question? Help me out with this one, are women being too tough these days?

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Dear Quiz: Are You Approachable?

DearSugar — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Have you ever noticed how there are some people who are endlessly surrounded by friends and seem to make new friends where ever they go? There's just something about their body language that makes them seem warm, inviting, and all around, approachable. So take this quiz to find out if you give off the welcoming vibe or if you're as cold as ice!

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Do you enjoy talking to new people?

I absolutely love it! It's why I go out.

It's great to get to know new people.

I prefer to focus on my existing group of friends.

How often do you smile?

Whenever something makes me happy.

Only if I find something really amusing.

All the time; I'm a very smiley person.

When talking to new people, do you focus all of your energy into what they're saying?

Yes, I always try to really engage with them.

I try, but often I find myself thinking about other things instead of listening.

Sure, but only for a few minutes then I'm to the next convo!

Are you concerned about people's perception of you?

Not at all. I am who I am, regardless of what anyone thinks.

Of course. I want them to like me.

Sometimes, but what really counts is how I feel about myself.

Do you initiate conversations?

Never

Sometimes

Always

How would you describe your body language?

I use a lot of arm gestures.

I tend to keep my arms tucked around my chest or abdomen.

I keep my shoulders relaxed and my chin raised.

She's Like, So Whatevah...

GiggleSugar — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 10:57:59 -0800

The ultimate showdown would be to put the Avril fan club in a playhouse with this little diva- who would out 'tude the other? If round one is any predictor of the outcome (Avril: "Hey! Hey! You! You!" Diva: "Whatevah!"), my money's on Miss Thang below. "Whatever" trumps any argument.