TresSugar

Dear Poll: Should Celebrities Have to Apologize?

DearSugar — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 10:30:00 -0800

Celebrities are no different than us common folk; they make mistakes, too. It's just that their mistakes are seen and heard around the world. While it's easy for us to simply apologize to the people we've hurt, celebrities have to make amends much more publicly. But what happens when you're not sorry for your actions even though others see them as mistakes?

This happened to Miley Cyrus when controversial pictures emerged of her making goofy faces with her friends. Some thought the pics were racially charged, but she claims the media was just picking on her. Though she did make a statement, it wasn't exactly apologetic. Yes, celebrities are role models for many of us, but should they have to publicly apologize if they don't think they've done anything wrong?

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Relationship Protocol: After a Fight, Who Apologizes First?

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

I've definitely been in a few relationships where it felt like I was always the one apologizing after an argument - even when I knew it wasn't actually me who was in the wrong. Let's face it: Some people just can't say, "I'm sorry" first, regardless of the circumstance. So how is it in your relationship? After a fight, who typically apologizes first?

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You Asked: Should I Forgive Her Insincere Apology?

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,
My old college roommate asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding six months ago, and I agreed. Unfortunately, three weeks ago, her mother has passed away unexpectedly. It has been hard on everyone, but especially difficult for the maid of honor; the bride's best friend and a college friend of mine. She's acted as the liaison between the grieving bride-to-be and all her friends. In the time since, the maid of honor expressed in an email to me that she was unhappy with the back seat I took during the grieving period. When I called her and told her I wasn't that close to the bride and I didn't think it was appropriate to get more involved than I already was, she got very upset, started to cry, and told me that perhaps I don't deserve to be in the wedding at all.

She has since emailed to apologize for that comment, but deep down, I know she isn't sorry. While I know this isn't her wedding or her decision, her words were still very hurtful. I know I have to at least keep up appearances through the wedding, but I don't know I can or should forgive her beyond that. Do you have any advice? - Scolded Bridesmaid Bianca

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Scolded Bridesmaid Bianca,

It sounds to me like the maid of honor let the stress of everything get the best of her, and unfortunately, you got the brunt of it. I'm sure the bride is experiencing overwhelming emotion right now - the sadness of her mother's death mixed with the excitement of her upcoming wedding - but if you feel you did your part to express your condolences and be there to support her, there's not much more you could have done. Sure, there's a chance she told the maid of honor that she was disappointed you didn't take on a bigger role during this tragic time in her life, but you're right, that's between you and her. If you're concerned that could be a possibility, I suggest confronting her ASAP. Let her know again how sorry you are for her loss and ask her if there's anything else you can do.

Once things settle down, I have a feeling this misunderstanding will become a distant memory, but if not, it's completely your decision if you want to end the friendship after the wedding. I wish you luck in whatever decision you make, but remember, we can all say and do things out of character under times of stress - something you might want to keep in mind.

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Is It Hard to Apologize When You're in the Wrong?

DearSugar — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 11:00:00 -0800

The drama between Lauren and Audrina over Justin Bobby continued last night on The Hills. Even though Audrina finally came to the realization that the rumor about her best friend and boyfriend was just that, she was still pretty apprehensive about apologizing to Lauren. Admitting your wrongdoings can be a daunting task, but tell me, have you ever been afraid or nervous to apologize when you were in the wrong like Audrina was last night?

To get all the fashion from last night's episode, check out our new site, CelebStyle.

Photo courtesy of MTV

Sunday Confessional: I Hurt Her, But She Won't Let It Go

DearSugar — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

About two years ago, I entered a bleak time in my life and fell into a depression. Fortunately, I was able to make it through, and I feel much stronger today. However, at the time it was difficult to just leave the house, and I really distanced myself from many of my friends. In fact, one of my closest friends was going through her own struggles, dealing with a terrible breakup and the loss of a grandparent. More than once she called me crying and I failed to return the call, too lost in my sadness.

In the midst of this, it was also her birthday and she begged me to come out with her. With much trepidation, I said yes, but when the day finally rolled around, I totally flaked. Needless to say, that was her last straw. She wrote me an email basically telling me that she was sorry I was unhappy but there was no excuse for my behavior. That email as well as some other incidents forced me to see things differently, and with the help of my therapist, I was able to start putting my life back together. Eight months ago I reconciled with my friend. I told her I was so regretful of the pain I caused her, and though it took some talking, we worked it out.

But since then she's been very passive aggressive with me. She often won't call me back. And when I ask, she says, "Now you know how it feels." And she's always quick to remind me of how I hurt her, and even puts me down. She's such a good person, but she seems to have these bursts of anger towards me. I take full responsibility for what I did, and I was even willing to put up with this to some extent, but two years after the fact, it's getting old. I don't feel like this is warranted, but maybe I'm wrong. Do you think I deserve this? Or is it time for me to be forgiven?

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Have You Ever Had to Set Your Record Straight?

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Britney Spears is back in the public eye, but this time she's setting the record straight about the ups and downs her life has taken over the past two years. Tonight she'll be debuting her new video on 20/20, and on Nov. 30, her new documentary For The Record, will air on MTV. Certainly we've all made mistakes in our lives (maybe not to the same extent) but have you ever felt the need to come out to your friends or family and explain yourself, your actions, and behaviors in order to salvage your relationships?

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Apologies Abound: Hawaii Says "Sorry" to Leper Colonists

CitizenSugar — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 06:00:20 -0700

The state of Hawaii has apologized to the former leprosy patients that were forcibly confined to a remote peninsula on the island of Molokai. State Sen. J. Kalani English said in front of 12 former patients, "We're sorry. We're sorry for the treatment. We're sorry for the suffering that you've been through. The entire state is with me today as I say this."

Many families were torn apart when 8,000 lepers were sent to the compound in an effort to control the disease. The containment went on for over a century until 1969 when the requirement was ended. Though curing medicine was introduced in the 1940s, some patients chose to stay because it had become their home.

One of the brother's of the patients who didn't live long enough to see the apology said, "I know they're watching and nodding. All of these people. They're all agreeing. They're just saying 'at last.'"

To see who's in the picture, read more.

Pictured above is Father Damien, the priest who went to the island to minister to the lepers and devoted his life to them. During his 16 years, he built six chapels, a home for boys and one for girls, dug graves and bandaged wounds. Father Damien eventually succumbed to the disease himself. He is one of Hawaii's two statues in the National Statuary Hall.

Are official apologies (like to the Aborigines and for slavery) a progressive step in the right direction? Will we see more to come?

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Dear Poll: Are You Good at Apologizing?

DearSugar — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Pride is a stronger force in most people's lives than they recognize. Admitting when you’re wrong is an incredibly difficult thing to do, and it sometimes requires swallowing (or choking down) your pride, which is especially challenging if you're used to being right. But saying sorry is an incredibly noble act and you almost always end up on top if you're honest and own up to your mistakes. Of course knowing that doesn’t make it any easier so let’s be honest here, are you good at apologizing?

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"Is This Thing On?" Live-Mic Oops Crank Up Bush and Jackson

CitizenSugar — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 08:01:38 -0700

Live microphones are turning controversial remarks up to an "11" this week. Jesse Jackson used the N-word - the one for the dangly part of the male anatomy - when dishing about Obama during a break from taping a segment on Fox & Friends on Sunday. Jackson was, he thought secretly, gossiping with his co-guest about Obama's position on black churches and his support for faith-based charities. Jackson made the rude (and puzzling) remark, "I want to cut his n**ts off," into his live mic, moments before going on air.

Jackson didn't know his words had been picked up at the time, but by yesterday the clip was ready to air on The O'Reilly Factor and Jackson was in full damage-control mode, apologizing at a news conference in Chicago and releasing a statement saying:

For any harm or hurt that this hot mic private conversation may have caused, I apologize. My support for Senator Obama's campaign is wide, deep and unequivocal.

Barack Obama has accepted his apology. His spokesman said, "[Obama] will continue to speak out about our responsibilities to ourselves and each other, and he of course accepts Rev. Jackson's apology."

Not all hot-mic trouble results in hot water. George W. Bush had an uncharacteristically endearing private/public address series of moments at the G-8 Summit this week. To see what everyone heard him say, read more.

At an unintended broadcast lunchtime chitchat Bush said:

“Amigo! Amigo!” cheerily in Spanish to Italian prime minister Berlusconi. “How you doing, Silvio? Good to see you!” And later, “I read the courts are after you again. it’s unbelievable. I’ve never seen anything like it. Constantly after you.”
On his parents' recent joint replacement surgeries to Angela Merkel on his dad, "yeah, I’m worried about him,” and mom “two knee operations, two knees at the same time, because she didn’t want to rehab but once.”
On the hilly bike ride in Japan, “so I got on my bicycle this morning and got to the bottom of the hill and realized it was really tough to get up. When you’re older, as you know. . . "
And my favorite, on the Fourth of July celebration, “big party at the White House, and they had fireworks. My little girls were there.”

Aw! Though at the next day's lunch, the mics were conspicuously turned off.

What do you make of the Jackson remark? Should it have been broadcast on The O'Reilly Factor given that it was clearly off the record - or has that concept disappeared with technology? Is everything now on the record? Should it be?

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Anatomy of a Gaffe: McCain Adviser's Quote Exposes Pattern

CitizenSugar — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 07:59:59 -0700

Controversial statements on the campaign trail are sparking a lighting-quick trend, the standard cycle of apology becoming an expected, relay-race reflex. Here's the most recent example: Charlie Black, a top adviser to John McCain, has apologized for this passage in a profile on McCain in Fortune magazine:

As would, Black concedes with startling candor after we raise the issue, another terrorist attack on U.S. soil. "Certainly it would be a big advantage to him," says Black.

As is usual in the current political climate, the problematic statement, that a terrorist attack would be an advantage to McCain, was followed quickly by an apology from the source, with Charlie Black saying:

I deeply regret the comments. They were inappropriate. I recognize that John McCain has devoted his entire adult life to protecting his country and placing its security before every other consideration.

The next step in the pattern follows the distancing by the candidate, with McCain saying:

I cannot imagine why he would say it. It's not true. I've worked tirelessly since 9/11 to prevent another attack on the United States of America.

With his campaign officially seconding that emotion. To see what happens next, read more.

Then, Act III of the modern political gaffe-gate, the rival's response and analysis. The Obama campaign says:

The fact that John McCain's top advisor says that a terrorist attack on American soil would be a 'big advantage' for their political campaign is a complete disgrace, and is exactly the kind of politics that needs to change. Barack Obama will turn the page on these failed policies and this cynical and divisive brand of politics so that we can unite this nation around a common purpose to finish the fight against al Qaeda.

It's a pattern fast becoming a foregone conclusion. Oops, Shun, Spin. Does the expectation of this progression, dilute the impact of the initial event? Does it neuter the apologizing and distancing by the candidate by its omnipresence? Are apologies in politics too numerous and quick to count? In this case, was the initial statement inaccurate or offensive?

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