TresSugar

The Best Deal in Town!

GiggleSugar — Thu, 29 May 2008 04:00:00 -0700

The cursive font adds a little class to the joint, no?

Group Therapy: I Need Moving in Advice!

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 14:00:00 -0700

I'm 23 and an only child. For the past six years, it's been pretty much just my dad and me. I lived in a dorm once, but it was a single suite.

In seven months, I will be moving in with my boyfriend and our best friend. We plan on getting a 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom apartment but I just realized that for the rest of my life (since we have plans to marry), I'm going to be sharing a room! I can't just decorate it the way I want, and my "personal" space will be limited. I have no idea where I'll put certain things or if there will ever be room for them. I'm sure once we're married and have a house, I'll get to set up my own little room for my things, but that's a long way off.

My question is this: How many of you that are now living with your boyfriend/fiancé/husband are only children? Was it strange to share living space for the first time? I have no doubt that it will be fine, and it's not like my room is my refuge, but I'm just wondering what others have experienced.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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The How-To Lounge: Finding the Perfect Apartment

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 10:00:00 -0700

Finding the perfect apartment can seem like an impossibility, but in reality, it just takes time and dedication. If you're like so many people I know right now, in the thick of the housing search, see some of the tips I have for you to help this process be as pain free as possible.

Click here to read more

If you don't have the time to do this kind of a search by yourself, sign up with a local rental company who specializes in finding the apartment that meets your criteria for you. They will alert you when apartments become available so you don't have to constantly be on the look out
If you're like me and you want to see anything and everything, constantly check sites like Craig's List or read your local want ads for new rental availabilities
Since most people use their weekends to drive around and look for For Rent signs, be the early bird that catches the worm and take a spin around your ideal neighborhood before or after work during the week to look for available apartments
Make as many phone calls and make as many appointments as you can. Oftentimes landlords and property managers are not able to convey the right message about the apartment in the space allotted so it's important to see the apartments with your own eyes
Figure out what's important to you in an apartment. Is it having a laundry room, a walk in closet, a bathtub, a dishwasher, a disposal, having a parking spot, a view, or is the location the most important thing you are looking for? Oftentimes, an apartment won't have everything, so prioritize your needs
Finding the perfect apartment can be close to impossible, but finding the almost perfect apartment can be done so keep your expectations reasonable

I hope these tips are helpful if you are currently looking for a new roof over your head and if you have any other suggestions that I might have forgotten, please share them in the comments below.

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"That Girl" Moves Into An Apartment

GiggleSugar — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 13:00:00 -0700

I think we've all met "that girl" at some point in our lives. The hair-stroking, always talking, insecure girl who compulsively lies to one-up everyone on everything. You like cartoons? Well, she was born a cartoon. You have a cat? Yeah, she gave birth to hers. SNL calls her Penelope, but I call her plain annoying. So... (Thanks, i am bored!)

You Asked: Are We Growing Apart?

DearSugar — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 03:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and he just doesn't seem to have any time for me anymore. He tells me everyday that he loves me, but I've only seen him twice over the past week. I feel like we are growing apart. I love him more than anything so can you tell me what I should do? Should I stay with him or let him go his way and I go mine? - At a Loss Laurie

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear At a Loss Laurie,

Feeling like you're growing apart from the man you love is a terrible feeling, but let's make sure you're not over reacting here. Having to juggle work, family, friends and a relationship can be incredibly difficult, especially when you're trying to please everyone. Has he been over loaded with work or preoccupied with anything lately? Have you only felt the distance this week or has this been an ongoing issue?

When you're together with someone for three years, the honeymoon period can feel like a distant memory, but you can get the romance back with a little effort from both of you. Try making a few date nights per week so you're guaranteed time together. Add some excitement back into your relationship - surprise him with a candle lit dinner or take him away for the weekend so you can reconnect.

If your female intuition is telling you you're growing apart despite his efforts of telling you he loves you, the only thing you can do is talk to him about your feelings. Ask him what you can do to get things back on track but don't give up without putting up a fight. I wish you luck and hopefully you're just having an off week.

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Growing Up, Growing Apart

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Most of us enter our first serious, long-term relationship in our 20s, and even if it doesn't lead us to the altar, it usually gets us thinking about marriage. And yet, whether it's personality and values or career and financial stability, our twenties are chock full with uncertainty - it's the time when we discover who we are and what we want from life. Because of these constant changes, often the person we believed was the one doesn't turn out to be.

With a little hindsight, it's easy to point out the ways in which you and your significant other have changed over the course of your relationship. Although it certainly takes a commitment on both sides, I do believe it's possible to grow together rather than apart. Do you agree? What's your advice when it comes to growing apart or together?

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Hump Day: How Can I Become Multi-Orgasmic?

TresSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:00:00 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"I keep hearing about women who can have 'multiple orgasms' and I can't figure out exactly what this means. Does it mean a woman who can have more than one orgasm in a night? One orgasm after another with little downtime? (Is that even possible? Most women are so sensitive after having an orgasm!) Anyway, if it exists, is there a way I can become multi-orgasmic?" To hear Dr. Glickman's response, read more

Part of the challenge in defining “multiple orgasms” is that different people use the term to mean different things. For some women, it means more than one orgasm during a single sex session, whether they’re 5 minutes or 30 minutes (or more) apart. For other women, it means one after another, without much time between them.

You’re right that many women are extra sensitive after an orgasm, but not everyone. In fact, some women find that they can just keep going, especially if they change what they’re doing. For example, someone might find that she can have an orgasm from clitoral stimulation and then switch to penetration for a second one. Or maybe she might have one orgasm from oral sex, take a break for a bit with something else to keep the passion up, and then go back to oral sex for a second orgasm. And there are women out there who don’t need a break after one orgasm before they start building towards a second one.

Not all women can become multi-orgasmic, but many women can. Some women find that their ability to be multi-orgasmic can change over time, too. So if it doesn’t happen for you now, don’t stress about it. You may find that in a few years, something changes and suddenly, it falls into place.

One really great place to look for more info on how to do it is Mantak Chia’s book The Multi-Orgasmic Woman. He approaches sex from the Taoist tradition, which works with sexuality as a form of energy that we can learn to channel, harness, and expand. If you’re familiar with energetic practices such as yoga, this perspective might be familiar. He has a book for men and one for male/female couples, too.

Another place you could look for information about this is Tantra. While most people only know about Tantra as a laundry list of sex positions from the Kama Sutra, there’s actually a lot more to it than that. Tantra is a set of practices that teach you to work with your sexual energy and it can help you expand your ability to experience pleasure, deepen intimacy, and have multiple orgasms. There are some good books like Urban Tantra and Tantric Sex for Women, as well as some DVDs.

In my experience, the best way to learn about Tantra is through experiential workshops because these are techniques that are much easier to understand when someone is demonstrating them. Most Tantra classes are fully-clothed and many are designed for people to come solo, while others are for couples. You can find out more about Tantra or look for workshop teachers on www.tantra.com.

One thing that I do want to be clear on: not everyone can become multi-orgasmic. If it doesn’t happen for you, there’s nothing wrong with you. I’ve seen a lot of people become very goal-oriented about it and they often end up sabotaging themselves because they’re not actually enjoying the sex that they’re having. So I encourage you to try it out and see what works for you, but don’t get so caught up in it that you forget to have fun. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Group Therapy: I Don't Want to Give Up on Us

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and have been living together for most of that time. In the first eight months, we were rocky - we broke up twice for brief periods. He had some serious issues and a wall that I couldn't get passed. After we broke up the second time, we finally worked through his personal issues that were holding us back. We haven't had any serious problems since then.

We have gone through some spells where I doubted us, but they've always been temporary. But in the last few months I'm having more serious doubts; I just feel like we aren't going to make it. I really want us to, but it just seems like we keep growing apart. We have sex only three or four times a month. I know we both want to be happy, but we just keep butting heads. He loves me, and the majority of the time I end up being the bad guy in our disputes. I don't really respect him, and I'm not sure he's truly what I want. But I do love him. I want him to be the one I want. I want us to work it out. I just want things to go back to the way they were. Is this even possible? Any advice?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Group Therapy: Should I Let My Best Friend Drift Away?

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:00:00 -0700

I love my best friend. She's a great girl, and our friendship has brought tons of joy into our lives. However, we're at this stage in life where things are changing for both of us - I just graduated from college, and she's still in school. She has a serious boyfriend, and I'm very single. I understand that since we're not doing the exact same things anymore, its harder to get together, and I respect the fact that her boyfriend or classes will come before me a lot of the time. But lately I feel like she's been completely nonexistent. When we do try to get together, it's near impossible, and when I feel like I really need to talk to my best friend, I hesitate to call because I wonder if she'll really be listening.

I have a special event coming up where I expected her to be, and predictably, she's not going to be able to come. I'm really frustrated and totally hurt! Should I just let things be and watch our friendship grow apart or make more of an effort to be a part of her life?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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You Asked: Thinking About Being Intimate Again Since My Husband's Death

DearSugar — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I am in a place where I will be considering being close to someone again. I have not been romantically close to anyone since my husband died nearly six years ago.

I've met someone and it has the chance of really developing into a great relationship, but I'm scared. You see, I was never experienced with many partners, in fact I've only been with a couple of men. The guy I'm getting close to is very much into sex. I'm nervous about when it comes to having sex, that I won't remember what to do, and that he'll get frustrated and not want to be with me.

I miss my husband but know being a widow in my 20's has left me shy of letting my heart be open. This man is protective, loving and simply wonderful, but his lifestyle is also a little dangerous. When I say that I mean that he is part of a club that sends him away a lot. Since I lost my husband at a young age, I'm concerned that something will happen to him.

I do not want to lose him, but knowing sex is important to him and my lack
of experience and long time since doing so has left me losing sleep.

-Having Stage Fright Francine

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Having Stage Fright Francine,

Your fear of rejection, of not being able to perform to the standards you think your boyfriend holds about sex have such a hold on you that you're too scared to take that leap. The best way to ease your nerves is to be honest with this guy. If he's an understanding guy, I'm sure he'd want to know exactly how you're feeling and it will encourage him to be patient with you and move slowly. If he really cares about you, and you care about him, your intimate moments will be about expressing the love you share, and not about your technique.

With that said, I think your nerves may have less to do with sex and lack of experience than you think. It's obvious that you feel unstable about loss, and I can completely understand why. Are you talking to a therapist to help work through your fears? He's got to know how uneasy you feel about him being away so much and that you're scared about getting close and then losing him so the best thing to do is talk to him.

If he can't do anything about his business trips, then maybe you guys can keep in touch everyday to make your time apart more bearable (by phone calls and emails). If you think that him being away from you may be too much for you to handle, then perhaps it's not such a good idea to get intimate with him in the first place. Just listen to your heart, and if something is telling you not to cross the line with this guy, then you've got to trust your intuition. Good luck.

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