TresSugar

Do Tell: When You Get Sad, What Do You Do?

DearSugar — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700

There have been many periods in my life when I’ve felt frustrated with my friends and family, but for every occasion that I’m annoyed, there are a hundred more when having them in my life has proven invaluable. Whenever I’m sad or worried, I always reach out to them, and even if they can’t solve my problem, it helps to know someone cares. But some people are not apt to do the same. In fact, I have a few people in my life that seem to just shut down when they get sad. Does that sound like you? Do tell, when the going gets tough, how do you react? Do you close yourself off for some much-needed introspection, or is feeling down your time to confide?

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Do Tell: Do You Look Forward to Your Alone Time?

DearSugar — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Alone time is incredibly valuable, especially if you tend to be an introvert; it gives you time to process your thoughts and get back in touch with yourself as an individual. But once you’re in a relationship, alone time can get lost in the shuffle of a busy schedule. In fact, if you live with someone, finding alone time can feel nearly impossible. I expressed these thoughts to a friend recently, and she was quick to point out that she didn’t look forward to her alone time at all. Sure, she appreciates it, but she prefers to have people around. I was surprised by her response, but do you agree? Do tell, is alone time something you look forward to?

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A Do or a Don't: Solo Vacation

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 14:00:00 -0700

I like alone time, but the idea of going on a vacation by myself, even for a weekend, kind of scares me. So when a friend recently told me that she was planning a solo trip to France, I thought she was kidding. Imagining someone traveling alone just for the sake of being alone seemed incomprehensible. As soon as she got back, I demanded to know every last detail of her adventure.

I won’t lie; I thought she would say that I was right, taking a trip without company is no fun at all. But instead, she loved it! She was on her own schedule, had plenty of time for introspection, and met some amazing people along the way. I’m not a convert of the solo vaca (yet), but are you? Does the notion strike you as eye-opening or just plain terrible? Or, are there any of you who have already done it?

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The How-To Lounge: Enjoying a Saturday Night Alone

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Since being alone can be scary for some people, and because even the most social person can end up spending a Saturday night alone every now and then, I’ve come up with a few ideas on how to enjoy such an evening by yourself. To embrace your solo side, just read more.

Don’t waste time trying to find someone to hang out with when you could be getting your own night started. Hours can go by waiting for a returned phone call, and I speak from experience when I say it’s not worth the wait.
Try picking out an activity that you’ve been wanting to do for a while but never had time to do or could never find someone to do it with. It could be as simple as curling up with the newest issues of your favorite magazines or as exotic as a long drive to a beautiful spot to watch the sunset. Just make sure it’s something you really want to do.
Let your body and mind have a rest by giving into the down time, and make it a complete detox night. Take a long hot bath, give yourself a pedicure, whip up something healthy, and pop in a yoga DVD.
Or try going in the completely opposite direction. Opt for your favorite junk food and eat it in front of the TV while you catch up on all your favorite shows!
And if you’re feeling particularly antsy, try doing something productive that will keep your mind off of things. Turn on your music and start organizing, or try your hand at baking.

No matter what you do, try to take advantage of your alone time instead of resenting it - you might be surprised by how good you feel the next day!

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Dear Poll: Are You Scared of Being Alone?

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:00:00 -0700

These days, if a woman admits to being sad about her single status or reveals that she's scared she might end up alone, she's suddenly considered needy or unempowered. Though we may not be rushing out to alert our friends of these thoughts for fear of judgment, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with feeling a tinge of trepidation at the thought of being alone - it's totally normal for both genders to want companionship! So without worries of being labeled as something you're not, answer this: Are you scared of being alone?

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Gone to a Movie Alone?

DearSugar — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 13:00:00 -0700

I'm a big promoter of doing things alone, mostly because I don't like missing out on things just because I have no one to do them with. While I haven't braved going out to a sit-down restaurant alone, I have gone to a movie theater multiple times by myself, and found the experience weird only because it wasn't uncomfortable. Going solo is great because I didn't have to feel guilty about dragging someone to a movie they didn't want to see. Some people think I'm crazy when I tell them I do this, so ladies, what I want to know is, have you ever gone to see a movie by yourself?

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You Asked: Do I Love Him or Not?

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I dated a guy all throughout college, we were definitely in love and things were great. When we graduated, it became increasingly harder to make things work -- mostly on my end. I wanted to do things that I had planned for years, like travel. He needed to work so he couldn't join me (he tried), but regardless I wanted to travel without him. I am not sure how to explain it, I still loved him (love) but I began to want more...other people, different scenery, adventure. I told him I wanted a break while I traveled and he sadly agreed. It sort of worked out. I briefly dated other guys but I still had contact with him. We didn't exchange info about who or if we dated. For some reason, even though I was still totally in love with him I started to pull away, ending in our breakup a few months ago.

I got back to the U.S. coincidentally close to his birthday. We had not talked in about a month, and he had no idea I was back, so I texted him saying happy birthday. Ever since then (about 5 weeks) he text messages me 1-2 times a week saying things like, "Missing you today" or "Your favorite show is on channel 7." Then 2 weeks ago he texted that he still loved me and hopes somehow "things work out." I don't get it.

What does he want? Where is this going? I know I should ask him but I honestly don't want to deal with that huge "talk". I am trying to eliminate stress from my life and "just be" for a while. I still love him and miss him everyday too, however, I just want to be alone. I want to be with him for so many reasons yet not with him for others. How can I reconcile those two feelings?

--Spirited Sarah

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Spirited Sarah--

Love is a strange thing, it isn't always black and white. You may love him, but the timing might be off, and that's ok, but you have to be honest with him. It sounds like you're calling the shots here, remember you were the one who went off and left him, and I'm sure he missed you and was completely devastated, so you threw him a bone. Now that you're back in the U.S., he's thinking that you can go back to how things were before you went away. He obviously still loves you and wishes you two were still together.

It sounds like you do love and care for this guy, but not enough to want to be with him right now. If that's the case, you've got to tell him that. You have to have "the talk" with him, you owe him that -- be honest about your feelings, let him know you simply want to be free to experience new people and places right now because somehow he's thinking that there's still a chance you'll work things out. If it's meant to be later down the road, it will happen, but let him go experience new people and places too if your heart isn't where his is right now. Good luck.

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Should You Live Alone Before Getting Married?

DearSugar — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 11:00:00 -0700

After college, I was lucky enough to find a reasonable 1-bedroom apartment that I could rent on my own. It was so great to come home and not have to deal with anyone nagging me about my dirty dishes or my wet towel on the carpet. I could take a shower when I wanted to, play music as loud as I pleased, and go to bed when I felt like it.

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If you can afford your own place, I think it's so important to live alone before you get married because once you get married, that's it. You'll never be able to have your own place again. The whole experience has taught me a lot about myself, and eventually when I do get married, I won't regret not living alone.

So tell me, do you think it's important to live alone before you wed?

Do Tell: How Do You Feel About Eating Alone?

DearSugar — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Whenever I see people eating dinner alone at a restaurant, without the distractions of a computer or television, I have to say I get a little sad for them. I know they could be eating by themselves because they want to, but they just look so lonely! I've always considered going out to dinner to be more of a fun, social event rather than just a way to satisfy your hunger but ladies, do tell, how do you feel about eating alone?

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Dear Poll: Are You Craving More Alone Time?

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 07:30:00 -0800

I don't know about you, but getting a night to myself these days is getting harder and harder. While I love attending holiday parties, I need some alone time every once in a while to recharge my battery and get my beauty sleep. Some people I know, though, look forward to having every night booked up throughout the month of December. So where do you fall in the spectrum: are you craving more alone time this holiday season or are you thoroughly enjoying being a social butterfly?

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