TresSugar

Subtle!

GiggleSugar — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 07:00:00 -0800

I don't know about you, but I like to describe products just as if I were in a commercial! Or, in this case, as if I were in a soap opera and doing really unsubtle product placement for Prego's heart-smart sauces that are oh, so deliciously nutritious for you and your loved ones.

Men in Thongs: Yea or Nay?

GiggleSugar — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 07:00:00 -0800

An eagle-eyed reader recently alerted Joel McHale from The Soup to soap star Cameron Mathison's thong-slip in an episode of All My Children. The bane of my existence, thongs are a wear-only-if-you-need-to appurtenance. If you're wearing bulky jeans, as this dude is, why on earth . . . oh, I'll stop and just ask you. Men in thongs: yea or nay?

DC Sniper's Ex-Wife Says Those Bullets Were Meant For Her

TresSugar — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

On October 23, 2002, Mildred Muhammad was visited at her Maryland home by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives agents. They'd come to inform her that her ex-husband, John, had begun shooting people around her. "You are the target," they told her ominously.

John Muhammad would come to be known as the "Beltway Sniper," and with his teen accomplice Lee Malvo, he went on a shooting spree in Maryland, DC and Northern Virginia that left 10 people dead. Malvo is serving a life sentence, and Muhammad is scheduled to be executed November 10 of this year.

In her new book, Scared Silent, Mildred Muhammad talks about her 12-year marriage to John. Things started out well, but John became emotionally and physically abusive after he returned from an Army tour during the Gulf War. Mildred is convinced that his plan was eventually to kill her so that he could regain custody of the children he lost in 2001 and to get compensation for them as crime victims. (He believed the nameless "Beltway Sniper" would be blamed.)

"I was recalling every frightening comment John had ever made to me. He once said, 'When a man hits a woman, it means that he has lost all respect for her. It would be easy for him to kill her after that.' But I did not foresee, not even in my wildest nightmare, that John would ever kill people who had nothing to do with me or our troubled marriage."

Mildred Muhammad hopes that her book will help other victims of domestic violence get the help they need.

Ask a High School Principal: I'm Not Sure About Kids

TresSugar — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 08:00:43 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a high school principal offers his advice to a woman hesitant about motherhood. If you want to throw your hat into the ring, you can submit questions here.

This week's question:

I don't know if I want to have any kids. My boyfriend does. He'd like to start a family by the time he's thirty (in about five years). I know I don't want any children at this time. I guess I've always thought I'd have kids eventually. Sometimes I like the idea, but what if the desire for motherhood never really kicks in? I can't have a baby and think, "Oh wait, I don't really want this anymore." I don't want to resent my child, or my husband. How am I supposed to commit totally to a relationship when I don't know if we have the same goals for the future? Should I be worried about this now?

Signed, Confused About Kids

To see the high school principal's answer, read more.

Dear Confused About Kids,

During my 30 years in education I have watched the lives of young people unfold in unique and unexpected ways. While much time has passed since high school, your early twenties are still a formative stage of your life and career. You should feel good about what you are struggling with, for it is a sign of maturity and emotional depth. However, before you jump in and tackle the idea of having children with your boyfriend, you might want to take on a broader discussion of where you are in your relationship.

There are many issues to ponder, so I suggest you do a little homework. And as is true with school, there are fun ways to learn. To further understand each others' intimate thoughts, you could play a game over dinner asking each other questions like, "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?" If either of you are from a large family, chat about how things might have been different if you or he were an only child. You could also ask each other to describe the ideal vacation. If he says it is a two week camping trip in the mountains and you are a sun and sand kind of girl, you better start talking. A little game like this could lead to a deeper discussion about the future and help you both decide if you are meant to live your lives together.

You certainly don’t have to come to a decision now about children, but if you harbor strong feelings on the subject you owe it to your boyfriend to express how you feel; you must come to some understanding before moving forward with your relationship. Good luck!

Signed, A High School Principal

Writer Boldly Goes Where No Mother Has Gone Before

TresSugar — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 11:30:00 -0700

I've had a love/hate relationship with Ayelet Waldman for some time, but the more I read her work and listen to her speak, the more I realize that my ambivalence is with the subjects she discusses more than it is with her: motherhood, work, feminism, and the idea of "having it all."

Waldman, whose husband is writer Michael Chabon, caused a bit of controversy a few years ago when she declared (in a rhetorically bold and questionable move) that she loved her husband more than her children. She said she wanted to contrast herself from the women in her circle she noticed were no longer sexually involved with their husbands because they'd subsumed their identities to being mothers. Although she loved her children, she wanted to make a point she wouldn't sacrifice her identity and sexuality on their behalf. (Needless to say, if I were her kid, I'd have been pretty hurt by that statement!)

To find out more about Waldman and her relationship to feminism, read more.

In an interview with Terry Gross on NPR's Fresh Air, she discusses her new book Bad Mother and the dissonance between the feminism she inherited from her feminist-consciousness-raising mother and the one she and her generation of women inhabits where the lines of choice are blurrier. Particularly, she talks about the abortion she had after a bad amniocentesis result.

"I’m 44 years-old, and I think I’m part of the first generation of women raised with feminist mothers, and when I first was feeling frustrated, angry and depressed about being stuck at home, I really kind of turned on that message. I said this was a lie, this whole thing was a lie. We can’t have it all...

At a very basic level we have the same idea of what it means to be a feminist. I absolutely call myself a feminist, and what I mean by that is that I think your opportunities should not be constrained by your gender, that women should be offered the same opportunities as men, and my mother feels that way too. I think the difference is...a kind of gradation and shades of grey.”

Did your mother teach you, directly or indirectly, about feminism? What lessons did you learn and do you think they're relevant to your life now?

The Love Triangle in South Carolina

TresSugar — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 10:23:08 -0700

There's nothing new about a politician cheating on his wife, but the tale of South Carolina governor Mark Sanford has a different twist. Still presiding as the chief executive of the state, Sanford is treating us to the drama of an ongoing love triangle.

While the death of Michael Jackson may have distracted the media from Sanford's drama, the two women in his life are still making headlines. Shocked that her husband was continuing to see his mistress as recently as last week, Sanford's wife Jenny told the media that just like the public, she had no idea he was in Argentina. She said: "I was hoping he was doing some real soul searching somewhere and devastated to find out it was Argentina. It's tragic. . . . It's one thing to forgive adultery; it's another thing to condone it."

Meanwhile, the governor's "dear, dear friend" in Argentina has confirmed the affair. Maria Belen Chapur, a 41-year-old former reporter, released a statement yesterday saying that the media coverage "is of great pain to me, as for my two children, my family and all the great friends that I have known and harvested throughout my life and that had always been there for me."

When he gave his press conference last Wednesday, Mark Sanford seemed incapable of hiding his deep feelings for Maria. Do you think he should resign so he can sort out his personal problems? They've already caused him to lapse in his duties by leaving the country without telling anyone.

Ask a Writer: Help With My Boyfriend's Kidney-Stealing Parents!

TresSugar — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. Today, a nonfiction writer will offer her common sense advice. You can submit questions here.

Today's Question: My boyfriend and I have been together for over three years. We live together and plan on getting married someday so you better believe I love him.

His parents are alcoholics. I have always said I knew what alcoholics were like, but after meeting them, I realized I had no idea. His mother drinks nothing but alcohol and barely eats. She weighs 90 lbs and refuses to get help. His dad actually encourages her.

Recently his dad got ill and was put on dialysis but continues to drink and eat bad things and always ends up back in the ER. He was on the list to receive a kidney donation but due to his poor behavior, he was taken off the list. He can, however, be given a kidney if someone he knows will donate. So who have they turned to? Their three sons. They are now pressuring my boyfriend and his brothers to go get tested to see if they are the same blood type.

I am furious about this. Besides the fact that they are alcoholics (and yes, I know it's an illness), they are mean. Their sons break their necks to please them and get nothing in return. My boyfriend and his brothers had a horrible childhood and I can only hope the rest of his parents' lives are half as bad as what they put their kids through. I know that if his dad receives a kidney, he will go back to drinking and not take his meds and it will have all been for nothing. How can I intervene? Or should I?

- Worried For My Boyfriend's Kidneys and Sanity

To hear a nonfiction writer's advice, read more.

Dear Worried,

What a painful situation for both you and your boyfriend to be in. Of course you feel protective of the man you love. Unfortunately, this is a true life or death situation involving his father, who for better or worse is one of your boyfriend’s most significant relationships. You did not mention whether your boyfriend is seriously considering giving his father his kidney, or if he has asked for your advice. I will assume so, since you’ve written this letter.

My first instinct is to tell you to be very careful about putting yourself between your boyfriend and his family. If you encourage him not to do this (or even consider it) and he later comes to regret that choice, it could damage your relationship and your future together.

Your role is to love and support him while he makes this difficult choice, regardless of what he decides to do. Don’t come down too strongly against his parents, even though it sounds clear that they have been abusive to their children. Being raised in an alcoholic family is very psychologically complex, often leaving children with feelings of guilt and responsibility that seem confusing to others. Groups like Al-Anon exist for the people that love alcoholics to help give them perspective and support by talking to one another in a safe place. You could encourage him to find a local chapter and attend a meeting. Perhaps they could help your boyfriend explore why he would be willing to get radical surgery to help a man who is not helping himself.

Rather than building a case against his family, you could help your boyfriend gather and process information about the surgery. He needs to seriously consider the physical and emotional risks he would experience by giving up a kidney. He should meet with his father's doctor to find out what his own health risks would be, what the procedure would be like, and what his father's prognosis would be if he does continue to drink. Maybe you could accompany him to that meeting.

Sometimes the best way we can help the people we love is by helping them help themselves.

Signed, A Nonfiction Writer

Source

What Was Your Worst Summer Job?

TresSugar — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:00:00 -0700

Before we all get the fabulous jobs that express our personalities and true abilities - we often have to suck it up in crap jobs.

Yes, they help us build character. Yes, we learn how to budget small amounts of money, learning the valuable fiscal lesson that no amount of saving will buy us a trip to Paris and allow us to purchase our dream wardrobes on a part-time, minimum-wage salary. And the most important lesson of all is we learn how to be employees - dealing with annoying bosses, rude customers, and weird co-workers.

I wore many hats as a teen. I served cocktails (yes, you can do that legally in Texas even if you're not old enough to drink); I slaved in a fast-food joint; and I cashiered behind the counter of a fancy French bakery. (There, I picked up two habits - one which I still have, the other which I've rid myself of: the desire for strong coffee, and the ability to smoke an unfiltered Gitane cigarette. Ouch!)

The worst Summer job I ever had? Grocery bagger. I accidentally smashed children's fingers, forgot people's food in their shopping carts (trust me, I still remember the unhappy woman who returned to retrieve her forgotten watermelon), and worst of all, I endured the hot sun on my delicate skin. I lasted a day. What was your worst summer job?

Source

Smart B*tches, Trashy Books Unravel Romance Novels

TresSugar — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 11:00:00 -0700

Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan have helped romance readers discern the good smut from the bad for years with their blog Smart B*tches, Trashy Books. And now with their book Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance Novels, they offer a guide through the heady world of the $5.99 novel and defend it with wit and intelligence.

So we asked these two smart readers about romance novels, and oh how they talked. So much, that we're breaking all their thoughtful answers into a five-part series. What's up first? Who reads these glossy books?

One out of five people read romance novels - who are these people?

Sarah: The truth is, behind the stereotypes, smart, savvy women read romance. It's a 60+-year-old industry of women operating independent businesses writing books consumed by an audience of women who spend $1.7 billion dollars a year. Two romance readers may have absolutely nothing in common except for the books they read, because romance readers are an incredibly diverse audience - no group of readers that supports a billion-dollar industry can be homogeneous. We're found across all ages, education levels, income levels, geographic locations and reading habits - and we all love romance novels.

Candy: The demographics for romance novel readers are all over the place, though there are strong trends. They overwhelmingly tend to be women, for example. They also tend to be voracious readers, period, and to be more highly-educated than the population at large. Other than that, it's hard to generalize.

You say, actually five out of five people read romance novels, what are some romances in disguise we've probably read? To see their answers, read more.

Sarah: Every fictional narrative contains a romance element. Where would Bond be without the sexual tension? What horror thriller in general doesn't contain the romantic suspense to support the plot? Romance is one of the oldest narrative traditions, so it's everywhere.

There are few readers more diverse in their tastes than the women and men who read my site, so I asked them. From the readers of Smart B*tches, here are romances you might not have recognized:

Lois McMaster Bujold's books, like the Miles Vorkosigan series, especially A Civil Campaign; Patricia Gaffney's Mad Dash; Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series; William Brinkley's The Last Ship; Jean Auel's Earth's Children series; many of Philippa Gregory's historical novels; Lauren Willig's Pink Carnation series; and many of the novels you read in English class, including, and especially, Jane Austen - Pride and Prejudice is one of the best romances ever written.

Candy: Sarah's right about romance being an element to a lot of fiction and storytelling, but the modern romance genre is its own beast with a long, tangled past. If you've read Jane Eyre or Pride and Prejudice, you've read books that would qualify as romances if published today. A lot of the sturm und drang (storm and stress) of certain romance subgenres owe a debt to books like Wuthering Heights, for example.

Here's the thing: the plot set-up and conflict dictates the genre the book's most likely to be slapped with. Speculation involving science and technology? Sci-fi. Mystery or conundrum that needs to be solved? Mystery. Mystical other worlds involving magic? Fantasy., etc. And there's considerable bleed-through among the different genres: it's perfectly possible for a book to be both a science-fiction novel and a murder mystery. But what drives the emotional conflict? If it's romantic love, odds are high you're reading a romance novel. Sharon Shinn and Catherine Asaro have written plenty of novels in which the central driving emotional conflict was a romantic entanglement, even though the plot setting was science fiction.

Stay tuned tomorrow to read about what romance novels tell us about women, relationships, society.

Marie Osmond Supports Gay Daughter, Despite Mormon Faith

TresSugar — Thu, 21 May 2009 13:00:00 -0700

Occasionally, something a person knows is right in her heart makes her question the teachings of her religion. Marie Osmond doesn't think her Mormon faith should keep her from accepting her daughter Jessica, who happens to be a lesbian. Last night Marie told Entertainment Tonight:

"It's so sad that we even have to segregate all these things. The thing that I want is love. I'm a Christian you know (and) Christ was that way, he loved everyone."

Marie said earlier this month that she supports same-sex marriage because marriage is a civil right. She also suggested that the Mormon Church, which was a big supporter of Prop. 8, might have misinterpreted the Bible: "I do believe in the Bible. My daughter understands my beliefs. And, you know, God said to be married and be productive with your children."

It sounds like Marie is trying to be a good mother and a good Christian. Are you surprised Marie, a longtime and very public member of the Mormon Church, is so supportive of her daughter?

To see the interview, read more.

Source