TresSugar

True Confession - I'm Having an Emotional Affair

DearSugar — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.

"I'm having an emotional affair with an old boyfriend. We're not even in the same state, but online dirty talk has done wonders for my self-esteem, and my darling husband is benefiting too. Since we haven't been physical, and I technically haven't 'cheated,' can I continue this relationship?"

Source

Group Therapy: I Cheated. Should I Tell Him?

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 04:00:00 -0800

I know I've been terribly selfish, and I deserve the guilt I feel, but I'm struggling with whether or not I should tell my fiancé that I had an affair. I'm 100 percent certain that he will forgive me, so I worry that the only reason I want to tell him is to reduce my own guilt.

He is the kind of person who will insist on knowing every detail of my affair. My fiancé is an tremendous man, but he is very insecure in the bedroom and unfortunately, the man I was involved with (an acquaintance of both of ours) has a reputation of being everything - sexually and physically - that my fiancé is not. I’m not trying to hide behind this, but I really do worry that this will cause a bad situation to become even worse. What should I do?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

Source

True Confession - I Lied to Everyone About My Affair

DearSugar — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 07:30:00 -0800

I had a nine-month affair with a married man when I was 19 years old and he was 29. This was five years ago. After the truth came out, I told everyone I had no idea he was married, but truth was I knew the whole time; I was just too selfish to end it. I feel sorry for the pain I caused his wife, but can I be forgiven for being so naive?

src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/50_2008/63fec0d243b83de1_affair.xxlarge.jpg" alt="" title="" class="center image xxlarge" width="500" height="331">

Source

You Asked: Should I Leave My Husband?

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been married for 11 years, and my husband admitted to me three weeks ago that he's been sleeping with a girl that he worked with. I am hurt and very upset and don't know if I can trust him again. I gave him a ultimatum and he chose me, but I have a gut feeling that they are still in contact with each other. I check his phone to see if they talk, but he always deletes his call history. I don't know if I should end my marriage. When he told me about them sleeping together, he said he deeply regretted it and would never do it again. He also told me that it only happened once, but I don't believe him.

We've been together for 16 years and have two grown kids together. I just don't know what to do. Should I confront the other woman or just leave things alone? I've suggested seeing a marriage counselor, but he refuses. I don't know where to go from here. - Desperate Dede

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Desperate Dede,

It's pretty clear that you don't trust your husband, and I don't blame you after hearing about his actions. Our gut instincts are a very powerful tool so if yours are telling you that he's still seeing this woman, he probably is. His shady behavior is not acceptable, but only you know if leaving him is the right decision.

The fact that he's opposed to seeing a marriage counselor leads me to believe he's still carrying on this affair. I'm sure you love your husband, Dede, but do you love him enough to be in an unhappy marriage? If the answer is no, you need to take immediate action. Cheating is not OK and he needs to know that there are consequences to his actions. If you have someplace you can stay for a while, I suggest you move out. Let him know that you're serious and not afraid to stand up for yourself.

If you want to fight for you marriage to work, you have to make sure he's willing to fight as well. Without trust and respect, you really don't have much of a relationship, so communicate your feelings, ask him to do the same, and hopefully you'll figure out your next step sooner than later. I wish you luck.

Source

DearSugar Needs Your Help

DearSugar — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Level Headed Heather need your help. Her husband had an affair, got the other woman pregnant, and they are now trying to decide how to tell their 6-year-old daughter about her half-brother. Do you have any advice?

Dear Sugar,
I have a 6-year-old daughter and a 4-month-old son. My husband has been having an affair for several years and he came clean while I was pregnant with our youngest. He told me because the woman who he is having the affair with was also pregnant, due two months after me. I know this is crazy but I am coping with it. My husband and I are getting a divorce. He is still with the other woman. He wants to have a relationship with our two children and I want him to as well, for our children's sake - it's not the kids' fault this happened.

The problem is that he wants our children to know their other brother, but he doesn't know how to talk to our daughter about this. He and I are remaining civil toward each other and I want to help him talk to our kids, but I really don't have any clue how to broach this subject. Although he sounds like a horrible guy, he really is a good father. Please help and give me some suggestions so that I can help him explain this to our 6-year-old. - Level Headed Heather

Source

You Asked: Is Our Marriage Over?

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Help! I have been with my husband for 13 years and will be married 11 in November. To make this as short as possible, I've lived in a sexless, loveless relationship for 12 years. Last November I met someone wonderful and decided to tell my husband I was done. We separated for four months and I stopped seeing my "friend" for a while to get my head together. My husband immersed himself in therapy and told me he could not lose me, that he loved me and would do whatever had to be done to keep us together. I moved back home in May but I still don't feel passion toward him. I love him, but am still very hurt and angry. He supposedly suffers from intimacy issues, fear of failure, etc., and although he is working very hard to be in my heart, our sex life is not good, in fact, it's horrible. He makes no effort to please me at all. After not having any for months, he accused me the other day of not wanting him.

I know he loves me in his very own way, but I am not sure I can ever be happy with this man. So many people tell me what a great guy he is and that I should stay with him. He is a great provider and very good in other ways so my question is do I work my butt off to save my marriage, or call it a day? I need some advice please. - Unhappy Helena

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Unhappy Helena,

In order for this marriage to work, you need to make sure both of your needs are being met, and from what you're telling me, you two have a lot more work to do. I'm glad to hear that your husband is in therapy, but have you thought about going to therapy together? Something tells me that you aren't talking to your husband about what you need to be happy so getting everything out on the table could do wonders for your relationship. Sex is also a major component to any relationship so if spicing things up in the bedroom isn't helping, you might want to consider seeing a sex therapist.

Staying in an unhappy relationship, even though he's a good provider and loves you in his own way, will only leave you feeling sad and alone if you're still having doubts. You've been with this man for 13 years so you owe it to yourself and your relationship to give your marriage a fighting chance, but if you're forcing something that's just no longer there, your relationship could have just run its course. Keeping the lines of communication open is a must so voice your concerns as often as they need to be addressed. While all relationships take work, yours shouldn't be more work than play. Good luck to you.

Source

Handle This: Office Affair

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Recently you figured out that your co-worker, who you’ve always considered a friend, too, is having an adulterous relationship with your boss. She hasn't actually spilled the beans, but you've pieced it together after seeing them at a restaurant arm in arm.

She’s been making references to the new guy she’s been seeing and even asks for your input on certain personal issues. The entire situation doesn’t sit right with you, and you get the feeling that she wants to tell you but she can't. That last thing you want to do is get involved, but you’re sick of hearing about it, so how do you handle this?

Source

It's a Dirty Job, But Some Social Networking Site Has to Do It

GiggleSugar — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:00:00 -0700

While I was watching some dude sing about the day his wife met his girlfriend and all the marital strife that followed, I happened to notice the following advertisement pop up at the bottom of the vid for - prepare yourself - AffairMatch.com. This married personals site prides itself on being a "discreet sanctuary for lonely wives and cheating husbands." Ahem, running banner ads all over the net isn't exactly what I'd call "discreet," but this site isn't in the business of upholding promises anyway. So much for that fairy-tale ending . . .

Source

You Asked: Should I Move On?

DearSugar — Wed, 21 May 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have a friend with benefits, and I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him, but I have. He has a fiancée who lives with him, but he says they don't have a good relationship and he wants to end things, so what should I do? Do I move on or hope that someday he will leave her and ask me to be the woman in his life? - The Other Woman Wanda

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear the Other Woman Wanda,

While I understand that you've fallen in love with this man, you've failed to recognize that you're currently the other woman. Since I don't know how long you've been having this affair, my advice to you is to move on with your life ASAP. Chances are this man is just feeding you lines - he can say that he doesn't want to be with his fiancée, but until he does something about it, I'd take his words with a huge grain of salt. And even then Wanda, do you really want to be with someone who's capable of carrying on an affair with another woman? What if you did get to be the woman in his life; would you trust that he wouldn't do the exact same thing to you? It's pretty clear that this is a lose-lose situation, so I'd cut your losses now, before you get even more invested than you already are.

Source

Can Working Through an Affair Save a Relationship?

DearSugar — Wed, 14 May 2008 09:00:00 -0700

An article in The Huffington Post yesterday discusses a survey called Sex and the American Mom, completed by 30,000 people, which concluded that 34 percent of married women with children have had or are currently having an affair. The article examines some of the differences in past years versus the present regarding female satisfaction, male sexual disinterest, and the way society views cheating. It writes:

Affairs used to almost guarantee a trip to divorce court. Today, however, the "cheatee" might experience a sense of betrayal, but the "cheater" is not necessarily stigmatized socially, and often both agree to at least attempt reconciliation. It has even been viewed as a "wake-up call" - one that can actually save a marriage, with each person expressing a sense of shared blame.

I actually find the idea of using infidelity as the impetus to save an unhappy relationship instead of a reason to abandon it very interesting. I know that none of us condone cheating, but I think trying to find the root of the problem is better than just trying to forgive someone, and in some cases, better than breaking it off completely. Ladies, in your opinion, is it possible to make your relationship stronger by working through an affair?

Source