wedding etiquette

Between engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and all the day-of festivities, it can be difficult to know who exactly needs to be invited to each wedding event. The rehearsal dinner can be an especially gray area — who should host? Who should be invited? Traditionally, the groom's parents take care of the rehearsal dinner, but the two sets of parents can also split the cost, or the bride and groom can opt to pay themselves. Not sure who to invite? We're clearing things up with answers to the most common guest list questions.

Do I need to invite all the out-of-town guests?
That's entirely up to you, but it is a common practice. If you're planning a smaller wedding or there aren't many traveling guests, then it's a great way to spend more time with the people you rarely see. On the other hand, if it's a large destination wedding or several guests will be coming into town, it may be best to streamline your rehearsal dinner guest list.

Who absolutely must be invited?
Although the list can be flexible, you should definitely include the bridal party plus their dates, both immediate families, and grandparents. From there, see what kind of numbers your budget and venue will allow, then add to the group as you wish. Stick with a hard-and-fast rule — no cousins, no family friends, etc. — to keep things fair and avoid offending any loved ones.

Do we need to send invitations?
In general, it's a smart move, if only to get a head count for both the host and the caterer. Depending on the formality of the affair, there's no need to go all-out with the invitation expense. If it's an upscale event, sure, keep things classy with a nicer invitation. But if you're hoping to minimize costs, it's perfectly OK to go with a simple card or evite that outlines the basics.

How did you handle your rehearsal dinner guest list? Any tips for planning brides-to-be?

Photos by Katie Stoops Photography and Melissa Schollaert Photography via Style Me Pretty

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My best friend is getting married on a beach about 2,000 miles from where we live, so I'm already spending a good deal of money to stay for the week and see her tie the knot. Since I'm spending so much on the trip, how much should I spend on a wedding gift? Honestly, I won't have much of anything left over by the time I pay for travel. My mom thinks that my presence should be the gift and that I only owe my friend a card. Thoughts?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Have you ever been asked to be part of a bridal party that you can't afford? If so, offer up your advice to a reader who's stuck in the same predicament. And if you have any questions of your own, ask them in the Ask Savvy group!

I have been asked to participate in my friend's wedding as a bridesmaid. Unfortunately, I cannot afford the extravagant wedding and celebrations leading up to the wedding. At the moment, a conservative estimate for what I'll have to pay is $1,500. I'm worried my friend will kick me out of her wedding or, worse, stop being my friend altogether. I need advice on how to politely explain to her that all of this is way out of my price range. I feel like a bad friend for not being able to "do it all," but I can't afford to go into debt.

Ask anything budget-, etiquette-, or planning-related — well, almost anything — by posting your questions in the Ask Savvy group, and I'll find the right expert to help you out.

This Ask a Savvy Bride is part of a wedding season series of advice from a savvy soon-to-be bride. The post is by reader ginamb in our Ask Savvy group — she wants to know the appropriate amount to give for the bridal shower. If you need an outsider's perspective on a wedding dilemma, be sure to submit your questions to the Ask Savvy group.

My friend's shower invitation said to "please provide a monetary gift" so that the couple may enjoy their honeymoon. There was no itinerary to know what their honeymoon will entail or what the monetary gift will exactly go towards. Aside from it being tacky to send out a blanket invite requesting money (IMHO), how do I determine the appropriate amount to give? $50 in the country where their honeymoon will take place will go a lot farther than say $50 in New York City. I read a recent article here on this site about what folks give for wedding gifts, but what about bridal shower gifts? Thanks!

To see the savvy bride's advice, read on.

Even if you're bucking most of the traditions, wedding etiquette can't be ignored — especially when it comes to the invitations. With the potential for hurt feelings, unintended insults, and misunderstandings, what should be a joyous celebration can turn into a high-heel-trafficked minefield.

But that doesn't mean you have to be all Emily Post about it. I've rounded up some of the essential invite-related advice from Emily Post's wedding etiquette and offered my take. Feel free to chime in with your two cents too.

Inviting Sig-Os

• Emily Post says: "Partners of invited guests must be included in a wedding invitation. This includes couples who are married, engaged, or living together."
• TrésSugar says: I also have friends who are in long-term relationships but aren't living with their sig-os. In that case, I think the partners are also a must-invite. It might also help to define what "long-term" means (six months?) for you — especially if you're trying to keep the guest list small. Whether the partners get their own invitation or simply get included on your friend's invitation all depends . . .

How to Invite Couples

• Emily Post says: "A single invitation addressed to both members of a married couple, or a couple who live together, is sent to their shared address, while invitations to an engaged or long-standing couple who don’t live together are sent separately, to each address."
• TrésSugar says: I think if one member of the couple is a very good friend, and her partner is someone you wouldn't invite to the wedding otherwise, you should just address the invitation to your friend and list her partner's name as well. On the off chance they break up before the wedding, you don't want the ex-boyfriend showing up thinking he got his own invite.

For more modern etiquette, read more