virginity

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I am a late bloomer. After a few bad experiences in high school I lost all interest in boys along with any sense of self esteem and was relatively content being single. Recently I have got back into the dating game and have been giving the guys I meet a chance rather than dismissing them immediately like I used to. 

About a week ago I met a guy who made me laugh a great deal and I felt quite comfortable around him. It is clear that neither of us want anything serious other than someone to have fun with both sexually and emotionally as we got along very well. I really want to go meet up with him again and am keen for a casual fling. My major worry is how do I explain I am a virgin to him? I also don't want to put any pressure on him or anything and because I like him as a person I don't want it to make things awkward, in turn I don't want him to wonder what's wrong with me and why I am still a virgin. He is 22 and I am 19 so he is a lot more experienced than I am but judging from our conversation, even though he knows I am 19 he seems to think I am "cool and confident" and just as experienced as he is.

I feel I should stress I am a virgin by circumstance not due to any religious or personal beliefs. Until I met this guy I just genuinely didn't care for any of the guys I had met so I know I am ready, it's just a matter of dealing with the fact that for a lot of girls my age they lost their virginity a while a go.

Thanks in advance for your help!

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This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

OK, here we go. Well I was a 22-year-old virgin till a couple of days ago. Here’s the thing I knew this guy for a while now more of a friend level nothing serious well we had conversations about sex and he assumed that I was sexually active and I never corrected him or implied otherwise. So anyways, we went out a couple of times well one night we went out for drinks and things got a little heated I didn’t know whether to tell him or just go with it well I decided to just go with it and not let him know. I suppose because I was embarrassed of the whole being 22 and a virgin. So I was wondering should I have told him or do I still tell him or did he figure that out with me not being experienced. I didn’t bleed but it did hurt a little of course but I didn’t make it obvious so I think and he hasn’t mentioned it.

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Feminist blogger Jessica Valenti's documentary The Purity Myth is available on DVD, and the flick exploring the virginity movement is on our must-see list. The film is adapted from Jessica's best-selling book of the same name, The Purity Myth, that looks into our country's obsession with virginity and how women are defined by their sexuality. Watch the trailer above to learn about the movie, and let us know in the comments what you think. Here's why we can't wait to see the documentary:

• Feministing cofounder, author, and "poster girl for third-wave feminism" Jessica Valenti is behind it. Jessica is funny, frank, and smart, and she's already proven with her book that this is an important and interesting topic — we can't wait to see it come to life.
• It explores the whole cultural phenomenon of virginity with clips from TV shows, celebrities, and movies. It's about recognizing how we're fed the information that puts purity and virginity on a pedestal, and the bigger issue, which is why women are valued based on their sexuality.
• We get a behind-the-scenes look into the religious supporters of the virginity movement and the often-creepy purity balls. We can't help but be appalled and interested in why these people believe what they believe.
• We see the reality of how this virginity movement affects politics. It's important to be reminded that this isn't just crazy people being crazy. The idea that women are defined by whether or not they have sex is serious, and if we don't take action there are serious political implications that will affect our rights as women.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I feel left out because I've never had a (real) sexual experience with a guy. I'm not old, but I'm not young given today's standards for losing your virginity. I'm still in school, but not for long.

I kind of feel like a loser of sorts. I'm surrounded by lovely people and friends but sometimes I see/hear them talking about sexual things (it can be anywhere from their birth control routine to something actually explicit) and I feel left out. I especially feel hopeless because there are no prospects on the horizon, so I may be left feeling like this for a while, and it makes me really sore at the heart. I feel as though I'm nothing that special so no one will ever pursue me or want me.

I'm not embarrassed to say that I know what the big O is like because I have my handy little fingers, but I know it's not the same if it's not with someone you love. My virginity, is just this large gray cloud looming over my life.

I keep praying to meet someone (sometimes I feel as though something will catch with a guy, then something ends up going sour) but it's getting tiring and a little pathetic. My mom even prays for me haha . . . sad.

Anyway yeah. I just feel unwomanly and disgusting kind of. I don't know.

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• George Clooney and other celebs talk about losing their virginity — The Frisky
• Is porn ruining men? — Ask Men
• 5 ways to be a lady — YourTango
• It's time to ditch the Facebook stalking — CollegeCandy
• How to host your first Thanksgiving — Huffington Post
• When you're googling the one who got away — Em & Lo
• What to consider before you turn down a date — Glamour
• Orlando Bloom, Brad Pitt, and other DILFs — theBERRY
• Sexual harassment deniers are in overdrive — The Daily Beast

The show hasn't even aired yet, and the Parents Television Council is already angry about the teen sex in Glee's episode tonight titled "The First Time." Two McKinley High couples — one straight and one same-sex — will be getting it on tonight, and the parents group isn't happy about it. While it would appear to be the gay teen sex PTC is targeting, the group's president Tim Winter says it's really about the age and audience.

"The fact that Glee intends to not only broadcast, but celebrate children having sex is reprehensible. The gender of the high school characters involved is irrelevant. Teen sex is now more prevalent on TV than adult sex and Glee is only playing into that trend. Research proves that television is a teen sexual super peer that can, and likely will, influence a teen's decision to become sexually active. Fox knows the show inherently attracts kids; celebrating teen sex constitutes gross recklessness."

While Glee is set in high school, I wouldn't call it a kids show, and it has been frank about sex since day one. The first season revolved around Quinn's teen pregnancy after all. And where was the PTC outrage when "The Power of Madonna" episode aired, which was all about getting in touch with your sexual side and losing your virginity, and featured various couples rolling around in bed? Instead, the PTC called out the Britney Spears episode for featuring a "troubled pop star" as a role model and, of course, that pervy Glee GQ photo shoot.

I can't find the rhyme or reason to what ruffles the parents group's feathers, but do you think something as common as teen sex on TV is really the issue? Is the gay teen sex the real root of the controversy? And do you think the Glee creators have a responsibility to keep the show kid friendly? Tells us what you think in the comments.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So I am 22 years old. I'm a virgin. I'm clean-cut, of average/ semi-athletic build, I'm honest and respectable, trustworthy. I'm no prince charming in the looks department, but I'm not unattractive. I'm a good person from a good family. I was raised not extremely religious, but brought up with I guess what would be considered good morals. I grew up being told to wait until marriage until having sex.

Granted I am a bit of a pervert, but I had never done anything. Up until a few years ago, I kept that moral or standard or whatever you want to call it. Then I dated a girl I had known and liked for years. We were together for a while when sex started to come up in conversation etc. Of course I said no, and it didn't seem to affect the relationship any. After some time, I started to give in a little as she kept pushing for it. Most of it was just messing around really, nothing serious. We aren't together anymore for more reasons than I care to name, but since then I had started to question my beliefs on sex. It's reached the point now where I am not sure what to think anymore.

I am dating a girl now who is not a virgin like I am. Things have started to move towards sex, but I don't know what to do or think about it. I know it will ultimately be up to me, but I'm a little lost at the moment. I'm not sure if I should wait until marriage anymore. I used to believe that was the best thing, but it seems more people out there prefer to be with someone who is or has been somewhat sexually active at some point in their lives. I've had so many relationships go sour as things started to go where this one is heading, be it from me saying no and or the fact that I am a virgin coming up. Needless to say, I don't want this relationship to end. But not knowing what to think anymore has made me become a bit...awkward...when things start to get heated. (40 Year Old Virgin, I feel your pain.)

I feel like I'm just dragging this out . . . so a few questions . . . Is it best to wait until marriage? Are women turned off by a guy who is a virgin? . . . What's the best thing to do in my situation?

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