orgasm

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I finally admitted to my boyfriend of 5 years that he doesn't give me orgasms in bed. We only have sex about once every two months (we don't live together, have strict parents.)

He asked me what he wanted me to do to help me . . . but I don't know! I've never had an orgasm during sex or oral, only when I am masturbating. Does anyone have any tips on what we can try? He turns me on so much, and now he feels inadequate that he can't do this.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

So much for blaming men! A new study is taking the pressure off men and putting it on women — because that will help — by suggesting imagination is clutch to female climax.

Brain scans of women who can imagine their way to orgasms show the exact same parts of the brain light up while imagining masturbation and actually doing it, albeit to a lesser degree. Of course, women able to imagine themselves to the top are some kind of sub-sub-species of womankind, but they may be the only ones who can supply answers to the mysterious lady orgasm (and among the few willing to masturbate in a lab for science).

The finding contradicts previous theories and studies, which show letting go is the best way to climax, by emphasizing concentration. What do you think — is focus or forgetting the key to orgasming? Or some perfect blend of both?

Dating site OkCupid created some shiny graphs last month based on its users' profiles and found that women who enjoy exercising have an easier time achieving orgasm. Now a study appearing in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy provides scientific evidence linking fitness with good sex. The study out of Duke University found obese women experience lower sexual satisfaction and a lower sexual quality of life overall.

Using a questionnaire to measure sexual interest, arousal, masturbation, and more, researchers found obesity impacts a woman's sexual satisfaction more than a man's, although both obese men and women have lower sexual quality of life over all. Obese women had lower sexual satisfaction scores than both cancer survivors and the general population, while obese men's satisfaction fell above cancer survivors and below the general population.

In fact, another study conducted last year found some extra weight can be a sexual advantage for men. It concluded the higher a man's body mass index, the longer he lasts in bed. Maybe size does matter.

• Three situations when it's OK to fake it — College Candy
• 10 benefits to having an IUD — Em & Lo
• Princesses and princes ranked by attractiveness — The Hairpin
• Sex tip: the waiting game — Glamour
• 10 flirtation flatliners — The Frisky
• What to wear on a first date — FabSugar
• What does it take to make a good first impression? — Huffington Post
• Firsthand account of a date with a dating coach — Glo

Today OkCupid released 10 charts about sex. We don't have to look further than Chart #1 to get to the good stuff: women who enjoy exercise have more satisfying sex.

According to the dating site's blog, which has published findings like men really lie about their height and playing up your "ugly" trait will get you more dates, "women who don't like working out report twice the orgasm problems of women who do." Forget female Viagra; just follow these tips to stop hating exercise (and start getting more pleasure in the bedroom apparently).

The company mines user profiles and behavior to draw conclusions portrayed in the 10 new charts. Other new discoveries include vegetarian men and women are more likely to enjoy giving oral sex, Twitter users are more likely to #masturbate, and people in richer countries are more likely to look for casual sex. What do you make of it all?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I need help on how to orgasm with a partner. I can masturbate on my own, but sometimes it takes a ridiculous amount of time to even get myself off. I've had a pretty okay sex life, nothing too great until my current partner; he's just great. But unfortunately for me, he loves it when a girl is really enjoying it and in turn orgasms from it, but I just can't. I do enjoy it; it feels great, but there's never a release, and I just don't know how to.

In regards to my sexual past, I'd say I was a late bloomer; I didn't have teenage relationships where you get a lot of "experience" foreplaying and stuff. I went directly into pleasing the men and not really letting myself get pleased or relax enough to let them, I guess? I'm also finding now that I'm hardly ever really wet down there. It is hit or miss; sometimes I can be drenched but others dry as a bone, and mentally I'm the same into the sex we are about to have.

I have purchased books in the past about this subject — didn't seem to help. I've approached a doctor about this, and she just shrugged me off (which was embarrassing, I don't talk to anyone about this and the first person — other than my boyfriend — totally down-steps it). Now I know people say, not every girl is going to orgasm, but from what I read, it seems like it does, so I feel like I'm the only one in the world missing out. I'm 27, not a young one, but seriously frustrated in more ways than one.

Any, any, any help/suggestions would be greatly appreciated, even if it is other books or websites or anything. I'm seemingly desperate to have an orgasm!!!!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Men just keep getting pushier and pushier with their quest for gender equality! We know they fake orgasms — yet another study today points out 17 percent of men have — but beyond theatrics a man's orgasm is more cut and dry (or, whatever!).

So how are they getting away with it? Michele Promaulayko, editor in chief of Women's Health, says condoms are their secret weapons. It's that simple and, fortunately, safe. "Physically, it's harder to pull off," she said, "but if you are having safe sex, it's not that obvious."

Yet, it does put women on the other side of the bed. Last year 69 percent of you fessed up to faking it, but how do you feel about sham orgasms for your benefit?

When we wrote about One Taste, a live-in retreat center dedicated to female pleasure, last year, slow sex seemed like an only-in-San-Francisco fringe movement. One that only people with little modesty and a lot of — how do you say? — interest could be part of.

But now the very mainstream sex educator, Pamela Madsen, has coined the phrase "organic orgasm" to distinguish climaxes reached by old-fashioned experimenting from those induced with intricate techniques and sheer battery power.

Pamela's slow sex is less orgasm-centric than One Taste, but both are dedicated to bringing sex back into the moment and eradicating the idea that there's a right way to have sex. With so many types of orgasms — vaginal, clitoral, full body orgasm, G-spot, sex seems primed for a back-to-basics movement. Or is there no going back?