mistake

I'm 28 and the youngest of three children. My siblings and I had a challenging childhood; our dad disappeared from our lives when we were little, and our mother suffered from severe depression. My sister, the eldest, took on the responsibilities of taking care of my brother and me, even though she was only a few years older than us. As early as middle school I started to rebel, and I ended up getting into drugs and a series of abusive relationships later on.

In the process I also managed to completely alienate my sister. She was always there to help me, and I was always pushing her away. Some years ago, I did the unthinkable and hooked up with her boyfriend at the time — a man she was very in love with. She was destroyed, but she said that she knew it wasn't me. She told me she'd let it go if I checked into rehab, which she offered to pay for. After much begging, I agreed to go. But within a few weeks I left, and ended up costing my sister thousands of dollars. By that point she'd finally hit her limit, and told me she wanted me out of her life.

It's been five years and we haven't spoken, though I'm still in touch with my brother. I've cleaned up my life significantly, and I have a stable job for the first time in my life. My sister recently had her first baby, and I'm desperate to see them. But when I told my brother I was going to reach out to her, he told me not to because he doesn't think she'll be willing to see me. I know I've done some bad things, and I know I'm still imperfect, but don't you think my own sister should be able to forgive me?

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Around here we talk a lot about how important it is to trust your instincts, which I’m a huge supporter of. We have those instincts for a reason! But every once and a while wires get crossed somewhere along the way and we misconstrue what are gut is telling us. I know this has happened to me before, and my incorrect instincts have led me to make a false accusation for which later, I felt rather foolish. I’m sure it’s more of an exception than a rule, but have you ever accused someone of something they didn’t do?

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A few weekends ago, I ditched out on my long-time friend to hang out with a guy that I have feelings for. My friend and I had been planning on going to the movies, and when I canceled she got upset with me. Since I so rarely flake out, I immediately became irritated with her, and we ended the phone call on a very negative note. We didn't hang out that night, and I ended up going over to my date's house.

Much later in the night, when I was fooling around with my crush, I got a text message from my friend saying that she needed to talk to me. I ignored it out of anger. A few minutes later she called me, and again, I ignored it. Not giving it much thought, I put my phone on silent. I was annoyed, but I figured I'd call her in the morning and we could talk about stuff then. The next day when I checked my phone, I had multiple missed calls from my friends, desperately trying to get ahold of me.

As it turns out, my friend decided to go to the movie alone and on the way home, she had been assaulted by some young guys. They took her jewelry and her wallet. Needless to say, she was shaken up, but luckily they didn't hurt her and fortunately, she had her phone in her back pocket so she was able to call for help. As it turned out, she was trying to get ahold of me to meet her at the police station. She eventually got another friend to come get her, but I wasn't there to help her when she needed me most. I feel beyond horrible. I've seen her since and tried to talk her, but things are strained; I'm not sure I should even try explaining myself. I'm so torn up. Is what I did to her and our friendship ever forgivable?

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In an attempt to spice things up, your boyfriend decides to take things out of the bedroom and onto the open road. But what you think is just a romantic mini road trip ends up being more than you bargained for. Parking off a one-lane, seldom-used road, you guys to try something totally new. Would it be worse if . . .

This: You decide to give sex in the car a try only to be interrupted mid-session by a tap on the window from a police officer? Apparently he happened to be passing by and wanted to make sure there wasn’t any car trouble.

Or . . .

That: In an attempt to be romantic, your boyfriend lays out blankets for you under a tree, but when it starts pouring, it turns out his keys are locked in the car? Not only do your cell phones not work, but it’s a four-mile walk to the nearest house.

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A year before I left for college, I started dating a guy I was crazy about; it was my first love. We had a very happy relationship, but as high school relationships do, things got difficult when I went away to college. By the time I headed home for Winter break, it was clear that he was spending time with another girl behind my back. He admitted to it, and I immediately ended things. Of course, I felt completely wounded and foolish.

It was only a few weeks later that I learned that girl he'd been hooking up with was none other than one of my closest friends. I was extremely hurt, and my initial feelings of embarrassment were only multiplied — I was played a fool by my boyfriend and my friend. By the time I talked her again, I was already settled into college life and had emotionally moved on from my ex. She wanted things to go back to the way they were, but in my mind our friendship was over.

Now seven years later, she contacted me via email out of nowhere. It turns out she heard from a friend that we are both living in the same city. As a recent transplant, she doesn't know anyone and she's looking for friendship. Of course her email doesn't acknowledge anything about what happened before, but it was the first thing I thought of. I don't care about what happened seven years ago, but what she did then makes me question who she is now. Should I forgive her past actions and become friends again? Or is she not worth my time?

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The sex with your new boyfriend has been amazing. You guys have the kind of chemistry you thought only existed in movies. But during a fairly animated and exciting romp, things seem to get out of hand. Would it be worse if . . .

This: In the excitement of the moment, you just couldn’t control yourself and you let an embarrassingly loud bit of gas pass? He laughs in a way that makes you feel like it’s at you not with you.

Or . . .

That: Trying to be sexy, you manage to elbow him right in the temple so hard the he passes out? Although he’s only out for a few moments, you’ll never forget the expression on his face as he comes to.

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