In this Friday's Friends with Benefits, two pals decide to use each other for sex, until deeper feelings get in the way. Not that they should be surprised; if they had watched any of these films, then they certainly would've known the outcome to their little experiment. May we present exhibit A: onscreen buddies who went from platonic to romantic. Take a look!
Although people have varying opinions on whether or not guys and girls can really just be friends, I do think there’s something to be said for having the male perspective at your disposal. If you’re wondering why your male co-worker always asks you to lunch but never asks you out, your guy friend may be able to shed some light on a subject that your female friends wouldn’t. But would you take it one step further and describe to him a problem or question you have related to sex? Though a man’s viewpoint might be helpful, talking sex with an actual boyfriend can be tricky enough. So ladies, tell me, do you talk about sex with your male friends?
For the past year you’ve been single, and it’s been great, in part to the good friends you’ve made; one of whom happens to be a guy who is also single. You've headed to the bars together and lamented your dating woes on multiple occasions and he's been a great support. But out of nowhere, he asks you to a more formal dinner. Once there, you immediately get the feeling that something is different, but you're still surprised when he admits that he has serious feelings for you that he'd like to pursue. You don’t share them, so how do you handle this?
You and your best guy friend have known each other for over ten years and you’ve never been anything more than friends. You’ve both watched each other go through difficult times and failed relationships, but now things have become complicated. He’s finally settled down with a girlfriend, and you’ve found yourself pining away for his closest male friend. Would it be worse if . . .
This: After a night out alone with your best friend, his girlfriend suddenly finds your friendship uncomfortable? Apparently she feels like there’s more to it than meets the eye, and she’s demanded that he put up some serious boundaries.
Or . . .
That: When you go to put the moves on your crush, he humiliates you by turning you down mid-kiss? Apparently he likes you, but doesn’t want to do anything that could damage his friendship with your mutual best friend, but now things will be awkward no matter what.
My boyfriend and I have had a two-year relationship that is loving, exciting, and strong in all respects. My only concerns stem from the fact that he maintains contact with several females who he once had romantic relationships with. He sees them on occasion when he and his friends hang out — they're part of his group. They also phone and text him occasionally to say hi, and I'm not naive enough to believe he doesn’t initiate contact once in a while.
I’ve told him multiple times that his unwillingness to cut ties with these women makes me feel extremely insecure. He swears that they are just friends, he has no romantic feelings for them, and he broke up with them all for a reason. He tells me that he is an adult and should be allowed to have platonic friendships with the opposite sex as long as nothing inappropriate is going on. He also insists that I should trust him because he’s done nothing to make me do otherwise. This man is not my husband or fiancé, so I'm nearly ready to say that either these friendships go, or I go.
The fact that he is not changing something that causes me anxiety makes me wonder whether he values me and my feelings. I've felt this man was my soul mate and he’s shown me in many other ways that he loves and adores me, but is this issue enough to leave somebody over? It’s making me feel so insecure. Where do I go from here?
— Not So Friendly Nell
To see DearSugar's answer, read more
Though many of you have had perfectly platonic relationships with friends of the opposite sex, inarguably, there are certain friendships that can leave one person wanting more than the other. While the fear of ruining a friendship can help squash these feelings, sometimes the attraction and connection is so strong that a person can’t help but put themselves out there regardless the consequences. So what I want to know is, have you ever had someone break the just-friends rule with you?
Quite rightly, opinions vary about whether or not men and women can truly be just friends as everyone has encountered different situations from which to draw their point of view. And things only get more complicated when you’re in a relationship.
I’ve always figured that once you’re in a serious relationship, friendships of the opposite sex would naturally fade away. Once you have a special someone it’s hard enough to keep your friends of the same sex, let alone members of the opposite. Maybe it's just a matter of the difference between a casual acquaintance and a true friend. But if so, where do you draw the line? Do you think having any friends of the opposite sex when you’re in a serious relationship is unusual? Or do you think it’s completely normal and reasonable?
A few months ago, I got out of a long-term relationship and started dating again. After the breakup, a lot of my friends chose to side with my ex over me, and I have had increasing financial and professional problems ever since. Under all of this stress, I started going out with my current boyfriend. He is smart, good looking, funny, and generally a perfect guy to date. At first I would get all the fireworks feelings when I was with him, but by now I just don't know if I'm ever going to be in love with him.
Usually by this point in a relationship I would have fallen head over heels, but I just don't feel that way. We talked about this yesterday, and he feels the same way I do. I really do enjoy his company, love spending time with him, and appreciate having someone here for me at a rough time in my life. Should I continue to date him and just enjoy the time we spend together, or should I leave and really search for my true love?
— Not in Love Leslie
To see DearSugar's answer, read more
Less than a year ago I started casually dating a guy I met through a friend. We lived just over an hour apart, but when we were together we had a great time. We talked once a day and I saw potential, but we weren’t an exclusive couple. Two months ago he was in town visiting our mutual friend and myself, and as soon as I saw him I could tell that something wasn't right. He was acting very aloof and he’s normally quite affectionate.
As soon as we got a moment alone, I asked him what was wrong. He told me that he had started seeing another girl who lives closer. They weren’t serious yet, but he really liked her. Of course my feelings were hurt, but I told him that I understood and asked him to go stay with our friend for the night. He acted completely shocked and very upset that I wasn’t letting him stay the night with me and had the audacity to try to kiss me after giving a speech about making it work with the other girl!
Needless to say, I promptly kicked him out. We didn’t talk for a while, but he was here last weekend and we ended up spending a little time together. Nothing happened between us, but he told me that things hadn’t worked out with the other girl. He now calls me and tells me that he wants us to be together officially, but I still feel wounded that he chose someone else over me, and I’m having a difficult time trusting him since he put the moves on me when he was “with” her. Should I just get over all this stuff, write it off as mistakes, and forgive him?
I'm dating an amazing guy. We've been in a serious relationship for just about a year now, but before we were fully committed to each other, we were dating other people — he more so than me. It wasn't until relatively recently that it became an issue, when I noticed that he still talks to the girl he was seeing. She still has eyes for my boyfriend and doesn't try to hide her attraction for him. I try not to be an overly jealous girlfriend, but I'm only human; I get worried sometimes.
I brought this up with him a few months back, and I asked if he would stop talking to her, but he felt that was too much for me to ask. Every time I try to bring it up, which is not often, he gets frustrated that I am so jealous and reiterates that he's not cheating and therefore it should be a nonissue that he's still friends with her. Am I just being overly jealous, or do I have a right to be upset about this relationship? — Possessive Polly
To see DearSugar's answer read more